Living is Pain

You know your life is fucked when you'd rather work as opposed to go home. I knew something was up when I decided I prefer to go to school--- sure I get to see my friends, but that is never reason enough. I only see the full extent of my dislike for my parents, when I agreed to extend my shift until close. My legs are kind of hurting like hell, but it was all worth it. The hours away from home are quite precious to me.

In most movies or TV shows or whatever, you go home after a long day at work, and your family's all there for you, and you realise everything is worth it. Except that's not quite how my life turned out. I come home, significantly worn out, and my parents decide to ask me how much I made at work. Alright, fine, it's normal to ask. So I answer. And this is the shit I get:

"WHAT? ONLY THAT? THIS HAS TO BE ILLEGAL! THESE CASUALS AT MY WORK GET PAID $20 PER HOUR UPFRONT! THEY ARE EXPLOITING YOU! [That girl who's mother is a bitchface and the person I am most often compared to], SHE FOUND A JOB BABYSITTING AND SHE GOT PAID $20 PER HOUR!"

It was the last part which blew my fuse. The first part pisses me off, because fuck you I just spent the last 7 hours working, and I come home to have you tell me how pitiful I am at making money? I could choose to interpret that as concern for my well-being, but that is literally the last thing to cross my mind, because you do not demonstrate concern for someone by trampling all over their dignity. But no, that wasn't even it. That girl, THAT GIRL THAT MY PARENTS KEEP ON FUCKING COMPARING ME TO, I'VE FUCKING HAD ENOUGH. This is the last time, I swear. I used to refer to her as "my friend". Then it became "my classmate". After that it was "the girl who lives near us". Now it's "the girl whose mother is a complete bitch". Next time it'll be "that girl I don't actually like whose mother I also despise".

Sure, it's unfair to her. None of this actually has anything to do with her, and I am in fact unfairly hating on her. I don't care. I'm pissed and I have nowhere to go. Of course she doesn't know what I think of her and her mother, because I'm pretty good at being polite to people I don't like, but lord if I'm upset then fuck the world. It's just that I want her to disappear from my life forever. FOREVER. I don't want to hear her name pass out from my parents' lips ever again. It's as if my parents want me to develop an inferiority complex, let me know that she's better than me at everything that "matters". That being "school work" and "house work", and now apparently "Christmas casual job". My parents never used to give a shit about how much I made at work until she came along. However much of an ass I'm being, I sincerely wish she had never appeared in my life.

And what makes me mad is that she's NOT EVEN CLOSE to being better than me at everything. NOT EVEN CLOSE. If someone like that existed, I might be willing to take more shit from my parents about it--- but that someone is NOT HER. I read, I write, I draw, I can use technology. I CAN WRITE MY OWN RESUME AND FIND MYSELF A FUCKING JOB, WITHOUT RELYING ON MY MOTHER TO FIND ME WORK AT SOME SHIT-ASS CHILDCARE CENTRE. I can make friends who aren't annoying as fuck, like hers. I can speak more fluently, I have better communication skills, I'm funnier, I am better at almost everything apart from "school" and cleaning the fucking house. Yes those things are important, but that is not enough to warrant the gigantic pile of shit I've been shoved.

Argh I just lost it again, didn't I? Well the next thing my parents did after bitching about my pay was to "remind" me to do my mother's homework. Look, I do not need a daily reminder to do it. It's already at the back of my mind every second. I don't even want to hear anything about it, but I will do it, eventually. Though right now I can safely say because of these stupid homework booklets, the relationship between my family and I has been wrecked forever. We are at that stage where everything is irreconcilably bad, and I will not be the first one to relent because I can hold grudges for a lifetime. I may get to that stage where I can reasonably tolerate my parents again, but I know we will never be loving or close or w/e.

Now after all that rant... I wish I had work tomorrow. Why can't my graduation be earlier? Why can't my university notices come earlier? I am so, so sick of this bullshit.