There's this saying in Chinese- that if you marry someone, it should be 门当户对. What it essentially means, right, is that you marry someone your social class, and your own social situation. Ever since I was very young I've always thought it an unnecessarily arbitrary and somewhat oppressive concept- after all, I had watched too many TV shows which proved that love could overcome everything. As I grew older and grew over tales like Cinderella- I still believed that social class would only be a minor hindrance. Pride and Prejudice became one of my all-time favourites, and I would go on to believe that the whole concept was thought up by the rich so that they stay rich, and that they can continue to oppress the poor.
I've recently changed my mind on the matter, and I have come to agree that yes- you should definitely marry someone suitable of your economic situation.
My psychology textbook stated that people who survive poverty- and by poverty, I mean true poverty- are truly resilient, that they overall become stronger people if they survive the ordeal. What I believe my textbook failed to mention, was that the experience of poverty does more than simply reward you with resilience- it scars you. It scars, and it burns, and the indignity and humiliation you suffered while impoverished are etched into your bones. What you ultimately walk away with, is the rancid stench of fear- fear that you will lose it all, fear that you will fall back to what you have risen from. And this stench labels you- marks you out- no matter what you do in life and where you go.
For the longest time I've had this idea that I wasn't going to be with anyone. I have some major personality deficits which my other oh-so-amiable qualities do not cover. My solution then was to make money- make a shit-ton of money, and the bitches will come to me. If I have to sacrifice my career for monetary gain, at least I can preserve some of my romantic naivety, and believe that I can marry without thought of it being... possibly advantageous. I thought- well, if I just make enough money, then I can really afford to marry whoever I like. Never mind that they don't have a job- never mind that they wait tables for $10 an hour. I can pay for everything. I can afford to send possible children to rich, private schools- and it will work out fine. Our love will make everything alright.
My illusions were shattered very completely, very recently.
I realized that even if your situation in life changes- your propensity to spend doesn't tend to. Even if you had an income of 100k per annum you would spend a good 5min at the bakery, contemplating on whether you should buy a fresh, newly baked loaf or go for the bread that's a day old and $2 cheaper. Then you would pick up the bread that was cheaper, because surely you wouldn't even taste the difference, right?
I think as your economical circumstances change, so do your needs and wants. I imagine I would eventually be at the point where I would like to eat at a proper restaurant once a week for dinner- and I know I would be rightly frustrated if my partner suggested that we get cheap takeaway or eat at the shopping mall food court. It sounds snobbish, doesn't it? It's almost like I can't stand the fact that someone's trying to be frugal. It's not really the case though. What I really can't stand is the fact that our expectations are so different. It's the same way as me never being able to justify spending $5000 on a funny-looking pet fish- so I would probably annoy someone who was that rich, and could afford their pet fish without worry.
Anyway, this is just a massive rant about how my romanticisms were thoroughly destroyed. Like always every opinion is my own. If you disagree feel free to leave a comment, or just stop reading my blog, w/e. Right now I've basically come to the conclusion that fantasies are just fantasies, and if you marry someone who is a lot like yourself- life probably won't be as adventurous or "exciting" but it will definitely save you a lot of grief. I guess what's most important at the end of the day is that two people understand each other, and can accept what they see. I strongly believe a separation by social class and income will render that understanding impossible- and this is the premise to my argument.
Money does spin the world around.
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