Boxing Day Sales

I went shopping on Boxing Day and spent a lot of money. For some reason I thought it'd be cool to spend $100 on 3 pairs of Converse shoes. I have a pair from last year, but I wanted a pair where I wouldn't have to tie and untie my laces every time. Then one pair just ended up being three pairs...

Then I spent like an hour in Calvin Klein trying on a million pairs of jeans, becuase I needed new jeans. Their jean sizes are weird, and I spent ages trying to figure out whether I was too fat for everything in their store or whether I had just failed to find my size. I managed to find a pair of jeans which fit in the end, and I kinda feel like I should've bought more pairs (because they looked really nice) but I was way too impatient to stay in the end. Anyway I was just glad to get out of the store.

I grabbed some misc clothes here and there, but nothing I really wanted, merely things which mom thought would look good on me. I doubt I'll ever wear them, but yay new clothes.

What I really want to tell the world about is my new xbox 360. I finally got my first ever large console. PCs don't count, right? I only got it now because the xbox one is out, and 360s aren't worth much any more. The awkward thing was, after I bought the 360, I found the same thing but 10 dollars cheaper a day later. I guess that's just life but it still sucks. I was pretty keen to get some games for it, and I ended up buying Fable II, Fable III and Final Fantasy XIII. I wanted to get the kinect version of Fable as well, but I thought I'd better stop and play some games first, otherwise I might get sick of Fable. I was about to leave the gaming store when I finally recalled that my original intention for buying an xbox was so that I'd play Just Dance and lose weight. Man even as I write that it sounds like complete and utter bullshit to myself. If I truely meant it I wouldn't have JUST remembered after buying 3 RPGs. Still, I promptly bought a kinect and Dance Central, but I haven't tried it out yet.

I'm looking forward to setting up this xbox of mine. When I get a day off work, it'll be absolutely wonderful.

Merry Belated Christmas

I thought about blogging yesterday, but I guess I forgot in the end. Christmas day was blissful- it was cool and cloudy, and I had the entire day off after working 6 days straight. Nobody woke me early in the morning- in fact I was the first in the entire house to be up... and I got up at 9am. I half expected my sister to jump at me at 7am with all her presents, but that happened 3 hours later than expected so everything was okay.

We went out for a "family BBQ" which was surprisingly not-very-painful. I didn't think it was BBQ weather, but it didn't rain on us. I had a lot of food, then sat around being bored because there's not much to do at a BBQ. Thankfully the whole thing only lasted 3 hours, and nobody said anything insulting to me the entire time.

When we got home I helped set up a tent in our backyard. I think the tent was only ever used once before, when we went camping 10 years ago. Anyway the thing still looked new, and I set it up because my sister said she wanted to go camping. Because I don't actually like going camping for reals, I set it up for her in the backyard. Luckily for me she's easily satisfied, and so far has spent 2 night sleeping in that tent. Hopefully she'll get bored soon, because it looks awfully cold out there.

Then I spent the entire afternoon and evening playing cards with my mom. I know it sounds really lame, but I like playing cards so whatever. Also mom has decent card etiquette, so she doesn't randomly spout rude things when you make a bad move, and doesn't gloat over a move she made 2 matches ago. Anyway, Christmas day was surprisingly good, and nothing went wrong the entire day to spoil it.

Happy holidays.

I love working 12 hour shifts

Okay so I haven't been able to blog again. It's not my fault, I swear. My internet was capped and Google took 10min to load. It was literally worse than the dial-up I had. Then I've had to work every day, and today was a 12 hour shift. I think I'm rostered on for 33hours this week... I'm preeetty sure those are full time hours, but I get casual pay, so it's super sweet.

I'm working the same job as last year- so now I'm dealing with the same Christmas retail bullshit, like last year. Basically for the past 3 days I've had people come up to me, asking me to show them stuff at the counter, and then they turn around and say "I'll think about it". Like, I sort of understand this Christmas shopper mentality, but god fucking dammit it's annoying. If you want to look at it, THEN FUCKING LOOK AT IT IN THE COUNTER. It's not like they need me to explain anything super-special, most of it is written there on the counter anyway. What annoyed me the most though, was when this clearly mid-menopausal woman said she wanted to buy something for her son. She had a lot of really anal requirements on what she wanted to buy, so naturally I showed her the products which matched her requirements. Every time I showed her something though, she'd ask me, "is that for a boy or a girl?" She'd also remind me "it's for a BOY," every time she didn't like something. To me it's like she's looking for desperate affirmation that her son is in fact male, but I so wanted to tell her "lady, unless your son wants to use this with his dick, it really doesn't fucking matter." My God gender-stereotyping is so terrible. I'm not even saying I showed her the hot pink product just to prove a point, but why bother asking me why something in plain black/white is for a boy or a girl? Jesus.

Anyway work was painful but so is living. I actually like my job, I figure I just don't like people. Actually most of them are okay, I just wish those 2 or 3 select people out of the 100 I see would just fuck off and stop ruining my day.  My colleagues have their own strange quirks, but I get along fine with them. Life is actually going my way- well except for like... yesterday or the day before where I totally broke down and had like the 2 most depressing hours of my life. It was something like 10pm at night after work, and someone had to remind me that my current academic life is a massive failure, and that if I were any better I'd be at that fancy Sydney university studying law. 

Well fuck you, I didn't even want to do law. I only applied for a law course because it made me sound smart. And I got in, so fuck you again. It wasn't even one of those 3rd rate universities. 

So I'm determined to not feel depressed for at least the rest of this year. I know it gets hard when you come back from working a long shift and everyone in the house decides to give you shit anyway, and then you sleep for 6 hours and get up for work again. Except I'm just... so "done" with feeling miserable. It's like, 10pm to 12am ish, people are asleep, and I'm in my dark room feeling lonely and pondering whether I'd actually feel better if I cut some wounds on my arm. To be honest i think I just need to live life. It doesn't matter if my grades are terrible and people around me are dicks. I just need a little motivation to live, and a little motivation to be happy.

The Present Day

I started off today by waking off being all sleep-deprived. I thought it an excellent idea to rest at 3am, for some odd reason, and was exhausted when I finally climbed out of bed at 8.30am. Then I spent 5 hours at work, doing... not a lot, to be honest. I can't even remember work, but it wasn't bad. People were nicer than usual, but they were still generally unpleasant. It was okay though, because people are people and they're mostly okay.

Then I got off work and feasted on sushi. A friend kept me company while I gorged. I don't know if my sushi cravings will ever be satisfied. It just tastes so delicious, even if it's just a mix of salt and salt and more salt. I do wish the noodle place next to the sushi was cheaper though. I like noodles now and again. After sushi I did a bit of random shopping with my friend- I needed a new wallet and I needed a new school bag. I also wanted a new pair of shoes (despite having like, 5 pairs already). I wanted something I could just slip in, and not worry about shoelaces or anything. I can't really decide whether I'd like it plain black or with some colourful and funky design. I thought I'd get a pair of vans, but on the other hand a pair of casual leather shoes would be nice. I wear my current pair of leather shoes into the anatomy lab, and I don't really want to think about how much formaldehyde has been splashed onto there. In the end I bought nothing but a book as a Christmas present for someone, because I figured I was going to go shopping on boxing day anyway. If there are no discounts on boxing day, I'd just get what I had set my eyes on anyway. Last year I felt as if there was absolutely nothing I wanted, and I got nothing but a single removable hard drive. I hope this year will be much different.

After the shopping we wandered towards the cinema, and it turned out my friend had free tickets. Naturally she picked the film, and I'd consider her taste... a little quirky. We watched Kill Your Darlings, which was like a biographical film about a bunch of American poets. I didn't even realize it was biographical until the very end of the film, because I'm not cultured enough and had frankly never heard of these people. It starred Daniel Radcliffe as the poet Allen Ginsberg. For most of the film I wondered what the plot was- since most movies had a problem and then a resolution, but to me the entire film seemed like a portrayal of Allen Ginsberg being homosexual. He apparently liked this guy called Lucien Carr, who was played by this actor with neatly groomed blonde hair. Uh, in short, the entire movie seemed to me like Harry Potter fucking Draco Malfoy. Or was it the other way around?

I liked the movie, but I kinda failed to understand the significance it held. Maybe if I had a better appreciation for poetry and read their works, I'd get it. Most of the events which occurred in the movie just seemed like another part of history, and I had failed to derive some deeper meaning from each of the scenes. Maybe they just need a better script writer--- because the lives of these American poets weren't terribly interesting. I suspect this film was only made because these poets ended writing something amazing. But really, their lives weren't that amusing.

When the movie was over I came "home", and as always that was a chore. Food was good, as usual, and it's probably the only thing I like about this place atm. Our internet is capped, and it was so bad last night I couldn't even blog when I wanted to. At least now it seems to be alright, even though it still takes 2min to load a Google search. Anyway, it's getting late now, and I have work tomorrow, as I always do. Good night.

2 Days Ago

2 days ago I felt terrible in the morning, because I had slept over at a friend's and he woke me at 6am. Then, being the party-animal that I am, I caught a bus from his place to another friend's house. We were meant to have a Lord of the Rings movie marathon, but for some reason he decided to play the extended editions of LotR, and my patience expired faster than milk left outside the fridge in summer. The movie was good- I mean, I liked LotR... but the extended edition was just too much for me. There was plenty of dialogue which I deemed unnecessary, and I felt the action scenes went on for a century. That, and the fact that I realized the special effects no longer seemed very impressive. I remember when I watched it for the first time, and it was amazing. Watching it again after so many years, a lot of the details I enjoyed seemed horribly crude.

Anyway, because the first movie went on for 200+ minutes by itself, we didn't get much further than the first movie. I brought a friend along to the movie marathon (hosted by 2 other people), but he fell asleep during the movie, to my great embarrassment. I guess he was really tired, but I still felt really bad since the event was meant to be a movie marathon. It was kinda awkwardfest after the movie ended, because though I knew the other two people well, the friend I had brought along was only barely acquainted with the host, and the reason I brought him along was completely awkward anyway, so I shouldn't write about it here. Not to mention the fact that this particular friend of mine is the super-timid type, doesn't say much IRL and doesn't really seem to know how to hold non-anime related conversation.

Then I wanted to have sushi for dinner so I dragged everyone out with me. It's too bad that I didn't think about how money would be a problem, and ended up eating at a sushi train. I was perfectly fine with paying $30 for one dinner, and while I agree it was slightly expensive, I didn't think it would stir up so much awkwardness. I just grabbed whatever looked nice off the sushi train, but nobody else really ate anything and kept on counting how much money the plates had added up to. I don't think anyone but me was really satisfied by the dinner, and that made me feel bad. Yet these friends of mine have no problem telling me that they just charged up $100 worth of virtual money for LoL, so I didn't expect them to have a problem with spending on food...

2 days ago was a terribly awkward day.

3 Days Ago

3 days ago I had an 8 hour shift at work and it was exhausting. Then I thought it'd be a good idea to sleepover at a friend's house, because I didn't have work for the next 2 days. I didn't account for how tired I'd be- so after eating pizza, when everyone else was watching TV, the only thing I wanted to do was sleep. There was a surplus of alcohol at my friend's place, and because I wasn't feeling particularly happy I thought I'd drink my way out of my misery, like they do in the movies. Uh, it just didn't happen.

I wasn't even close to getting drunk, because the alcohol I drank was super-diluted with soda. Then this other guy who was drinking looked like he was about to die, even though he drank less than I did. Of course I made fun of how red his face went, and how much he perspired. Then he told me to shut up because I didn't drink as much as he did, so I wouldn't know etc, but I swear to God I drank more and he just has a terrible alcohol tolerance. So we argued about that for a bit, and he insisted that he was drunk and I was all "you don't know what being drunk is like". Thinking back I probably shouldn't have argued with him, because he was obviously trying to save face, because everyone knows that how much alcohol you can drink is directly proportional to your penis length or how many testicles you have.

Then I fell asleep while watching TV, by then it was like already 2am. I slept soundly enough, but then my nocturnal host decided to wake me at 6am, by nudging my side with his foot. He had kindly made me breakfast, which consisted of bacon and eggs, but I was suffering a little after sleeping only 4 hours. The 8 hour shift at work, compounded with drinking alcohol did not work out too well. My breath was the smell of a public toilet and that was when I decided I will never ever drink more than 1 standard drink per party ever again. Rinsing my mouth with water did little to help, and only after breakfast did the smell go away a little. I wasn't even hungover, but yeah alcohol is just a terrible thing. I didn't even feel any better while drinking constantly through the night. You could argue that I wasn't drunk enough, but I don't really want to give myself an alcoholic's liver by trying to have fun with alcohol. I believe the sad truth is just that alcohol isn't fun, and that I should just steer away from it, and only have a sip of wine or champagne when I'm trying to look like a classy bastard.

So yeah, that was 3 days ago.

Hunger Games Review

I think I mentioned that I watched The Hunger Games (THG) a while ago, but that night I was too pissed about something else and could only think about wanting to violently murder someone. So anyway, let's talk about THG, and I'll see if I can catch up to the "one post a day" average this month.

I've tried reading THG before, but the book bored me to no end. I don't know why, but it just wasn't very exciting. The struggles, the poverty, the oppression- none of it seemed real, and didn't feel very real. I liked the whole design concept of a survival game, but I didn't really understand why teenagers were the focus. Like- I guess it's a teenage novel- actually, I've got it figured. Remember how I said John Green's books were overrated and it wasn't that great? This is pretty much the same thing. I think I just have a thing against books which are meant for "young adults", but try to stuff in as many deep themes as possible. See in my mind a good book should either be like The Three Doors  and stay on the kiddy themes like overthrowing evil, friendship and trust, OR it should be like The Night Angel Trilogy and be as grim, dark and horrifying as possible. That's what makes it real, despite being set in a different world. Books like The Fault in Our Stars and THG feel like they're targeted towards a young audience, but it just gets intertwined with themes which are too deep for the story itself to encompass. Like, what kind of oppressive government would want to sacrifice children in a reality TV show. You'd think it'd have better things to do, better things to spend money on. And even if it was to quell all rebellion through fear- that is such a dumb way to do it. It's like a half-assed attempt at terror. If anything, you'd think that targeting the weak (children, in this case) would only cause disturbance and uprising.

The movie itself was actually okay- like the acting was good and the special effects were good--- except I just thought the plot itself was an absolute disaster. I guess the characters were real enough- I just hated the concept that the focus was on teenagers in a reality TV show. I think I only feel this way because I played Devil Survivor way too many times, and that game was kinda brutal, so when I compare it to THG I'm all "this isn't even real survival". I guess my thoughts were just that "if the world had an oppressive government, things would never play out this way". I'm a little stubborn in that way.

Okay so my review of THG isn't even much of a review, I'm just blatantly telling you that the story is terrible. Except I don't even understand why people over the age of 12 like it. Maybe I'm just...really, really bitter.

Indecisions

I'm at that point again where I no longer know what I want to do. I mean, there's the whole school thing, but that doesn't start until March, and until then I have to suffer the terrible company at "home". I'm pretty much working 6 hours a day 5 days a week, and it's getting to that point where I feel super-tired. I'd actually like to have my own time when I have my 2 days off, but the people at "home" seem to want to dictate very minute of my life. Putting up with them is an absolute chore.

So I was on ebay, trying to spend money, buy stuff and consequently feel better. I got to that point where I realized there was nothing I really wanted. Well that's not technically true, since I really want a house, but I'm not going to be able to afford one working as a casual in retail over Christmas. I thought I'd buy some games, but I figure I wouldn't really have time to play them, and I have plenty of unfinished games as it is. I have more than enough books already, and right now I figure buying more wouldn't be a smart idea. Clothing is always an option, but I feel kinda uncomfortable with the idea of buying clothes online, since I have no idea whether it'd fit me despite reading the size in the description. That, and my closet is already full... full with clothes I don't like wearing that other people have bought for me...

Even though I have money now, I don't feel like there's much to spend it on. I'd love to buy a house, but I make like $1000 a month so it'll only take me a thousand months to make enough money to buy a house. That's like... a little less than 100 years, yeah? I don't think I'll live that long. I'm spending my money on sushi atm, because there's nothing else I'd rather eat when I'm on break. It's not like I HAVE to spend money, it's just that I spend so much time working, and the only thing I get out of working is money... except that money's just going straight to the bank and I kinda feel like I've done nothing.

I finally got yelled at by my boss at work today (I don't actually work with my boss so this is all over the phone)- something about not knowing where stock was. It was kind of bullshit that she picked on me for not knowing, because the stock I didn't know was this stupid novelty item which made the store look prettier, but it wasn't what the store primarily sold. Anyway, it wasn't a big deal, but I can see why 2 of the people I used to work with had quit, and the remaining one is desperately looking for a way out. It may just be a whim at the moment, but I don't think I'll come back to the same place next year. Sure the job is easy and I personally think I get paid okay, but maybe I should just try something else... I know it's such a small thing, but it's only a Christmas casual job so I think I can be a bit flimsy about it.

I guess today is another one of those bad days. It's not terribly bad, it's just...averagely bad.

My Legs Hurt

So after spending 8ish hours standing at work, I'm now sitting on that $6000 sofa nobody uses and blogging on my iPad. It's funny how I feel like such a plebian at work but right now I feel like some super-rich hipster. If only I could be this leisurely all the time.

Work was good, as usual, but super-boring. Retail is like...okay, but some people are just.. terrible. Not even terrible as in stupid, but terrible as in stubbornly unreasonable, which is a kind of stupid in its own right, I guess. I don't even know what I'm trying to say, but at work my colleague said to me, "I don't think you should work here if you want to be a doctor; I mean, after today, how many people do you actually want to save?" I thought it's funny how he'd said that, because whenever I was presented with the moral dilemma of having some rapist/serial killer in the emergency room I'd always said I'd save them and then let the legal system deal with it- but right now I wonder whether I'd change my response to "I'd save them but I might leave out the anaesthesia."

I'm feeling a lot better right now compared to yesterday- I'm afraid it's turning into one of those things where I'd rather be at work than be at "home". I mean, at least I get paid to suffer at work- and work isn't even that bad. I kinda like working there. I'm planning on going out one evening and just drinking a lot of alcohol, but I know that even when I say I'll drink "a lot" it'll be like 2 standard drinks over 4 hours. I figure I'm really not much of an alcohol person- which is a good thing, but I don't really know what else I can do when I'm feeling steadily unhappy.

I need to move out again.

Fuck this, that, and fucking everything

I had a pretty good day until I came "home". When I woke up there was like no one around, I got dressed and went to work. Work was pretty cool- then I went downstairs for sushi, and caught up with a few friends. Afterwards I wandered around, did some shopping, called out another friend, ate dinner and watched The Hunger Games. I thought the movie was mediocre but my friend quite enjoyed it. Anyway I didn't really pay for the movie but rather for a good time out and friendly company, and I got that. Food was good, everything was nice. 

UNTIL I CAME "HOME". Omfg it's torture to even step in this fucking house. On the bus back, 3 phone calls asking me where I was. It's not like I hadn't called all night. I fucking said that I'd be eating dinner in town and that I'd watch a movie which finished at 9. SO, DOES IT MAKE SENSE, TO CALL ME 3 FUCKING TIMES, WITHIN A 15MIN INTERVAL, WHEN I SAY I'M ON THE BUS/ WAITING FOR THE BUS. Argh, it frustrates me so. That, and when I got home I got this lecture about watching who I should be hanging out with- because apparently my "parents" were particularly cautious about this best-friend of mine- maybe they thought my friend was gonna rape me when we hung out alone or something. It sounds like a joke but I have a suspicion that is what they ACTUALLY think. 

I already felt super-embarassed when my friends got kicked out a couple of nights ago. I mean, it's not like I had anything to do the next day, and they were in fact my friends- this is what I hate about not having a house of my own. WE WEREN'T EVEN DOING ANYTHING. WE LITERALLY JUST SAT THERE AND WATCHED TV. It's that fucked up thing about me having to sleep at 10pm and waking at 7am or something. This is worse than when I was 9. At least when I was 9, when even my sleep schedule was dictated, I could cry and whinge and throw a tantrum. Now, I can't even do anything, and other than the vivid imaginations in my head of bashing a certain someone against a wall, I have zero consolation.

To be honest I feel pretty violent this instant. I reckon if anyone said even the slightest agitating thing I'd want to club their head in and watch their brains and blood run a bloody mesh down their face. Let's just say that despite having a generally wonderful time, I'm not feeling too great right now, and if I could kill someone without repercussions I probably would.

I really do hate my life right now.

Read All Day Yay

Today has been one of those rare days where I didn't even touch my laptop. I got up, made some food and just started reading. I've been talking about Emily Rodda's The Three Doors trilogy, but today I actually read it. I re-read the first book to refresh, and it turns out I hadn't forgotten much. And then I moved on to the second- and I thought that would also be a re-reading, but it turns out I've never read it before. It must be one of those books which I've borrowed from the library but never read, or maybe I've just been meaning to read it for so long that I actually thought I'd done it.

I cleared the second book quite quickly though, and I'm now 5 chapters into the third and last book. I'm a little in love with a character named Sholto, who's the protagonist's second brother. It's a children's book, so there's no real character insight into someone who is only the protagonist's brother- so I have no idea I like him so much. The description was so plain: Sholto was the skinny brother who liked reading and was mostly alone. This isn't one of those books which let you judge a character by their actions, but for some reason I just kind of accepted every character for the way they were described. I felt as if I were reading Grimm's Fairytales again.

So this is kind of unrelated, but I read Grimm's when I was like 6 and adored almost every story. Recently I've decided to read it again and found that a lot of the stuff in there was just plain fucked-up, but when I was 6 I wouldn't have understood so I must've just overlooked it. I was wondering whether "Grimm's" was actually reference to the stories being really grim. Like I just couldn't understand why the characters would do certain things, and the stories always made me think "well I didn't see that one coming". Most of the time though I just thought "how is this appropriate for a 6 year old".

Anyway I was supposed to crunch through His Dark Materials, but (to the disappointment of quite a few friends, I dare say) I just don't find it very amusing. It's not that I'm too high and mighty for children's literature, because The Three Doors is practically the same genre and I'm about to finish like 600 pages in one day. I can't even pinpoint what I don't like about HDM, but I suspect it's not that I dislike it... maybe I just don't like it. Okay that didn't make much sense, but what I'm saying is that HDM really isn't appealing to me at the moment, and I would much rather read the other books I have piled up. When I finish with The Three Doors I will force myself back to HDM, but until then I don't have much motivation.

So uh, reading is great, reading is fun, and I sincerely wish most of my friends read more. Books generate endless conversation, and it can be about character, theme, language or whatever. I know it sounds like English class- but I'll let you know that I loved English class; even when I thought the books we were reading were absolute rubbish.

Today's Not So Great

I slept most of the morning away, as you do, and then I got up, did some cleaning, and went over to my friend's place. The internet at "home" capped and I was getting bored. Initially the wireless set up at his house didn't work, but he managed to queue up for a game of LoL, so I spent 40min watching him lose a game before we figured out how to connect my laptop to the wireless in his house. Then I proceeded to watch an hour of Korean drama, before battling him in Pokemon. I was pwning his arse with my Xerneas, because that Pokemon is broken as hell--- then he brought out the "no legendaries" rule and I suffered defeat. As it turns out I completed the game with 2 pokemon- my Charizard and that broken-as-hell Xerneas. Without the Xerneas my Charizard couldn't really stand to fight anything, so yeah I lost and that was sad.

I kinda wandered home at 6pm because I decided not to stay at my friend's house for dinner. Not that he even had dinner- because his aunt brought him some pastry-bread thing wrapped in plastic and a can of soft drink. It's what I consider a snack... not dinner. I figure that's the reason he weighs like 40kg, and complains that he can't build muscle. I vaguely thought about the lack of protein, vitamins and fibres in his meal, then realized I didn't want to be thinking about shit like this when my results are getting released in like 2 days.

Of course coming "home" was a disaster, and I should've just dragged my friend out and ate in town. Dinner was okay- and by that I mean the food was okay, but the company was just plain terrible. I kinda retreated into a corner with my laptop, but no one wanted to leave me alone, and after much harassment I am now feeling legit terrible and a little sad. I thought I'd be angry, but now I'm just feeling sad. It's like I don't even have the energy to feel angry... it's way too much effort.

So today has been a shitty day. I feel like I've gotten nothing done (probably because I haven't read a page in the books I was supposed to read), and playing games no longer give me a sense of achievement. Life feels so monotonous when I'm not working... Not that I like work that much, anyway...

It's ok though, because it's technically "tomorrow" already. If my day was absolute crap, it can only get better. I'll just go to sleep and feel better.

I Don't Like Hosting

I decided to throw a little get-together with my friends, except it just didn't work out quite as planned. I put the meeting place as a BBQ area by the lake, but for some reason all my friends thought it'd be great to bring along packets of chips instead. The ONE guy who brought food which wasn't chips was in fact vegetarian, and basically I was the only one who brought meat for the BBQ. The vegetarian dude had to suffer- but it wasn't like I forgot about him... I mean, at least I TRIED looking for vegetable paddies in the processed food section of the supermarket... I just got bored and couldn't find it. I did try to convince him to become not-vegetarian so he wouldn't have to starve, but I guess it's kinda hard to give up on the religion you've been following for 19 years. Part of me is kind of amused at the idea of giving him a copy of "The God Delusion" and see if he decides to un-vegetarianize himself after, but the truth is I'm just a douchebag and I should take other people's religious beliefs more seriously and make more effort to be respectful. I'm so surprised he hasn't punched me in the face yet, but I'm sure he's been tempted a couple of times. I'm just worried that he's kinda biding his pent up rage, and one day I'm just going to die from the sheer force of his fury.

Anyway getting together with my friends has actually been really fun, and I realize that I do in fact have the best friends one could ask for, even if there are a few bumps here and there and things get ugly.

Hrm it's also the birthday of one of my friends today, but I didn't really get to wish him a proper birthday since he had his own celebratory thing. I think he felt kind of guilty that he couldn't attend my event, which is kind of ridiculous since it's his birthday, so that should trump everything. Anyway I'm thinking of buying him a rug or something, to complement the terrible and racist joke I'm going to make about him riding on magic carpets (I think he's Persian). That or some kind of stuffed camel toy, because I make jokes about him and camels like I do about New Zealanders and sheep.

In summary, I'm a terrible person. I'm just really proud of the fact that I even have friends.

Though the BBQ was largely unsuccessful, 2 of my friends stayed over at my house for ages- they left like less than 30min ago. Those guys were heaps fun to hang out with, and we kinda just watched TV for ages, even though one of them is just the worst fucking TV companion because he gets bored really easily, and when he gets bored he starts making random comments about what he's watching and it gets really fucking annoying. Still, it was a lot of fun with him around and I just enjoyed good company. Things were going well, until the asshole living in my house decided to kick my friends out, and that was super sad. I guess we could always meet up another day though, so that wouldn't be a big deal.

Anyway, today was a good day. I get to find out that I did terribly in my uni exams in a couple of days, so until then, every day is a good day, and right now, I'm a happy person.

One of Those Days

So I'm currently on break from work, and man it's been a harsh day. First I woke up 3 times this morning, at 7, 8 and finally 9, and I feel that I slept terribly. I didn't really want to eat anything, but I ate breakfast anyway, and my guts decided to complain about that for the next hour while I tried getting to work.

Then I get to work, and I get this asshole customer who decides to rant at me about his shitty life. From his expression I felt as if I had done him some great injustice, but really I had fucking nothing to do with it. Still I put up with him because he looked kind of attractive, even when extremely pissed, and I kinda just stood there admiring while he repeated, "I know it's not your fault, but I've just had enough with this business". And I'm just thinking to myself, "I get shit like this and I say I wanna be a psychiatrist".

Anyway the kind-of-attractive-asshole pissed off, and I had to call him back later. He was a lot nicer on the phone than he was in person, and he sounded kind of cute, since he wasn't mad. All I can think of now is how terrible my taste is.

Anyway, I'm on break and I bought some food. I decided to not go for sushi, because it's past lunch time and the food wouldn't be very fresh. Except the Mongolian beef I ordered tastes like lamb, and it has capsicum which I do not eat. It also tastes extremely oily, so I think I will go back to eating sushi next shift. It's more expensive, but sushi which isn't fresh is still better than Mongolian beef which tastes like lamb.

Today is just one of those days.

I Need More Games

I kinda consider myself "done" with Pokemon X, and I went through Ace Attorney V in no time. I even got the extra case and played that- it was a full-length case, as promised, but still I felt like it was very short. I friend wants me to play Blade and Soul with him, but the game's like 8GB to download and I'm not even sure whether I'd like it. Last night I got so sick of everything I played this shitty browser RPG with my friend. It's like... the MMO version of trogdor? Anyway, worst game I've played in ages, but I had a surprising amount of fun. I guess everything is funnier when it's late at night and you're super tired.

I do have a stash of books to read, but now that I'm working during the day, I don't usually feel like reading right away when I get home. I tend to jump on the computer- and after my usual Facebook-Twitter-Reddit-browsing ritual, I want to mash my keyboard and kill virtual monsters.

I hear Bravely Default, a new title by Square Enix comes out today. Maybe I'll grab that and clock a few hours on it. Working is nice, and having money is nice, but in reality I feel a little bored. I work, I come home and waste time on my computer, then I go to sleep so I can wake up and go to work again.

Life's a little monotonous sometimes, isn't it?

Gotta Workety Work

So I'm going back to my Christmas job tomorrow (same one as last year), and it's going to be cool. It's the same job where I get to pretty much dick around for a bit without doing any substantial work, and I get to tell people to bugger off if I don't feel like doing something. The pay is okay- at least that's what I think. I mean, for the amount of work I do, I think it's pretty alright. Obviously everyone at "home" disagrees and thinks I should be paid a lot more- I guess that's flattering in a way, but it also gets really annoying when someone disses the job you don't even mind working at.

I went out today with my friend, and I got to try out one of his favourite sushi restaurants, which happened to open downstairs to where I work. It tasted delicious- and I couldn't really even eat that much. I started off buying $10 worth of sushi, and I was like, really full. Then we went back to seconds, and because I hadn't tried everything on there--- I decided I better, so I spent another $10. I was bloated in the end, and I could barely move. It tasted sooo, sooo nice. I reckon I could eat that stuff everyday and I wouldn't get sick of it. Truth is, I probably will eat that everyday that I work, especially if I get those 8 hour shifts.

Then I kinda bought this set of books I really wanted on nothing but pure impulse- eh, it was a nice series. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the first 2 volumes, so I thought I'd pull a bit of a refresher and just read it all again, along with the 3rd and final book. It's The Three Doors Trilogy by Emily Rodda. She's the author who wrote Deltora Quest- and if you don't know Deltora Quest then... yeah, whatever. Anyway I bought it and I realize I kinda just spent all the money I would be making tomorrow, by working. Oh well, I had a really nice time out, and I love adding to my book collection.

I really can't wait til I buy my first house. I'm going to buy a massive- and by massive I mean MASSIVE bookshelf- one of those nice ones with glass doors, so I don't have to dust my books. I guess what I mean is I want a glass-door cabinet. Right now I just have too many books that don't fit anywhere. I kinda filled up my current shelf, and I have a mini-stack by the bedside which I was supposed to read. Except I have this terribly habit of buying books I anticipate on reading but never get around to. I really should catch up...

Anyway, bed time for now. Gotta work tomorrow, after all.

I Really Want To Smoke

It's like 20 past midnight, and I'm sitting outside under the street lights and blogging on my phone. You know, nothing good ever happens when I blog on my phone. I wish I was legit travelling and had nothing to blog on but my phone, but that is not the case.

So the asshole I'm currently forced to live with due to "holidays" has managed to disconnect the router once again, and that really annoys me to no end. He technically did threaten to turn it off 5 times over the course of the night, but when it happens I still get really pissed, because all of a sudden, no internet connection. I guess it's not as bad as when I had school assignments due the next day, and he disconnects it. Fuck I hate that guy.

I really understand smokers now, I really do. You know it might give you peptic ulcers and high blood pressure and lung cancer, but when things get really frustrating, you just want to light a cigarette. I don't even smoke, and have never smoked, and currently I really want a cigarette. I just feel this nasty pressure against my chest, and I try breathing and it doesn't really work. For some reason I just feel that I'd be so much better if I could have a smoke right now.

My midnight wandering is half due to stress and half due to a childish tantrum. Not that anyone will chase after me or notice that I'm gone, which is the good thing. Once I calm down a bit more and stop craving for cigarettes despite not smoking, I can go back and pretend nothing's happened and get on with my life.

I have no idea why it is such a crime to be awake past midnight. I don't know why it infuriates that asshole so. I think he's just jealous because he has trouble getting to sleep and I don't, but I choose not to sleep and he gets terribly upset. Well, it upsets me that at age 19, during the holidays, I cannot decide that I do not want to sleep. Living at "home", I do feel as if I'm stripped of fundamental human rights sometimes.

Life is terribly tragic when you are outside, past midnight, alone under a street light. The sky has a reddish tinge for some reason; I think it might be because of the street lights. The stars are beautiful. I wish I didn't suspect that I'm currently a little depressed. It's getting a little cold, so I'm starting to feel a little helpless. I have this great impulse to get myself to the station, catch a coach to a big city and just be not-here. If I was a little more desperate, a little more sad, I'd leave in a heartbeat.

The night is beautiful, but right now everything seems a little suffocating.

My Blogging Frequency

I remember, once upon a time, when I tried to blog once a day, and then it kinda went to shits, and I can see in the past few months I've been blogging like, once every 3 days. Do forgive me, there's not much to write about. Well actually there is, but they're kinda personal- like, personal as in personal-but-not-about-me. I kinda put whatever about me on here, but I don't really have a right to spill other people's inner torments- but if I had to cut that much out of it there wouldn't be much to say.

"I talked to this friend about this thing which I can't tell you, but if made me feel a bit weird afterwards, but I can't tell you why it felt weird."

See that just wouldn't make sense at all, and it'd be like posting "OMG I WISH I HAD A FRIEND I COULD TALK TO" on Facebook, and when someone asks you "what's wrong" you go "I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT".

I guess I'll talk to you about my day. I woke up at like 8ish, then I had to take my sister to school. I came home and was incredibly sleepy, possibly because I've been waking at 8ish for a couple of days despite sleeping at 3am, and I've accumulated a bit of sleep debt. So I came home and it was about 9, and I slept for 4 hours. It felt really good, and I think it made up for my sleep debt, except then all I did was read and play an incredibly frustrating game of LoL, and my ranking has fallen to the shits. As it turns out I'm on like the biggest lose streak ever, and it's incredibly frustrating. I guess I should stop playing for a bit because lose streak might make me play worse or w/e, but I...don't really care. Fuck my rank. I play terribly and I know it.

I kinda feel like I should go back to drawing, but I want a better drawing app on my iPad. The current one I have just doesn't cut it, except I can't get anything on iPad for free. I don't really feel like spending money either, because I haven't started working yet, and it wouldn't make sense to spend money when I don't have income. Anyway it's like 5pm now, and I haven't eaten anything all day, so I'm going to grab a bite to eat before carrying on with my hopeless "holiday".

The essence of the word "holiday"

Now that I'm "home" for the "holidays" it's become a job for me to apparently clean the house, do the laundry, take my sister to and from school and pick mum up after work. But that's all fine because I have no shifts for my Christmas job until like next week. Fuck my fucking life. In an attempt to overcome my perpetual boredom I turn to gaming, except some ASSHOLE switches the router off and then I lose everything. Like, what the fuck am I even doing in here. I just want to graduate, get my own job, make my own money, BUY MY OWN HOUSE SO I CAN TELL PEOPLE TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF IT. Argh shit like that makes me so mad, you have no idea.

Anyway my day wasn't exactly productive, but it wasn't counter-productive either. I kinda did the laundry, but I didn't take everything out, so I'll finish that tomorrow. Then I just played games and read my book. I'm like 70% through The Fault In Our Stars, which is the John Green book with the biggest hype, and so far I'm not feeling it at all. Basically it's about this girl who has terminal cancer, and then she finds herself a boyfriend who is really handsome and witty and charming, and as I read I'm like "yeah I don't believe guys like that exist- they can be witty and charming but there is no way they can look good at the same time". Reading the novel is quite fine, but again I get the feeling that John Green is pining for something greater, but the book just doesn't make it. Green incorporates all these magnificent quotes from famous authors into his works, but it just doesn't give off the same vibe when they are delivered by his characters. For some reason the protagonists just seem like teenagers who try really hard to be cool and sophisticated and give off this "I belong in the metaphysical" feel. Yeah, my problem is that his characters don't seem real. They are merely the embodiments of the adult perception of a teenager, and the "teenagery" flavour is far too strong. There is no flesh and bone about them, and they are mere tools to deliver deep lines and quotes which don't contribute much to the book, because you would require way more sophistication to understand to quoted lines than the novel itself. They just seems so.... out of place. Like he only put them there so that his book could have deeper meaning and be more than an adult portrayal of teenage.

I sound like I have nothing but criticism for John Green's works, eh? Do consider that I've read through them with incredible speed, and I don't consider myself a fast reader. That at least shows it wasn't painful to read, and the story certain wasn't boring. My primary complaint was that it tried to encapsulate more than it could handle, and everything is bursting at the seams so nothing makes much sense. Other than that it has been okay, because I've never read anything like it before. It does reinforce the fact that I really don't like the genre though... it's not exciting enough for a work of fiction, and if it were a work of non-fiction, then the characters seem too insignificant.

I should probably stop digging into Green's works. If he read this he'd probably be really cut, since an author invests their heart and soul into their works, regardless of how crap other people think it is. At least now I can safely say I HAVE read John Green, and that I didn't really like it, and the genre really wasn't my thing. I guess nothing interests me but fantasy. I should read more, but my "holiday" is really kinda crumbling and my life is about to go to the shits, so I don't know/ We'll see.

John Green = Overrated

As you know the only genre I really like is fantasy, so everything else I read is pretty much because other people have read them, and I want to have decent conversational topics. I've moved on to John Green's works- and no, he doesn't write stuff like Twilight or Fifty Shades (proving to you I read more than terrible romance/erotica). He writes... young adult fiction, I guess it'd be called? That's kinda vague, isn't it. Well from what I see he writes about teenagers in their teenage angst.

I read through Looking for Alaska quite quickly- and it's about this girl called Alaska Young who is supposedly "Clever, funny, screwed-up, and dead sexy". I expected this delightfully charming character- but sadly I have to say I haven't liked a female character since Elizabeth Bennett. I thought Alaska was quite bland for what she was supposed to be, and I found her to be a bit of a whore, and a bit of a moody bitch. I guess her moodiness was meant to be part of her character, but she certainly wasn't charming. The protagonist did say she had large boobs... I mean, I guess that's charming enough, but I didn't except that to account for being clever and funny. The only thing I liked about her was her name- Alaska Young is a beautiful, exotic name. That was pretty much it.

For the entirety of the novel, I felt as if the author tried to grasp at grand themes but lacked the literary prowess to back it up. I mean themes aside, it is really important for the actual words themselves to leave an impact. They didn't have to be fancy or complicated- I just wished they were more impressionable, because right now I can't really remember anything much of the novel. I was thoroughly confused why the protagonist professed to loving- like, actually loving, Alaska. I mean I guess to him she was charming, but as a reader I thought it was more teenage stupidity than love. Like I would believe Bella loved Edward Cullen, but I was not entirely convinced that Miles Halter loved Alaska Young.

The people who recommended John Green to me said that his works were beautiful and tragic and that it captures the essence of life. I'd love to disagree. It's tragic to a degree but it's only a very small, very personal tragedy. Usually you would expect these things to invoke more emotional responses than the broader tragedies- and by that I mean you would probably be sadder about your dog dying than about hearing that Typhoon Haiyan ripped more than 5000 people apart. Except- using my own metaphor, I failed to feel sad when my dog died, because it turned out it wasn't even my dog, and it wasn't really a dog.

As for his works being "beautiful"- well that is subjective, but I can see why people would say it's beautiful. The things it's trying to say, the underlying messages- they're certainly worthy of praise, but I thought the delivery was just sub-par. Green seemed to try to do too much at once, and in that short of a novel he didn't seem to do much at all. I know I can't just expect every author to be F. Scott Fitzgerald, but I thought it'd be something better than what I found.

So far I've only read Looking for Alaska, and you might say I'm being unfair because it's like his earliest work and I shouldn't judge an author by one book. Well tell me what you remember about J. K. Rowling apart from Harry Potter. Authors tend to write the same stuff, because going from writing poetry to non-fiction to literature is hard. I've read most of Jane Austen's works and I can safely tell you they are pretty much all about the same shit. Most of Tolkien's works are in fact based on Middle Earth, and I'm pretty convinced that John Green doesn't write much about anything outside teenagers and their teenage angst. 

That said, a copy of The Fault in Our Stars is on its way, and apparently it's the best thing John Green has ever written. I'm not entirely convinced that it's as heart-breaking as people say it is, because I suspect it only magnifies the feelings of the overly-sentimental, but I will do my best to read with an open mind. I will admit that I thought "Alaska is a stupid whore" the very page she was introduced, and I didn't really like the protagonist though I felt a little sorry for him. 

Anyway, my conclusion is that John Green is vastly overrated- and while I see the merit of his works being included in an English curriculum, if I were a student I'd probably wish the author never learnt to read and write. I do feel sorry for the people who have to study and analyse this stuff- to praise the author on anything other than theme would be the biggest lie ever, and sadly essays never end well with 1 body paragraph on theme. It's all my opinion, anyway, and it's not something I'd actively dissuade people from reading... I just don't think it's as good as people claim it to be.

Alright, I'm fine.

So packing is a chore and I'd say I'm almost-done except I'm not really done. As it turns out I just have a lot of miscellaneous crap left over, and I don't really know where to put anything at the moment. The only thing I've really achieved today is disassembling my bike and my heater- except I think I threw out the box I packaged my bike in, so that became a bit of a problem.

The bike has been an absolute disaster. Due to unwillingness to pay extra for assembly, and due to the fact that I didn't want to wait a week for it to happen, I opted to take the bike home and assemble it myself. I blogged about that earlier in the year- anyway I got a friend to help, it was fun but we really didn't put that bike together properly. The wheels kinda got caught in the brakes, it was super-hard to ride and life was just painful. At some point I decided that I'd prefer to walk to school, and that's what happened. Ever since then my bike's just been in the backyard, gathering dust and spider webs. Today I realized just how badly it had rusted, and trying to take it apart was kind of gross. I had a roll of toilet paper beside me, ready to wipe away whatever the fuck it was that was on the bike.

So taking the bike apart was a chore, and I didn't even take it completely apart because I didn't really have the tools for it, and I have no idea how I managed to put it together. I lost one of the Allen keys I used to assemble the bike. I distinctly remember putting it away in this little bag, thinking that I'd need it again and that I'd keep it safe. I found the bag, but the key wasn't in there, and I have no idea where the fuck it went. I mean, I'm packing my room, and I've been cleaning out everything, except it's still nowhere to be found.

That aside, it has also been really hard fitting all my clothes in one suitcase. It's a massive, massive suitcase, but still I couldn't fit everything in there. I realized that I didn't wear approximately half of the clothes I had, and it's probably because I hate doing laundry. I'm also not that fussed about clothes on most days, which was probably why nothing was ever worn. The tragic thing is that I've bought more clothes since I've moved out, so that's also been terrible for my whole "I have too many clothes" ordeal.

Anyway, I'll stop telling the cool story for now, and get back to cleaning everything in general. Ta.

What do-diddly-do

So I woke up late-ish this morning and kind of had no plan to do anything. My Dad managed to call me 3 fucking times within a 10min frame, there was a text from the guy who I think is overly clingy and somewhat annoying at this stage, and I had multiple notifications and messages over Facebook. Since my phone manages to make a sound at every one of those things, there was no feasible way I could sleep in. I was super-tired when I got out of bed.

 I went over to my friend's place for lunch, and she made sushi for everyone. It was delicious except she's vegetarian and added capsicum and I don't like capsicum, but after I soaked everything in soy sauce I couldn't really tell the difference, so I'll just leave it at "sushi was delicious". I'm supposed to be looking for a new house to move into for next year, now that my exams are all over, but I totally forgot about that today and I didn't really want to think about stuff.

I went to the beach after eating sushi, and that would've worked out except it was cold and extremely windy. Be great if I surfed, but I don't. It was basically a mini-sandstorm at the beach, which sucked, so I didn't enjoy myself very much. I was also worried about being splashed/dunked in the water by the people I went to the beach with. I understand it's what friends do and it's probably funny, but I really don't enjoy getting dunked, (into the bitter sea water of all things), so the threat of that also made the beach not-very-fun.

None of us wanted to really go home after the beach, so we ended up singing karaoke at some bowling club. It wasn't real karaoke- as in it had no Asian songs and I was like "wtf is this shit". It was basically some karaoke program on the web, and I figure we paid for the nicely renovated room, large couch and the mac they used to run the program on. I can see the profit in running karaoke, easily. I guess their only problem would be large, messy groups with food and alcohol...

Anyway I'm home now. My Dad called me again after dinner (this guy never fucking stops), then proceeded to throw a hissy fit at me over the phone. I really hate talking to that guy. I can't believe I'm actually moving out and going back "home" for the holidays. It's not even a real fucking holiday anyway. I've already secured my Christmas part-time job... same as last year, to save me the effort. I figure I could find something better that was less work and perhaps higher pay... but at this stage I really don't give a fuck. I don't really want to do anything or learn anything new.

ARGH I HATE MY LIFE AND I HATE MY FATHER. I watched this movie the other day, about this guy who could travel through time, and he kept on travelling back to visit his father who died of cancer. I became overly jealous of the guy who had a caring father, and they savoured every minute they spent together because the bond meant so much to them. Then eventually the guy could no longer go back to the period where his father was still alive, and he knew so he travelled back to visit his father one last time. I was super-sad, and I thought, "wow, maybe I should treasure the time I should have with my Dad in case he dies tomorrow". Then the movie shows father and son at the beach, skipping rocks and enjoying a lovely afternoon together. And I think, "huh, when was the last time I did anything with my Dad". And I realized OH WAIT I WAS SAD ABOUT THE FATHER IN THE MOVIE DYING BECAUSE HE WASN'T A DICK. I'd love to do the whole "reconcile with parents because they care about you" thing if I didn't decide I hated my Dad the very next day.

All this pent up rage is going to kill me. Fuck I'm not even "home" yet and I'm mad. Fuck everything. I should just turn off that bloody phone of mine.

End of Year

My last exam ended, and I'm pretty okay to do whatever now. It's been raining heavily for the past 2 days, and I like the rain- except it meant that I couldn't really go out, and I really need to because there's no food in the fridge and I literally ate a single lamb steak for dinner last night. Nothing else, just a single lamb steak. It's just misc leftover meat belonging to my house mate, so as you can see I'm not doing too well.

Anyway I walked to my exam today- and unlike last time my umbrella didn't snap in the wind, so that was a plus. Except I still ended up in wet jeans and soggy shoes- everything clung to me and it all felt terrible. I was freezing and I could barely concentrate. Despite this I found the exam pretty easy. I told most people that it was "okay" because they seemed to find it hard and I didn't want to hurt their feelings- actually I don't give that much of a shit about their feelings but I didn't want people to know me for the arrogant douche that I am.

Uh, then I ended up eating lunch outside... I had pad thai, which I thought tasted nice, so the food was satisfying. I ate with a couple of classmates- and while they were nice I don't think I enjoy their company that much. It's not like I hate them, but it's more a feeling of "meh". Then I ended up going to the year party... where I drank like half a bottle of beer and rediscovered that beer tastes disgusting. I kinda ended up sipping cruisers here and there though, so I'm not sure how much I drank but it wasn't much. It's not like cruisers count as real alcohol...right?

Ok ok I'm going to bed. It's so late. Sheesh.

Last Exam

I have my last exam tomorrow--- well, technically today, since it's past midnight. I'm not feeling too well. I haven't been studying because I don't really know what there is to study, and I feel as if I'm okay with most of the stuff that's going to be on the test anyway. And if I find out that I know nothing tomorrow, then I'll have a cry tomorrow. Right now I don't really care.

So I've been playing LoL and I really think I should stop. I realized that I've been getting annoyed at all my friends who play LoL, except for my best friend who's never online anyway. There's this guy who comes off as "needy" who I don't feel like playing with (I just feel really exasperated and tired when I even think about it), then there's this other guy who I was playing a lot of games with until I thought he became really bitchy recently. Like, really. The stereotypical bitchiness you'd find in a movie of a girl on her period. Sort of the "that's not how you do it". Uh, just imagine that scene in Harry Potter, where Hermione is all "it's leviosa, not leviosarrrrr". Yeah, that's pretty much what he's like right now.

It's a petty kind of annoyance that I feel, nothing major- but it's persistent and it makes me feel bad. I told him about it and he's like "what I've done nothing in fact you're the one who's being all weird". Then I thought, welp, am I? Of course I'm more inclined to say it's not my fault, but I do know I get annoyed way too easily by way too stupid things, so maybe yeah, I'm just burning on a short fuse. Still, I don't feel nearly as bad playing LoL with strangers on the internet, even if they're randomly insulting and just terrible and stupid in general.

I've been cramming for exams in the last week. It's a terrible excuse for not blogging, I know. Truth is I've just been really lazy and I didn't even cram that much. I guess I felt bad but not bad enough to write about it. Now that I've become pissed off at a good portion of my friends I guess it's emotionally traumatic enough for me to finally start writing.

I think I'm in the mood to socialize with my friends who don't play games. The ones who make witty remarks about life and living, and who are smarter than I am because they foresaw how terrible an impact games can have on you. I want to sit in the shade and chat about something like future aspirations, a good classical novel or just some amusing detail of someone's life. Except right now I'm trapped between not having company, plastering a smile on my face to maintain conversation when there is no common topic of interest, or venting my frustrations at an online game. That makes me kind of sad.

My Dad's been calling me on my phone almost daily, and I really don't feel like answering. I think he's super-annoying and I still want to hang up just after hearing the sound of his voice. It's so repulsing, you have no idea. It turns out I'm utterly disgusted by the THOUGHT of talking to him, and the THOUGHT of going "home". I don't feel like I really have a home, because it's not like I'd rather be there over being where I am now. I realize that I really haven't missed anyone except for my baby sister, and she's super-annoying too. Except she's cute, and I like her, and that makes all the difference.

Yeah the fact that I realize I don't miss anyone makes me sad too. I wanted the holidays so badly, and I was really looking forward to exams being over... except I don't really want it to end any more. I think I'd be fine if school started again almost right away and I just had to keep working. Work is plenty but it's not stressful enough. My thoughts running wild is far more distressing.

Uhm, I have my last exam tomorrow. Wish me luck. I don't think I feel like playing LoL any more, so... do you want to go back to the game we were playing last Christmas? I had fun then.

Stu-dying

I'm not actually studying. I don't even know what I'm doing. Days have been hard, man. I've had all the time in the world, and I keep on telling myself that I'll start the next day- except I never do and I get out of bed at 3pm. I wish my bed wasn't so comfortable. I suppose I could read textbooks in bed- and in an ideal world that is what I would do--- except this world is stupid and I hate everything.

There's so much to learn, but my motivation is basically in the pits. I think I must be in holiday mode already- and I'm really just savouring the time I don't have to spend working a job or with my parents. It's so nice being able to do whatever, eat whenever and sleep---- never. Jks I eventually do at 3-4am.

To fill in the empty void that is not-studying, I've been playing LoL and watching random videos on YouTube. I also started watching this Korean drama, except I think the main character is a whiny little bitch and needs to pull her shit together. I mean, I get the general gist, she's meant to be the poor girl and the rich handsome men fall in love with her because she's so kind- like a Cinderella story. Except she's not even kind. Or funny. Or clever. There was this episode where this guy who protected her from school bullies got stomped himself, and then she was all *gasp* while he got beat up, then rushed over after the bullies had left. That just made no sense to me, because if she'd intervened her pseudo-boyfriend who was rich powerful and handsome would've displayed the full extent of his white-knight-syndrome and everything would've been fine. That made me conclude that the protagonist was a terrible person. To top it off--- she's not even that hot. If you want to go down the "it's only a drama" route, at least find a hotter girl to play the lead and fulfil my fantasies.

In conclusion, I'm not actually studying. I'm just casually being critical of shitty dramas with my textbook open, pretending to read about whatever I'm pretending to read.

Change? Change.

So hopefully you've noticed that I changed the background to my blog... if you remember what the previous background looked like. It was a real struggle- I was bored of the old design, but I couldn't really find anything better to replace it with. There were some things which seemed nice, but then I decided they were too happy... Then I looked at designs which were similar to the one I already had, and decided they were too moody and depressing. It'd probably make you wonder why I chose the current image, since it's probably the moodiest of them all, with the grey clouds and stuff... oh well.

So right now it's pretty late into the night but I'm actually pretty bored. I stayed up til 4am drawing last night... I don't know why. Had a 3 hour tute today--- and when I came home I was totally exhausted. I almost fell asleep... but for some reason I didn't. Then as soon as I got on the computer, I just didn't want to sleep any more. I really hate myself for this habit of mine, but it's one of those terrible habits that's really hard to break.

Welp, my days' been terribly unproductive. I need to study... but... oh God the world is collapsing on me. I need to sleep.

How I feel in labs/tutes/class

It's not even 4am

I don't know why I get the urge to write when it's so late into the night. "Today" has been a dreadful day- as I went to school it rained like crazy, then I had a few labs to consolidate the fact that I didn't know shit. My friend kindly took me shopping for groceries this afternoon, but when I came home it was rubbish night but it was still raining. Basically I had to take the rubbish out in the rain, and that was thoroughly unpleasant. I guess I could've used the rest of the evening to do some work- instead I procrastinated by eating a late dinner (finishing at half past 10) and then playing LoL. I went on a massive losing streak, and I became super-frustrated. I vowed to go to bed if I won ONE game, but it just didn't happen for the longest time. Naturally I broke my vow, since I'm here blogging.

So uh I really can't remember if I wrote this already in my previous blog (my memory retention these days is non-existent), but I finished the new Ace Attorney game. I finished it in like... 2 or 3 days since release. I remember buying the game at like 12.41am the day it was released (since I could purchase online). The story was soooo good. My love for Ace Attorney has not diminished at all. My friend and I joked that explaining Ace Attorney to someone who didn't play was the easiest thing ever. "You're a lawyer and you present evidence in court to save your client... most...fun...ever..." We agreed that it was simply something you had to play to understand... but given the structure of the game, one would have to enjoy reading to enjoy the game, I think. Anyway, I love the series, and if another game was released today, I'd probably play it despite exams.

Speaking of exams, I am so fucked. The more you know, the more you realize you don't know. It's an ugly paradox, really, but it's also the truth. With that comes an insane amount of stress- I don't anticipate failure, but I will not expect to pass if I do not study at all.

I'm just going to sleep it off. I'm too tired to think about how difficult life is right now.

Ace Attorney 5

I said I wouldn't play until after exams, and I fucking lied. Recently I learned I in fact have very minimal self-control, and I just lack will-power and motivation in general. Anyway, I dropped Pokemon because I beat the Elite 4, and now I'm on the 4th case of Ace Attorney. See, I didn't WANT to keep playing, because it eats up my time, but the storyline is soooo damn compelling. They keep on making it sound like I'll miss out if I don't play the next case...

Anyway, if you can't follow, AA5 is kinda like an interactive novel game... the game's not really about reflexes or strategy... it's really like a puzzle game where you problem solve. I don't know how they do it, but the clues are *just* the right amount of obvious, so that when you solve it you still feel like a genius. I will say that this game feels a loooot easier than the previous games, and I don't really like how obvious they make it... but I do remember frustrations from previous games, being stuck on a case for eons, and being tempted to use a guide. Not that I ever did, because if you do it just completely ruins the game (since you only play for the story).

So the best features of AA5- music, characters and storyline. The music is fucking awesome- it totally matches the character they've shown. Capcom (game developer) basically brought in a new cast, but at the same time you still get to see old characters, so long time fans like myself are also interested. They brought in a new prosecutor--- but apparently he's serving a gaol sentence as well, for murder. 3 episodes later, I have no idea why he was convicted of murder, who he murdered, and why someone who committed murder is allowed to prosecute. AND THUS I KEEP PLAYING.

So the new game has like a million controls, can no longer conveniently shout "OBJECTION" into the mic of my DS. What's really terrible is when I shout "OBJECTION" and I present the wrong piece of evidence. That shit's so fucking awkward. Even if I'm playing in my room and no one's listening...

Okay, enough talk, back to gaming.

Bushfires

The weather is disgusting, and whenever I walk outside everything is basically smoky BBQ. With the temperature being insanely high, it's basically bushfire season and everything's burning. My house mates tell me that the nearest fire is 4km away, and the suburb I reside in is now under the "be cautious" warning. It's no wonder that when I walked back home this afternoon everything was so dreadfully smoky. I was all "wow I can't breathe at all".

I have a theory that this city is just against breathing during the warmer seasons. It's either so humid you feel like you're underwater, or it burns and smoke fills the air. Anyway at this stage I pretty much detest going outside for any reason, and I just want to stay in the air-conditioned lounge all day if I could. It's so much nicer... it's just inconvenient to set up my laptop there- but if I get desperate enough, it's gonna happen.

I have exams in a couple of weeks, and it's getting really stressful because I'm worried that I failed some assignments in the back of my mind, and with the dread of having to re-submit looming above me... yeah it gets hard. I have a lot to revise for, mainly because I haven't really put in much effort for this semester, and everything I've done is just dodgy to the extreme. There is so much to learn in such a short period of time, and it's going to take a LOT of cramming if I want to pass. I do hope I pass... it will be dreadful otherwise.

Even though I stress about exams... I have been playing Pokemon X. I just beat the E4 today (shit was so easy) so hopefully I'll stop playing now. I've actually just straight off lost interest because now it feels like there's nothing to do except to play competitively, but all my good Pokemon are on a different game and I can't trade over, so that's absolutely hideous. Anyway now I'm kinda off Pokemon but the new Ace Attorney game just came out, and I'm dying to play that even though I'm trying to control myself, and get it after exams.

Goddamn I hate work. I just want infinite holidays... though it won't even be real holidays, cos I'll have to find a holiday job anyway.

This is where I usually end with "life is hard", but I'm listening to depressing music right now about prostitutes in Yoshiwara, Edo Period. So yeah, guess I can't complain about life being hard.

Muscles Are Stupid. Pokemon? Pokemon.

Between falling asleep and lying awake at inappropriate times, I've been trying to cram studying into my schedule. It's not working. I get so distracted- whether it's because I draw, play on my phone, read through every page on reddit or because I'm busy right-clicking minions on LoL. It's just hard to concentrate. Not only that, what I'm supposed to be doing is extreeeemely boring. I'm meant to be learning about how muscles work... and goddamn it's like the worst thing ever. Did you know that when you decompose muscle... everything looks the same? It's like, a bundle of fibres in a bundle of fibres in a bundle of fuck anatomy. All the words sound the same, the pictures look the same and everything is just disgusting.

So to relieve stress I bought Pokemon X. Yeah, relevance at its finest.

There's a sale of the game for $44, and I went into the store, but apparently they just all sold out in a day. I'm not surprised, but it did piss me off a little. Other shops used to price match, but because they're out of stock THERE GOES PRICE MATCH. In the end I paid about $10 more for the game, only to find that another store has announced a new sale selling for $49. My room mate told me about it, and I DID keep the receipt but fuck I'm not returning something to save $5. That's like the same as a bus ride to the store and back.

You know what the worst thing is though? I haven't even opened the game yet. Ever since getting home in the afternoon, I've been on reddit, spent eons making dinner and eating dinner... then when I look at the clock I'm blogging at 2am. Again.

So right now I'm really tired, but I really want to draw because the drawing I'm working on looks fucking awesome. My artistically talented friend introduced me to this new drawing style, it's like line art but really fine and really detailed, and she showed me this artist who drew the most bizarre hair. Basically I think it's a really cool style so I've been trying to copy and integrate it into my own drawing... I've already tried round 1 but that didn't work out so well because I just completely lost patience at the end, and the final product did NOT look like how it turned out in my head, which was extremely sad. Anyway now I'm trying again, I've made a few mistakes but I don't want to scrap the drawing because so far I think it looks good. I usually do this thing where I think I draw the most amazing thing ever, then 1 week later I want to rip up all my old work. This is why I'm savouring the feeling of pride before it becomes unbearable embarrassment.

Anyway, it's really late, I'll post my drawing if I ever get it finished. Then I'll probably take it down in a couple of days out of shame, or I'd forget about it completely. I don't know. I'm tired. Good night.

Monopoly

So uh we had a power outage a couple of hours ago. I was in the kitchen trying to make cup brownie when I heard a loud bang and out went the lights. The next thing I knew my room mate was weakly calling my name like she was in a horror movie and I went missing. Given the context of the situation I was like “wow for reals?” but I went and grabbed my phone, and everything was alright. It was just a power outage and I was alright with that until I realized I was going to have no light, no internet and not even a microwave to make my goddamn brownie. I was going to resort to my 3DS until my other room mate brought out Monopoly.

I haven't played the board game version of Monopoly in years. My first ever taste of Monopoly was on the computer, and that was in the early 2000s because the Chinese gaming industry was actually pretty advanced. The graphics were bright, colorful and 3D, and there were heaps of options. So basically my impression of Monopoly stemmed from that. Then when my room mates set up the board game I was soooo confused, because the rules I learnt were kinda different. Apparently you can only buy houses if you own the entire street, and you could insta-upgrade to hotels on your turn, for any property, as long as you had money. Because I was unlucky enough to not have a monopoly of anything at the start of the game, it was basically gg from there. The fact that my room mates (both of them) had bullshit luck was another factor, I guess. One of them sat on like 26 dollars for a 3rd of the game, with all but her hotels mortgaged, and landing on like....anything would've screwed her over, but she managed to stay alive until I managed to land on her death pit hotels twice. My other room mate avoided that area for like 6 consecutive crossings or something like that, and I somehow ended up in gaol whenever someone crossed my turf.

The moral of this story? Justice is dead and I'm going to marry a banker.

--------Wrote this last night, internet died later in the night for some reason, possibly related to power outage-----

As Usual

I skipped another day's worth of lectures again. I stayed up and worked on my drawing until 3 am, and because of that I really couldn't get out of bed this morning. I did have afternoon lectures for the most part, but the temperature was insane. I don't know how hot it was, but I know for sure I would have fried in the Sun if I tried walking to school at noon. Me, being me, just kept lying in bed instead of getting up and at least revising.

I just spent something like 3 hours + on LoL. I don't even know why. I'm back to feeling really sleepy again... I think it's because I've been staring at the computer screen for too long, but I'm not sure. I'd love to go outside but I can still feel the residual heat from the Sun.

--------------------------night time------------------------------

So it's night and there are bugs every where. I was playing LoL and then they just flew all over me and it was the most distracting thing ever. I lost the game and I felt kind of sad, so I sprayed a fuckload of insect repellent, turned off the light in my room and turned on the kitchen lights. The plan was so that the bugs would fly into the kitchen and leave me the fuck alone. So far so good...the bugs are gone and I finally played in peace.

Even though it's past midnight I'm kinda hungry. This gives me incentive to eat breakfast in the morning, I guess. I don't feel tired at all, and I think that's pretty bad because now I only want to sleep at 3am and I can't get up.

My sleep schedule is so fucked up. I'll write something worth reading another day.

Back to schooooool

I've gone back up north for school again, and after 8 hours of travel I'm actually really tired. I really hate the railway system in this country... it's so fucking slow. JUST LIKE OUR INTERNET. After getting back I've just been resting a bit... because I was being retarded I actually caught the wrong bus back and it took like an hour longer to get home than it should've. On the bright side I was able to pick up milk so that was kind of good.

My life feels pretty empty now that the LoL World Championships are over. I was pretty mad a couple of days ago when I watched the finals--- it was really anti-climatic for what I expected. It was Korea versus China in the end, and China got stomped 3-0 in a best of 5. It made me kind of sad, watching it, but there wasn't really an excuse for why China lost except that they just weren't as good as the Korean team. Anyway with the conclusion of worlds there wasn't much for me to do, so I just went back to not doing anything.

I went out like... once in my second week of holidays, because I had to babysit almost every other day. I saw Evangelion 3.0 with my friends, and one friend seemed rather apologetic for inviting me to see the movie, because apparently the movie was worse than he expected. To be honest the movie wasn't the best thing I've ever seen but it was far from bad. I quite enjoyed it, even though the plot made next to zero sense and I had no idea wtf was going for about 30min. My expectations were terribly low though, since I never followed Evangelion anyway, so when I didn't understand anything I wasn't stressed out at all. From what I could tell the movie seemed like a gay romance since it featured the protagonist getting all close with this "mysterious boy" and then they piloted this giant robot thing together trying to save the world. I think the major twist was that whatever they were trying to do was actually destroying the world, so the "mysterious boy" became the sacrificial lamb and killed himself to save humanity.

...At least that's what I think happened. I'm not actually sure.

So yeah I'm going back to school starting tomorrow. I'm really tired and I've done shit all for my tutorial, so that's really worrying but I don't think I care too much about that right now. I think I'm just going to shower, and maybe work all night. Life will work itself out... it always does.

Coughing to Death

---------Yesterday's Post----------------------

I haven't been this irritatingly ill in a long time. It's not that I feel super-duper-sick, I just can't stop coughing, and it's gotten to that stage where my muscles ache whenever I cough. Like how your stomach hurts when you laugh too much? It's sorta that except I'm coughing instead of laughing. I can't get decent sleep and I literally wake up coughing. Today I actually felt a lot better, and because of that I decided to sleep in a little, because lying in bed was actually comfortable. The only downside was that I had an assignment due, and I hadn't even written anything. Me, being me, slept in anyway and woke up trying to rush-finish my assignment. It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't procrastinate while writing--- but it just goes to show that an assignment only takes a few hours even if I do check Facebook/Twitter/Reddit.

Babysitting is painful

I'm still sick. I wish my cough would go away. Every time I go into one of those coughing-fits I wonder if it's what pneumonia feels like. I suppose pneumonia would be a lot more painful... I haven't really taken any medication fro my cough, because not much is going to make it better other than time. Drinking water is okay but it's so troublesome having to use the toilet every 40min.

I had to get up early this morning because my mother wanted me to take my sister to the movies. That was fine, except my sister took forever to get dressed and eat breakfast, so by the time we got to the theatre the tickets had sold out. I felt it was largely my sister's fault but she told me it was my fault for not booking her tickets online beforehand. Hard to argue with a 5 year old. I guess she had a point. Anyway I bought tickets for the next session, but it meant wasting 2 hours in the mall waiting for the movie to start. That was extremely boring- to say the least. I couldn't get decent internet connection on my phone, and I was with my sister so she was being a nuisance.

2 hours later, we're in the theatre and watching 30min worth of ads. My sister starts getting restless because the movie hadn't started and kids have really, really short attention spans. There I was fiddling with my phone, surrounded by little kids and their parents. It made me kinda sad because that was not something I wanted to experience until I was at least 30. The movie was surprisingly okay... it was about a snail that gained super-speed (200+ mph) through nitrous oxide... During the movie I wondered if the nitrous oxide would just kill the snail... A quick search told me that nitrous oxide could be used for recreational purposes because it made you euphoric... When I think about it that way that movie was just a really, really cruel joke.

We came home after the movie and I tried to get my sister to eat lunch. That only took about 2.5 hours. I tried to get some time to myself but my sister wouldn't leave me alone. I was finally able to ditch after dinner, but after wasting a bit of time on Reddit and YouTube I've grown extremely sleepy. My assignment still isn't writing itself. My exam timetable came out and it's enforcing the urgency of revision...

God I hate babysitting.

NightFest II

I made a similar post around this time last year... I went to NightFest again. It's the annual flower festival, except I went at night with trippy lights and stuff. The place was rather crowded, and it was quite dark so I couldn't really see where I was going. Everything was vastly overpriced- a bottle of water cost $5 and even the tickets had gone up in price. Still, I didn't really care and spent money anyway.

I didn't really WANT to go this year, because I have lingering bad memories from last year. I guess I have more artistic appreciation nowadays, and I think looking at flowers with glowing lights in the dark is kind of romantic... if I had someone to go with. Basically one of my girl-friends organised this thing in the first place, and the she stated that she was gonna bring her bf along and that if other people wanted to bring their partners it was all cool and fine. At that point I realised it was going to become a "wander off with your date" kind of event, and at that point I didn't really want to go any more. However I hadn't seen my friends in a long time so I came up with a compromise: I called up a friend of mine and hoped he would keep me company when everyone else has wandered off in their little corner.

Anyway when I thought everything had been said and done all my friends cancelled on the event and said they couldn't go for whatever reason. Then I have my one friend who I invited telling me he was already in town (2 hours before I could feasibly get there) and I was like "oh wow this is so awkward. At that stage I pretty much had zero incentive to go but I had dragged my friend into going so if I bailed on him it would be AwkwardFest for him. That being decided, I drove out after dinner and then waited in line for an hour because I didn't buy tickets beforehand this year.

I finally got inside after the longest time, and to my dismay I realized that the one friend who I had invited wasn't actually alone--- but it wasn't like he was just with a  couple of other people--- he was part of a massive, massive group of people who I really didn't know, and they were his classmates or acquaintances or whatever the fuck. At that stage I realized "oh wow, I really didn't need to be here".

Except I'm becoming the kind of person who stops sulking in a corner when they're in an unhappy situation. Having figured out that selfishness is the ingredient to happiness, I told my friend I didn't really want to hang out with the big group and we broke off the group with 2 closer, mutual friends of ours. We made a 4 man roaming squad, and from then on I had a really good time. We went through this patch of trees which had green lights pouring down- I can't really describe it well, but you could see rays of green light in front of you, and it felt like you were in Mission Impossible. That was possibly the coolest part of the entire exhibition. I bought some overpriced ice cream, then we walked around these stalls- I tried some watermelon-flavoured fudge (it actually tastes like watermelon) and it was the sweetest thing ever.

After that we peer-pressured each other into wasting more money on buying furry animal hats. There were these wolf-hats and I was like "let's make a wolf pack!" but then it turned out there were only 3 hats and 4 of us. So I drew the short end of the stick and chose something else, and this guy was trying to be nice and asked "are you sure you don't want the wolf" about 50 times. I was kinda moved because I did want the wolf but he was like 2 years younger than me and I feel guilty when people younger than I am are nice to me. So then I grabbed a different hat instead of the 4-man wolf-gang we had a 3-wolf 1-stand-out-tiger-squad. That would've looked awks in day time but it was night so nobody saw, and in the end it was just 4 of us prowling around with furry animal hats. We were fucking adorable.

Yeah I ended up having a good time in the end. I think life just gets a lot easier when you're not thinking about confessing to someone or panicking on the inside. Of course walking around brought back a lot of memories of last year--- and I kinda still remember where everything happened... but it just felt so much more comfortable being around someone you like but not trying super-hard to impress or to grab their attention.

Life is easier when you can be yourself.

New Phone, Old Phone

I woke up 3 times last night, feeling extremely sick. When I finally crawled out of bed at 12pm I had this unforgiving headache which persisted throughout the rest of the day. Right now my head's just muddled, and I feel sick and tired at the same time. I thought my immune system had fortified this year- but apparently not. I have this suspicion that I got sick from my sister, since she's been coughing on my non-stop for the past 3 days- but oh well.

I've been sitting on our overly expensive and underused sofa all day. It is really comfortable. I wanted to do work but with my headache it was simply not possible. I guess if I really tried I could've written something, but I just didn't want to do anything more so than usual. Even reading became a chore today- I just didn't want to do anything. I thought it'd be better if I went outside for a bit, and the fresh air might make me feel better... it didn't really. The weather was nice and all, but nothing felt right.

The one productive thing I did all day though, was update my phone. Ever since I rooted my phone it's been slowly fucking itself over. I only updated YouTube last month to realize that the YouTube app wasn't a broken piece of shit, I just hadn't updated it for 2 years straight. I had to go back to factory resets on my phone- and man it was dreadful when it all occurred, because all of a sudden I realized how much I had actually customized my phone and how horrible the factory resets were. Luckily I was then able to update to the latest firmware and now the interface looks a lot better. Yes, I am telling you that I hadn't updated my firmware for 2 years. I don't know how I actually survived, but my guess is that it's because I mainly use my phone to listen to music, browse facebook and send texts/ make calls. I didn't actually do much with my phone, despite its multitude of functions.

Anyway, at this point I pretty much feel like I have a new phone, and the urge to replace my current phone has considerably diminished. I kinda don't want to replace my phone until I graduate- and even then I might keep it unless I manage to shatter the screen. I feel a little bad for how abusive I have been towards my phone. When I first got it I laid it down gently and held it carefully--- now I just casually toss it around without thinking too much. I've dropped it countless times- and if it wasn't for my phone cover I don't know how many scratches it would have. It's a shame how I've become so accustomed to the weight, size and general feel of my phone- otherwise I could convince myself that I somehow got a new phone. I did however have the joy of reinstalling all my apps and customizing all my settings until it suited me. It seems like a chore but I think secretly I enjoy doing stuff like that, because it's like marking territory.

Okay, gonna go sleep some more even though I haven't been awake for that long. Sucks when you're sick.