Post UMAT

I'm so tired right now I can't add two and two in my head.

...Okay I lied, two and two is four.

But I am tired. I sat in an exam room for 3 hours, focusing on a paper for ages until I felt as if my neck was going to break. It was a horrible exam. I am uncertain as to whether extra study would have helped, but seeing as how I performed so badly I feel as if I should have studied more. I guess I didn't realise how much I cared about this exam until I actually failed it. Whoops.

Well... I guess it'd be okay if everyone else I knew failed also. It's quite pitiful to resort to such thoughts as consolation. They don't really console me anyway. The sad thing is, I don't even fully understand why I'm upset. I have three reasons:
1. My parents are going to rage when the results are announced, and they are going to bitch to me for the rest of my life about how I could have been a doctor if I had studied instead of playing games.
2. Maybe deep down I really really wanted to make it in and now I'm sad that I blew my one and only chance.
3. I'm just pissed because I know other people have beaten me and I hate getting beaten.

What use is understanding other people, if you cannot even understand yourself?
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It's horribly late, and I feel as if the world is conspiring against me. Why the fuck do I have a psychology oral tomorrow? Why the fuck did I even do psychology this session? God fucking dammit. Orals are the worst. If this were an exam I'd just flunk it, but since it's an oral I don't want to embarrass myself. Goddamn.

I wish tomorrow were already over. I want to sleep already.