Living is Compromise

Have I used this title before? It feels like I have. It's something I think about more than I want to. I read Pride and Prejudice again, and this time I thought to myself, "this ending is pure fantasy". I don't think people like Mr. Darcy exist- I don't think there is really anyone who'd give up class differences so easily and propose to someone twice. And if they did, I don't believe the ending would be a "happily ever after". I ranted about how the differences in your propensity to spend and propensity to save could totally ruin your relationship- so I think in the real world, Lizzy and Mr Darcy wouldn't have lasted very long.

I'm so cynical it's sad.

I think I read somewhere that Jane Austen wrote that scene with Mr Collins because some guy proposed to her, and that guy was the inspiration for Mr Collins. Unfortunately there was no real life Mr Darcy to save Austen after she declined his proposal- though I do admire that she had the courage to decline in the first place. I guess marriage isn't as big a deal now as it was in her age, but regardless it's like a social safety net. There's someone there who's obliged to catch you if you fall.

In real life though, I think it's more like... we try to catch someone but they fall too far and too fast and you're just grasping thin air. Or maybe you don't really want to catch the crumbling skeleton that is your relationship, so you just let it collide with the ground and watch it collapse to dust.

I'm a hopeless romanticist despite my cynical attributes- I'd always believed that when I met the right person, I'd know. But now I wonder, would I actually know? Would I talk to someone and think to myself, "ah, I've found you"? I think it's more likely that I'll find someone who's tolerable, who I enjoy being around sometimes, and then I think I kind of like them and they're probably a really great person so I'm like "okay I've done pretty well I'll settle". I don't really want to live my life like a card game though, where I calculate the probability of my next draw and fold for my current profits. I mean, I often win the card games I play, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it's not actually how I "win life".

I guess I'll just keep going regardless.