Can't Sleep

It's currently 2am and as the title suggests, I can't sleep. I have to wake up at 6.45am because I need to be somewhere by 8am, but at this rate I doubt I'll even sleep. I tried doing work for an hour or two tonight, but I was thoroughly distracted and somehow ended up playing LoL. Then I played for ages because I kept on losing games but I really wanted to win. It was ironic because one game where I thought I'd completely dominate I lost pretty hard, and the other game where I thought we'd lost for sure we actually won. Oh well, it's all kind of uninteresting, even as I write about it.

So my left hand looks like it's positively diseased right now, because it has an accumulation of 12 mosquito bites. Yeah... Then I scratched a couple unwittingly, and I have a massive scab where it bled. Wasn't my fault the inflammation only got worse after 2 nights. I only started with 4 bites one night, then the number just grew. Finally I decided to spray a fuckload of insect repellent over my skin before I slept, and the next day I found my mosquito bites had mostly diminished. Except for the ones that are scarring. That's not going to go away. My skin has been wrecked my mosquitoes ever since I moved up north.    

I'm starting to hate on this city, nothing's really felt right after I came back from China. As I found out I gained 3kg in China over a week and I've lost 5kg ever since I returned, because there's nothing to eat. On one side I'm telling myself "at least I'm one step closer to being not-fat if I ever go back to China again", but on the other I'm going "omfg where is food". 

I can't wait til I graduate (oh shit this line sounds way too familiar). 

I feel like my entire life up to now has just been a massive waiting game... In primary school and high school I just kept on waiting for the holidays. I never actually liked going to school. So I just kept on waiting and waiting and waiting, until it was over. I'd wait for recess and lunch breaks, I'd wait for weekends. Then all of a sudden I was in college and I didn't even enjoy recesses, lunch breaks, weekends or even holidays anymore. As far as I was concerned it was all free time where I could be doing maths. Maths consumed my life...

So I decided to wait for graduation. Then graduation came and it wasn't nearly as exciting as I hoped. So I waited some more for my university acceptance letters--- and those weren't very exciting either. I think I was happy, but maybe it was about the fact that I got into multiple prestigious places rather than me obtaining something I truly cared for. Then I waited to move out as I endured the long and dreadful holidays where I alternated between working and arguing with my parents...

Coming to university, I am now waiting for graduation. I've finished the first term and I'm waiting for graduation. My holidays have felt way too short--- possibly because I had a decent time in China, but more likely because some "friend" of mine completely ruined the last week for me. Then school started and I'm close to being buried by obscene amounts of work... And of course I'm choosing to ignore all the work I have. 

When I stay awake late night like this, I start wondering, what does it all amount to in the end? Why am I doing what I'm doing? It's like I've forgotten my purpose, and my life's ambitions seem horribly ridiculous anyway. I keep trying to find reasons to be happy, but then almost right after I realise I don't want to be where I am and become terribly discontent with life in general.

And this, is probably why I should consider lying awake in bed instead of sitting up and blogging at the eerie hour of 2am.