I'm working the same job as last year- so now I'm dealing with the same Christmas retail bullshit, like last year. Basically for the past 3 days I've had people come up to me, asking me to show them stuff at the counter, and then they turn around and say "I'll think about it". Like, I sort of understand this Christmas shopper mentality, but god fucking dammit it's annoying. If you want to look at it, THEN FUCKING LOOK AT IT IN THE COUNTER. It's not like they need me to explain anything super-special, most of it is written there on the counter anyway. What annoyed me the most though, was when this clearly mid-menopausal woman said she wanted to buy something for her son. She had a lot of really anal requirements on what she wanted to buy, so naturally I showed her the products which matched her requirements. Every time I showed her something though, she'd ask me, "is that for a boy or a girl?" She'd also remind me "it's for a BOY," every time she didn't like something. To me it's like she's looking for desperate affirmation that her son is in fact male, but I so wanted to tell her "lady, unless your son wants to use this with his dick, it really doesn't fucking matter." My God gender-stereotyping is so terrible. I'm not even saying I showed her the hot pink product just to prove a point, but why bother asking me why something in plain black/white is for a boy or a girl? Jesus.
Anyway work was painful but so is living. I actually like my job, I figure I just don't like people. Actually most of them are okay, I just wish those 2 or 3 select people out of the 100 I see would just fuck off and stop ruining my day. My colleagues have their own strange quirks, but I get along fine with them. Life is actually going my way- well except for like... yesterday or the day before where I totally broke down and had like the 2 most depressing hours of my life. It was something like 10pm at night after work, and someone had to remind me that my current academic life is a massive failure, and that if I were any better I'd be at that fancy Sydney university studying law.
Well fuck you, I didn't even want to do law. I only applied for a law course because it made me sound smart. And I got in, so fuck you again. It wasn't even one of those 3rd rate universities.
So I'm determined to not feel depressed for at least the rest of this year. I know it gets hard when you come back from working a long shift and everyone in the house decides to give you shit anyway, and then you sleep for 6 hours and get up for work again. Except I'm just... so "done" with feeling miserable. It's like, 10pm to 12am ish, people are asleep, and I'm in my dark room feeling lonely and pondering whether I'd actually feel better if I cut some wounds on my arm. To be honest i think I just need to live life. It doesn't matter if my grades are terrible and people around me are dicks. I just need a little motivation to live, and a little motivation to be happy.
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