NightFest

Went to "NightFest", and as you can guess, it was at night. It's a floral exhibition, except you couldn't see shit because it was dark. Sure there were lights and stuff... but I can make more impressive things with my LEDs from year 8 electronics. No, I didn't go for the flowers. I don't find that sort of stuff very interesting--- sure I appreciate beauty and the lot, but uh... yeah, that stuff... wasn't my kind of thing.

Why did I go? Because I managed to convince a certain someone *cough* to go as well. Despite their uh... delicate bodily conditions. I don't know why they agreed (I had the understanding that it was unrequited love on my behalf), but eh, they did. Under normal circumstances I would not be so vain (no pun intended) as to think that they went for me (I know my behavior could be described as "pestering", but it was not so bad). However, I saw no reason for them to agree to my shitty proposal. Sure we had a couple of mutual friends there--- but uh... eh look, it's just not right. Not to mention the fact that their body reacts badly to flowers.

YEEEAH, flowers and shizzz. *SNEEZE*

So I was pondering in my head, maybe the relationship between us is like the precipitate of a solution in equilibrium... Most reactants go to form a precipitate, but even the most "insoluble" precipitate dissolves somewhat and returns to its ionic forms. Bad analogy? Okay. What I'm saying is, though the whole "liking" business may be one sided, maybe reciprocity exists in atomic quantities.

And of course I'm pathetic enough to rejoice over such pitiful thoughts.

Except uh... they spent the night mostly... avoiding me. Man, if anyone filmed my behavior last night and showed it to me, I'm not sure I'd survive the embarrassment and self-condemnation. I'm certain that after last night, the quantity of my dignity (if such things can be quantified) has fallen from 0 to negative levels. As my friends puts it: "So it's like you started with no dignity, and now you're just looking to be shamed." I must sadly agree.

So they're walking at a constant pace, inconveniently 3 steps ahead of me. Then you've got me running to up chase, until we're walking alongside each other. Aaaand then you see me being ditched before I can say much, because they're running forward to merge with a group of friends who are walking ahead still. Then those friends who are behind me (watching me try and fail with amused expressions on their faces, I assume),  make that "OOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH" sound, like, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUH YOU JUST GOT DITCHED BIG TIME". Bitches.

Okay, my friends weren't that bad. They were actually rather uh... "supportive". As I caught up to that someone once again, my friends conveniently drifted off in different directions, and some purposefully stopped walking/pretended to look at flowers, until the two of us were pretty much isolated from the group. So I turn, prepared to say "hey, I like you" (and prepared to be completely and utterly shut-down, of course), but I didn't even have a chance to do that. As soon as we were alone, that someone RAN OFF AHEAD TO NO ONE. Like, the first time, sure, at least there were friends walking in a bunch in front of us. But it's like... they just bolted away. So I catch up (as you do), because after running a couple meters they walk. And when we're alongside each other again--- THEY TAKE OFF AGAIN. Like, what the shit, man. Given that I have no dignity, I ignore the obvious sign that I'm unwanted, and follow tail. Then I follow them inside some place WHERE THEY MEET UP WITH THE REST OF OUR FRIENDS.

GOD. FUCKING. DAMMIT.

Look, the saddest thing in life is not to be rejected by the one you like. The saddest thing in life is to not even have the opportunity of being rejected.

By then I called it quits for the night, and joined up with my awesome friends (because they are for at least helping me try), and told them of my shameless endeavors. I complained to one friend, "BITCH JUS' RAN AWAY ON TWO LEGS, WTF WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?". He shot me one of his side glances, and replied wittily: "chase after 'em with four." I was beside myself with laughter.

Look, I had a fun night. It was awkward, yes, especially since I was rejected so many times. I guess I would rather it if they just said to me, "can you please back the fuck off, I don't like you." Like, that's harsh, but I guess then I'd know, and I can accept that kind of stuff. I hate it when I over-analyse the situation myself and keep on deluding myself into thinking that "I HAVE A CHANCE".

Though I suppose that kind of thought will go soon enough, when they find someone else or something. That'd suck. Then I'd wallow in self-pity for about a week, before I remember: "hey, I'm fucking awesome"

One day, I swear, one of these days, I will find someone I like, who will truly appreciate that I am, in fact, the most awesome person on this planet.