Irritated

I'm under some sort of house-arrest. My mother's being as selfish as possible, refusing to let me leave the house because she wants me to do her homework for her instead, before I leave this hell-hole. Needless to say, I hate her for it. I haven't been able to see any of my friends, and it's already bad enough as it is because I'm working every second day. I'm also working the next 3 days, which means going out is a near-impossibility. My mother even offered me the same amount of pay as I'd get at work, telling me to skip work and stay at home to do her homework. It makes me cringe. I can wait til the day I can finally abandon everything I hate about this place.

It's not like I'm completely ungrateful, but I do hate this family. I appreciate the food and the material items, because no one else was going to provide for me, but I just about despise everything else. I hate how every action is seen as some sort of exchange, but in the end they want to tie me down and guilt trip me with "family bonds". When I voice my concerns, it's dismissed as "teenager problems".

Then I outright said, "yes, I'm a teenager. And as a matter of fact, I do currently hate you."

Not that I've had many pleasant memories of this household for the past year or so, but recently, as I'm about to leave, it's become increasingly unpleasant. There's the constant reminder that, "at most I can give you _____ amount of money per week" and "that's the same that this entire family spends on a weekly basis--- it's like you're spending as much as the rest of us combined".

It's not like I won't work. I will. Whatever shitty job it may be, I will make enough to keep myself alive. No need to constantly remind me how much of a burden I am. I found a new roommate, for fuck's sake. He's essentially clearing my rent by living in my ex-roommate's place. If it's just the weekly spending, I can manage that. Argh, things are annoying as it is.

I hate being troubled by something so trifling like money. It makes me feel like I've degraded myself to "pitifully middle-class". Not that I'm aristocratic noble-born, but I'd rather be "contently middle-class" as opposed to "pitifully middle-class". My worst nightmare is to become like my parents, who I kind of see right now as working robots, thinking about money every second of the day, losing sight of everything else there is in the world. I know I'm a romanticist, and I know that money is important. No, really, I get that.

But money is not the reason for my existence, goddammit. I am NOT living so that I can be rich and live in a big house and have money to go on holidays. NO. That's the sort of stuff I fantasize about, because I think being rich will make me happy.

And as I have discovered, there are many simple things in life which could bring me happiness. It doesn't have to be big. It doesn't have to cost money. I could take a walk at sunset and be happy. If I had a million dollars, I'd probably throw it at my parents' face and tell them to leave me the fuck alone.

...Now that would literally be "buying happiness with money".