Or maybe I'll just be permanently drunk with a bunch of hookers.
So I got rejected, right. After waiting for like 3 days (it wasn't worth it) I got rejected. Sure I've been saying "being rejected is better than being ignored", but eh, not really. Like my friend kindly reminded me: they're the same thing. It was bad because I had asked them to go some place with me, and then I got some reply saying something along the lines of "I'm busy, I don't want to go out, sorry but no." I looked at it semi-confused, because the voice in my head was laughing and saying "WHOOOA LOOK AT YOU, YOU JUST GOT BURRRRNT". Shut up, voice in my head. I did not get burnt. Then I read the message over again, but then the voice in my head interrupts: "I don't want to go out, sorry but no~ SEE WHAT THEY DID THERE? They just referred to two things with that going out. MAN, that's like, two birds with one stone! Rather, two rejections with one phrase!"
Omfg, is there a way to injure the voice in your head? This voice is a part of me, isn't it? WHY THE FUCK AM I TAUNTING MYSELF.
I shake my head to clear it, and type some ambiguous response like "call me if you change your mind". The voice in my head interrupts again, "dude, they don't even have your number. Are you hoping that they'd ask for it?" Shut up voice. Shut the fuck up. I know my motives behind my words.
I would not be surprised if I got diagnosed with personality disorder a few years down the track.
You know how this world is full of ironies? The person I do like shuts me down, the person I don't like doesn't know when to give up. I've received a million messages regarding how my holiday (it's been ONE day) has been, whether I'm playing games, am I doing maths, do I have any plans, do I want to go paint-balling this Friday. FUCK. NO, NO, NO I DON'T. GTFO. I mean, even I don't harass the person I like to this extent. Maybe every innocent greeting just seems extra annoying due to the frequency of their occurrence.
So I stare at my screen, cringing over the cruel joke the world is playing on me, whilst thinking, "hmmm, how do I completely and utterly shut someone down". The voice in my head sneers, "well isn't THIS familiar!" Yeah, yeah it is. And I grinned with the exquisite pleasure which is only derived from cruelty, while I typed, "I'm busy, I don't want to go out. Sorry but no".
C WUT I DID THAR?
That wasn't very nice, I know. They do like me, after all. Well, from the way I see it, liking me obviously comes with a price, and that price consists of me dumping my pain onto them. Now I feel infinitely better, knowing that someone else is probably staring at their screen, thinking "ouch I got burnt". No, don't condemn me. It is not my fault that they like me.
...And neither is it that particular person's fault for not liking me back. *Sigh* I can acknowledge that, on a very rational level, though I suppose it is impossible to feel no resentment towards a rejection. If I didn't then it would show how I really couldn't care less. I cannot say exactly how much I "care", but I know it is more than I feel comfortable with.
Hmm. I actually DO hate being rejected.
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