Unhappy Day

Today hasn't been the best of days. I woke up early in the morning out of habit, and I could tell my mom was still pissed. I had sort of rehearsed an apology in my head, but I didn't deliver it because I'm too proud for that, and because I... didn't feel all that sorry after all. Like most people I have problems admitting that I'm wrong, but unlike most people I will apologize if it makes my life easier. You'd think with my bloated ego it'd be a difficult thing, but I have no problem throwing the word "sorry" around, because I'm not actually sorry all that often.

Anyway I didn't do anything, and then my friend came over for most of the day, and mom wouldn't say or do anything bad when I had someone over. Most people like the upkeep of a "we're a happy family" image, and I guess mom's the same. I actually appreciate that, because when people come over I don't want to be embarrassed.

I cleaned my room for a bit and found what appeared to be a ball of black string on my dark carpet. So I picked it up with my bare hands and instead found it was a curled up dead spider. As you can imagine I was thoroughly disgusted, and I kind of dropped it right back onto the carpet. That just meant I had to pick it up again, and I did, but through tissues this time. I mean for one thing I'm kind of glad that the Mortein I sprayed all over my window is working, but finding spider carcasses in the window sill and now on my carpet is just unpleasant.

After my guest left the day dragged on, and my mother went back to being pissed at me. Maybe I got my grudge-holding skills from her. Dinner was prepared and eaten in total silence- something I'd appreciate on almost any other day, but because I cold almost feel the anger directed towards me, it was quite uncomfortable. So I hid in my room, like I always do, and found emails once again reminding me how close I was to failing my course. Okay okay, I had a terrible academic year, but it's already 2014 so I just want it to roll over and try again already. Since I didn't actually fail, I don't want to be forever condemned as the "problematic student who we need to constantly email". Jesus.

I guess I'll just have to study this year.