So I've been playing LoL and I really think I should stop. I realized that I've been getting annoyed at all my friends who play LoL, except for my best friend who's never online anyway. There's this guy who comes off as "needy" who I don't feel like playing with (I just feel really exasperated and tired when I even think about it), then there's this other guy who I was playing a lot of games with until I thought he became really bitchy recently. Like, really. The stereotypical bitchiness you'd find in a movie of a girl on her period. Sort of the "that's not how you do it". Uh, just imagine that scene in Harry Potter, where Hermione is all "it's leviosa, not leviosarrrrr". Yeah, that's pretty much what he's like right now.
It's a petty kind of annoyance that I feel, nothing major- but it's persistent and it makes me feel bad. I told him about it and he's like "what I've done nothing in fact you're the one who's being all weird". Then I thought, welp, am I? Of course I'm more inclined to say it's not my fault, but I do know I get annoyed way too easily by way too stupid things, so maybe yeah, I'm just burning on a short fuse. Still, I don't feel nearly as bad playing LoL with strangers on the internet, even if they're randomly insulting and just terrible and stupid in general.
I've been cramming for exams in the last week. It's a terrible excuse for not blogging, I know. Truth is I've just been really lazy and I didn't even cram that much. I guess I felt bad but not bad enough to write about it. Now that I've become pissed off at a good portion of my friends I guess it's emotionally traumatic enough for me to finally start writing.
I think I'm in the mood to socialize with my friends who don't play games. The ones who make witty remarks about life and living, and who are smarter than I am because they foresaw how terrible an impact games can have on you. I want to sit in the shade and chat about something like future aspirations, a good classical novel or just some amusing detail of someone's life. Except right now I'm trapped between not having company, plastering a smile on my face to maintain conversation when there is no common topic of interest, or venting my frustrations at an online game. That makes me kind of sad.
My Dad's been calling me on my phone almost daily, and I really don't feel like answering. I think he's super-annoying and I still want to hang up just after hearing the sound of his voice. It's so repulsing, you have no idea. It turns out I'm utterly disgusted by the THOUGHT of talking to him, and the THOUGHT of going "home". I don't feel like I really have a home, because it's not like I'd rather be there over being where I am now. I realize that I really haven't missed anyone except for my baby sister, and she's super-annoying too. Except she's cute, and I like her, and that makes all the difference.
Yeah the fact that I realize I don't miss anyone makes me sad too. I wanted the holidays so badly, and I was really looking forward to exams being over... except I don't really want it to end any more. I think I'd be fine if school started again almost right away and I just had to keep working. Work is plenty but it's not stressful enough. My thoughts running wild is far more distressing.
Uhm, I have my last exam tomorrow. Wish me luck. I don't think I feel like playing LoL any more, so... do you want to go back to the game we were playing last Christmas? I had fun then.
No comments:
Post a Comment