I don't really understand the significance of turning 18. "More responsibilities, legal rights, voting- all that stuff. But best of all - going clubbing and drinking til you get smashed." I guess it's what most people look forward to. Not me. I've tried alcohol before the age of 18- mostly at dinner parties. I've had my share of beer and wine- and I don't know the names, because all I can taste is the scent of alcohol- and I see no point in differentiation. If I had to choose, I would prefer wine- but the after-taste reminds me of the scent of methylated spirits in hospitals. I have no intention of going clubbing- they say you can "get wild" at a club- but I don't understand how loud music, alcohol and dancing could possibly make a good time. I hate loud music- it damages my hearing. I don't even dance- and I think most people look stupid when they do.
I don't feel any different compared to when I was 17. It's a wonder, how the passing of days suddenly make you an adult. The responsibilities are rather unwelcoming- I now pay for my own bus fares, buy my own lunch and wash my own clothes. The frustrating thing is when my parents decide I'm old enough to do all the house work, but not old enough to take care of my own studies. As a result they constantly remind me of the work I have. Why can't they see--- if I had no motivation, if I had no concern for my own future and no self-regulation, I would be out pumping my body with illicit substances and escaping this world. I would not be stressed about being merely one standard deviation above the average in my chemistry exam. I... could be happier.
They say parents will always see their child as a child- but I beg to differ. It seems that I become an adult when it is convenient for them, but I am always too young and inexperienced otherwise. As a result I am always in a state of rage and confusion, suffering the responsibility of being 18 and enjoying none of the privileges. My workload from school is still crushing- but I'm considering finding a job because of my increased spending. If I only had to worry about pocket money, it would be fine- but with the extra fees I may not may not make it to the end of the year. I suppose I could cut down on spending my money on useless items- but of course I'd rather not.
I am already dreading the expenses of university. Rent, bills- everything. Now my parents are forcing me to study for my medical entrance exams. Won-der-ful. I wonder what will happen if I don't make it- they will be disappointed (not that I give a fuck about their disappointment anymore)- but more likely angry. In fact, they probably won't let it go for the rest of my life. I can imagine, at every dinner afterwards: "You could have made hundreds of thousands per year. You could've been a doctor. You'd be respected where ever you go, instead of being what you are now."
...Oh lord, what I would give to escape that conversation. ...Maybe I should just not visit. Call as infrequently as possible. Give it a good 3 or 4 years before I come home. Let it cool off for a while.
...And after saying all that, I'm going to study for my medical entrance exams anyway.
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