The Last Straw

Another dinner, another dinner conversation with my parents. This time, it's the unsurprising topic of "what do you actually want to do?" I cut them off, because hey, I'm going to do med, it's no use chasing my childhood dreams now. They, however, refused to accept that response and forced me to name something. I replied with something along the lines of IT and Psychology, which is something I'd like to do. Mum said, "oh why don't you do that then?"

...I would've killed something if I could.

You know what she said to me, only 2 days before the university offers came out? She told me to change my preferences for uni, because after med school, I had put stuff like "Bachelor of Psychology" on the list, and she told me to change it so that a Law and Economics degree came before it. Why? I think I told you--- because no one would trust an Asian psychologist and I'll get stabbed by crazy patients.

Then my parents asked me why I didn't just take my law offer. Well, because I refuse to move interstate for law school, when one of Australia's best law schools is only a 15-20min bus ride away. Far out. From that point on I just started being outright rude. My parents hastily retorted: "we just don't want you to blame us in the future, and say that we forced you to do med. What if you decide to quit after your degree, or even half way through your degree?"

...Makes me want to throw water at them. ...Just because they said that doesn't mean they didn't force me. I still remember, the shit I got after I received my UMAT results. How I got THROWN OUT OF THE FUCKING HOUSE EARLY MORNING, BECAUSE OF MY UMAT RESULTS. That constant pestering about med school, interviews, everything. ARGH.

I get where they're coming from. I really do. They're STILL not worried about me. They STILL don't give a fuck about what I actually want to do. They just don't want me to blame them for it, in the future. They just don't want that sense of guilt, in case I decide I've had enough of this and rage quit. They don't want the responsibility. 

It's so depressing when I think about it that way. I almost thought they finally decided to care for me, until I realized the truth behind it all. They don't even realize that IT'S FAR TOO LATE TO CHANGE NOW, unless I want to wait for next year, which I don't. They just think that by saying shit like that, they can negate everything.

Well, fuck all, I'm going to med school, and I'm fully conscious that I am choosing to go to med school on my own free will (if only to get away from my parents). If I have any regrets in the future, then I will remember--- hey, at least it got me out of that shit hole, and I will be satisfied.