You know, someone once said, straight to my face, that I didn't deserve to be a doctor. This was when I hadn't even sat the UMAT. You could say he was brutally honest, but I thought he was a bit of an asshole. I laughed it off though. I might have mentioned before, but I'm one of those people who can just stroll into the UMAT casually and out-perform tonnes of people who did tonnes of practise--- because I am who I am. In the end, that is the arrogant truth.
I'm now sitting here deliberating on whether I want to go. Yeah yeah, I know I've been through the interview and all that, and they've been testing my motivations etc. Look, they failed. Obviously whatever they tested, it wasn't enough to figure out that I was completely undecided, and went to their interview for shits and giggles. Well, also to prove that I could if I wanted, I guess, so that it wasn't all big talk.
All these people have spoken to me, and told me that their childhood dream was to become a doctor. It was their true calling, what they've always wanted. They were all so sincere... and I had felt horribly guilty, for taking what had meant so much to them so lightly. I think I read somewhere, someone had said, "I want to be a doctor but I know I can't"--- and I'm on the verge of apologizing, for taking a dump on their childhood dreams. Except I don't want to apologize when I don't really mean it, and when I'm not going to do anything to amend it. Maybe they'll be consoled by the fact that I thought about apologizing.
I think I'll go. To med school, I mean. I can finally leave my parents that way, and move, far, far away. To a place where I'll be all alone, having to handle everything myself. Well, I think I could survive. I'll figure something out, once I get there. Life will work itself out--- it always does.
I guess it's time to finally move on.
No comments:
Post a Comment