Results got released last night for the semester just gone by. I wasn't too keen on finding out because I had a sneaking suspicion that I didn't do very well, and I wasn't prepared to deal with the potential failure and having to repeat 6 months of torture. Good news is I actually passed, so that's 6 months of pure shit I'll never have to revisit again. There was just so much stress involved then, and very little fun.
On the not-so-bright side of things, my friend told me they'd failed when I causally mentioned that results were out. I wasn't paying much attention because I had just played games for like 4 hours and I was being extremely lazy because we finished another rotation of weekly tutorials. I played up til midnight because I was sort of in the "I can check results at midnight" mentality but then I thought if I failed I'd buffer my sadness by playing games. I wasn't quite prepared for "what if my friend had failed".
Not that this is the first time I've had a friend fail some aspect of this stupid course. I'd like to say "it's not that hard" but people fuck up various things along the way and I mean, I almost failed this thing as well. That was a bit of a scare but the motivation afterwards didn't do me much good, as I still had tragically low marks for the semesters following, up until now where if I don't fail a class then it's good enough.
Anyway I was up at 3am with this friend of mine, and they're crying and being clingy and I was really fucking tired but I was still trying to be empathetic and failing miserably. I couldn't really find the right words to say- I mean failing an exam isn't the worst thing in life but I guess in my friend's life it's probably the worst thing since there's not much other shit around to care about when all you do is go to uni. Anyway I spent some time trying to refute their illogical and irrational arguments such as "I am now worthless" and "I would rather get cancer" and the 2nd part actually made me waaaay too uncomfortable because hey my friend with cancer is not having a fun time and I'm certain he'd rather fail than keep his stupid cancer. But hey failing this exam is probably the worst thing to have happened in their life so I guess on a personal level it's probably traumatic enough. There really is no way of comparing one person's tragedy to another, though we like to judge and weigh in with our personal subjectivity.
I think I'm a bit guilty that I don't feel as sad as I could be. I feel bad for my friend but I'm not exactly in mourning. Among other things I think about how I'd like eggplant for dinner and how I'd like to waste time on the weekend. There's all this stuff I wanna buy and more games I'd like to play, books I'd like to read but actually I'm feeling quite well now. It's a rarity, really, for me to have a good day. Right now though my workload is small, there's not much for me to worry about and I can just chill for a bit, before I have to write notes frantically and get into revision or whatever.
Last night wasn't the funnest night of my life, but I'm actually feeling... fine. I hope my friend pulls it back together soon. There are better things in life than uni, after all.
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