I have nothing to do. I've drawn so much my hand hurts. I can't sit still enough to read. I've turned off all my music because the songs irritate me. There is no one to play games with me, because my best friend is too busy getting fat in America. Dear world, I'm agitated.
It's the rejection, isn't it? It's actually getting to me. Not that I've never been rejected in my life (I remember failing a flute audition years back and crying about it for a good 2 hours), except that doesn't make it better. God fucking dammit. WHY. GRAAAWR. I feel like a dragon.
Look, normally it'd be alright. I'd go out and forget myself. Except EVERYONE is off at some movie right now, which I can't go to because I had to babysit. DAMMIT. I really needed a social event to distract myself with. After all, I'm dying to go out. Hmm, "go out". I hate that phrase. "I'm dying to leave this house". There, much better.
"OMFG WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU" The voice in my head screams. "GET OVER IT ALREADY. If you don't want other people's sympathy, you can have mine. Let me tell you what you want to hear, because I know what you want to hear. You're popular, brilliant, accomplished, clever, witty and generally pleasant to be around. Hell, you're not even bad looking. No, I'm not flattering you, because you know it's true. They don't like you back, no, but that's their loss. Why don't you count the number of people who wouldn't actually reject you if you asked? Why did you have to go for the one who you knew, before you started, was going to shut you down completely?"
...Well, because I do not find the people who like me particularly attractive, but I am engrossed by that particular person.
"See, ***** was right all along. You are a masochist."
Shut up, voice.
"If you're that desperate, ask *** out. You wouldn't get rejected, and you know that. It's like, instant ego boost. Then you can end the relationship in a couple of days, after you feel better about yourself."
Moralistically, I don't think it's right to toy with their feelings like this.
"Don't pretend that you have any morals."
I do. Shut up.
And thus I get caught in a pointless argument with myself--- pointless because, well, it's with myself. In the end I convince no one.
I need cheering up. Someone, something, anything. If you don't know me in real life, leave a comment, tell me how to make myself happy. If you do know me in real life... let's go out tomorrow. Yes, I said go out. IT'S OKAY, I'M FINE. I just need a change of environment. Call me, text me, message me, whatever. Let's go some place... I'd like to have some ice cream.
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