Change? Change.

So hopefully you've noticed that I changed the background to my blog... if you remember what the previous background looked like. It was a real struggle- I was bored of the old design, but I couldn't really find anything better to replace it with. There were some things which seemed nice, but then I decided they were too happy... Then I looked at designs which were similar to the one I already had, and decided they were too moody and depressing. It'd probably make you wonder why I chose the current image, since it's probably the moodiest of them all, with the grey clouds and stuff... oh well.

So right now it's pretty late into the night but I'm actually pretty bored. I stayed up til 4am drawing last night... I don't know why. Had a 3 hour tute today--- and when I came home I was totally exhausted. I almost fell asleep... but for some reason I didn't. Then as soon as I got on the computer, I just didn't want to sleep any more. I really hate myself for this habit of mine, but it's one of those terrible habits that's really hard to break.

Welp, my days' been terribly unproductive. I need to study... but... oh God the world is collapsing on me. I need to sleep.

How I feel in labs/tutes/class

It's not even 4am

I don't know why I get the urge to write when it's so late into the night. "Today" has been a dreadful day- as I went to school it rained like crazy, then I had a few labs to consolidate the fact that I didn't know shit. My friend kindly took me shopping for groceries this afternoon, but when I came home it was rubbish night but it was still raining. Basically I had to take the rubbish out in the rain, and that was thoroughly unpleasant. I guess I could've used the rest of the evening to do some work- instead I procrastinated by eating a late dinner (finishing at half past 10) and then playing LoL. I went on a massive losing streak, and I became super-frustrated. I vowed to go to bed if I won ONE game, but it just didn't happen for the longest time. Naturally I broke my vow, since I'm here blogging.

So uh I really can't remember if I wrote this already in my previous blog (my memory retention these days is non-existent), but I finished the new Ace Attorney game. I finished it in like... 2 or 3 days since release. I remember buying the game at like 12.41am the day it was released (since I could purchase online). The story was soooo good. My love for Ace Attorney has not diminished at all. My friend and I joked that explaining Ace Attorney to someone who didn't play was the easiest thing ever. "You're a lawyer and you present evidence in court to save your client... most...fun...ever..." We agreed that it was simply something you had to play to understand... but given the structure of the game, one would have to enjoy reading to enjoy the game, I think. Anyway, I love the series, and if another game was released today, I'd probably play it despite exams.

Speaking of exams, I am so fucked. The more you know, the more you realize you don't know. It's an ugly paradox, really, but it's also the truth. With that comes an insane amount of stress- I don't anticipate failure, but I will not expect to pass if I do not study at all.

I'm just going to sleep it off. I'm too tired to think about how difficult life is right now.

Ace Attorney 5

I said I wouldn't play until after exams, and I fucking lied. Recently I learned I in fact have very minimal self-control, and I just lack will-power and motivation in general. Anyway, I dropped Pokemon because I beat the Elite 4, and now I'm on the 4th case of Ace Attorney. See, I didn't WANT to keep playing, because it eats up my time, but the storyline is soooo damn compelling. They keep on making it sound like I'll miss out if I don't play the next case...

Anyway, if you can't follow, AA5 is kinda like an interactive novel game... the game's not really about reflexes or strategy... it's really like a puzzle game where you problem solve. I don't know how they do it, but the clues are *just* the right amount of obvious, so that when you solve it you still feel like a genius. I will say that this game feels a loooot easier than the previous games, and I don't really like how obvious they make it... but I do remember frustrations from previous games, being stuck on a case for eons, and being tempted to use a guide. Not that I ever did, because if you do it just completely ruins the game (since you only play for the story).

So the best features of AA5- music, characters and storyline. The music is fucking awesome- it totally matches the character they've shown. Capcom (game developer) basically brought in a new cast, but at the same time you still get to see old characters, so long time fans like myself are also interested. They brought in a new prosecutor--- but apparently he's serving a gaol sentence as well, for murder. 3 episodes later, I have no idea why he was convicted of murder, who he murdered, and why someone who committed murder is allowed to prosecute. AND THUS I KEEP PLAYING.

So the new game has like a million controls, can no longer conveniently shout "OBJECTION" into the mic of my DS. What's really terrible is when I shout "OBJECTION" and I present the wrong piece of evidence. That shit's so fucking awkward. Even if I'm playing in my room and no one's listening...

Okay, enough talk, back to gaming.

Bushfires

The weather is disgusting, and whenever I walk outside everything is basically smoky BBQ. With the temperature being insanely high, it's basically bushfire season and everything's burning. My house mates tell me that the nearest fire is 4km away, and the suburb I reside in is now under the "be cautious" warning. It's no wonder that when I walked back home this afternoon everything was so dreadfully smoky. I was all "wow I can't breathe at all".

I have a theory that this city is just against breathing during the warmer seasons. It's either so humid you feel like you're underwater, or it burns and smoke fills the air. Anyway at this stage I pretty much detest going outside for any reason, and I just want to stay in the air-conditioned lounge all day if I could. It's so much nicer... it's just inconvenient to set up my laptop there- but if I get desperate enough, it's gonna happen.

I have exams in a couple of weeks, and it's getting really stressful because I'm worried that I failed some assignments in the back of my mind, and with the dread of having to re-submit looming above me... yeah it gets hard. I have a lot to revise for, mainly because I haven't really put in much effort for this semester, and everything I've done is just dodgy to the extreme. There is so much to learn in such a short period of time, and it's going to take a LOT of cramming if I want to pass. I do hope I pass... it will be dreadful otherwise.

Even though I stress about exams... I have been playing Pokemon X. I just beat the E4 today (shit was so easy) so hopefully I'll stop playing now. I've actually just straight off lost interest because now it feels like there's nothing to do except to play competitively, but all my good Pokemon are on a different game and I can't trade over, so that's absolutely hideous. Anyway now I'm kinda off Pokemon but the new Ace Attorney game just came out, and I'm dying to play that even though I'm trying to control myself, and get it after exams.

Goddamn I hate work. I just want infinite holidays... though it won't even be real holidays, cos I'll have to find a holiday job anyway.

This is where I usually end with "life is hard", but I'm listening to depressing music right now about prostitutes in Yoshiwara, Edo Period. So yeah, guess I can't complain about life being hard.

Muscles Are Stupid. Pokemon? Pokemon.

Between falling asleep and lying awake at inappropriate times, I've been trying to cram studying into my schedule. It's not working. I get so distracted- whether it's because I draw, play on my phone, read through every page on reddit or because I'm busy right-clicking minions on LoL. It's just hard to concentrate. Not only that, what I'm supposed to be doing is extreeeemely boring. I'm meant to be learning about how muscles work... and goddamn it's like the worst thing ever. Did you know that when you decompose muscle... everything looks the same? It's like, a bundle of fibres in a bundle of fibres in a bundle of fuck anatomy. All the words sound the same, the pictures look the same and everything is just disgusting.

So to relieve stress I bought Pokemon X. Yeah, relevance at its finest.

There's a sale of the game for $44, and I went into the store, but apparently they just all sold out in a day. I'm not surprised, but it did piss me off a little. Other shops used to price match, but because they're out of stock THERE GOES PRICE MATCH. In the end I paid about $10 more for the game, only to find that another store has announced a new sale selling for $49. My room mate told me about it, and I DID keep the receipt but fuck I'm not returning something to save $5. That's like the same as a bus ride to the store and back.

You know what the worst thing is though? I haven't even opened the game yet. Ever since getting home in the afternoon, I've been on reddit, spent eons making dinner and eating dinner... then when I look at the clock I'm blogging at 2am. Again.

So right now I'm really tired, but I really want to draw because the drawing I'm working on looks fucking awesome. My artistically talented friend introduced me to this new drawing style, it's like line art but really fine and really detailed, and she showed me this artist who drew the most bizarre hair. Basically I think it's a really cool style so I've been trying to copy and integrate it into my own drawing... I've already tried round 1 but that didn't work out so well because I just completely lost patience at the end, and the final product did NOT look like how it turned out in my head, which was extremely sad. Anyway now I'm trying again, I've made a few mistakes but I don't want to scrap the drawing because so far I think it looks good. I usually do this thing where I think I draw the most amazing thing ever, then 1 week later I want to rip up all my old work. This is why I'm savouring the feeling of pride before it becomes unbearable embarrassment.

Anyway, it's really late, I'll post my drawing if I ever get it finished. Then I'll probably take it down in a couple of days out of shame, or I'd forget about it completely. I don't know. I'm tired. Good night.

Monopoly

So uh we had a power outage a couple of hours ago. I was in the kitchen trying to make cup brownie when I heard a loud bang and out went the lights. The next thing I knew my room mate was weakly calling my name like she was in a horror movie and I went missing. Given the context of the situation I was like “wow for reals?” but I went and grabbed my phone, and everything was alright. It was just a power outage and I was alright with that until I realized I was going to have no light, no internet and not even a microwave to make my goddamn brownie. I was going to resort to my 3DS until my other room mate brought out Monopoly.

I haven't played the board game version of Monopoly in years. My first ever taste of Monopoly was on the computer, and that was in the early 2000s because the Chinese gaming industry was actually pretty advanced. The graphics were bright, colorful and 3D, and there were heaps of options. So basically my impression of Monopoly stemmed from that. Then when my room mates set up the board game I was soooo confused, because the rules I learnt were kinda different. Apparently you can only buy houses if you own the entire street, and you could insta-upgrade to hotels on your turn, for any property, as long as you had money. Because I was unlucky enough to not have a monopoly of anything at the start of the game, it was basically gg from there. The fact that my room mates (both of them) had bullshit luck was another factor, I guess. One of them sat on like 26 dollars for a 3rd of the game, with all but her hotels mortgaged, and landing on like....anything would've screwed her over, but she managed to stay alive until I managed to land on her death pit hotels twice. My other room mate avoided that area for like 6 consecutive crossings or something like that, and I somehow ended up in gaol whenever someone crossed my turf.

The moral of this story? Justice is dead and I'm going to marry a banker.

--------Wrote this last night, internet died later in the night for some reason, possibly related to power outage-----

As Usual

I skipped another day's worth of lectures again. I stayed up and worked on my drawing until 3 am, and because of that I really couldn't get out of bed this morning. I did have afternoon lectures for the most part, but the temperature was insane. I don't know how hot it was, but I know for sure I would have fried in the Sun if I tried walking to school at noon. Me, being me, just kept lying in bed instead of getting up and at least revising.

I just spent something like 3 hours + on LoL. I don't even know why. I'm back to feeling really sleepy again... I think it's because I've been staring at the computer screen for too long, but I'm not sure. I'd love to go outside but I can still feel the residual heat from the Sun.

--------------------------night time------------------------------

So it's night and there are bugs every where. I was playing LoL and then they just flew all over me and it was the most distracting thing ever. I lost the game and I felt kind of sad, so I sprayed a fuckload of insect repellent, turned off the light in my room and turned on the kitchen lights. The plan was so that the bugs would fly into the kitchen and leave me the fuck alone. So far so good...the bugs are gone and I finally played in peace.

Even though it's past midnight I'm kinda hungry. This gives me incentive to eat breakfast in the morning, I guess. I don't feel tired at all, and I think that's pretty bad because now I only want to sleep at 3am and I can't get up.

My sleep schedule is so fucked up. I'll write something worth reading another day.

Back to schooooool

I've gone back up north for school again, and after 8 hours of travel I'm actually really tired. I really hate the railway system in this country... it's so fucking slow. JUST LIKE OUR INTERNET. After getting back I've just been resting a bit... because I was being retarded I actually caught the wrong bus back and it took like an hour longer to get home than it should've. On the bright side I was able to pick up milk so that was kind of good.

My life feels pretty empty now that the LoL World Championships are over. I was pretty mad a couple of days ago when I watched the finals--- it was really anti-climatic for what I expected. It was Korea versus China in the end, and China got stomped 3-0 in a best of 5. It made me kind of sad, watching it, but there wasn't really an excuse for why China lost except that they just weren't as good as the Korean team. Anyway with the conclusion of worlds there wasn't much for me to do, so I just went back to not doing anything.

I went out like... once in my second week of holidays, because I had to babysit almost every other day. I saw Evangelion 3.0 with my friends, and one friend seemed rather apologetic for inviting me to see the movie, because apparently the movie was worse than he expected. To be honest the movie wasn't the best thing I've ever seen but it was far from bad. I quite enjoyed it, even though the plot made next to zero sense and I had no idea wtf was going for about 30min. My expectations were terribly low though, since I never followed Evangelion anyway, so when I didn't understand anything I wasn't stressed out at all. From what I could tell the movie seemed like a gay romance since it featured the protagonist getting all close with this "mysterious boy" and then they piloted this giant robot thing together trying to save the world. I think the major twist was that whatever they were trying to do was actually destroying the world, so the "mysterious boy" became the sacrificial lamb and killed himself to save humanity.

...At least that's what I think happened. I'm not actually sure.

So yeah I'm going back to school starting tomorrow. I'm really tired and I've done shit all for my tutorial, so that's really worrying but I don't think I care too much about that right now. I think I'm just going to shower, and maybe work all night. Life will work itself out... it always does.

Coughing to Death

---------Yesterday's Post----------------------

I haven't been this irritatingly ill in a long time. It's not that I feel super-duper-sick, I just can't stop coughing, and it's gotten to that stage where my muscles ache whenever I cough. Like how your stomach hurts when you laugh too much? It's sorta that except I'm coughing instead of laughing. I can't get decent sleep and I literally wake up coughing. Today I actually felt a lot better, and because of that I decided to sleep in a little, because lying in bed was actually comfortable. The only downside was that I had an assignment due, and I hadn't even written anything. Me, being me, slept in anyway and woke up trying to rush-finish my assignment. It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't procrastinate while writing--- but it just goes to show that an assignment only takes a few hours even if I do check Facebook/Twitter/Reddit.

Babysitting is painful

I'm still sick. I wish my cough would go away. Every time I go into one of those coughing-fits I wonder if it's what pneumonia feels like. I suppose pneumonia would be a lot more painful... I haven't really taken any medication fro my cough, because not much is going to make it better other than time. Drinking water is okay but it's so troublesome having to use the toilet every 40min.

I had to get up early this morning because my mother wanted me to take my sister to the movies. That was fine, except my sister took forever to get dressed and eat breakfast, so by the time we got to the theatre the tickets had sold out. I felt it was largely my sister's fault but she told me it was my fault for not booking her tickets online beforehand. Hard to argue with a 5 year old. I guess she had a point. Anyway I bought tickets for the next session, but it meant wasting 2 hours in the mall waiting for the movie to start. That was extremely boring- to say the least. I couldn't get decent internet connection on my phone, and I was with my sister so she was being a nuisance.

2 hours later, we're in the theatre and watching 30min worth of ads. My sister starts getting restless because the movie hadn't started and kids have really, really short attention spans. There I was fiddling with my phone, surrounded by little kids and their parents. It made me kinda sad because that was not something I wanted to experience until I was at least 30. The movie was surprisingly okay... it was about a snail that gained super-speed (200+ mph) through nitrous oxide... During the movie I wondered if the nitrous oxide would just kill the snail... A quick search told me that nitrous oxide could be used for recreational purposes because it made you euphoric... When I think about it that way that movie was just a really, really cruel joke.

We came home after the movie and I tried to get my sister to eat lunch. That only took about 2.5 hours. I tried to get some time to myself but my sister wouldn't leave me alone. I was finally able to ditch after dinner, but after wasting a bit of time on Reddit and YouTube I've grown extremely sleepy. My assignment still isn't writing itself. My exam timetable came out and it's enforcing the urgency of revision...

God I hate babysitting.

NightFest II

I made a similar post around this time last year... I went to NightFest again. It's the annual flower festival, except I went at night with trippy lights and stuff. The place was rather crowded, and it was quite dark so I couldn't really see where I was going. Everything was vastly overpriced- a bottle of water cost $5 and even the tickets had gone up in price. Still, I didn't really care and spent money anyway.

I didn't really WANT to go this year, because I have lingering bad memories from last year. I guess I have more artistic appreciation nowadays, and I think looking at flowers with glowing lights in the dark is kind of romantic... if I had someone to go with. Basically one of my girl-friends organised this thing in the first place, and the she stated that she was gonna bring her bf along and that if other people wanted to bring their partners it was all cool and fine. At that point I realised it was going to become a "wander off with your date" kind of event, and at that point I didn't really want to go any more. However I hadn't seen my friends in a long time so I came up with a compromise: I called up a friend of mine and hoped he would keep me company when everyone else has wandered off in their little corner.

Anyway when I thought everything had been said and done all my friends cancelled on the event and said they couldn't go for whatever reason. Then I have my one friend who I invited telling me he was already in town (2 hours before I could feasibly get there) and I was like "oh wow this is so awkward. At that stage I pretty much had zero incentive to go but I had dragged my friend into going so if I bailed on him it would be AwkwardFest for him. That being decided, I drove out after dinner and then waited in line for an hour because I didn't buy tickets beforehand this year.

I finally got inside after the longest time, and to my dismay I realized that the one friend who I had invited wasn't actually alone--- but it wasn't like he was just with a  couple of other people--- he was part of a massive, massive group of people who I really didn't know, and they were his classmates or acquaintances or whatever the fuck. At that stage I realized "oh wow, I really didn't need to be here".

Except I'm becoming the kind of person who stops sulking in a corner when they're in an unhappy situation. Having figured out that selfishness is the ingredient to happiness, I told my friend I didn't really want to hang out with the big group and we broke off the group with 2 closer, mutual friends of ours. We made a 4 man roaming squad, and from then on I had a really good time. We went through this patch of trees which had green lights pouring down- I can't really describe it well, but you could see rays of green light in front of you, and it felt like you were in Mission Impossible. That was possibly the coolest part of the entire exhibition. I bought some overpriced ice cream, then we walked around these stalls- I tried some watermelon-flavoured fudge (it actually tastes like watermelon) and it was the sweetest thing ever.

After that we peer-pressured each other into wasting more money on buying furry animal hats. There were these wolf-hats and I was like "let's make a wolf pack!" but then it turned out there were only 3 hats and 4 of us. So I drew the short end of the stick and chose something else, and this guy was trying to be nice and asked "are you sure you don't want the wolf" about 50 times. I was kinda moved because I did want the wolf but he was like 2 years younger than me and I feel guilty when people younger than I am are nice to me. So then I grabbed a different hat instead of the 4-man wolf-gang we had a 3-wolf 1-stand-out-tiger-squad. That would've looked awks in day time but it was night so nobody saw, and in the end it was just 4 of us prowling around with furry animal hats. We were fucking adorable.

Yeah I ended up having a good time in the end. I think life just gets a lot easier when you're not thinking about confessing to someone or panicking on the inside. Of course walking around brought back a lot of memories of last year--- and I kinda still remember where everything happened... but it just felt so much more comfortable being around someone you like but not trying super-hard to impress or to grab their attention.

Life is easier when you can be yourself.