The Upcoming Years

Just then I was talking to my friend about spending when I go to university. I figured that if I continued to work at the rate I'm working now, I would be able to cover all my rent by myself, except I'd have about $6 to spend on food every day. Unless I decide to eat 2min noodles every meal, every day, I probably won't survive. Hopefully I find a higher paying job, then.

The awkward thing about not wanting to be around your parents is that you get thrown in the deep end right off. Despite what people might think, YOU DO NOT MAGICALLY BECOME A MATURE ADULT UPON TURNING 18. That day just means you've lived for 18 years, if no one had kept count, you wouldn't even know. You don't feel much different, it's just like any other day, but BAM society expects you be all grown up.

Like magikarp to gyarados in one fucking night.

So right now I'm suffering a panic attack about financial concerns in university. I wish I could just skip over the whole thing and start work, start making money. I actually hate my schedule right now. School was meant to be easy, but when I got home I had mountains of homework. On top of that my parents decided to be difficult. Now I'm on "holiday", and my parents decided to throw me Mum's homework, because hell I obviously have nothing else to do. Though I like the people I work with, honestly I'd rather not go to work. Apparently that's what "holiday" also stands for though.

One night I decided to tell my parents that even if I didn't make it to med school, and studied in my home town, I was going to move the fuck out. That I couldn't stand them. They were absolutely astonished, saying, "does family mean nothing to you? Are you not attached to us? Don't you love us?" And I was equally astonished--- what, after the shit you put me through these two years, you expected "family" to mean anything to me? If there's anything which I worked out these two years, it's that no one should expect to love or be loved unconditionally. Sure that's what you generally see in families, but at the end of the day it comes down to choice. 

We choose who to love, and others will choose whether to love us. Whatever cliched bullshit they show you in the cinemas--- a natural tendency for self sacrifice when you're related by blood--- yeah, that's all a lie. A complete and utter lie. Maybe I'm just embittered due to the fact that I've been robbed of my holiday for God knows how many times, but that is truly what I believe right now, at this moment in time.

At least I'll appreciate other people's kindness towards me a lot more in the future. I've decided--- I'll put up with the financial struggle--- it's a small price to pay for freedom.