"God"

I declared myself an atheist a long time ago, then some time after I read "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins, I decided I was more agnostic. Which from what I understand, is another way of saying "I don't know lol". I didn't really believe in God, because growing up I had a really negative view of religion- I saw that it turned people into fanatics, and the power of religion scared me. As I grew older I realized that fanatics were probably extremist in nature, and with or without religion they would find an excuse to commit their crimes against humanity, so it didn't matter whether it was one God or another, or no God at all.

More and more, I saw the positive effects of religion. I met a bed-bound woman in a nursing home, whose body had been ravaged by disease. She had lost control of her limbs, and when she spoke, her voice was soft. However, there was light in her eyes, when she told me that though she had lost a lot, she still had a lot. "I still have the Lord, and He is always with me".

And of course I wasn't enough of a shit-head to tell her "but God isn't real, I must free you of your delusions as you spend the rest of your days in agony". I can imagine some people who would do that, believing they are warriors of the truth, liberating us all from lies and deceptions. Let me get this straight right now: being cruel doesn't make you an honest person, it makes you a giant twat. I swear I've seen so many of these "brutally honest" people around me, and every time I want to scream at them for being so fucking dense and socially retarded.

Back to my original story about my relationship with "God". I was at a stage where I wasn't sure whether God existed or not, but I didn't want to join either side of the argument, because I... I just didn't think it was worth arguing about. I didn't really care that people wanted to pray, or that they wanted to starve for a couple days, or wear garments that covered their hair. Whatever, as long as they didn't want me to do the same, I was like, "yeah go for it".

Then because I occasionally express the opinion that religion can be a positive force in life, people around me got really excited. They wanted me to look at websites about Jesus Christ. They wanted me to go to church groups. The Christian youth groups are really popular at my school. But for fuck's sake, I wasn't interested. I thought that God might exist, but it is my firm opinion that the Bible is nothing more than an historical artifact, and NO ONE should live their life 100% based on something that was written that long ago. Like, if you travel back in time, sure, it might've suited you then. Idk if you guys have ever read the Bible in great length (because I sure as hell haven't), but for the small bit I have read--- it was fucked. I felt so gross after reading like, the first chapter, that I didn't want to try ever again.

I can't remember where I saw this quote, but it was basically like, "I believe in God, but not what man says about God". And that's sort of where I'm at, except I'm not sure I'd call myself a believer. It's more... I'd like to believe that there is a God out there. God that is capable of only what God is capable of. Please, let me explain my rationale.

So people like to think that everything that happens in this world is the will of God, and that everything happens for a reason. I don't think things necessarily happen for good reasons. There's your cause and effect, but that's as far as it goes. As Stephen Fry so aptly puts- if God created everything... what the fuck is the deal with children getting cancer? Maybe you haven't seen many children with cancer- but I've seen a few and it's seriously fucked. Now, I don't like kids, but they're really simple creatures... they can be cruel and careless, but they're really just... kids. They don't understand a lot, they just do what they do. And to see them suffer, it's somehow harder to watch that, than watching an adult suffer. The rational adult can see through "cause and effect", they know that they have cancer and that's terrible. For a kid, they're just in pain, but they still want to play with crayons and watch the new kiddie movie or w/e.

I honestly don't want to believe in an omnipotent God who controls everything in the universe. Because our world is fucked and whoever created it must've been fucked, as well. It's much easier believing that we exist by coincidence, that there is no greater purpose, and good things and bad things happen by chance and it doesn't really matter in the end. The promise of "heaven" seems so shallow for the suffering people have had to endure- for eternity is not a promise of happiness, and you can't artificially make people happy without sadness to contrast. The afterlife seems like a strange fallacy for me, but I'm not a religious person, so maybe there is a good argument I have not heard.

What I actually hate, right, is when people attribute these humanistic qualities to God. Or the Gods, whatever. To imagine that the Gods can be jealous, that they fight within themselves, or that the one God has anger in him to smite us all for our sins. If that is the case, then they are not Gods, simply humans with great power to fuck our lives over. Like the rulers of ancient times, like the politicians running our country *cough*. Recently (because I'm Australian) I've picked up that another similarity between our politicians and "God" is that they really hate gay people.

No, the God that I'd like to believe in doesn't hate gay people. He doesn't hate anyone. To say that God hates is simply wrong, because you don't need a God to hate, we are perfectly capable of hating anything and everything, whether it be ourselves or each other. I believe that God is love, and that God is capable of loving everyone. And THAT, would be a Godly feat, because fuck, there are some disgusting people out there.

An acquaintance of mine, who I'd describe as the "good Christian girl" type, once spoke something about homosexuality being a sin, but God loves the sinner and hates the sin. That really rustled my jimmies, so to speak, because why would loving another person be a sin? Fuck that twisted logic. Another acquaintance "liked" a post on Facebook about how Christians shouldn't get tattoos, because of its Paganistic origins. That seemed really pedantic as well, and I don't know why not-tattooing reflected Christian values. Like, I don't have a tattoo on me, but the preacher down the street might, and he seems to devote himself far more than I ever will. It seems so stupid, that these people believe in an Almighty Being, and somehow this entity cares about what a person inks under his sleeve, or who he loves under his sheets. Good one.

I like the idea of confessing your crimes, and repenting. Because there are people who have done such nasty things, I don't think anyone on Earth would forgive them. So they need a God to love them, and a God to forgive, because we don't have the capacity to do that. Other people imagine a "justice" of sorts, so they conjure a God that will blast people into hell and make them suffer. It would be dreadful if the "afterlife" was simply an extension of our judicial system. Maybe there is no "afterlife", but it would be comforting, in this life, to think of "someone" who is always watching you kindly, who will always love you as he loves everyone else. And when pain is inflicted, it is not because God inflicted that pain upon you for a greater purpose; but while you are pained, you have God for comfort.

And there you have it. My long spiel of what I actually believe in terms of "God", and how God should be interpreted. Fuck anyone who uses God as an excuse or an instrument for conducting hate. They're just terrible people after all.