I've been undecided for roughly a year, as to which console to purchase. I knew I wanted something this Christmas holidays. I can't get anything big, because it's just inconvenient--- I suppose I'll get one when I have my own house or something. So I set my eye on the portable consoles. That essentially gave me a choice between 3DS or PSV. I was leaning towards the PSV, until I realized there was nothing I wanted to play on it (at least not right now). Not that there's anything I'm desperate for on the 3DS either, but if they ever make a TWEWY sequel, I guess it'd come out on 3DS. I can run my old DS games on it anyway.
I just hate the whole region lock thing. Part of the reason I'm trying to learn Japanese is so that I can play Japanese games if they never make it into the English market. And most of them won't. Even if they do make it into the English market, it's always US first, then EU, then possibly AU. Apart from Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance, there is really nothing I want to play. I guess I wouldn't mind the Layton game, except I don't actually actively want to play it.
Ehhh, I just miss having a portable console. I should get paid tomorrow, but the sale for the 3DS also ends tomorrow. I don't know if I want to get it for $200, or spend an extra 30 bucks for a 3DS XL, a starter pack bundle and a shitty game. Not that a larger screen is necessary, and XL carries negative connotations...
"Yo Momma's so fat she asked for a 3DS 5XL in store"
Yeeeah that makes no sense. I don't know why that line came into mind. Maybe I'm just tired. Ignore me for now. Good night, sleep well.
Sunday, 30 December 2012
Saturday, 29 December 2012
Buying stuff
Ah, I've been working so much it almost defeats the purpose of these holidays. At least I'm making money. I'm saving up for a 3DS (well, it's not saving up if I've already made enough, I suppose). I'm just waiting to buy it on my next pay day, because I don't want to be broke for an entire week. I guess the only reason I chose the 3DS over the PS Vita is because it's a hundred dollars cheaper.
I find it insane though, how the good games are about $60 each. The 3DS itself is only $200. I go through my games so quickly, too. I'll finish most of them in 30 hours. I know that comes down to about $2 per hour, but still, that's more than I want to pay, because I'm a poor 18 year old student who's working a Christmas casual job. I won't deny that I have it well off, but given my spending habits, money comes and goes.
I also ordered books online, following the recommendation of a friend. I reeeeeally wanted to read The Prince of Thorns and The King of Thorns, but the bookstore I went to sold them for $50. $25 each doesn't seem much, but I'd have to work an entire day for $50. So I ended up getting them online for $30, and one of them is hardcover, which is always appreciated. I have a thing for hardcover books....don't know if I've mentioned before.
I should have all my items mid January (give a bit of time for these things)--- and hopefully by then I'll have saved enough. Well, I'm looking forward to some serious gaming.
I find it insane though, how the good games are about $60 each. The 3DS itself is only $200. I go through my games so quickly, too. I'll finish most of them in 30 hours. I know that comes down to about $2 per hour, but still, that's more than I want to pay, because I'm a poor 18 year old student who's working a Christmas casual job. I won't deny that I have it well off, but given my spending habits, money comes and goes.
I also ordered books online, following the recommendation of a friend. I reeeeeally wanted to read The Prince of Thorns and The King of Thorns, but the bookstore I went to sold them for $50. $25 each doesn't seem much, but I'd have to work an entire day for $50. So I ended up getting them online for $30, and one of them is hardcover, which is always appreciated. I have a thing for hardcover books....don't know if I've mentioned before.
I should have all my items mid January (give a bit of time for these things)--- and hopefully by then I'll have saved enough. Well, I'm looking forward to some serious gaming.
Thursday, 27 December 2012
The Familiar Argument
On this bright and lovely morning, yet another argument broke out between Dad and I. More about my bus fares. I think I complained about how he refused to pay for my bus fares to and from school before--- yeah, he hasn't changed. He said that I worked and as such I should pay for my own things- heh, just as well, I'm 18. I guess I didn't really have a reason to fire up at him. Ah, alright, I'm at fault for this one--- but I'm not going to apologize to him now. He doesn't deserve my effort.
I'm so irrationally upset right now that if anyone inquired after my father, I'd tell them he was dead.
"Actually, my father passed away quite a while ago. It was not sudden though, I knew it was going to happen given his condition over the past two years. No, don't be sorry, I do miss him but I've been getting along fine without him."
And is that not the case? Minus the fact that the person I'm biologically related to is actually still alive, my father has well and truly been dead for too long. Would I try to ask a stranger to pay for my bus fares? Ah, no I wouldn't. When I put it in that perspective, I guess I was being retarded. Well, never again. I've learnt. The Dad/father I've been complaining about all this time--- he's not actually my father, is he?
Yeah, I'm in denial. I can't handle reality as it is, but my logical interpretation of events makes so much more sense. Actually, it probably isn't logical. Still, I can accept that much better.
Nobody wants to admit that a/an:
I'm so irrationally upset right now that if anyone inquired after my father, I'd tell them he was dead.
"Actually, my father passed away quite a while ago. It was not sudden though, I knew it was going to happen given his condition over the past two years. No, don't be sorry, I do miss him but I've been getting along fine without him."
And is that not the case? Minus the fact that the person I'm biologically related to is actually still alive, my father has well and truly been dead for too long. Would I try to ask a stranger to pay for my bus fares? Ah, no I wouldn't. When I put it in that perspective, I guess I was being retarded. Well, never again. I've learnt. The Dad/father I've been complaining about all this time--- he's not actually my father, is he?
Yeah, I'm in denial. I can't handle reality as it is, but my logical interpretation of events makes so much more sense. Actually, it probably isn't logical. Still, I can accept that much better.
Nobody wants to admit that a/an:
- incompetent
- useless
- selfish
- worthless
- stupid
- shortsighted
- ignorant
- bigoted
- pseudo-intellectual
- arrogant
- annoying
- socially retarded
- irresponsible
pathetic excuse of a man is their "father".
I feel much better now- I guess I've been thinking those words in my head for a long time. It's not surprising that when I decide to write it all down, the list becomes quite long. Well, I'm describing a man who invested (and lost, I might add) tens of thousands of dollars in the stock market, thinking that he could become the next Warren Buffett if he just read a few books on how to buy and sell stocks. He never studied anything even vaguely related to stocks--- and he kept playing at stocks for more than 20 years, without knowing what a dividend was. That's right, he only learnt, THIS YEAR, what a fucking dividend was.
Ah, I should stop. I'm less angry now. I shouldn't waste my time and effort insulting strangers on my blog.
Boxing Day Shopping
I went shopping yesterday--- with my mother. Wasn't all that exciting. We brought my baby sister along, too, which made it worse. Like usual my mother spent 20min+ in one single store looking at an item she didn't even end up getting. Sure, I'm sometimes guilty of the same crime, but at least I won't do it when I'm with someone else. Mum of course takes her time and you see me trying to keep my sister out of the way, because she's become a hazard for the Boxing Day crowds.
...My sister was actually incredibly difficult yesterday. She'd drag her feet against the floor so I'd have to pull her to stop her from sitting/rolling on the floor--- I don't know about you, but I don't think shopping mall floors are clean in general. Then she'd scream and wave her arms around, hitting every passerby that came near--- and I'd have to apologize. There was this time where she stood in the way of an old lady on a mobility aid--- and [her daughter, I assume] happened to yell at my friend who I'd met up with, telling my friend to control her own child. It is needless to explain how frightfully embarrassed and frustrated I was. My friend later commented that my sister was like a puppy- cute my extremely annoying. I guess she couldn't be more right.
Apart from the atrocity that was my sister, my day was generally alright. Like I said, I met up with some of my friends and we walked around for a bit, though I had to take my sister with me. I don't think I bought much in the end, because nothing was really on sale--- even if they were on sale, I still thought it was really expensive, or that the product was not worth buying. All the stores closed earlier than usual too, which was kind of annoying. I think I only bought a few things for myself--- a new portable hard drive (because portable hard drives are always cool) and 2x400 sheets of stick notes, which I'm currently using to fold origami. I'm making one of those slot-in 3D origami things--- I don't know what you call them. It's a pain, having to make so many units, but it's okay if I make some pieces while watching D Gray Man and slot them in between episodes.
Anyway, Boxing Day shopping was kind of lame--- shopping is so overrated (especially when you're broke, I guess). Oh- I forgot to mention--- I spent at least an hour searching for a Daniel Craig poster, and I even went into the cinemas to ask if they sold any. They didn't. I thought the world was conspiring against me--- tonnes of Hobbit posters, some remnants of TRON, Prometheus, Batman and Spiderman---- not a single 007 poster. Oh, there was also a disgustingly large amount of One Direction posters, and One Direction merchandise in general. They even sold One Direction collectible photo cards.
I'm going into town today though, to a different shopping mall. Hopefully I'll have better luck there... if not, I guess I'll just bitch to my friends about my lack of a Daniel Craig poster.
...My sister was actually incredibly difficult yesterday. She'd drag her feet against the floor so I'd have to pull her to stop her from sitting/rolling on the floor--- I don't know about you, but I don't think shopping mall floors are clean in general. Then she'd scream and wave her arms around, hitting every passerby that came near--- and I'd have to apologize. There was this time where she stood in the way of an old lady on a mobility aid--- and [her daughter, I assume] happened to yell at my friend who I'd met up with, telling my friend to control her own child. It is needless to explain how frightfully embarrassed and frustrated I was. My friend later commented that my sister was like a puppy- cute my extremely annoying. I guess she couldn't be more right.
Apart from the atrocity that was my sister, my day was generally alright. Like I said, I met up with some of my friends and we walked around for a bit, though I had to take my sister with me. I don't think I bought much in the end, because nothing was really on sale--- even if they were on sale, I still thought it was really expensive, or that the product was not worth buying. All the stores closed earlier than usual too, which was kind of annoying. I think I only bought a few things for myself--- a new portable hard drive (because portable hard drives are always cool) and 2x400 sheets of stick notes, which I'm currently using to fold origami. I'm making one of those slot-in 3D origami things--- I don't know what you call them. It's a pain, having to make so many units, but it's okay if I make some pieces while watching D Gray Man and slot them in between episodes.
Trying to make this.
I'm going into town today though, to a different shopping mall. Hopefully I'll have better luck there... if not, I guess I'll just bitch to my friends about my lack of a Daniel Craig poster.
Tuesday, 25 December 2012
Christmas Day
After working at my casual job for six days straight, I finally got a break on Christmas day (well, the store's closed). Naturally the first thing I did was sleep in til at least 10am. Not that I'm beyond the age of being excited by presents, it's just that my parents either don't give presents or give really really shit ones. Dad still doesn't give presents, but Mum bought me stuff. Last year it was a towel. I don't know about you, but I don't exactly find towels riveting. I was happy enough though, because hey, towel was better than no towel. It was a nice blue towel, too.
This year I got chocolate, socks and a thermal mug. Wasn't so thrilled about the first 2, but the thermal mug is totally cool. It's my favorite shade of grey-blue, and I've wanted a thermal mug for ages. So in terms of Christmas presents, I reckon I've had a good run. We also had a massive feast for dinner and lunch--- Mum made sushi and BBQ'd chicken wings. I ate til I was bloated.
Then I spent almost every other minute cleaning out my room. I still haven't finished, but I gave up in the end. My room was a complete disgrace. The dust was 30mm thick, I swear. I must've inhaled a good cubic decimeter of dust whilst cleaning. I cleaned out my bookshelf of books I've never touched and will never touch--- found a copy of the New Testament in Chinese, which amused me. Shelf-cleaning was actually quite hard, because I had to wipe the dust off the book, clean the shelf-space it occupied and decide whether I wanted the book. Then I threw out a bunch of papers which had accumulated over the past two years.
It was all quite chaotic and disastrous, with papers and dust flying in the air, books falling off shelves and slamming on my feet, and me tripping over/ stepping on things. Not to say that there wasn't anything nice about it--- I did find things I thought were lost forever--- and some nice stuff I forgot I even possessed.
Then it was just wiping dust away in general and vacuuming. Was actually so painful--- after I had finished I felt hungry again--- and that's saying something, considering how much food I ate today. Ah, pains of the first world.
Well, I had a fine day, despite it being mostly cleaning and eating. Hope you guys had fun too. Looking forward to shopping tomorrow. Merry Christmas.
This year I got chocolate, socks and a thermal mug. Wasn't so thrilled about the first 2, but the thermal mug is totally cool. It's my favorite shade of grey-blue, and I've wanted a thermal mug for ages. So in terms of Christmas presents, I reckon I've had a good run. We also had a massive feast for dinner and lunch--- Mum made sushi and BBQ'd chicken wings. I ate til I was bloated.
Then I spent almost every other minute cleaning out my room. I still haven't finished, but I gave up in the end. My room was a complete disgrace. The dust was 30mm thick, I swear. I must've inhaled a good cubic decimeter of dust whilst cleaning. I cleaned out my bookshelf of books I've never touched and will never touch--- found a copy of the New Testament in Chinese, which amused me. Shelf-cleaning was actually quite hard, because I had to wipe the dust off the book, clean the shelf-space it occupied and decide whether I wanted the book. Then I threw out a bunch of papers which had accumulated over the past two years.
It was all quite chaotic and disastrous, with papers and dust flying in the air, books falling off shelves and slamming on my feet, and me tripping over/ stepping on things. Not to say that there wasn't anything nice about it--- I did find things I thought were lost forever--- and some nice stuff I forgot I even possessed.
Then it was just wiping dust away in general and vacuuming. Was actually so painful--- after I had finished I felt hungry again--- and that's saying something, considering how much food I ate today. Ah, pains of the first world.
Well, I had a fine day, despite it being mostly cleaning and eating. Hope you guys had fun too. Looking forward to shopping tomorrow. Merry Christmas.
Sunday, 23 December 2012
Aaaand back to Facebook
Oh God I'm terrible at this. I know I do this all the time. ALL the fucking time. "I'M OVER IT" and the next second I start again, providing all evidence possible to demonstrate that I'm really not over it. I went back to Facebook. Don't judge, I just got sick of myself typing in facebook.com when I've decided to delete my account.
No, I haven't gone back to my old account, because like I said, there are people on there who I don't want anymore. So I started a new facebook thing. Now I guess I can add whoever the fuck I like, though I haven't added anyone really. I should re-add the people I actually want on there... but I have this strange quirk where I don't like sending friend requests...
Hrm, I have a lot of those quirks, actually.
No, I haven't gone back to my old account, because like I said, there are people on there who I don't want anymore. So I started a new facebook thing. Now I guess I can add whoever the fuck I like, though I haven't added anyone really. I should re-add the people I actually want on there... but I have this strange quirk where I don't like sending friend requests...
Hrm, I have a lot of those quirks, actually.
Saturday, 22 December 2012
Anime, Manga, Lack of Facebook
Day-I've-Lost-Count of quitting Facebook--- I still haven't lost the compulsion to check Facebook every 30 minutes. There are people I want to add already--- though I really don't want to get back to Facebook. I've been trying to distract myself--- so I try reading. Because I've made a start on Inheritance, I thought I should finish that... EXCEPT THE BOOK IS SO BAD. OH MY FUCKING GOD, THIS IS MORE BORING THAN FIFTY SHADES OF GREY. There, I've said it. The last book of Eragon is worse than Fifty Shades of Grey.
Then I turn to anime. You may or may not know, but currently I'm watching Fairy Tail and Sword Art Online (SAO). Now SAO was cool in the first few episodes, then it just became increasingly gay. The first season ended abruptly, so I sat there moping, thinking "this is bullshit". The 2nd season was a display of what I consider borderline child pornography. Then there were tentacles. And the beginning of a rape scene. I'm not going to explain--- I can't explain, it's too wtf. You'd think I was watching hentai as opposed to a kiddy anime.
Fairy Tail is good, except it's too childish. I really like the characters, they all make me laugh, but I wish I saw some deeper themes... If I were just looking for a cheap laugh though, I'd watch the next few episodes of Fairy Tail--- that's the thing--- it's not even addictive. At least SAO makes me want to finish the episode, despite my various complaints.
After that there's only manga left. I don't usually read shoujo (manga drawn for teenage girls) manga, because I think it's a tad stupid and unrealistic and brainlessly boring. Except I was recommended Hana Kimi several times, so I thought I'd give it a go. It's about a girl who falls for her idol high jumper, so she transfers to his school, moving continents to do so. Except his school is an all-boys school, so she pretends to be a boy. The plot would've been better if the heroine wasn't so horrifically bad at hiding her sex. I have no idea why she'd change in front of an open window and flash her breasts while she's at an all-boys school, pretending to be a guy. She also doesn't lock the bathroom door when she showers, so her roommate stumbles in. After a few volumes, I remember--- "ah, and this is why I don't read shoujo manga".
So right now I have nothing to do. I'd play games but my game keeps on crashing due to xtrap being a piece of shit. You probably don't know what that means. Oh well.
I want to take a walk on a beach... And drink an infinite supply of Lipton Ice Tea...
The movie was also really bad--- if you remember watching in back in 2006.
Then I turn to anime. You may or may not know, but currently I'm watching Fairy Tail and Sword Art Online (SAO). Now SAO was cool in the first few episodes, then it just became increasingly gay. The first season ended abruptly, so I sat there moping, thinking "this is bullshit". The 2nd season was a display of what I consider borderline child pornography. Then there were tentacles. And the beginning of a rape scene. I'm not going to explain--- I can't explain, it's too wtf. You'd think I was watching hentai as opposed to a kiddy anime.
This chic gets almost-raped too many times to count. Though she is quite cute.
Fairy Tail is good, except it's too childish. I really like the characters, they all make me laugh, but I wish I saw some deeper themes... If I were just looking for a cheap laugh though, I'd watch the next few episodes of Fairy Tail--- that's the thing--- it's not even addictive. At least SAO makes me want to finish the episode, despite my various complaints.
But Gray from Fairy Tail is quite cute.
After that there's only manga left. I don't usually read shoujo (manga drawn for teenage girls) manga, because I think it's a tad stupid and unrealistic and brainlessly boring. Except I was recommended Hana Kimi several times, so I thought I'd give it a go. It's about a girl who falls for her idol high jumper, so she transfers to his school, moving continents to do so. Except his school is an all-boys school, so she pretends to be a boy. The plot would've been better if the heroine wasn't so horrifically bad at hiding her sex. I have no idea why she'd change in front of an open window and flash her breasts while she's at an all-boys school, pretending to be a guy. She also doesn't lock the bathroom door when she showers, so her roommate stumbles in. After a few volumes, I remember--- "ah, and this is why I don't read shoujo manga".
So right now I have nothing to do. I'd play games but my game keeps on crashing due to xtrap being a piece of shit. You probably don't know what that means. Oh well.
I want to take a walk on a beach... And drink an infinite supply of Lipton Ice Tea...
Friday, 21 December 2012
So called "holidays"
I'm working for almost an entire week straight, and it's horribly taxing. Heh, see what I did there? Anyway, work is work and work is not fun. Well, it is fun, sometimes, but generally it's not fun. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. After I stopped taking English I feel my language skills deteriorating, and now I see myself as a cat mashing a keyboard. Well, an extremely handsome cat.
At least work feels substantial. I haven't had a chance to really reflect on anything. I previously thought I'd feel really empty after I got my ATAR, and think: "looky here, two years of pain and suffering all for this little number down the corner of the page". As you know though, I've realized that I still have everything I learnt, and that means way more than that number which becomes useless as soon as I enter university. No, it's not a pitiful consolation to myself because I didn't make that 99, I really do think that. It does piss me off that I was stupidly close, but it doesn't matter.
At least I have some free time right now... yes, my mother is still being annoying about her homework, but I don't have to care, do I? I get along pretty well with the people at work, so that's always a good thing... yeah... No, they are really nice and entertaining and I still think one of the guys there is really cute. He wears his pants really low and he bends over (not in that way, no, stop smirking) a lot so I have no fucking clue how many times I've been flashed. Yeah look I don't know if this a good thing or a bad thing. It's somewhere between "the best thing ever" and "the most horrific and awkward thing ever". Maybe it's a combination of both. I mean I'd tell him except I'm too awkward for this kind of shit. I mean, I should've told him the first time, except I missed my chance. This is now the nth time and if I tell him now it's just like, "so wtf, were you just checking out my ass every other time?" (The answer is probably yes) My friend suggested buying a belt for him--- but that's way worse than just telling him to pull up his pants. Consider the following scenario:
Me: "Hey merry Christmas! Here, have this."
Him: "Thanks but you didn't have to. Oh... it's a belt.... Uh....okay... thanks again..." *totally didn't expect it*
Me: "I thought you might need one..."
Then we both stare at each other for the next minute, where he still may not realize the actual problem, but thinks I'm one cracked kid for gifting a belt.
Yeah no, I'm not buying him a belt. And I still probably won't tell him... Not that I'm perverted or anything...
GAH, I can FEEL your accusations. Shut up, I'M LEAVING.
Thursday, 20 December 2012
Graduation
So I've been looking forward to graduation almost all year... and it was pretty decent. My ATAR was a piece of shit--- I did unrealistically expect a little better. I had a look at my scores- my maths killed me. I would've been better off--- seriously better off---- if I had never taken maths at all. This is a rather sad realization, but when I think about it, I have no real regrets in taking maths. Yes, it was a blow to what could've been an otherwise beautiful ATAR, but what I learn is mine, and a score is just a score.
After complaining about it for a good deal and throwing a general hissy fit, I caught up with people I hadn't seen for a while, so that was good. I had a lot of fun, speaking to people.
Then my parents came into the equation. They were being such... unpleasant people. How do I even describe this. Under that mask they had worn for the social occasion, I could feel the tension. And my lord it was horrendous. It seems my parents are out on a mission to ruin every happy day of my life, and to exacerbate every other day. Their record is pretty good, actually--- 100% success rate, every time. I just don't understand--- how much of a fuckward do you have to be, to do this to someone.
Apparently they had gotten impatient at my graduation, because I was so excited, talking to my teachers etc. Fair enough--- BUT THEY COULD'VE TOLD ME. Instead they said something like, "oh but everyone else's parents had left and they had stayed behind, IF YOU'D TOLD US EARLIER WE COULD'VE JUST LEFT." Naturally I look at my parents like they're retarded--- what was wrong with just calling me and leave? OR HOW ABOUT JUST COMING UP TO ME, AND TELL ME THAT THEY WANTED TO GO? When I asked, they said, "oh but you were talking to your teacher, and it would have been rude for us to approach you."
NO, IT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN RUDE TO TALK TO ME WHILE I WAS TALKING TO MY TEACHER. It's like my parents are trying to avoid all contact with my teacher anyway. What the fuck is up with that? Though I'm glad I didn't introduce them to anyone, because of Dad's murderous expression post graduation. It's because I didn't win any faculty awards, didn't get that 99+ like he wanted, didn't dress the way he wanted, didn't become the person he wanted. Oh my, my offences are heavy indeed.
They asked me for directions to go home from school. So I told them where to turn etc, but they wouldn't stop bitching about how I'd taken the longer route and I was so stupid etc. I think I took real offense to that. One of the biggest insults to me, is to ask me for help on a certain subject, AND THEN TRY TO CORRECT ME ON IT. It just makes me think you're a real douchebag. Like, if you knew, why the fuck did you bother asking? What the fuck is wrong with you?
So you know, I hate my parents right now. I wish they didn't even go to my graduation. I should've just driven myself there, and then we'd all be happy. Dad's like, "BUT I HAVE TO GET HOME AND TALK TO PEOPLE ON SKYPE", and Mum says I've been at school for far too long and that my sister was getting restless, so in the end it was all my fault and I should've been mature and responsible enough to realize her needs immediately.
You know what, now I'm thinking that even if I did realize how they felt, I would not give two flipping fucks about it. Why did they even have to come to my graduation. They treat it as if they were doing me a massive favor, BUT I'D BE BETTER OFF IF THEY WEREN'T HERE. Me, being me, said exactly that to them. Needless to say, they weren't pleased, and Mum was being a complete bitch about it.
So now you've got me gaming at midnight, mashing my keyboard and killing virtual monsters, because I have nothing to take out my anger on.
After complaining about it for a good deal and throwing a general hissy fit, I caught up with people I hadn't seen for a while, so that was good. I had a lot of fun, speaking to people.
Then my parents came into the equation. They were being such... unpleasant people. How do I even describe this. Under that mask they had worn for the social occasion, I could feel the tension. And my lord it was horrendous. It seems my parents are out on a mission to ruin every happy day of my life, and to exacerbate every other day. Their record is pretty good, actually--- 100% success rate, every time. I just don't understand--- how much of a fuckward do you have to be, to do this to someone.
Apparently they had gotten impatient at my graduation, because I was so excited, talking to my teachers etc. Fair enough--- BUT THEY COULD'VE TOLD ME. Instead they said something like, "oh but everyone else's parents had left and they had stayed behind, IF YOU'D TOLD US EARLIER WE COULD'VE JUST LEFT." Naturally I look at my parents like they're retarded--- what was wrong with just calling me and leave? OR HOW ABOUT JUST COMING UP TO ME, AND TELL ME THAT THEY WANTED TO GO? When I asked, they said, "oh but you were talking to your teacher, and it would have been rude for us to approach you."
NO, IT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN RUDE TO TALK TO ME WHILE I WAS TALKING TO MY TEACHER. It's like my parents are trying to avoid all contact with my teacher anyway. What the fuck is up with that? Though I'm glad I didn't introduce them to anyone, because of Dad's murderous expression post graduation. It's because I didn't win any faculty awards, didn't get that 99+ like he wanted, didn't dress the way he wanted, didn't become the person he wanted. Oh my, my offences are heavy indeed.
They asked me for directions to go home from school. So I told them where to turn etc, but they wouldn't stop bitching about how I'd taken the longer route and I was so stupid etc. I think I took real offense to that. One of the biggest insults to me, is to ask me for help on a certain subject, AND THEN TRY TO CORRECT ME ON IT. It just makes me think you're a real douchebag. Like, if you knew, why the fuck did you bother asking? What the fuck is wrong with you?
So you know, I hate my parents right now. I wish they didn't even go to my graduation. I should've just driven myself there, and then we'd all be happy. Dad's like, "BUT I HAVE TO GET HOME AND TALK TO PEOPLE ON SKYPE", and Mum says I've been at school for far too long and that my sister was getting restless, so in the end it was all my fault and I should've been mature and responsible enough to realize her needs immediately.
You know what, now I'm thinking that even if I did realize how they felt, I would not give two flipping fucks about it. Why did they even have to come to my graduation. They treat it as if they were doing me a massive favor, BUT I'D BE BETTER OFF IF THEY WEREN'T HERE. Me, being me, said exactly that to them. Needless to say, they weren't pleased, and Mum was being a complete bitch about it.
So now you've got me gaming at midnight, mashing my keyboard and killing virtual monsters, because I have nothing to take out my anger on.
Wednesday, 19 December 2012
Random etc.
Think I posted a while ago about buying shit off suspicious companies based in Hong Kong--- well, I actually received my orders. What I got was actually horrible, but I didn't expect much. The only awkward thing was that they managed to send me the wrong product... ehhh, what can I expect.
I got a hair cut... recently? A couple days ago. I dyed my hair, too. My hair feels sooo good, now that it's short again. As long as it doesn't scratch my neck... My parents are bitching about my dyed hair though (heh, I feel like such a rebel). Dad's like, "All that chemical stuffblah blah blah blah, you look malnutritioned blah blah blah, I only dye my hair because I have to blah blah blah". Mum's just been saying that I look disgusting--- yeah, she's not very nice. I hate the way my mother speaks to me--- it's so horribly rude, but she thinks she's being humorous.
Graduation is technically...today. I should sleep. I also have to go to work in a couple of hours. I think they messed up my pay from last week, so I need to get that sorted. I'm kind of regretting deleting Facebook, because I just realized I will not be invited to anything this holiday if I don't get back online.
Eh, life is hard.
I got a hair cut... recently? A couple days ago. I dyed my hair, too. My hair feels sooo good, now that it's short again. As long as it doesn't scratch my neck... My parents are bitching about my dyed hair though (heh, I feel like such a rebel). Dad's like, "All that chemical stuffblah blah blah blah, you look malnutritioned blah blah blah, I only dye my hair because I have to blah blah blah". Mum's just been saying that I look disgusting--- yeah, she's not very nice. I hate the way my mother speaks to me--- it's so horribly rude, but she thinks she's being humorous.
Graduation is technically...today. I should sleep. I also have to go to work in a couple of hours. I think they messed up my pay from last week, so I need to get that sorted. I'm kind of regretting deleting Facebook, because I just realized I will not be invited to anything this holiday if I don't get back online.
Eh, life is hard.
Monday, 17 December 2012
Last night (or the night before, I don't remember) I deleted my Facebook account. I wonder if anybody's noticed, though intuition tells me probably not. I guess it is kind of strange for me to choose to delete Facebook now, of all times. I mean, when test week came around I didn't even delete Facebook. Now, when I technically have all the time in the world to procrastinate, I decide to delete it.
So here's how the story goes. I'm one of those people who grew out of that stage of "ADD AS MANY FRIENDS AS POSSIBLE". Yeah, I was like that too, once upon a time. I used to play FarmVille and Mafia Wars back then, too. Oh the good ol' days of high school. That's okay, no regrets, the games were fun while they lasted. Then at one point I got tired of farming, and realized, "hey, this is more fucking tedious than my household chores, having to plant and harvest this massive virtual farm at a set time." It's like, if I were that rigorous about tidying my room or doing my homework, maybe my parents would stop yapping at me.
The logical follow up to that was to quit the games. And I did. I'm one of those people who have a really hard time getting into something. My obsession is generally short-lived, and even in my most obsessed period, if tests come around and I have to stop, I will. It's not really self-control, it's more like admitting "I don't really care". You know how I play MMORPGs, right? Well, I'd spend eons trying to get a legendary item or whatever, but after I obtain it I'm just all like, "MEH".
Back to my cool story. After quitting Facebook games, I realised I had all these "friends" who weren't really my friends- and I "unfriended" them all (oh if only real life were that simple). Then I looked at people I actually knew, who weren't really my friends but I added them because hey, Facebook. I deleted those people too. It only became awkward after they added me back, thinking that I had removed them from my friends list by accident. Well what do you say to that- "sorry but I don't actually know you that well and I don't even WANT to know you that well". So I re-add them.
After that incident, I have these phases where I think to myself: "I have too many friends on Facebook, let's delete some". Last night I went through that phase again--- then saw all these people I kind of wanted to delete, but was too chicken to, because we went to the same school and saw each other and blah. We just never talked. Then there was some guy who I talked to ONCE but we had a really good time, except we never spoke again afterwards and I don't really want to initiate the conversation because I hate doing that. I can basically sort my "friends" into groups--- people I keep as friends, people I'm removing as soon as I graduate, people I'm removing as soon as I leave the city, etc, etc. If I stopped myself from posting profane things on Facebook I reckon it'd be fine, except there are always thing you'd rather share with your actual friends as opposed to acquaintances. Then everything became too complicated (despite my 80 friends) so I was like "fuck this" and deleted my Facebook account all together. It'll take 14 days for the deletion to occur, but yeah I figure I'd rather clear my profile as opposed to delete everyone and have many awkward conversations of "why did you unfriend me on Facebook?"
I never knew unfriending someone on Facebook was such a social crime. I guess it's because people post their relationship status on there and whatever, then they have these Facebook break ups and the world is like "OH NOES".
Yeeah idk. I might re-create a Facebook next year, if I meet enough people I like. The thing is, I already have everyone I want to talk to on Skype, so the contact thing is no big drama. Otherwise I have a bunch of phone numbers. Texting isn't yet out of fashion, right?
So here's how the story goes. I'm one of those people who grew out of that stage of "ADD AS MANY FRIENDS AS POSSIBLE". Yeah, I was like that too, once upon a time. I used to play FarmVille and Mafia Wars back then, too. Oh the good ol' days of high school. That's okay, no regrets, the games were fun while they lasted. Then at one point I got tired of farming, and realized, "hey, this is more fucking tedious than my household chores, having to plant and harvest this massive virtual farm at a set time." It's like, if I were that rigorous about tidying my room or doing my homework, maybe my parents would stop yapping at me.
The logical follow up to that was to quit the games. And I did. I'm one of those people who have a really hard time getting into something. My obsession is generally short-lived, and even in my most obsessed period, if tests come around and I have to stop, I will. It's not really self-control, it's more like admitting "I don't really care". You know how I play MMORPGs, right? Well, I'd spend eons trying to get a legendary item or whatever, but after I obtain it I'm just all like, "MEH".
Back to my cool story. After quitting Facebook games, I realised I had all these "friends" who weren't really my friends- and I "unfriended" them all (oh if only real life were that simple). Then I looked at people I actually knew, who weren't really my friends but I added them because hey, Facebook. I deleted those people too. It only became awkward after they added me back, thinking that I had removed them from my friends list by accident. Well what do you say to that- "sorry but I don't actually know you that well and I don't even WANT to know you that well". So I re-add them.
After that incident, I have these phases where I think to myself: "I have too many friends on Facebook, let's delete some". Last night I went through that phase again--- then saw all these people I kind of wanted to delete, but was too chicken to, because we went to the same school and saw each other and blah. We just never talked. Then there was some guy who I talked to ONCE but we had a really good time, except we never spoke again afterwards and I don't really want to initiate the conversation because I hate doing that. I can basically sort my "friends" into groups--- people I keep as friends, people I'm removing as soon as I graduate, people I'm removing as soon as I leave the city, etc, etc. If I stopped myself from posting profane things on Facebook I reckon it'd be fine, except there are always thing you'd rather share with your actual friends as opposed to acquaintances. Then everything became too complicated (despite my 80 friends) so I was like "fuck this" and deleted my Facebook account all together. It'll take 14 days for the deletion to occur, but yeah I figure I'd rather clear my profile as opposed to delete everyone and have many awkward conversations of "why did you unfriend me on Facebook?"
I never knew unfriending someone on Facebook was such a social crime. I guess it's because people post their relationship status on there and whatever, then they have these Facebook break ups and the world is like "OH NOES".
Yeeah idk. I might re-create a Facebook next year, if I meet enough people I like. The thing is, I already have everyone I want to talk to on Skype, so the contact thing is no big drama. Otherwise I have a bunch of phone numbers. Texting isn't yet out of fashion, right?
Friday, 14 December 2012
My Spiteful Parents
I had always believed that I was a spiteful person by nature, but lately I'm starting to find more and more evidence for a genetic link between my own insanity and my parents'. You know how I have the tendency to fuck up something for everyone else if I'm unhappy? My parents do that too. Why didn't I realize it before? I come home all happy and bright most of the time, until my pissy parents say something and BAM there I go, off in my rage. It's like they can't stand to see me happy: and funnily enough, I believe I've admitted to something very similar.
Last night, as you know, I had another fight with my parents. Late in the night, while I was on Skype talking to my friends, I disconnected. Now our internet connection likes to fuck itself once in a while, so I wasn't too distressed. I was just grateful that I wasn't in the middle of a game or anything. This morning, I still had no connection. So I go over to the router in the study--- and guess what I find--- the cable has been pulled. Now Dad hasn't pulled the cable in a looong time. He used it as a parental control tool when I was in high school--- he got worried that I'd stay up too late and play games, so he used to pull out the cable when it was 10pm. Well, he tried to. Except he himself doesn't sleep til about 11.30pm, and back in high school that's when I used to sleep as well. Then in college I slept at 2-4am almost every night, due to the amount of work I had, so whenever Dad pulled the cable I'd just plug it right back in so I can keep researching stuff for my essay. Eventually he stopped.
Then he started again last night. Actually I don't know whether I want to pin the blame on Dad, might've been Mum--- or Mum who told him to. It was really Mum who threw a hissy fit at me last night, for not doing her homework, and for me complaining about my 7 hour shift. She's all like, "I WORK ALL DAY AND I COME HOME AND STILL MAKE YOU DINNER". I think I said in my rage "well nobody asked you to make dinner every night. I could survive on 2min noodles if I wanted to."
So it wasn't all that surprising when my parents didn't call me out to dinner tonight. I went to the kitchen to grab a drink (wasn't actually hungry) and saw that my parents had finished their meal. I kind of just shrug it off, and I wasn't quite stupid enough to ask "why didn't you guys call me", because my parents complain about me not helping prepare dinner and how I have to be called out. Just like how nobody would willingly step on a landmine, yeah?
Dad asked (weird) "aren't you going to eat?" I took that as an invitation, grabbed myself a bowl and started eating. Then Mum, wearing her "I am so pissed right now" expression, gives me this deathly stare while I eat.
"Why don't you go eat your two minute noodles, huh?"
Now at first I didn't quite grasp what she'd said, and I was like, "yeah I ate that for lunch." Then she says it again, and I finally realize she meant last night. I don't say anything back; I just eat my food, drink my water and head back to my room. Stare at her homework with a blank expression, until I realize that I'm kind of pissed off. Go on Facebook for a bit, laugh at the stupid things my friends post, then complain on my blog.
I'm too tired to be angry again. I have work tomorrow, too.
...You know what? I was always under the impression that Mum made dinner because she wanted to. Maybe I'm just whacked, but I was thinking the other day--- yeah I'd iron someone's shirt, do their washing and cook them food, if I loved them enough. I don't really care how womanly, servile and degrading it seems (not that being womanly is degrading), but I'd do that for love. You hear people saying that they'd die for their love, over and over. Well, in my honest opinion, cooking dinner isn't really as bad as dying.
As much as I say "I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE MY PARENTS, I WON'T BE LIKE THEM", I guess it is inevitable that I display some of their traits. I am as moody and unforgiving as my mother, as cynical and pedantic as my father, and perhaps just as annoying and spiteful as the two of them combined.
It's in moments like these when I want to scream, "God, reshuffle my genes."
Last night, as you know, I had another fight with my parents. Late in the night, while I was on Skype talking to my friends, I disconnected. Now our internet connection likes to fuck itself once in a while, so I wasn't too distressed. I was just grateful that I wasn't in the middle of a game or anything. This morning, I still had no connection. So I go over to the router in the study--- and guess what I find--- the cable has been pulled. Now Dad hasn't pulled the cable in a looong time. He used it as a parental control tool when I was in high school--- he got worried that I'd stay up too late and play games, so he used to pull out the cable when it was 10pm. Well, he tried to. Except he himself doesn't sleep til about 11.30pm, and back in high school that's when I used to sleep as well. Then in college I slept at 2-4am almost every night, due to the amount of work I had, so whenever Dad pulled the cable I'd just plug it right back in so I can keep researching stuff for my essay. Eventually he stopped.
Then he started again last night. Actually I don't know whether I want to pin the blame on Dad, might've been Mum--- or Mum who told him to. It was really Mum who threw a hissy fit at me last night, for not doing her homework, and for me complaining about my 7 hour shift. She's all like, "I WORK ALL DAY AND I COME HOME AND STILL MAKE YOU DINNER". I think I said in my rage "well nobody asked you to make dinner every night. I could survive on 2min noodles if I wanted to."
So it wasn't all that surprising when my parents didn't call me out to dinner tonight. I went to the kitchen to grab a drink (wasn't actually hungry) and saw that my parents had finished their meal. I kind of just shrug it off, and I wasn't quite stupid enough to ask "why didn't you guys call me", because my parents complain about me not helping prepare dinner and how I have to be called out. Just like how nobody would willingly step on a landmine, yeah?
Dad asked (weird) "aren't you going to eat?" I took that as an invitation, grabbed myself a bowl and started eating. Then Mum, wearing her "I am so pissed right now" expression, gives me this deathly stare while I eat.
"Why don't you go eat your two minute noodles, huh?"
Now at first I didn't quite grasp what she'd said, and I was like, "yeah I ate that for lunch." Then she says it again, and I finally realize she meant last night. I don't say anything back; I just eat my food, drink my water and head back to my room. Stare at her homework with a blank expression, until I realize that I'm kind of pissed off. Go on Facebook for a bit, laugh at the stupid things my friends post, then complain on my blog.
I'm too tired to be angry again. I have work tomorrow, too.
...You know what? I was always under the impression that Mum made dinner because she wanted to. Maybe I'm just whacked, but I was thinking the other day--- yeah I'd iron someone's shirt, do their washing and cook them food, if I loved them enough. I don't really care how womanly, servile and degrading it seems (not that being womanly is degrading), but I'd do that for love. You hear people saying that they'd die for their love, over and over. Well, in my honest opinion, cooking dinner isn't really as bad as dying.
As much as I say "I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE MY PARENTS, I WON'T BE LIKE THEM", I guess it is inevitable that I display some of their traits. I am as moody and unforgiving as my mother, as cynical and pedantic as my father, and perhaps just as annoying and spiteful as the two of them combined.
It's in moments like these when I want to scream, "God, reshuffle my genes."
Thursday, 13 December 2012
Living is Pain
You know your life is fucked when you'd rather work as opposed to go home. I knew something was up when I decided I prefer to go to school--- sure I get to see my friends, but that is never reason enough. I only see the full extent of my dislike for my parents, when I agreed to extend my shift until close. My legs are kind of hurting like hell, but it was all worth it. The hours away from home are quite precious to me.
In most movies or TV shows or whatever, you go home after a long day at work, and your family's all there for you, and you realise everything is worth it. Except that's not quite how my life turned out. I come home, significantly worn out, and my parents decide to ask me how much I made at work. Alright, fine, it's normal to ask. So I answer. And this is the shit I get:
"WHAT? ONLY THAT? THIS HAS TO BE ILLEGAL! THESE CASUALS AT MY WORK GET PAID $20 PER HOUR UPFRONT! THEY ARE EXPLOITING YOU! [That girl who's mother is a bitchface and the person I am most often compared to], SHE FOUND A JOB BABYSITTING AND SHE GOT PAID $20 PER HOUR!"
It was the last part which blew my fuse. The first part pisses me off, because fuck you I just spent the last 7 hours working, and I come home to have you tell me how pitiful I am at making money? I could choose to interpret that as concern for my well-being, but that is literally the last thing to cross my mind, because you do not demonstrate concern for someone by trampling all over their dignity. But no, that wasn't even it. That girl, THAT GIRL THAT MY PARENTS KEEP ON FUCKING COMPARING ME TO, I'VE FUCKING HAD ENOUGH. This is the last time, I swear. I used to refer to her as "my friend". Then it became "my classmate". After that it was "the girl who lives near us". Now it's "the girl whose mother is a complete bitch". Next time it'll be "that girl I don't actually like whose mother I also despise".
Sure, it's unfair to her. None of this actually has anything to do with her, and I am in fact unfairly hating on her. I don't care. I'm pissed and I have nowhere to go. Of course she doesn't know what I think of her and her mother, because I'm pretty good at being polite to people I don't like, but lord if I'm upset then fuck the world. It's just that I want her to disappear from my life forever. FOREVER. I don't want to hear her name pass out from my parents' lips ever again. It's as if my parents want me to develop an inferiority complex, let me know that she's better than me at everything that "matters". That being "school work" and "house work", and now apparently "Christmas casual job". My parents never used to give a shit about how much I made at work until she came along. However much of an ass I'm being, I sincerely wish she had never appeared in my life.
And what makes me mad is that she's NOT EVEN CLOSE to being better than me at everything. NOT EVEN CLOSE. If someone like that existed, I might be willing to take more shit from my parents about it--- but that someone is NOT HER. I read, I write, I draw, I can use technology. I CAN WRITE MY OWN RESUME AND FIND MYSELF A FUCKING JOB, WITHOUT RELYING ON MY MOTHER TO FIND ME WORK AT SOME SHIT-ASS CHILDCARE CENTRE. I can make friends who aren't annoying as fuck, like hers. I can speak more fluently, I have better communication skills, I'm funnier, I am better at almost everything apart from "school" and cleaning the fucking house. Yes those things are important, but that is not enough to warrant the gigantic pile of shit I've been shoved.
Argh I just lost it again, didn't I? Well the next thing my parents did after bitching about my pay was to "remind" me to do my mother's homework. Look, I do not need a daily reminder to do it. It's already at the back of my mind every second. I don't even want to hear anything about it, but I will do it, eventually. Though right now I can safely say because of these stupid homework booklets, the relationship between my family and I has been wrecked forever. We are at that stage where everything is irreconcilably bad, and I will not be the first one to relent because I can hold grudges for a lifetime. I may get to that stage where I can reasonably tolerate my parents again, but I know we will never be loving or close or w/e.
Now after all that rant... I wish I had work tomorrow. Why can't my graduation be earlier? Why can't my university notices come earlier? I am so, so sick of this bullshit.
In most movies or TV shows or whatever, you go home after a long day at work, and your family's all there for you, and you realise everything is worth it. Except that's not quite how my life turned out. I come home, significantly worn out, and my parents decide to ask me how much I made at work. Alright, fine, it's normal to ask. So I answer. And this is the shit I get:
"WHAT? ONLY THAT? THIS HAS TO BE ILLEGAL! THESE CASUALS AT MY WORK GET PAID $20 PER HOUR UPFRONT! THEY ARE EXPLOITING YOU! [That girl who's mother is a bitchface and the person I am most often compared to], SHE FOUND A JOB BABYSITTING AND SHE GOT PAID $20 PER HOUR!"
It was the last part which blew my fuse. The first part pisses me off, because fuck you I just spent the last 7 hours working, and I come home to have you tell me how pitiful I am at making money? I could choose to interpret that as concern for my well-being, but that is literally the last thing to cross my mind, because you do not demonstrate concern for someone by trampling all over their dignity. But no, that wasn't even it. That girl, THAT GIRL THAT MY PARENTS KEEP ON FUCKING COMPARING ME TO, I'VE FUCKING HAD ENOUGH. This is the last time, I swear. I used to refer to her as "my friend". Then it became "my classmate". After that it was "the girl who lives near us". Now it's "the girl whose mother is a complete bitch". Next time it'll be "that girl I don't actually like whose mother I also despise".
Sure, it's unfair to her. None of this actually has anything to do with her, and I am in fact unfairly hating on her. I don't care. I'm pissed and I have nowhere to go. Of course she doesn't know what I think of her and her mother, because I'm pretty good at being polite to people I don't like, but lord if I'm upset then fuck the world. It's just that I want her to disappear from my life forever. FOREVER. I don't want to hear her name pass out from my parents' lips ever again. It's as if my parents want me to develop an inferiority complex, let me know that she's better than me at everything that "matters". That being "school work" and "house work", and now apparently "Christmas casual job". My parents never used to give a shit about how much I made at work until she came along. However much of an ass I'm being, I sincerely wish she had never appeared in my life.
And what makes me mad is that she's NOT EVEN CLOSE to being better than me at everything. NOT EVEN CLOSE. If someone like that existed, I might be willing to take more shit from my parents about it--- but that someone is NOT HER. I read, I write, I draw, I can use technology. I CAN WRITE MY OWN RESUME AND FIND MYSELF A FUCKING JOB, WITHOUT RELYING ON MY MOTHER TO FIND ME WORK AT SOME SHIT-ASS CHILDCARE CENTRE. I can make friends who aren't annoying as fuck, like hers. I can speak more fluently, I have better communication skills, I'm funnier, I am better at almost everything apart from "school" and cleaning the fucking house. Yes those things are important, but that is not enough to warrant the gigantic pile of shit I've been shoved.
Argh I just lost it again, didn't I? Well the next thing my parents did after bitching about my pay was to "remind" me to do my mother's homework. Look, I do not need a daily reminder to do it. It's already at the back of my mind every second. I don't even want to hear anything about it, but I will do it, eventually. Though right now I can safely say because of these stupid homework booklets, the relationship between my family and I has been wrecked forever. We are at that stage where everything is irreconcilably bad, and I will not be the first one to relent because I can hold grudges for a lifetime. I may get to that stage where I can reasonably tolerate my parents again, but I know we will never be loving or close or w/e.
Now after all that rant... I wish I had work tomorrow. Why can't my graduation be earlier? Why can't my university notices come earlier? I am so, so sick of this bullshit.
Tuesday, 11 December 2012
The Upcoming Years
Just then I was talking to my friend about spending when I go to university. I figured that if I continued to work at the rate I'm working now, I would be able to cover all my rent by myself, except I'd have about $6 to spend on food every day. Unless I decide to eat 2min noodles every meal, every day, I probably won't survive. Hopefully I find a higher paying job, then.
The awkward thing about not wanting to be around your parents is that you get thrown in the deep end right off. Despite what people might think, YOU DO NOT MAGICALLY BECOME A MATURE ADULT UPON TURNING 18. That day just means you've lived for 18 years, if no one had kept count, you wouldn't even know. You don't feel much different, it's just like any other day, but BAM society expects you be all grown up.
The awkward thing about not wanting to be around your parents is that you get thrown in the deep end right off. Despite what people might think, YOU DO NOT MAGICALLY BECOME A MATURE ADULT UPON TURNING 18. That day just means you've lived for 18 years, if no one had kept count, you wouldn't even know. You don't feel much different, it's just like any other day, but BAM society expects you be all grown up.
Like magikarp to gyarados in one fucking night.
So right now I'm suffering a panic attack about financial concerns in university. I wish I could just skip over the whole thing and start work, start making money. I actually hate my schedule right now. School was meant to be easy, but when I got home I had mountains of homework. On top of that my parents decided to be difficult. Now I'm on "holiday", and my parents decided to throw me Mum's homework, because hell I obviously have nothing else to do. Though I like the people I work with, honestly I'd rather not go to work. Apparently that's what "holiday" also stands for though.
One night I decided to tell my parents that even if I didn't make it to med school, and studied in my home town, I was going to move the fuck out. That I couldn't stand them. They were absolutely astonished, saying, "does family mean nothing to you? Are you not attached to us? Don't you love us?" And I was equally astonished--- what, after the shit you put me through these two years, you expected "family" to mean anything to me? If there's anything which I worked out these two years, it's that no one should expect to love or be loved unconditionally. Sure that's what you generally see in families, but at the end of the day it comes down to choice.
We choose who to love, and others will choose whether to love us. Whatever cliched bullshit they show you in the cinemas--- a natural tendency for self sacrifice when you're related by blood--- yeah, that's all a lie. A complete and utter lie. Maybe I'm just embittered due to the fact that I've been robbed of my holiday for God knows how many times, but that is truly what I believe right now, at this moment in time.
At least I'll appreciate other people's kindness towards me a lot more in the future. I've decided--- I'll put up with the financial struggle--- it's a small price to pay for freedom.
Monday, 10 December 2012
Skyfall
I went to the cinema with some friends and saw Skyfall today. It was an excellent movie. I had quite a pleasant time, actually. Most of the people who were invited to the event didn't actually show up, but just as well, I didn't know half of them. Sure I'm generally up for introduction and new friends, but I'm in strange moods these days.
Did I mention how one of my friends made me lunch? Well, SHE MADE ME LUNCH, and brought it to the cinemas with her. Rice noodles with dumplings--- I can still taste the soy sauce in my mouth. IT WAS DELICIOUS. I can't remember the last time I had a properly made lunch. I mean sure I buy food--- or steal other people's food, but it just isn't the same.
You know you live a good life when there's someone who willingly makes lunch for you. Good lunch.
Skyfall itself was rather entertaining. For some reason I thought it was really short, but it went for more than 2 hours. I guess I was expecting a really big action sequence and a large climax, but didn't realise the climax was there when it had occurred. OH WELL. I really liked the portrayal of Q- Ben Whishaw looked cute. The glasses, hair, clothing--- everything. Nerdy cute... in a good way.
I'm hardly making sense.
But a picture is worth a thousand words, right?
Of course Daniel Craig was a charmer. I suppose it isn't surprising that I would find him attractive--- I guess I do have a thing for older man. Plus there's my blue-eye fetish. He looks good with or without clothes--- and lastly, he's Bond. James Bond. Maybe that's why I enjoyed the film so much--- I always appreciate films more when the actors are attractive.
And special mention to the Bond villain played by Javier Bardem--- only because he started unbuttoning Bond's shirt and feeling his legs at one point. I think I was quite jealous--- but I forgave him, because I enjoyed the stream of innuendos which came after.
Maybe I'll go watch Quantum of Solace and Casino Royale for more Daniel Craig.
Sunday, 9 December 2012
Recently
I've had a great day so far. I went to my friend's birthday party, and it's probably one of the best parties I've attended this year. For starters, I knew and liked everyone who had attended. That is a condition which is rarely fulfilled these days. Then there was more food than I could eat- and food was delicious. I think this is the sort of stuff I've been looking forward to all year- a day out, away from home, in the company of friends, doing whatever seems fun at the time.
Then I got back into gaming. I'm really quite enjoying myself. I've missed playing games til 4am. I have all the time in the world to read- when I'm not working, of course. Work is fine, I'm getting paid. My account balance is at a big fat zero, meaning that I should probably work more and spend less. Though recently I guess I haven't regretted anything I've bought, despite some of them being quite useless. Maybe I'm one of those people who just goes out and spends money when they're pissed. Well, I guess stress-shopping is better than stress-eating... sort of. Unless you eat carrots when you're stressed...
Anyway, I've got plenty of books to read, some from last Christmas. Despite this, there are still new books I wish to purchase. I really want to read (or at least watch) A Game of Thrones, because I hear both the novels and the TV series are really good. Before that though, I want to read Prince of Thorns by Mark Lawrence, and anything in the series after that. The blurb sounded very interesting, though I've never gotten around to buying the book, because I've always had better things to spend money on.
The thing about spending money on Christmas gifts is that usually people give something back. I've had an early Christmas gift--- I got a new keyboard and mouse! Logitech, wireless. They keys aren't very smooth though, and I wonder if it's because I'm not pressing hard enough or if it's because I'm just not used to the keyboard. Either way, it feels a lot better than my old chunky keyboard. The mouse wasn't really necessary- I had found a replacement for my previous broken mouse, but I guess it's nice. The only thing which worries me is that they're both wireless, and I figure it would be really awkward if they ran out of battery or something while I was in the middle of a game. Oh well.
Oh, and I'm also listening to plenty of new music. I'm experiencing with different Vocaloid songs, because they actually all sound quite awesome. Right now I quite like Gumi. Then I've been listening to Ke$ha, because I had Die Young stuck in my head. Currently, as I'm typing, I have the song With or Without You on replay, except it's the version by Gregorian.
My favorite artist, Jay Chou, is releasing his new album soon. Two songs are already out. I quite like them- both of them. Well, of course I'd like them. If you don't understand Chinese you won't understand what he's saying, but hey, he writes excellent music.
Look, life is fine. The thing about having a shockingly bad time one day, is that you will indulge in every second of the following day, simply because it isn't "yesterday". Like I said before--- if you have the worst day (or night, rather) of your life, then every day afterward can only be better.
We just need to grasp onto what happiness we have.
Then I got back into gaming. I'm really quite enjoying myself. I've missed playing games til 4am. I have all the time in the world to read- when I'm not working, of course. Work is fine, I'm getting paid. My account balance is at a big fat zero, meaning that I should probably work more and spend less. Though recently I guess I haven't regretted anything I've bought, despite some of them being quite useless. Maybe I'm one of those people who just goes out and spends money when they're pissed. Well, I guess stress-shopping is better than stress-eating... sort of. Unless you eat carrots when you're stressed...
Anyway, I've got plenty of books to read, some from last Christmas. Despite this, there are still new books I wish to purchase. I really want to read (or at least watch) A Game of Thrones, because I hear both the novels and the TV series are really good. Before that though, I want to read Prince of Thorns by Mark Lawrence, and anything in the series after that. The blurb sounded very interesting, though I've never gotten around to buying the book, because I've always had better things to spend money on.
The thing about spending money on Christmas gifts is that usually people give something back. I've had an early Christmas gift--- I got a new keyboard and mouse! Logitech, wireless. They keys aren't very smooth though, and I wonder if it's because I'm not pressing hard enough or if it's because I'm just not used to the keyboard. Either way, it feels a lot better than my old chunky keyboard. The mouse wasn't really necessary- I had found a replacement for my previous broken mouse, but I guess it's nice. The only thing which worries me is that they're both wireless, and I figure it would be really awkward if they ran out of battery or something while I was in the middle of a game. Oh well.
Oh, and I'm also listening to plenty of new music. I'm experiencing with different Vocaloid songs, because they actually all sound quite awesome. Right now I quite like Gumi. Then I've been listening to Ke$ha, because I had Die Young stuck in my head. Currently, as I'm typing, I have the song With or Without You on replay, except it's the version by Gregorian.
My favorite artist, Jay Chou, is releasing his new album soon. Two songs are already out. I quite like them- both of them. Well, of course I'd like them. If you don't understand Chinese you won't understand what he's saying, but hey, he writes excellent music.
Look, life is fine. The thing about having a shockingly bad time one day, is that you will indulge in every second of the following day, simply because it isn't "yesterday". Like I said before--- if you have the worst day (or night, rather) of your life, then every day afterward can only be better.
We just need to grasp onto what happiness we have.
Saturday, 8 December 2012
The Most Unhappy Evening
Have you ever felt trapped by an invisible cage? Every few steps you take, you hit an unseen barrier which pushes you back. You start to notice how cold and lonely you feel, despite the company beside you, due to this barrier. As you try to escape, you bring to yourself unwanted attention. Various people--- people you know, people you don't quite know, people you are certain you have never met before--- they all watch you. And you start to melt under their stares.
Many will walk by without notice. Others who recognize you will pause, take a look again. "Oh, it's you!" they will exclaim. Then you are forced to smile back politely--- and you become so practised that the expression of happiness plasters over your face. Yet the mask will break the second it becomes unneeded.
You pace about in your invisible cage, becoming increasingly aware of its limits. The barrier seems to be closing in, suffocating. The air becomes more constricting, and it becomes difficult to even breathe. More people come, and you are hardly aware of what they are saying. You can only respond back politely, half-guessing at what they might be speaking of.
Then at one point you realise you are an exotic specimen inside a glass cabinet, being dissected by many pairs of eyes. You recognize the emotions those eyes carry--- wonder, amazement, disbelief, excitement--- and you start thinking to yourself, "are they going to toss me a peanut?" Every inch of exposed flesh starts to burn----or freeze---- to numbness, yet the garments covering your body starts to tighten.
Various forms of "you look fantastic" come your way, and it brings out a feeling you cannot quite explain. You respond appropriately to your compliments, and as you do so you realise you have found a way to describe your feelings. You, my friend, are experiencing misery of the acutest kind.
After your realisation you attempt to flee--- though there is no escape. Perhaps it was not an actual realisation- it was something you had known a long time ago, but pretended not to see. You see people around you paired, facing each other, conversing. You look around the room, to find that the masses have sorted themselves into their own little groups. You, you are your own group, which in essence is no group at all. You are well and truly alone. Alone in that cold, cold glass cage of yours.
But rejoice! "You" does not actually refer to you. I suppose when I say "you", I am really referring to myself. It was I who was trapped by the glass, not you. It was I who had spent a most unhappy evening, not you. I am that exotic specimen...
And dear Lord, I was miserable.
Many will walk by without notice. Others who recognize you will pause, take a look again. "Oh, it's you!" they will exclaim. Then you are forced to smile back politely--- and you become so practised that the expression of happiness plasters over your face. Yet the mask will break the second it becomes unneeded.
Then at one point you realise you are an exotic specimen inside a glass cabinet, being dissected by many pairs of eyes. You recognize the emotions those eyes carry--- wonder, amazement, disbelief, excitement--- and you start thinking to yourself, "are they going to toss me a peanut?" Every inch of exposed flesh starts to burn----or freeze---- to numbness, yet the garments covering your body starts to tighten.
Various forms of "you look fantastic" come your way, and it brings out a feeling you cannot quite explain. You respond appropriately to your compliments, and as you do so you realise you have found a way to describe your feelings. You, my friend, are experiencing misery of the acutest kind.
After your realisation you attempt to flee--- though there is no escape. Perhaps it was not an actual realisation- it was something you had known a long time ago, but pretended not to see. You see people around you paired, facing each other, conversing. You look around the room, to find that the masses have sorted themselves into their own little groups. You, you are your own group, which in essence is no group at all. You are well and truly alone. Alone in that cold, cold glass cage of yours.
But rejoice! "You" does not actually refer to you. I suppose when I say "you", I am really referring to myself. It was I who was trapped by the glass, not you. It was I who had spent a most unhappy evening, not you. I am that exotic specimen...
And dear Lord, I was miserable.
Friday, 7 December 2012
(Actually) Doomed Maths Project
Last month some time I told you about how my maths project was going nowhere and I was taking forever to get started. Then I posted again to tell you that our group presented and we were awesome. Now I am going to tell you how I got my marks back and I am feeling quite--- dissatisfied, angry, confounded, baffled and generally unhappy all at once.
So first off, I'll acknowledge that our presentation, despite being quite spectacular, was not the best thing in the world. OF COURSE it could have been better. But so could have your mother last night. Ah, I digress.
I walked out of my interview- which was averagely bad (though not bad enough for me to mind) and called my friends. They then informed me of our mark for our maths project. It was hideously low, for the effort we put in, and the result we achieved. Alright, scrap the effort bit, nobody gives a fuck how much effort you put in. BUT, the presentation itself was waaaay better. It sounds horribly suspicious since it was our group's presentation, but fuck you I'm telling the truth.
At that point I was bewildered- it was difficult to believe we had actually scored such a horrendously low mark. Grasping at any chance to appear at least a little rational, I asked "what's the reason? Why did we lose marks?" Then I was informed that we lost marks for various areas that I did not even THINK we'd lose marks in. When I pressed for a further explanation, my friends confessed that they did not know either. I asked for the scoring sheet--- there were several scorers for our presentation--- and was told that they were shredded.
No no, let me try that again. THEY WERE SHREDDED YESTERDAY MORNING, AND YESTERDAY WAS FEEDBACK DAY. It baffles me as to WHY anyone would shred goddamn marks on the morning of feedback day. My mind was filled with so much wtf I could hardly speak. WHAT. Just WHAT.
Aaaand to top it all off the person who shredded it all was my maths teacher. I was furious at what he did, but naturally I cannot bring myself to be mad at him, personally. I hardly believed he would/could do something like that. I was just so...confounded.
So now we've got a shit ass mark, there is no way to re-assess it because it was one presentation--- and we don't know why we lost marks, or WHO gave us hideous low marks for that matter, because THE MARKING SHEETS WERE SHREDDED. Great. Fucking fantastic. "But it doesn't matter!" or "It won't change your score that much!" --- neither of those are valid reasons or even acceptable facts of consolation. It does matter- for the simple truth that we were given less than we deserved and a higher score will positively affect my overall scoring.
Then on the phone I managed to overhear my friends talking to another teacher--- "No we won't change it" was what I heard--- and you can imagine my fury at that unsympathetic tone. I try very hard to not be who my parents are--- that is, if I was at fault, I will accept the responsibility. Except this is in no way any of our problem. Due to the absurd fact that our individual scores were shredded, we were denied any chance to rectify our marks. Oh, and I also overheard on the phone "It could've been better". That's why I was so vicious about it. "It could have been better" is a weak justification for any given mark, and will be valid for everything that is not 100%. Hearing that was adding insult to injury.
A small part of me is glad that I wasn't there, because I would have raged so hard at everyone and everything that it could not have ended well. Though I was hundreds of kilometers away from the actual incident at the time, I threw a tantrum in the car park I was at. I think whoever passed by would have heard me screaming insults into my phone. Not that I care.
So yeah... that's the most unexpected load of bullshit I've ever received. At this point in time my anger is rather contained--- it still exists, but it is mostly overwhelmed by disappointment. I reaaally didn't think we'd get screwed over for our maths project, of all things.
It's quite a shame, for my year to end on such a bitter note. I thought I liked maths.
So first off, I'll acknowledge that our presentation, despite being quite spectacular, was not the best thing in the world. OF COURSE it could have been better. But so could have your mother last night. Ah, I digress.
I walked out of my interview- which was averagely bad (though not bad enough for me to mind) and called my friends. They then informed me of our mark for our maths project. It was hideously low, for the effort we put in, and the result we achieved. Alright, scrap the effort bit, nobody gives a fuck how much effort you put in. BUT, the presentation itself was waaaay better. It sounds horribly suspicious since it was our group's presentation, but fuck you I'm telling the truth.
At that point I was bewildered- it was difficult to believe we had actually scored such a horrendously low mark. Grasping at any chance to appear at least a little rational, I asked "what's the reason? Why did we lose marks?" Then I was informed that we lost marks for various areas that I did not even THINK we'd lose marks in. When I pressed for a further explanation, my friends confessed that they did not know either. I asked for the scoring sheet--- there were several scorers for our presentation--- and was told that they were shredded.
No no, let me try that again. THEY WERE SHREDDED YESTERDAY MORNING, AND YESTERDAY WAS FEEDBACK DAY. It baffles me as to WHY anyone would shred goddamn marks on the morning of feedback day. My mind was filled with so much wtf I could hardly speak. WHAT. Just WHAT.
Aaaand to top it all off the person who shredded it all was my maths teacher. I was furious at what he did, but naturally I cannot bring myself to be mad at him, personally. I hardly believed he would/could do something like that. I was just so...confounded.
So now we've got a shit ass mark, there is no way to re-assess it because it was one presentation--- and we don't know why we lost marks, or WHO gave us hideous low marks for that matter, because THE MARKING SHEETS WERE SHREDDED. Great. Fucking fantastic. "But it doesn't matter!" or "It won't change your score that much!" --- neither of those are valid reasons or even acceptable facts of consolation. It does matter- for the simple truth that we were given less than we deserved and a higher score will positively affect my overall scoring.
Then on the phone I managed to overhear my friends talking to another teacher--- "No we won't change it" was what I heard--- and you can imagine my fury at that unsympathetic tone. I try very hard to not be who my parents are--- that is, if I was at fault, I will accept the responsibility. Except this is in no way any of our problem. Due to the absurd fact that our individual scores were shredded, we were denied any chance to rectify our marks. Oh, and I also overheard on the phone "It could've been better". That's why I was so vicious about it. "It could have been better" is a weak justification for any given mark, and will be valid for everything that is not 100%. Hearing that was adding insult to injury.
A small part of me is glad that I wasn't there, because I would have raged so hard at everyone and everything that it could not have ended well. Though I was hundreds of kilometers away from the actual incident at the time, I threw a tantrum in the car park I was at. I think whoever passed by would have heard me screaming insults into my phone. Not that I care.
So yeah... that's the most unexpected load of bullshit I've ever received. At this point in time my anger is rather contained--- it still exists, but it is mostly overwhelmed by disappointment. I reaaally didn't think we'd get screwed over for our maths project, of all things.
It's quite a shame, for my year to end on such a bitter note. I thought I liked maths.
Thursday, 6 December 2012
Of Beaches and Handsome Men
Ah, not that my "holiday" was entirely bad, mind you. I could've had a really good time without my parents there, but that's the way life is. When we were at the beach, I left my parents with my sister at a beach, and I went by myself on a coastal walk!
Now I hated the sunlight, and I would have much preferred going there at sunset, but my parents disagreed. So I toughened up and slapped on a tonne of sunscreen, then went on my walk. The Sun was blazing, but it wasn't that bad because of the cool wind. I loved looking at the waters.
I walked along, and there were the surfers and beach volleyball players. The girls all wore bikinis which barely covered anything, and their bodies were all the same--- slender, curved, tanned, long smooth legs which climbed to Mars. It was quite a pretty sight.
But it was mostly the guys that caught my attention. Most of them had blonde hair- some naturally blonde, others bleached blonde by the Sun. Have I ever mentioned how I find men with blonde hair and blue eyes attractive? I must have. Anyway, Sun-bleached blonde is the most attractive shade of blonde I have ever seen. To top it off, all these guys had a healthy tan, toned muscles--- I could see because hell, they were all shirtless. AND SO MANY OF THEM HAD BLUE EYES. Holy shit. I think I stepped into my fantasy.
No, I didn't take any photos of them. I'm not that perverted, despite what you might think. I do respect people's privacy. So here, have some photos of the place I was at instead.
I guess even in the worst of holidays there is some consolation.
Now I hated the sunlight, and I would have much preferred going there at sunset, but my parents disagreed. So I toughened up and slapped on a tonne of sunscreen, then went on my walk. The Sun was blazing, but it wasn't that bad because of the cool wind. I loved looking at the waters.
So the picture above shows a place where some commander had ordered a massive hole to be drilled into the rocks. He did this so it'd form a pool, as you can see, and he used it for his own bathing purposes. I thought it was rather genius--- I think I'd like one of these--- except I'd want it warmed as well.
I walked along, and there were the surfers and beach volleyball players. The girls all wore bikinis which barely covered anything, and their bodies were all the same--- slender, curved, tanned, long smooth legs which climbed to Mars. It was quite a pretty sight.
But it was mostly the guys that caught my attention. Most of them had blonde hair- some naturally blonde, others bleached blonde by the Sun. Have I ever mentioned how I find men with blonde hair and blue eyes attractive? I must have. Anyway, Sun-bleached blonde is the most attractive shade of blonde I have ever seen. To top it off, all these guys had a healthy tan, toned muscles--- I could see because hell, they were all shirtless. AND SO MANY OF THEM HAD BLUE EYES. Holy shit. I think I stepped into my fantasy.
No, I didn't take any photos of them. I'm not that perverted, despite what you might think. I do respect people's privacy. So here, have some photos of the place I was at instead.
I climbed heaps high to take this one. Think I was panting by the end of it all. See that coastline? Yup, I walked all that. Allll of it.
Travel Once Again
Yeah I left town again, this time with family. We went up north for another one of my med interviews, though Dad decided to extend our stay so he could count it as a Christmas holiday. You might think it's cheap (I thought it was pretty cheap too) but I'm quite happy that I don't have to go anywhere with my family any time soon. Like, I knew travelling with Mum and Dad- oh, and my baby sister- was going to be a pain in the ass, but when I actually experienced it, it was more horrific than I imagined.
So even before we leave, my parents make a massive hype about packing EVERYTHING. Like, every fucking little thing, like we're moving house. They even planned on making every single meal. FFS, we're out of town, can't we just eat at whatever place we find, instead of bringing packed food? It's not so much the food I mind, it's more how my parents COMPLAIN about having to prepare the food whilst refusing alternatives.
Then comes the dreaded car trip. I drove the first hundred kilometers--- no drama, EXCEPT DAD WOULDN'T SHUT UP IN THE BACKSEAT. I know I've complained about driving with Dad half a dozen times at least but HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT WAS SO BAD because I put up with it for an entire hour. So I rage, stop the car, and switch over. Except in my rage I forgot that despite me being less-experienced, I'M THE BETTER DRIVER IN THE FAMILY. So my parents are now sitting in the front seat, screaming their heads off about what to do at each turn, whether they're going too fast and when to overtake etc. At least now I know that Dad doesn't discriminate against me, he's equally annoying towards any other driver that is not himself.
After many long hours of tedious driving and heated arguments in the car, my weary self and my angry parents arrive at our destination. Turns out that Dad did a "I'm feeling lucky" thing when he did the bookings, and the only luck Dad has seems to be the luck of the Irish. So naturally he booked us into some dodgy lodge that he didn't even recognize himself when our GPS said "destination". He then accused the GPS of lying to him. You can imagine my exasperation.
We go inside, my mother immediately complains about the lack of a washing machine and a dishwasher. I'm not quite sure I remember ever staying at a lodge with a dishwasher and washing machine, but never mind.
--------------And that was only the first day.
The second day, my parents wanted to "go places". Well, we were up north, but it was more like home town with a beach as opposed to metropolitan heaven. So to the beach we went, except my parents complained about it being too hot, yet the water was too cold, and the Sun was too harsh or w/e. Well then I don't know what else you can expect at the beach. My mother insisted on finding a shopping mall, but since none of us knew the place I used my GPS. Now my GPS doesn't actually tell me the size of the mall, so we ended up in some shit-ass mall with something like 5 stores. At least they were large stores. My mother wasn't terribly happy, and she went to great efforts to make it clear. Then my parents refused to eat at every single place, claiming it was too expensive. Finally they settled at an Asian noodle house.
So I ordered first. My parents, being the unimaginative people they are, told the waiters to get another 2 servings of what I'd ordered. Then when the good came Mum was like, "omg, you should've ordered [something else] instead! It's so boring, having 3 of the same thing!"
...And I was all like, wtf.
Then my mother ventured on the complain about the food 3 times for every bite of it she took. To be fair the food tasted like crap, but I didn't pick the venue. Okay, maybe I ordered a bad dish, BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I ORDERED FOR THEM. I was fine with what I ate- it was only tolerably bad.
When we drove back the lodge, my mother managed to run a red light. See, there was this strange traffic light at a roundabout for some reason, and my mother happened to ignore it completely. I did see it, and I saw that it was red--- and the only reason I didn't tell Mum was because she slowed down at the roundabout and stopped the car completely. Then waited for like 20 seconds. So I thought she must've seen the red light. But noooo, she was only giving way to traffic--- she then proceeded to run the red light. I was scared as fuck, and Mum hit the brakes, and I had to yell at her to go on because we were now in the middle of the roundabout.
Then we got back to the lodge and my father decided to be very smug about my mother being a bad driver. Probably because I made a point about him being the most annoying passenger ever, and he's sort of rubbing it in now, defending the fact that he doesn't know when to shut up. Because my mother is pissy and does not like admitting she is wrong even when she is, my parents fought over it. In fact, I think they're still fighting over it.
Mum's all like, "WELL I DIDN'T EXPECT IT TO BE THERE. WOULD YOU SHUT UP, YOU'VE ALREADY SAID ENOUGH." Then she turns to me and starts blaming me, because I should've seen that she had her head turned the other way trying to give way to cars, which meant that she didn't notice the red light, meaning that I should've totally told her and that it's also my fault.
Well look, I can only say that I wasn't the one driving.
------------And that was the second day.
The third day? Well I had my interview, which I'd rather not remember. Then a hideously long drive home, that was pretty much a repetition of the first day. My parents are still playing the blame game. In my opinion Dad should just learn to fucking let it go, and Mum should accept the fact that yes she was wrong, and she did run a fucking red light, instead of getting so defensive about it.
Though of course no one in this family gives a fuck about my opinion.
And that concludes my Christmas family holiday for 2012.
So even before we leave, my parents make a massive hype about packing EVERYTHING. Like, every fucking little thing, like we're moving house. They even planned on making every single meal. FFS, we're out of town, can't we just eat at whatever place we find, instead of bringing packed food? It's not so much the food I mind, it's more how my parents COMPLAIN about having to prepare the food whilst refusing alternatives.
Then comes the dreaded car trip. I drove the first hundred kilometers--- no drama, EXCEPT DAD WOULDN'T SHUT UP IN THE BACKSEAT. I know I've complained about driving with Dad half a dozen times at least but HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT WAS SO BAD because I put up with it for an entire hour. So I rage, stop the car, and switch over. Except in my rage I forgot that despite me being less-experienced, I'M THE BETTER DRIVER IN THE FAMILY. So my parents are now sitting in the front seat, screaming their heads off about what to do at each turn, whether they're going too fast and when to overtake etc. At least now I know that Dad doesn't discriminate against me, he's equally annoying towards any other driver that is not himself.
After many long hours of tedious driving and heated arguments in the car, my weary self and my angry parents arrive at our destination. Turns out that Dad did a "I'm feeling lucky" thing when he did the bookings, and the only luck Dad has seems to be the luck of the Irish. So naturally he booked us into some dodgy lodge that he didn't even recognize himself when our GPS said "destination". He then accused the GPS of lying to him. You can imagine my exasperation.
We go inside, my mother immediately complains about the lack of a washing machine and a dishwasher. I'm not quite sure I remember ever staying at a lodge with a dishwasher and washing machine, but never mind.
--------------And that was only the first day.
The second day, my parents wanted to "go places". Well, we were up north, but it was more like home town with a beach as opposed to metropolitan heaven. So to the beach we went, except my parents complained about it being too hot, yet the water was too cold, and the Sun was too harsh or w/e. Well then I don't know what else you can expect at the beach. My mother insisted on finding a shopping mall, but since none of us knew the place I used my GPS. Now my GPS doesn't actually tell me the size of the mall, so we ended up in some shit-ass mall with something like 5 stores. At least they were large stores. My mother wasn't terribly happy, and she went to great efforts to make it clear. Then my parents refused to eat at every single place, claiming it was too expensive. Finally they settled at an Asian noodle house.
So I ordered first. My parents, being the unimaginative people they are, told the waiters to get another 2 servings of what I'd ordered. Then when the good came Mum was like, "omg, you should've ordered [something else] instead! It's so boring, having 3 of the same thing!"
...And I was all like, wtf.
Then my mother ventured on the complain about the food 3 times for every bite of it she took. To be fair the food tasted like crap, but I didn't pick the venue. Okay, maybe I ordered a bad dish, BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I ORDERED FOR THEM. I was fine with what I ate- it was only tolerably bad.
When we drove back the lodge, my mother managed to run a red light. See, there was this strange traffic light at a roundabout for some reason, and my mother happened to ignore it completely. I did see it, and I saw that it was red--- and the only reason I didn't tell Mum was because she slowed down at the roundabout and stopped the car completely. Then waited for like 20 seconds. So I thought she must've seen the red light. But noooo, she was only giving way to traffic--- she then proceeded to run the red light. I was scared as fuck, and Mum hit the brakes, and I had to yell at her to go on because we were now in the middle of the roundabout.
Then we got back to the lodge and my father decided to be very smug about my mother being a bad driver. Probably because I made a point about him being the most annoying passenger ever, and he's sort of rubbing it in now, defending the fact that he doesn't know when to shut up. Because my mother is pissy and does not like admitting she is wrong even when she is, my parents fought over it. In fact, I think they're still fighting over it.
Mum's all like, "WELL I DIDN'T EXPECT IT TO BE THERE. WOULD YOU SHUT UP, YOU'VE ALREADY SAID ENOUGH." Then she turns to me and starts blaming me, because I should've seen that she had her head turned the other way trying to give way to cars, which meant that she didn't notice the red light, meaning that I should've totally told her and that it's also my fault.
Well look, I can only say that I wasn't the one driving.
------------And that was the second day.
The third day? Well I had my interview, which I'd rather not remember. Then a hideously long drive home, that was pretty much a repetition of the first day. My parents are still playing the blame game. In my opinion Dad should just learn to fucking let it go, and Mum should accept the fact that yes she was wrong, and she did run a fucking red light, instead of getting so defensive about it.
Though of course no one in this family gives a fuck about my opinion.
And that concludes my Christmas family holiday for 2012.
Monday, 3 December 2012
Christmas Casual Job
So I found a Christmas casual job recently- I won't say what or where, in case I break some strange company policy which I haven't actually bothered to read yet. I started today, and oh my God retail is a nightmare. As soon as I started I remembered why I quit my first job ever, which was also in retail. The demand on time, attention for detail and customer service--- all of which made me go mental.
Not that my job is actually bad, mind you. I'm just paying out all forms of work in general. Dear lord why can't my virtual money in online gaming all translate into real money. No, it wouldn't break the economy if only MY virtual cash did that. And the only reason I'm getting a job this Christmas is because I spend more than I earn, so my bank account is resting at a sum near zero. Oh, and my parents yapping etc. But who cares.
Thank God though that my coworkers are pleasant people. And by pleasant I mean willing to do all the work while I stand around awkwardly. To be fair it is my first day, and I probably do look like a little kid compared to them. Well, whatever goes, goes. I can't claim to have worked with nicer people before. To top it off, I think they're pretty clever. Maybe I should change my pessimistic attitudes about this world--- clever and nice is a valid combination of character traits.
But LOL WHO AM I KIDDING, I WORK IN FUCKING RETAIL. There is nothing which destroys your faith in humanity quicker, apart from maybe living in a zombie apocalypse. People I can reasonably like or agree with (like my coworkers) exist on a 1 to 10 ratio directly proportional to the number of people I find unpleasant in this world.
That's okay though. At least I have a nice job, with nice people. Despite this job being kind of difficult, it's still better than my first job. Hell, almost anything is better than my first job- public toilet sanitation officer excluded. Only because my first job was fast food retail. It wasn't a bad company, the people there were okay, the pay was kind of shit and the work was a nightmare, but other than that it was okay. I'm exaggerating about the customer thing. Most of them are fine. Of course you get the occasional retard who is so amazingly stupid they deserve their own display corner, but most of the time people leave before they display any sign of stupidity, which is always a plus. I guess the fact is that you'll remember that one retard for the rest of the day and possibly for the next few weeks, while all the decent people just sort of drift out of your mind.
Anyway, I'm liking where I work (despite the fact that work is a pain in the ass)- and I guess it'll get even better when I know what I'm doing.
Not that my job is actually bad, mind you. I'm just paying out all forms of work in general. Dear lord why can't my virtual money in online gaming all translate into real money. No, it wouldn't break the economy if only MY virtual cash did that. And the only reason I'm getting a job this Christmas is because I spend more than I earn, so my bank account is resting at a sum near zero. Oh, and my parents yapping etc. But who cares.
Thank God though that my coworkers are pleasant people. And by pleasant I mean willing to do all the work while I stand around awkwardly. To be fair it is my first day, and I probably do look like a little kid compared to them. Well, whatever goes, goes. I can't claim to have worked with nicer people before. To top it off, I think they're pretty clever. Maybe I should change my pessimistic attitudes about this world--- clever and nice is a valid combination of character traits.
But LOL WHO AM I KIDDING, I WORK IN FUCKING RETAIL. There is nothing which destroys your faith in humanity quicker, apart from maybe living in a zombie apocalypse. People I can reasonably like or agree with (like my coworkers) exist on a 1 to 10 ratio directly proportional to the number of people I find unpleasant in this world.
That's okay though. At least I have a nice job, with nice people. Despite this job being kind of difficult, it's still better than my first job. Hell, almost anything is better than my first job- public toilet sanitation officer excluded. Only because my first job was fast food retail. It wasn't a bad company, the people there were okay, the pay was kind of shit and the work was a nightmare, but other than that it was okay. I'm exaggerating about the customer thing. Most of them are fine. Of course you get the occasional retard who is so amazingly stupid they deserve their own display corner, but most of the time people leave before they display any sign of stupidity, which is always a plus. I guess the fact is that you'll remember that one retard for the rest of the day and possibly for the next few weeks, while all the decent people just sort of drift out of your mind.
Anyway, I'm liking where I work (despite the fact that work is a pain in the ass)- and I guess it'll get even better when I know what I'm doing.
Sunday, 2 December 2012
Ai Kotoba
I'm replaying the same song over and over again. This time, it's Ai Kotoba--- a Japanese song, translated as "Words of Love". Did I mention I was learning Japanese before? Well, I have now. I'm learning Japanese, and with the minimal Japanese I've picked up, it's enough for me to understand the lyrics of the song (not that I'm capable of doing a literal word-to-word translation). The lyrics are kind of childish, but I think I'm just excited because I can understand something in Japanese.
Hmm, yeah, I'm a Vocaloid fan too. If you don't know what that is I really can't be bothered explaining. I guess I don't actually mind their voices, it's all about the nice music. Recently I've begun to love this artist called Tomohisa Sako, because of his cover of Vocaloid songs. He has such an attractive voice...
I guess I haven't done much recently. I went out today with my best friend. I must say she makes a better shopping companion than my mother- not that it's saying much, almost anyone would make a better shopping companion than my mother- but my friend IS wonderful. I now have proper shirts which I would not mind wearing. I bought a new pacer too, because my mother borrowed my old one and lost it. Thought I'd share. Now all I'm missing is a proper marker, before I can get back to serious drawing.
For now, life is good.
Oh, proper translated lyrics for Ai Kotoba, credit to this guy: http://rock-n-roll-shamisen.tumblr.com
Hmm, yeah, I'm a Vocaloid fan too. If you don't know what that is I really can't be bothered explaining. I guess I don't actually mind their voices, it's all about the nice music. Recently I've begun to love this artist called Tomohisa Sako, because of his cover of Vocaloid songs. He has such an attractive voice...
I guess I haven't done much recently. I went out today with my best friend. I must say she makes a better shopping companion than my mother- not that it's saying much, almost anyone would make a better shopping companion than my mother- but my friend IS wonderful. I now have proper shirts which I would not mind wearing. I bought a new pacer too, because my mother borrowed my old one and lost it. Thought I'd share. Now all I'm missing is a proper marker, before I can get back to serious drawing.
For now, life is good.
Oh, proper translated lyrics for Ai Kotoba, credit to this guy: http://rock-n-roll-shamisen.tumblr.com
You always took care of my childishness
For listening to me I’ll always be grateful, grateful.
I hid them inside along with my feelings
and tried to put it into a song.
My love words are “Love is Tenfold = Thank you”.
and fondness, and dislike
I’ll sing of them again.
I mean to say I’m in love with you
Rather, I’m in love with you
To someone as foolish as me
you gave me your affection and your love
For listening to this song and crying, thank you.
Then I’ll meet you and we’ll celebrate it 39 times.
This gratitude, carried by songs and verses
I’ve created through my life, I’ll send it to you.
From here on out, I will be in your care.
and fondness and dislike, is it still not enough?
“What did you do?”
“How much did you think about me?
Why don’t you tell me about that.
“What did you do?”
“Somehow, it seems that I forgot all about you.”
But that’s actually a lie.
The truth is I love you very much.
I just can’t bring myself to hurt you.
I’ll give you all my heart.
I want to laugh with you saying
“So this was your song.”
A me who is like you
We’re alike but different
We’re different, so we’re alike
these feelings of love keep growing and sending
from me to you, so many LOVE WORDS.
I will never forget about those favors
Me and you, and affection, and love
Right now I’m in love with you
One day, my childish side will be 100,000 years old.
Me and you, and affection, and love
Well then.
“What did you eat yesterday?”
“Did you eat?”
I’m in love with you.
But I’m in love with you.
A you who is like me
As I keep saying I love you,
Saturday, 1 December 2012
Word Confusion
Sometimes I tend to read words for what I associate them with, as opposed to what the word actually reads. No, it's not dyslexia, I swear. I can read fine. I've passed every single literacy I've ever taken. It's just that sometimes my brain likes to fuck with me, because it thinks it's being funny.
There was this time where I went to this fundraiser event, and I had to run laps around these tracks in support of the Cancer Council. Now it was an overnight event, and all the participants had set up their own tents, drew banners etc. in show of team spirit. Maybe I got tired of running or something, but as I lapped the field, I started reading some very strange things.
Carpe Diem (Latin, popularly translated into "seize the day") became "Rape Crisis"
Rural Flights (charity supporting remote areas) became "Funeral Services"
Now when I saw these things at first I was all wtf, who the hell are these people and what are they doing here, why would anyone put "Rape Crisis" as a banner, that's just feral etc, etc. Then I refocused and realised what the words had actually said.
That was just a one time event. Can't be that bad, right? Until I went into city centre and saw this banner which in reality read "Monumental". Except it had a woman in a red dress. Then I read the sign as a cross between "Menstrual" and "Menstruation". The imagery was horribly suggestive though. By the way, isn't it strange how it's called menstruation? I digress.
I remember in primary school, when I always used to think that "Britney" and "Charlotte" where the same word, for some reason. Yeah, I know they sound different and look different, but I could not sort out the names of those two girls.
Still that wasn't as bad as high school, when I confused the words "circumcision" and "castration". Luckily neither of those words have much use under most situations, and I was spared the embarrassment of saying that "30% of males around the world are castrated". Oh lord, that is kind of horrific to imagine.
And currently I am still wary when I think of the words circumference, circumscribe and circumcision. I usually pause for a good 3 seconds to think about what the word actually means, before I use any of them in a sentence.
Have you ever wondered about the name of my Tumblr? "Serotonin and Vipers". Seems random, doesn't it? See, it was originally "Sera and Vane" (Sera being the other artist of the blog). Then when I typed that there, I started reading it as "Serotonin and Vipers". At least that was much more creative than simply "Sera and Vane'.
I'm just waiting for the day, where my poor and confused brain gets me into a world of shit, because I can't seem to read words for what they actually are.
Thursday, 29 November 2012
Gifting Season
I'm home! After a long day away--- roughly 300km away from home, actually. My phone has been overloaded with "how did you go" messages (in relation to the med interview), and I guess I'll just say that it was alright. I mean, I'd be more optimistic, except if I say "it was fucking fantastic" and then I get rejected, that would be horribly embarrassing. So we'll leave it at "it was alright".
I spent the rest of the day shopping with my friend. My feet are burning. Now I'd be happy with all the exercise, because hey, weight loss, except I am certain I ate my weight's worth of food. FOOD IS SO CHEAP THERE. OH MY GOD. I can become bloated with less than 10 dollars. AND IT WAS DELICIOUS. Ah, I'm excited. If I studied there next year I think I would just be... fat. Or morbidly obese.
Maybe I should consider exercise.
I bought more than food, of course. Keeping the whole Christmas spirit thing in mind, I bought a fuckload of gifts. Hell, I even bought Dad an iPhone case and a screen protector. I think it looks nice. It's one of those leathery ones which covers the front and back of the phone. I kinda got air-bubbles trapped under the screen protector, but I don't think Dad minds. I think he's happy.
Then I bought a hell-load of random little things, which I plan on giving away tomorrow. I think I owe a present to everyone who had a birthday in the past month. Mostly because they gave me a present for my birthday, so I should really reciprocate. I'd feel immensely guilty otherwise.
Tomorrow should be fun! I'm meeting up with my friends.
And I found a job! Did I tell you? I don't think I did. I found a job! I should be able to afford a gaming console this Christmas!
Oh and I also caught a cold while travelling. My nose was blocked during my interview, and I was sweating profusely. No, not because I was nervous, but because it was so goddamn hot and humid. Was rather embarrassing. Might also be because of my body temperature though...
Okay, I'm going to bed now. I'm kinda tired. I don't think I'm making much sense either.
I just wanted to tell you that the whole thing was really, really, really fun. I'm glad I went to this med interview.
I spent the rest of the day shopping with my friend. My feet are burning. Now I'd be happy with all the exercise, because hey, weight loss, except I am certain I ate my weight's worth of food. FOOD IS SO CHEAP THERE. OH MY GOD. I can become bloated with less than 10 dollars. AND IT WAS DELICIOUS. Ah, I'm excited. If I studied there next year I think I would just be... fat. Or morbidly obese.
Maybe I should consider exercise.
I bought more than food, of course. Keeping the whole Christmas spirit thing in mind, I bought a fuckload of gifts. Hell, I even bought Dad an iPhone case and a screen protector. I think it looks nice. It's one of those leathery ones which covers the front and back of the phone. I kinda got air-bubbles trapped under the screen protector, but I don't think Dad minds. I think he's happy.
Then I bought a hell-load of random little things, which I plan on giving away tomorrow. I think I owe a present to everyone who had a birthday in the past month. Mostly because they gave me a present for my birthday, so I should really reciprocate. I'd feel immensely guilty otherwise.
Tomorrow should be fun! I'm meeting up with my friends.
And I found a job! Did I tell you? I don't think I did. I found a job! I should be able to afford a gaming console this Christmas!
Oh and I also caught a cold while travelling. My nose was blocked during my interview, and I was sweating profusely. No, not because I was nervous, but because it was so goddamn hot and humid. Was rather embarrassing. Might also be because of my body temperature though...
Okay, I'm going to bed now. I'm kinda tired. I don't think I'm making much sense either.
I just wanted to tell you that the whole thing was really, really, really fun. I'm glad I went to this med interview.
Wednesday, 28 November 2012
Travel- Med Interview
So I'm going away for my med interview- and I have to stay there overnight. My parents are freaking out. I leave in the afternoon, and since yesterday my parents have talked to me at least 5 times about what to take, what to do if I'm hungry, don't be afraid of spending money if I need to, don't freak out at the interview, remember to call home---- etc. I'm starting to get annoyed, but then I control myself, hypnotically repeating "I am not annoyed. I am not an ungrateful bastard. My parents are displaying concern for my well-being. I am not annoyed."
Surprisingly, it works. I'm reeeally looking forward to this interview. Well, not just the interview itself, but getting to spend time in town afterwards. I know most people would probably freak out and feel worried--- not that I'm claiming to be super-confident, but I guess I'm just a little happy right now. It's like the "school is over" does of happiness has just kicked in. I feel great. Borderline euphoric, but that's okay.
Ah I think I will feel really bad if they rejected me after all. I found out last night, that my mother went over to her best friend's house. Yeah yeah, the one who I think is a complete bitch. I should give her a name, instead of writing that every time. Her daughter (my classmate) went to an interview earlier, and my mother asked her how she went, what was asked etc. Apparently she replied "It was okay. They asked easy stuff. I went okay." etc., obviously unwilling to share. That's fine, of course. To my understanding she is ultra competitive and desperate to get into med school. Not that I'm boasting, but I would make decent competition.
What makes me feel truly bad though, is that my mother asked, full well knowing the kind of response she would get. Mum told me how her friend's expression changed so drastically, as soon as she asked the question. Now while I hate that stupid bitch-face friend of hers, I don't want Mum to damage her friendship because of me. I know Mum only asked holding onto that sliver of hope that they'll tell her something, and then I might find it useful. As a result I now feel tremendously guilty. Apparently Mum's friend had once said to her, "Why should [my class mate] help them? They're all competitors!" when discussing the subject of school.
Heh, and some of my friends wonder why that class mate of mine doesn't answer the phone, when they call her 50 times the night before the chemistry exam.
Ah, it doesn't matter. If they feel offended because Mum asked (she really shouldn't have, though I kind of feel good because she only asked for me), then they can be angry in their little corner. I guess if Mum's friend breaks up the friendship- then good riddance, I really hated her anyway. I'm sure my mother can find better friends to gossip with.
And that's that. I'm gonna go have some fun now. See ya later.
Surprisingly, it works. I'm reeeally looking forward to this interview. Well, not just the interview itself, but getting to spend time in town afterwards. I know most people would probably freak out and feel worried--- not that I'm claiming to be super-confident, but I guess I'm just a little happy right now. It's like the "school is over" does of happiness has just kicked in. I feel great. Borderline euphoric, but that's okay.
Ah I think I will feel really bad if they rejected me after all. I found out last night, that my mother went over to her best friend's house. Yeah yeah, the one who I think is a complete bitch. I should give her a name, instead of writing that every time. Her daughter (my classmate) went to an interview earlier, and my mother asked her how she went, what was asked etc. Apparently she replied "It was okay. They asked easy stuff. I went okay." etc., obviously unwilling to share. That's fine, of course. To my understanding she is ultra competitive and desperate to get into med school. Not that I'm boasting, but I would make decent competition.
What makes me feel truly bad though, is that my mother asked, full well knowing the kind of response she would get. Mum told me how her friend's expression changed so drastically, as soon as she asked the question. Now while I hate that stupid bitch-face friend of hers, I don't want Mum to damage her friendship because of me. I know Mum only asked holding onto that sliver of hope that they'll tell her something, and then I might find it useful. As a result I now feel tremendously guilty. Apparently Mum's friend had once said to her, "Why should [my class mate] help them? They're all competitors!" when discussing the subject of school.
Heh, and some of my friends wonder why that class mate of mine doesn't answer the phone, when they call her 50 times the night before the chemistry exam.
Ah, it doesn't matter. If they feel offended because Mum asked (she really shouldn't have, though I kind of feel good because she only asked for me), then they can be angry in their little corner. I guess if Mum's friend breaks up the friendship- then good riddance, I really hated her anyway. I'm sure my mother can find better friends to gossip with.
And that's that. I'm gonna go have some fun now. See ya later.
Tuesday, 27 November 2012
Bittersweet
I think that is how I will describe how I feel--- bittersweet. The taste of freedom is overwhelming--- though at the same time, so are my parents. The end of school means nothing. Less work, yes. Less stress? Hell no. I feel myself lapsing into that angry pissy mood I only feel when I have 5 pieces of assessment in the same week. I guess that's equivalent to having a bad time around parents.
Look, that argument about what to wear to med interviews occurred, like I had anticipated. My mother brought clothes into my room, I told her I didn't like them, she forced me to try it on, and by force I mean she literally screamed in my face. "HOW CAN YOU SAY THEY DON'T LOOK GOOD WHEN YOU HAVEN'T EVEN WORN THEM". Because I have eyes, for starters.
Though I will not claim to be a fashion expert, I can confidently say that I know what I like and dislike wearing. Actually, that doesn't even have anything to do with fashion. If I wear something I don't want to wear, my mood changes so drastically, I don't think it would matter what I looked like. I will become the embodiment of "I hate every person in this world, myself included."
Anyway, my mother stormed out of my room, making her disapproval of me quite blatant. I can only shrug it off. I don't think she has a right to be angry. I know she brought those clothes over hoping that I'd find them appealing, thus wearing them to my interview. I don't. I hate how her mind works--- when we, after much compromise, find an item of clothing that we can both tolerate, she will change her mind in about a month. All because I start wearing it regularly. It then becomes ugly, inappropriate, dull--- never mind the fact that she's the one who first proposed it. Then anything I reject will immediately become very pleasing, and will look fantastic on me for no apparent reason.
Heh, she's like a difficult child, isn't she? Getting angry when she can't have her way, not giving a shit about how I think.
...And how old I must feel, comparing my own mother's behavior to that of a difficult child. When I put it into that perspective, I guess I have no reason to be angry at her. Anger only fuels more anger. I think it's about time I learnt, to not be ragey. It's not productive in any way, and I don't even feel better in the end.
You know what's been great though? Drawing. Ah, did I ever tell you that I draw? I must have. And I think most of you reading this would know anyway. Post-exam, all I've done is play games and draw. I created a Tumblr account, which I did not dare create when I still had school. Now I'm free to do what I want.
Actually, I have TWO Tumblr accounts. One is my personal one, the other is co-authored with my wonderful and amazingly talented friend. Not we have much on there, since I created it like...yesterday.
My personal one: http://vanelikestodraw.tumblr.com/
The one shared with my awesome friend: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/serotoninandvipers
Here you go, if you're curious. I think it will be quite cool, when we have enough things to put up there. Don't laugh, I'm a noob with photoshop, and I only learnt how to use a scanner app today. I'll get better, I promise.
Look, that argument about what to wear to med interviews occurred, like I had anticipated. My mother brought clothes into my room, I told her I didn't like them, she forced me to try it on, and by force I mean she literally screamed in my face. "HOW CAN YOU SAY THEY DON'T LOOK GOOD WHEN YOU HAVEN'T EVEN WORN THEM". Because I have eyes, for starters.
Pretty eyes, for that matter.
Though I will not claim to be a fashion expert, I can confidently say that I know what I like and dislike wearing. Actually, that doesn't even have anything to do with fashion. If I wear something I don't want to wear, my mood changes so drastically, I don't think it would matter what I looked like. I will become the embodiment of "I hate every person in this world, myself included."
Anyway, my mother stormed out of my room, making her disapproval of me quite blatant. I can only shrug it off. I don't think she has a right to be angry. I know she brought those clothes over hoping that I'd find them appealing, thus wearing them to my interview. I don't. I hate how her mind works--- when we, after much compromise, find an item of clothing that we can both tolerate, she will change her mind in about a month. All because I start wearing it regularly. It then becomes ugly, inappropriate, dull--- never mind the fact that she's the one who first proposed it. Then anything I reject will immediately become very pleasing, and will look fantastic on me for no apparent reason.
Heh, she's like a difficult child, isn't she? Getting angry when she can't have her way, not giving a shit about how I think.
...And how old I must feel, comparing my own mother's behavior to that of a difficult child. When I put it into that perspective, I guess I have no reason to be angry at her. Anger only fuels more anger. I think it's about time I learnt, to not be ragey. It's not productive in any way, and I don't even feel better in the end.
You know what's been great though? Drawing. Ah, did I ever tell you that I draw? I must have. And I think most of you reading this would know anyway. Post-exam, all I've done is play games and draw. I created a Tumblr account, which I did not dare create when I still had school. Now I'm free to do what I want.
Actually, I have TWO Tumblr accounts. One is my personal one, the other is co-authored with my wonderful and amazingly talented friend. Not we have much on there, since I created it like...yesterday.
My personal one: http://vanelikestodraw.tumblr.com/
The one shared with my awesome friend: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/serotoninandvipers
Here you go, if you're curious. I think it will be quite cool, when we have enough things to put up there. Don't laugh, I'm a noob with photoshop, and I only learnt how to use a scanner app today. I'll get better, I promise.
Monday, 26 November 2012
Over.
There, it's over. I'm done. School etc. Last test.
...It doesn't seem right. Where is my feeling of excitement? Elation? Nothing. It's not there.
It feels like every other bloody Monday. My agenda for this week is crammed full, and though it's mostly celebratory stuff... I still feel as if it's just another week. Oh God, maybe I've lost the ability to feel excited. Nah, that can't be right. My pulse accelerated during the last 2min of the maths exam-I could hear my heart beating. Then I managed to write "divergent" when I meant "convergent" and "less than" when I really meant "greater than".
Good job, me.
But eh, fuck all. I only remember what I failed, anyway. I'm pretty sure I got more correct than incorrect. Hopefully it's enough to be above a 93, but if it's not, I guess I don't really care. Not that I've cared about much this term... or any other term...
Hmmm, that was a good question, I got asked the other time. What do I care about?
...It doesn't seem right. Where is my feeling of excitement? Elation? Nothing. It's not there.
It feels like every other bloody Monday. My agenda for this week is crammed full, and though it's mostly celebratory stuff... I still feel as if it's just another week. Oh God, maybe I've lost the ability to feel excited. Nah, that can't be right. My pulse accelerated during the last 2min of the maths exam-I could hear my heart beating. Then I managed to write "divergent" when I meant "convergent" and "less than" when I really meant "greater than".
Good job, me.
But eh, fuck all. I only remember what I failed, anyway. I'm pretty sure I got more correct than incorrect. Hopefully it's enough to be above a 93, but if it's not, I guess I don't really care. Not that I've cared about much this term... or any other term...
Hmmm, that was a good question, I got asked the other time. What do I care about?
Sunday, 25 November 2012
Online Shopping
One of the first things I did when I turned 18 was surprisingly not hookers or cocaine (or your mother, for that matter). Okay, that was uncalled for. Anyway, I got a PayPal account to pay for my online subscriptions I'm a little ashamed to tell people about, so I'll keep that private. You can guess. Then I left my PayPal without money for a couple of months to stop myself from spending. Today I started again.
Because I lack common sense in general, I decided to shop at some Chinese site with free shipping. Of course they were cheap. Then it struck me, after I had paid for the order, to check on the legitimacy of the site, and read reviews. After that I was like, "huh, I'm no better than the stupid people I complain about". Maybe I should learn to check where I'm spending my money before dishing it out.
Not that I'll lament the loss of 15 bucks for long. It's about $5 less than my lunch money. And now that I am no longer expecting to receive anything after reading reviews (apparently these people never ship your orders), I guess it'll be a pleasant surprise if what I ordered turns up in 6 months. I guess it's kinda sad in a way, that though I am Chinese myself, I inherently distrust Chinese sites. In my defense, China is notorious for its fraudulent poor quality products, as well as scams in general.
Why don't I contact costumer service and ask for a refund? Well, because I only ordered today, and funny as it sounds, I still want what I ordered. I know there are a million bad reviews on the internet, but I still feel as if I have no right to complain about them if I have never experienced it myself. So I'm resigned to waiting patiently. Hopefully it'll get here before Christmas.
Because I lack common sense in general, I decided to shop at some Chinese site with free shipping. Of course they were cheap. Then it struck me, after I had paid for the order, to check on the legitimacy of the site, and read reviews. After that I was like, "huh, I'm no better than the stupid people I complain about". Maybe I should learn to check where I'm spending my money before dishing it out.
Not that I'll lament the loss of 15 bucks for long. It's about $5 less than my lunch money. And now that I am no longer expecting to receive anything after reading reviews (apparently these people never ship your orders), I guess it'll be a pleasant surprise if what I ordered turns up in 6 months. I guess it's kinda sad in a way, that though I am Chinese myself, I inherently distrust Chinese sites. In my defense, China is notorious for its fraudulent poor quality products, as well as scams in general.
Which is kind of ironic, since I swear most of what I use is made in China.
Why don't I contact costumer service and ask for a refund? Well, because I only ordered today, and funny as it sounds, I still want what I ordered. I know there are a million bad reviews on the internet, but I still feel as if I have no right to complain about them if I have never experienced it myself. So I'm resigned to waiting patiently. Hopefully it'll get here before Christmas.
Saturday, 24 November 2012
There We Go. Again.
I was just thinking to myself how I haven't complained about my parents for an awful long time. And by long time I mean one fucking week. Still, that set the record. Or maybe I was just too busy with all my school stuff to notice anyone/anything else.
Then today I just got hit by another shit-storm. Well, to be fair it was something I propagated--- not that I'm any less angry after realising that. You see my hair has grown to record-breaking lengths (well it's the longest I've ever had in my life), and I can't find time for a proper haircut. Since it was quite hot today, I tied my hair back. Then while I was sitting down eating noodles Dad walked in, and he commented how he thought I was someone else. That someone? You know that friend's mother who I think is a complete bitch? Yeah, he thought I was her. My first reaction was "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?"
That's probably the most insulting thing I've ever heard. Saying I look like one of the people who I dislike most in the world. FOR FUCK'S SAKE, she's old, unattractive, bitchy, obnoxious, loud, menopausal and practically despised in every way by me. Dad insists that it was the hair, and I have the sudden urge to shave myself bald--- after punching him in the face.
Of course I did neither, and my mother tells me I'm overreacting and that I'm too sensitive. Yeah, I am. Next time I see a donkey, I might comment to Dad how I mistook it for him, since they practically look the same anyway. Man, I'd even say they acted the same way.
I don't let grudges go.
So I spend my time being moody, until my sister runs into my room and screams at me to have dinner, because she thinks it's oh-so-funny to scream. Well, I WONDER WHO SHE LEARNT THAT FROM. And of course the 10min every night at the dinner table is the worst time of the day. Dad continues to bombard me with questions about my med interviews, giving me advice that I don't even want to hear, because I hate the sound of his voice. I could learn to respect him a little, but that would require one of us to become a different person.
The dinner table is really just an endless cycle of shit. Shit, shit, shit. It used to be about learning English, when I couldn't speak properly. Then even when I had learnt English (and was really better at the subject than most native speakers) Dad insisted I was inherently bad because it wasn't my first language. It took him 6 years to stop suggesting that I was linguistically challenged. Of course by then he'd moved onto other stuff, like why I was gaming so much, how fat I was and how I was doing in class. Look, my straight-A record means jack.
I think it only got worse over these two years. At the dinner table he first complained about my grades (I crashed to 80s in maths in my first term), then when they improved he complained about how I wasn't sleeping enough. After I dropped IB (and got enough sleep for the first time in a whole year) he challenged me on giving up too easily, lacking persistence and thus lacking in solid character, whatever the fuck that meant. Then it was about the ATAR, "Can you get it to a 99?", "What are your chances of getting a 99?", "Is your ATAR 99?" etc., etc. Then it changed to the topic of UMAT, telling me to study for it, getting angry, complaining about me failing, demanding to know my friends' scores.
Now we start on med interviews. "What are you going to wear? You don't even have anything formal! You can't leave your hair tied like this, get a haircut! Interviews are important things, if you don't look the part-"
And he goes on. Sometimes I truly despise the superficiality in our world, though I know full well that I am a part of it.
If I thought it'd all end at med interviews, I would be stupid. He has so many more topics to annoy me with. My uni studies, my part-time job, my profession, my income, my relationships, marriage--- And I can already imagine my future self screaming at him to get the fuck out of my life. Though he'll insist that he has the right, as my father, to interfere. Me, being me, will never give in to bullshit like that.
Thus the war is never won.
Then today I just got hit by another shit-storm. Well, to be fair it was something I propagated--- not that I'm any less angry after realising that. You see my hair has grown to record-breaking lengths (well it's the longest I've ever had in my life), and I can't find time for a proper haircut. Since it was quite hot today, I tied my hair back. Then while I was sitting down eating noodles Dad walked in, and he commented how he thought I was someone else. That someone? You know that friend's mother who I think is a complete bitch? Yeah, he thought I was her. My first reaction was "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?"
That's probably the most insulting thing I've ever heard. Saying I look like one of the people who I dislike most in the world. FOR FUCK'S SAKE, she's old, unattractive, bitchy, obnoxious, loud, menopausal and practically despised in every way by me. Dad insists that it was the hair, and I have the sudden urge to shave myself bald--- after punching him in the face.
Of course I did neither, and my mother tells me I'm overreacting and that I'm too sensitive. Yeah, I am. Next time I see a donkey, I might comment to Dad how I mistook it for him, since they practically look the same anyway. Man, I'd even say they acted the same way.
I don't let grudges go.
So I spend my time being moody, until my sister runs into my room and screams at me to have dinner, because she thinks it's oh-so-funny to scream. Well, I WONDER WHO SHE LEARNT THAT FROM. And of course the 10min every night at the dinner table is the worst time of the day. Dad continues to bombard me with questions about my med interviews, giving me advice that I don't even want to hear, because I hate the sound of his voice. I could learn to respect him a little, but that would require one of us to become a different person.
The dinner table is really just an endless cycle of shit. Shit, shit, shit. It used to be about learning English, when I couldn't speak properly. Then even when I had learnt English (and was really better at the subject than most native speakers) Dad insisted I was inherently bad because it wasn't my first language. It took him 6 years to stop suggesting that I was linguistically challenged. Of course by then he'd moved onto other stuff, like why I was gaming so much, how fat I was and how I was doing in class. Look, my straight-A record means jack.
I think it only got worse over these two years. At the dinner table he first complained about my grades (I crashed to 80s in maths in my first term), then when they improved he complained about how I wasn't sleeping enough. After I dropped IB (and got enough sleep for the first time in a whole year) he challenged me on giving up too easily, lacking persistence and thus lacking in solid character, whatever the fuck that meant. Then it was about the ATAR, "Can you get it to a 99?", "What are your chances of getting a 99?", "Is your ATAR 99?" etc., etc. Then it changed to the topic of UMAT, telling me to study for it, getting angry, complaining about me failing, demanding to know my friends' scores.
Now we start on med interviews. "What are you going to wear? You don't even have anything formal! You can't leave your hair tied like this, get a haircut! Interviews are important things, if you don't look the part-"
And he goes on. Sometimes I truly despise the superficiality in our world, though I know full well that I am a part of it.
I should just move to a different planet.
If I thought it'd all end at med interviews, I would be stupid. He has so many more topics to annoy me with. My uni studies, my part-time job, my profession, my income, my relationships, marriage--- And I can already imagine my future self screaming at him to get the fuck out of my life. Though he'll insist that he has the right, as my father, to interfere. Me, being me, will never give in to bullshit like that.
Thus the war is never won.
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