So I think back to my earliest memories, and my best friend's family was familiar with my own, and so we went to the same school, each skipped a grade at the same time and basically treated the other's house like our own. Then I moved away at the end of year 2--- and if I recall correctly, I did not make a single friend for the entire 7 months I was at my new school, and I was on speaking terms with maybe 4 people by the end of it. I of course naturally attributed that to my inability to speak English.
Then I move schools again, and for the rest of the school year, I made no friends. Year 4, however, brought on the best year of my life--- I spent little effort at school doing anything because by then my English was better than almost everyone in my class, and I'm Asian, so I can math (yes, "math" is a verb now). Anyway, I spent the entire year playing handball, and I have 4 close friends who essentially entertained me all year. Except now that I think about it... none of them were my age. 3 of them were 2 years my senior and the other was a year older.
Year 5 and 6 I merged into a different friendship group, because 3 of my previous friends had graduated and the other was somehow too cool for me now so he stopped playing with me (I literally got ditched after the Christmas break). My new friends, instead of being active, preferred to sit around and make quirky conversation. I enjoyed it, despite missing playing handball every recess and lunch I had.
Then that friendship group and I went separate ways, because I decided to go to a high school with class for "academically gifted" children. Now that I think back, the "academically gifted" thing wasn't even that special, the work was harder but not hard enough to be challenging, and essentially all it did was lump me with a bunch of other kids who also thought they were the greatest beings in existence. Anyway, it just so happened that one of my new classmates went to the same primary school as me, and he became my best friend, even though I hardly ever spoke to him before then. I figure it was more a result of consequence as opposed to compatibility, because he changed towards the end of the year when he found someone who he had more common interests with, and all of a sudden we weren't best friends any more. I wouldn't call this one a "ditch", however, because I acted like a complete asshole when I realized my best friend was getting "stolen" and stopped talking to him, but to be fair he did change in a dislikeable way.
Then came year 8, and I was without a best friend. Luckily in the previous year I had socialized enough with the people in my elitist class to merge in with the big group. I spent all of year 8 playing card games in the library, and bonded well with about half the class--- the other half I wouldn't say I disliked but they weren't my kind of people, so I pretended they weren't there.
And so I kept on for the rest of my years at high school, seldom going out of my "academically gifted" social group. I had maybe 4 or 5 people outside the group who I was friends with, and I deemed everyone else too stupid for my time. I still remember one day, to tease me, a couple of my classmates insisted that Taiwan was a country, and I maintained that there was a difference between a country and a self-governing state. Anyway, some other kids joined my classmates in their claim that Taiwan was a country, except they weren't doing it to tease me; they sincerely believed that Taiwan was a country. My classmates laughed for quite a bit, I assume it was because I was getting told off by kids we considered as "not very bright". That was a significant event which contributed to my cynical attitude of "people are generally stupid, and they don't like keeping that to themselves".
Moving on, I went to college, and basically all my friends from that "academically gifted" class went to the same college I did. However, I still spent the first term relatively alone, because you could choose your own classes, and for various reasons none of my friends were even in the same classes as me. Then by term 2 I had so much work I no longer cared for much social interaction, so all I did was talk to a couple of people on MSN, who I was quite close with from high school.
...Then, strangely, somewhere along the way, I picked up a couple of dear friends who I either didn't speak to much at high school or had only met in college. Now that, that is the glorious event I am trying to pick apart. How did we become friends? I can't remember. I really can't. What was our first conversation? I don't even fucking now. One thing I do know is... we never directly approached each other, and never started with, "Hi, my name is _________ and I come from __________"
And the line described above, I swear, is the line that everybody uses in university. They go up to someone, introduce themselves, and BAM, end of conversation. It is so incredibly awkward I don't know why people do it. I don't even fucking know why it's encouraged. It's supposed to build social confidence? Maybe. But as far as I see, that is what I'd do if I wanted to ask them to donate to charity, not if I wanted to be their friend.
No... by my observations, there is more to a friendship than a shitty simple introduction. Yes, the introduction could well be a catalyst, but I do not believe that friendship will necessarily be the end-product. Though of course that could just be me. They say that friends have similar personalities--- well, perhaps I need friends who match my disposition of "liking to maintain social distance" and "generally warms to people slowly". I believe I am the sort of person who much prefers to bond with people over a mentally stimulating activity--- like how all my closest friends and I studied higher level maths...
Oh geez, now that I think about it, it was probably the maths. We studied maths together and bonded over solving mathematical problems. ...I think I've found my answer.
Anyway, given my record, I should just let the "I can't make friends" thing go. Historically speaking it takes about a year for me to form a relationship solid enough for me to call "friendship", and now that I no longer study mathematics, I can expect that it may take even longer before I find compatible friends.
Huh, who would have thought that maths could have a positive influence on social bonding?
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