The Sad Sad Truth

I feel my internal stress rising once again, as it had last year. Then I realised something: nothing's really changed that much. Okay, so I'm physically distanced from parents I can no longer stand. Except they call me at least twice a week for 30min each time. At times it frustrates me to the point where I just want to hang up abruptly. I still remember, when I answered the phone, as soon as I heard the voice--- my body responded on its own, and I became vastly irritated.

Gah, let's not think about those things now. I have work due. I have so much fucking work due it's not funny. If I don't do a substantial amount tonight, it will be a mad rush post-midnight finish tomorrow. And I don't think I can stand it any more. For two years I've slowly adjusted to surviving on minimal sleep of 6ish hours, and working my assignments til late night because I just didn't have the time. Now I have time. I have plenty of time. I've just decided I'd rather binge on watching TV shows instead. I've finished 4 seasons of The Big Bang Theory and I started How I Met Your Mother but I decided I didn't really like it. Now I'm watching the Game of Thrones and it has me absolutely hooked. The acting is so wonderful, it's quite astounding.

Not that I have peace of mind to enjoy the good acting. I'm being slowly crushed by the pressure presented. I always thought the deal was that I would suffer through 2 years of college; supposedly the most stressful 2 years of my life. And it was stressful, no doubt, but I had immense fun in the second year, so the stress became bearable. Now, throw me into university, expect me to work at the same level as I did in college--- and it's just not going to happen. I've done it already. I've survived two hard and long years, minimal sleep, minimal happiness, borderline depression. I am not going to be like that for the next five years, also. I may have the stress capacity to manage it--- but I don't want to.

It's so sad realising that the deal was never "two years of suffering and then happily ever after". It's two years of suffering, then you're out in the open, and life is as shit or as good as you make it. I guess I could always try to be happier...

I was just always under the impression that happiness came as a graduation present...