Almost-Valentine's

Now that the lunar new year's gone by, Valentine's is fast approaching. In fact, it's in another 3 days. Well, it only serves to remind me of the fact that I fail at expressing genuine affection. I don't generally like to think about relationships, whether I'll find true love/get married/have children, because it's all too daunting and I figure everything will work itself out. But every now and again someone or something just leads me to think about this kind of crap, and I find myself in a half-amused-half-sad state.

So I was joking with the cute-guy-at-work (did I ever mention that there was a cute guy at work?) about how one of our colleagues is perpetually single. This was a few days ago. Then today cute-guy-at-work said, "I found a solution--- you should just marry him!" I was horribly baffled, but I'll admit it was a funny joke and we kept it running for a while to entertain us. Then by the end of it all I was thinking, huh, I'm going to be single this Valentine.

I can't figure out why I care, because it's not like I haven't been single for the past 17 Valentines of my life... but it's like I'm at the point in life where I think about sex every waking minute and I suddenly realize that being single is somewhat unattractive. I can't say I want the hassle of a relationship, because I reeeally cannot be bothered doing the usual dating stuff like remembering anniversary dates, texting once every couple of hours, go out on dates every weekend, or just...giving a shit.

See, it's not that I want a relationship, it's more like I don't want to seem pathetically single. Goes back to my stupid egotistical mentality, where I feel like I need to prove that I can find someone if I wanted to. I guess all the fluffy-cutesy-romance anime I've been watching really isn't helping, since "I love you" is like, every second line of dialogue... And I'm like, "awww, why isn't someone telling me they love me? I want company..."

Gaaah, alright, no use in thinking about it. I'm going to follow through with my new year's resolution, yes. The aim is to not be single come the 2014 Valentine. I'll get there...somehow.