When I went up north for uni- he came with me. I wasn't exactly scared of going to a new city- what with me hating my parents at the time, freedom was a welcome change. Still I lost just about all of my friends, all at once, but he was there with me and it made things ok. We spent a lot of time together each day, and I never got sick of him even though we lived together and all that. He was basically just really entertaining and really fun.
Then there was this period where I became really depressed and everything- but I met some friends through him and it made everything alright. We ended up playing a LOT of League of Legends- a game I didn't particularly like, but spent a lot of time playing regardless, because I was half addicted and half desperate for company. Anyway gaming sorta made all my problems go away, and life carried on. Often times I would seriously neglect my work because I wasted too much time, and as a consequence I'd have to work til 3am to finish stuff. He never complained- he just stayed up with me. I successfully finished my first year, thanks to him.
Over my Christmas holidays- he went back south with me, of course- I noticed something wasn't quite right. The gaming aspect of our relationship just didn't work out like it used to. It didn't seem too big of a deal at that time- I was working a lot over the Christmas break, and I hung out heaps with my friends who I hadn't seen for a year. I really hadn't noticed that he'd changed.
Then uni started again, and we had it rough for a while. We moved into a new place, so it'd be more convenient for me to get to uni. The new place was kinda shit in a lot of ways- so many things were wrong and I've pretty much said them all throughout my posts this year- but the biggest problem was that we didn't have internet for like a month. Anyway it was hell, he acted differently to before but I thought it was just the whole moving and dealing with a new environment kind of thing.
I finally noticed that something wasn't right a few months later. This year had been a far busier year and because I almost failed first year I was determined not to do the same- so I basically cut down on my gaming. Then when we played together it just wasn't the same as before. That's when I noticed that he was just... a lot less responsive to everything, in general. I'm ashamed that I didn't notice sooner.
Anyway I talked to some friends and they suggested various methods. I even went on the internet for advice on what I could do. After trying various things, I realized the problem might be bigger than I had imagined, and it was beyond what I could handle. Naturally I took him to get checked out, but what I got was basically that he needed specialist treatment and the operation cost was way more than I could afford. It was absolutely devastating.
The second semester started and I had to dive back into work. He was still there for me, but I could tell that he was strained. We still did things that we used to do, but now it took so much more effort sometimes it just wasn't worth it. We even stopped playing games together- even though it's one of my favourite activities. We spent just as much time together still... but it was really just me sitting there writing notes, and he'd kindly help find the information I need. It's sweet... and totally heartbreaking, as I noticed that it took him longer and longer each time.
Instead of the operation I couldn't afford, he got this apparatus which was meant to help with his condition. For a while he improved, and I thought everything would be alright again- that we could go back to the way things were before. Sure, he'd need the stupid thing with him at all times, but at least he'd be okay. Except it wasn't okay.
Despite the initial improvement... he began to decline again. This time, the decline was faster and more aggressive. Do you know how horrifying it is, to watch him gradually lose each of his functions? Knowing that the next day would only be worse, that nothing was reversible, and there was nothing you could do to stop it. His temperature was stupidly high, he stuttered in speech and sometimes would just freeze- as if time itself had stopped. I became so frustrated... it wasn't fair that this had to happen to him.
I cannot properly convey the full extent of my grief; but that grief is the grief of being a passive bystander while you lost, bit by bit, something you cherish dearly. I know that the end is near, and I know that there is nothing more I can do to prolong his life.
So goodbye, my love of a bit less than two years. Your replacement is on the way and I expect to meet him when my exams are over. We had some good times together, but not being able to play games is a really big deal for me- I just can't handle dealing with all this shit each day until the day where you actually die.
And fuck me sideways if I buy a HP laptop ever again.
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For those of you that are a bit slow and still didn't get it- I just wrote a sob story by personifying my laptop. Yeah, I'm an over-the-top drama king, but this is literally the biggest thing going on in my life these days. Why is my laptop a "he"? Well... wtf is a female laptop, anyway? Do those things exist?
No actual person in my life is dying. Calm your farm. Though it would've been far more interesting if I just cut off the post at "...there is nothing more I can do to prolong his life". I wonder how you guys would've reacted. Though if you know me IRL I guess you'd be like, "pfffft, you didn't have anyone with you, the closest you ever came to a relationship was sobbing over that year 12 crush of yours".
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