My First "Party"

Firstly- I'd like to define the word "party" in this culture I live in. Party at my age does not specifically refer to a gathering or friends or a celebration or anything- in fact, definitions vary. But what is consistent is a surplus of alcohol, drunk people, and ear-deafening music. I'm going to tell you my story of my first "party".

I was invited to the event on facebook, and it was some charity/fundraiser thing. I usually ignore these things but my room mate asked me if I'd like to go- and I thought- actually, I've never been to one of these things, so why not? Anyway I thought it was a good idea so I get my ticket or w/e and I mark the date in my calendar.

Now the arrival time set for the party was at 7pm- so my room mate and I show up at around 10 or 20 past 7, thinking it was a fashionably late time. WRONG. Due my complete lack of experience with this kind of thing, I did not know the unspoken rule of "a party only picks up after 10pm". Also apparently when they say "free pizza" they mean “pizza might be here at 10... maybe 11. Oh and there's like 4 pizzas between 60 people. NPNP".

So what do you do at a party when you arrive at 7pm and there's literally no one else there but your house mate? Well, me, being my very anti social self, sat in a corner and started texting people/ going on facebook. The party had picked up after a few hours, and my ear-drums were just about dead. I was bored as hell and no one was particularly interesting. The thought of simply leaving crossed my mind a lot of times- my primary excuse was that I knew no one there and I wasn't having a fun time. Then all of a sudden a scene from Pride and Prejudice played in my head, where Mr Darcy tells Lizzie that he didn't know anyone at the ball, and she rebuts with something like "oh and no one can be introduced at a ball". I didn't particularly feel like being Mr Darcy in that scenario, because I don't think I'll be fortunate enough to find someone like Lizzie for my happy ending- so I decided one standard drink had uninhibited me enough and I was going to make conversation, goddammit.

I sat down next to this girl who I had never seen before- the chairs beside her were empty on both sides, so I thought it was invitation enough. After the usual exchange of "hello my name is" and "oh what are you studying", we were left with not much to say. The music was deafening, after all, and I don't feel like it very much encouraged conversation. I know they're mean to lean close or w/e, to create a sense of proximity- but I really haven't gotten to the stage yet where I'm comfortable leaning into a stranger's ear. Even if it is to "pick up" or whatever- I guess I'm like... not really interested in people that can be picked up at a party like that.

Anyway the girl left and I got ditched, so I proceeded to talk to a bunch of Asian guys who were like 2 years above me about not much at all. Conversation died again, and now that I think about it- I've been introduced to and conversed with many people over the course of the night, but none of it was really that worthwhile. I managed to invite myself to the next gathering of the Asian guys for board games, but other than that I don't think I've made any social progress.

What is the point of these parties, after all. I saw some many people make out- and quite a few more who just grinded their bodies against strangers on the dance floor. Yeah you can probably go get a room afterwards and have sex- but I guess it's weird because sex seems a bit dirty that way. Everyone appeared so animalistic after only a few drinks- and I guess being an animal can be liberating, but the words that crossed my mind was closer to "feral" and "rabid". After a while everyone who was drunk just became absolutely disgusting- my room mate by this time was enjoying herself on the dance floor- and I was still sitting in this chair on my phone, in the company of a sober driver who seemed rather unhappy that he had to remain sober.

All this while I thought about how easy it was to get laid if you just walked into the pit of sweating bodies smelling of alcohol and pumped full of adrenaline. Then my mind wandered to my crush who I had 2 years ago- and I thought about how they'd never drink and would probably be studying or attending some sort of educational lecture instead of coming to something like this. I thought about how boring that person was- and realized that was probably why I liked that particular person back then and why I thought about them for so long afterwards. Of course they were very attractive and sporty and academically gifted and whatever- but the fact that they were "boring" in that way must have held a great appeal to me. I'm "boring" in the same way- sometimes I wish I would change because it's like... instant popularity, right. I could be fun, I could drink a lot, and I can make a lot of friends- but when presented with the opportunity, I realize I don't care enough for that kind of popularity, that their "fun" is not my "fun", and I don't even want to be fucking friends with all these drunkards, who I find absolutely revolting.

I knew then that I'd rather sit in a "boring" lecture, next to my crush, half falling asleep while they were furiously taking notes and doing their best to be attentive. That's my version of bliss, and that's my version of happiness.

I'm not much of a party-goer, you see.