Alcohol

So today at school I went to some alcohol talk. Why the fuck would I go, when I don't even drink? No no don't answer that, that's a rhetorical question. Well you see, my maths teacher (yeah the one who I like and wouldn't shut up about) told me to go to it. As you know I do whatever the fuck he tells me to, because I respect him THAT much.

Like, THAT much.

And as usual I did not regret following his advice. Now I've heard the "don't farrrrking do drugs" and the "don't farrrrrking drink and drive" thing a million times, but this alcohol talk was good because the speaker cut all that crap. What he talked about was legitimately interesting, like what to do if your friend is piss drunk and how to not trigger a false positive on a random breath test. I'll do my part for this society by re-iterating what he said on this blog, so whoever reads it (that didn't go to the talk today) will know what I know.

So apparently eating after drinking alcohol won't help. Funnily enough, the speaker today talked a lot like that voice in my head which I tell you about. He was like, "so compare two stomachs: one with a bottle of vodka, and the other with a sandwich and a bottle of vodka. The common denominator? A BOTTLE OF VODKA." I lol'd so hard. Like, it made so much sense to me, just then. More so than that food will soak up all the alcohol or something. I mean, unless the food was in your brain- then maybe. If you eat, eat BEFORE you're piss drunk so you don't choke on the food.

I remember someone telling me that if you get drunk you should drink water to dilute the alcohol and lower your BAC (blood alcohol concentration). That or something about drinking more water so you piss more and you get it out of your system faster. Yeah... apparently drinking too much water while drunk will kill you. Like, water intoxication. Now I was like "no shit," because of course drinking too much will kill you... but I had no idea how much "too much" quantified as. Apparently "too much" is 3*375mL bottles of water in 1.5 hours. Now if I can still do maths 3*375mL  =  1125mL = a bit more than a litre of water. That, is fucking nothing. When gaming I went through a 3L bottle of Mountain Dew in 2 hours. But that's beside the point.

Moral of the story: don't force water down your friend's throat when they're drunk. If they want water, give it to them, but don't force them to glug it down.

Yeah...no.

What else did he say... oh yeah, don't push your drunk friend into the shower or the toilet or anywhere where there's a lot of glass and hard tiles. Every movie I see some drunk throwing up in the toilet... apparently not a good idea, because if they pass out on the toilet they will crack their head against the toilet bowl. I don't know about your toilets, but I figure they have to be pretty solid to support your weight.

Ah, it was a generally pleasant way for me to receive information. Not that I anticipate getting drunk (now or ever), but I can easily foresee some of my dipshit friends drinking to the extent that they don't recognise their own mother. I guess this is... legitimately... +1 to the number of reasons of "why do I want to study med". Answer? So I can save my friends from choking on their own vomit if the ambulance takes too long.

Hmmm, a legit answer, for once. I'm proud.