Damn My Appetite

So I haven't eaten properly for about a week because my habits are essentially fucked up. It's always dinner at 9pm and breakfast at whenever I wake up. I decided to regulate my eating habits this week, so I went shopping for the first time in ages and bought some nice stuff. Pasta, tomatoes, onions, carrots, potatoes-- all these vegetables which I didn't mind eating--- and I also bought this gigantic eggplant which I just cooked with lamb for dinner. It tastes kind of awful. But I know it isn't awful. Any other day, I would've happily ate this and thought it tasted quite good. I just don't feel like eating anything.

I steamed some rice because I miss its taste after a week straight of noodles. Oh, and I'm kinda of sick of noodles for now. I really wanted rice noodles but the Asian grocer I went past seemed to be closed, which was horribly disappointing. I also have the biggest urge to stuff my face with hotpot food and gorge on fish tofu, but all I have is my steamed rice, eggplant and lamb. It sounds pleasant enough, but I just don't feel like it right now.

It's one of those things I know--- if I don't eat now, I'm going to be hungry in three hours, and I'll want food. And I won't be bothered to even take food out of the fridge and heat it. I'm just going to drink a fuck tonne of water because everything else is too hard, and I'm going to want to piss in the middle of the night.

Right now I'm slowly chewing on a piece of lamb, and it's taking me forever because I don't actually want to eat it. I feel like a wild beast of some sort--- like a wolf or something, just slowly chewing the shit out of some lamb. It's the first time in a week and a half that I've had meat like this. And I still hate it. I stopped eating meat because I had too much BBQ meat when I went back for Easter, but now it's like I've gotten used to not eating meat and I don't want it any more.

Actually no that's not true. I had cravings for fried chicken last night. And again when I walked past KFC today. Then I didn't get any, because I studied too much about chickens being fat and why fried food, on a chemical level, is bad for you. Now I stare at food and judge it nutritional value, and I have to be hungry to the point of not-caring before I take a bite. I hate myself for it.

And so we arrive at this point, where I have a big bowl of food that would be tasty on most other days, and me sitting typing instead of eating. I want something sweet. Like pecan danish. I went to Woolworths wanting to buy a pecan danish, and much to my horror they didn't have it. They had pavlova, but that was too expensive and I wanted pecan danish.

I wish I could just stop eating. Be like a plant. Drink water, get energy from the sun instead of skin cancer.

Maybe if I eat enough plants I'll develop their ability to photosynthesise.