Being the bad ass I am, I skipped all on my Monday lectures... to revise for my exam. Yeah, I'm soooo cool. I've gotten to that stage where I every single word looks pretty much the same unless I read it letter for letter. I've written 9 double paged notes, and it doesn't sound like much except I'm someone who hates writing lengthy notes, and I will only write the bare minimum of what I don't already know. Considering I have 9 pages (and counting) of notes on things I don't really know, it puts into perspective of how fucked I am.
While everything is starting to very slowly fall into place, this is like learning for the first time and understanding for the first time. I haven't had the chance to consolidate my understanding--- so this is like literally learning the thing and then walking into the exam. Oh well. I'm just glad that my memory appears to be amazing for remembering mundane things--- and everything I'm studying right now seems pretty fucking mundane. As I write notes and draw diagrams, my brain is constantly repeating: "haven't seen it before, can't figure out what it is, don't know what it does, searching for a fuck to give... fuck not found".
On top of my brain being highly uncooperative, I'm still freezing. It looks quite hot outside, with the Sun out and no grumpy-looking clouds. Except I'm sitting here shivering by my desk, trying to write notes on the third week of foetal development. You know what, science really takes the fun out of things. I used to smirk at sex-related subjects and somehow find the concept of fertilization hilarious. Now my brain is just like: once the sperm enters, the oocyte depolarizes and the zona pellucida hardens to block polyspermy. And I would've laughed at the word "polyspermy" too, except now it's just not even remotely funny.
Maybe I could've gathered enough immaturity to laugh at "polyspermy" on another day, but currently I just feel like my soul has been shredded by the shitty weather and the mindless revision and memorizing of concepts. This is why I've always liked maths and English. With maths, if I didn't know the answer I could at least use what I have to work it out. With English, if I didn't know the answer I'd make it up and write about why I'm right. Here, I can't make up the answer, and there was no way in hell I was going to logically figure out that the oocyte depolarizes and the zona pellucida hardens to block polyspermy. Not unless I studied the chemical structure of every component involved... oh the thought itself makes me want to puke.
I'd hit my head against the wall for stress-relief if it didn't mean killing my brain cells and thus making me stupider. I wish my body could auto-regulate its stress levels, so whenever I become stressed, my brain releases some sort of chemical to de-stress me. That'd be great.
Alright, back to hardcore revision...
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