What happened? I'm not sure, actually. If I had to be completely rational about the whole situation I'd say it was no big deal. I've told the story a couple of times already, and I don't really want to repeat what happened, because now that I think about it, it was completely stupid anyway. We essentially had 2 major arguments, and they were completely unnecessary.
While I do enjoy a good argument once in a while, I hate it when one party gets overly emotional and it deteriorates to pointless banter. The things we argued about weren't really points of contention, but it was more about a clash of personality as opposed to anything else. When your personalities clash I think you can argue about anything, because in a way you're just looking for a reason to hate somebody more.
Not that I hated him before. It sounds childish but I want to scream "HE STARTED IT". In reality I obviously had a part to play- I said something which made him say something which offended me. I do feel as if he was trying to find more faults in me; and he was extrapolating my character based off personal assumptions until it became something worth hating. Or maybe I do have one of those personalities which anger people, but haters gonna hate what can I do about it...
Nah, that's not the point of this post. I've had enough of a rant to my friends so I don't need to re-rant the details of our argument on this blog. I want to talk about my current concern, which is his attempt to make amends and my complete reluctance to accept him into my company once again. As previously mentioned, I have trouble forgiving people and I never forget their offences against me.
This "friend" of mine called me up last night and asked me if I wanted to hang out today. Now I was pretending to no longer be angry (and failing at it) so I said "can I bring [my roommate] along". Then he said something along the lines of "yeah but I want to talk to you" and all I could think of was "oh God no fuck off". So I ranted on saying I had work to do, that I was going to sleep in and maybe play LoL for a while. He then said "you don't have to make excuses if you don't want to, I just want to tell you that no matter what your choices is---"
And I stopped listening at that point, because I was too busy thinking "yeah so much for making amends, gtfo".
Those that know me will know that I rarely get angry at someone. I can be annoyed and irritated, but that's not the same as anger, because anger takes a lot more effort. Right now a sensible person reading this would probably think, "wow, stop being such an asshole and get over it already. At least he's trying to work things out, and you're just sitting here being bitter'.
But being bitter is what I do best. At this point I am mostly over our argument, but it's not about the arguments we had anymore. I've come to realize that I don't actually enjoy his company, and that I don't really like talking to him. Everything I say he has a problem with, which is why I feel it's a personality thing. It's like, our personalities aren't set to be friends with one another. It just doesn't work out. I wish we could go back to being polite acquaintances, but he's trying really hard to salvage something out of this failed friendship and it's making me feel guilty.
Except I'd still hate to "give it another go" because I'm a cynical asshole and I can see a 3rd major argument looming on the horizon if I were to go down that path...
Nup, not going back. I'm going to stop being angry, but I can't be friends with someone who has a problem with almost everything I say, and whose company I don't even enjoy. My dear best friend who is probably getting really fat in America, I wish you were here. People just don't appreciate me enough.
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