So I grab a pen, and try to crunch through the paperwork. Usually if I find enough motivation to start, it turns out alright. Except this time I fell flat after writing out my name in squigglier-than-usual-lines. My inner voice is crying "I don't want to do this" and I'm quite inclined to just drop everything and roll back into bed.
I can feel my internal stress-o-meter building as I get closer and closer to the start of the term. Housing, packing, travel, enrollment--- oh gawd. I have a vague idea of what I'd like to take with me--- but I feel so horrible leaving all my books behind--- half of which I haven't bothered to read. I feel like I should just kick myself into a frantic reading mode, and finish reading everything so that I'd have no regrets. But if I start to read--- what am I going to do about all my games, which I haven't had a chance to properly play yet? *horror break down*
I remember wanting to fast-forward through college, because college was hard and painful- and now I feel like I'd love to fast-forward through my university years because I no longer give a shit about the student life. I've tasted how good it is to have a job--- you go to work day after day, and fairly soon it becomes routine- you get paid, so you always have some money to spend, and you don't have to worry about whether a $10 dollar meal is going to leave you enough money to buy yourself a pen to use for the next exam. As soon as you get home there are no obligations, no left-over work, and you can play games til you drop without thinking about your next exam, essay or seminar--- and there's no ongoing revision. Well, I'm not saying that's the case with every job, but even if you have to work overtime at least you get overtime pay... No one is going to pay you for overtime study or high grades...
I still think being good at school is so horribly overrated. Wish I was good at sport or something you can show off without seeming like too much of an asshole... See if I kick a goal in say, soccer, people would be like, "OH ZOMG THAT'S AMAZING", but if I get straight A's it's like, "well fuck you you're Asian you probably study all day and have no life".
I remembered my friend asking me, "what would you like to do in life, if there was NOTHING stopping you? Say you wanted to be a singer and your voice wasn't an issue (oi, real subtle there, by the way)" What did I answer her? I said I wanted to sit at home and make money off stocks (because skill wasn't the issue, right?), then I'd free up my time to read, drink tea and walk around beaches like I've always wanted. It's like... I want retirement before I've even finished schooling.
If only there was such a profession which guaranteed happiness for life, and there was a course which could get me into it. I hear that doctors and teachers are the two professions which score high on "self-satisfaction"--- I can only hope that it means it'll make me a happier person, as opposed to something which takes my ego up for another hike. Though I suppose my ego is inclined to do that regardless...
Well, there's not much more I feel like saying, but I just thought I'd draw your attention to the poll I put up. It's on the front page of this blog in the top right corner. It's something I've always wanted to know, because seeing my view count go up each day is a little unreal. I'm suspecting that someone's just twitching their fingers and hitting F5 on my page for whatever reason... at least it makes me feel good. So uh, if you had the patience and time to read up to this point, you can definitely spend another 5 seconds and vote to sate my curiosity. That is all.
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