When Expectation Meets Reality

*Enter Expectation, driving a Mercedes Benz with three beautiful half naked women in the back.*

Expectation: Ah, what a lovely day! The Sun dangles from the azure sky, the gentle rays feel lovely on my face. The breeze is soft, and the clouds are puffy like cotton candy. I must be the happiest person in the world.
Beautiful Women: Oh~you. You are such a poet. So perfect~ If only there were more men like you~
Expectation: Oh my pretty ladies, I'm the only perfect man you'll ever need. *winks*


*Enter Reality, who appears suddenly out of nowhere.*


Reality: That's a fucking horrible poem. In fact, that's not even a poem. It doesn't even fucking rhyme. You fucking suck at this.
Expectation: Ahem~ That, sir, is rather forward of you. Though I must modestly confess that it is not much of a poem-
Reality: Damn straight. And what the fuck are you doing with these girls here? How can they be wearing so little? WHORES.
Expectation: ...Oh, how rude. They have the right to dress however they please, and if it is a fashion which shows off their beautiful bodies, then I have no protests. Besides, it is summer-

*Gust of strong wind blows from nowhere. Temperature falls to 2 degrees Celsius.*

Reality: Not anymore it isn't. WINTER!
Expectation: Hey, what the hell? It was warmer only moments ago... Well, at least it's still sunny...
Reality: CUE THE RAIN!

*Thunderstorm. The beautiful women all run off screaming*

Expectation: Noooo~ Come back~! Argh, this is foul weather indeed. Whatever happened to the lovely skies?
Reality: It was never lovely.
Expectation: But it was only moments ago---
Reality: IT WAS A LIE.
Expectation: What's the matter with you?! First you come in and insult me, then you insult those lovely ladies, and even now you're being unpleasant. But come, now's not the time to argue, let's get in my car so we don't get drenched by the rain---
Reality: There is no car.
Expectation: Oh please don't be ridiculous. We're going to catch a cold in the rain---

*Reality pulls out explosives from nowhere, hurls them at the Mercedes Benz. The car erupts in flames*

Expectation: HEY~! What the hell was that?
Reality: THERE IS NO CAR.
Expectation: OMFG WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A FUCKING JERK?
Reality: Ha, I knew you couldn't hold up the nice guy image for long!

*Expectation recollects his composure*


Expectation: Oh I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened there, I just lost it all of a sudden. I'm sure you didn't mean to do that. It was a pretty lousy car anyway. Let's just leave.

*Expectation drags Reality over to a shelter*
*Reality slaps Expectation in the face*


Expectation: Ow, that hurt, but it was expected. I suppose I needed that. I shouldn't have lost my temper. Thanks for waking me up.
Reality: You're fucking retarded.
Expectation: Well, I know I've never been the brightest out there, but I would say that I'm better than most.
Reality: You're more retarded than a shit-eating monkey with glue for brains.
Expectation: That's a little harsh... But hey, cheer up! When the rain clears, we'll at least be able to go home!
Reality: Your parents don't love you.
Expectation: Oh come on now don't say that. They're a little cold sometimes but-
Reality: Your friends think you're gay.
Expectation: That's not even funny.

*Reality kicks Expectation in the balls*


Reality: Now it's funny.

*Reality poofs, leaving Expectation on the ground alone, crying in pain*


---------------------------Fine------------------------------------------------

TRUE STORY.

^My attempt at writing a play, in case you don't know a script when you see one. Having finished, I feel like I am Shakespeare reborn. Oh how often have I shouted: "MY LIFE IS A TRAGEDY. I must be Shakespeare." Then my friend would correct me: "you mean Hamlet," and I would say, "no, I mean Shakespeare, because I write my own tragedies."

Why Sleep is Wonderful

Thanks to my college life, I've begun to live under a regularly irregular sleep pattern. On some nights I get 11hours, on others I get 3. Last night was a pretty bad night where I got 2. I WOULD sleep more, except I feel like there are so many unaccomplished tasks before me. Going to bed without doing anything just feels... like a waste of time. Yeah, you know your time management is screwed when you think that sleeping is a waste of time.

I've never thought about the importance of sleep before college. Another thing I always took for granted. Sleep was just something we did- and most of the time I preferred not-sleeping until I collapsed from gaming-overdose. Now it's more like work-overdose, except I no longer have the luxury of collapsing. I drink something like a litre of tea on assignment nights, just to keep myself awake. I sit in front of the computer, with my arms and legs freezing off, while I struggle to type out another word of my never-ending assignment. It's a sorry sight, is it not?

This was surely me in a previous life.

Why I hate winter #3123: it makes me think depressing thoughts. Or it might just be the sleep deprivation... but I blame winter. Fuck winter. I'm cold, miserable, hungry and god I'm so thirsty but the kitchen is so far away.  Quite a dilemma. I suppose I'll just pretend my parched throat doesn't exist, and grab water in the morning- except I won't be thirsty by then.

I should sleep. In fact, I will. Screw homework. Giving a fuck takes more effort than you can imagine.

Unethical Practises

Whilst bullshitting my chemistry report and preparing to fabricate data for my psychology report, I start to wonder whether the "real" scientists do this kind of stuff as well. I've done quite a few chemistry reports up until now, and I've always "modified" the data so that it was convenient. Nobody wants to explain their 120% experimental error, after all. 3.05 seconds? That's surely the same as 4.50 seconds. I know that you can discount outliers in an experiment: however, what if there's no correlation, and every single result obtained could be considered an outlier? If I were an honest person, I would state that there was no correlation to be found- but do I really want to go against the masses, and say that, NOPE, THE CONCENTRATION HAS NO EFFECT ON THE RATE OF REACTION. No thank you, I want my marks.

Do I feel guilty, doing all this? Nope, not at all. I've never considered myself a scientist, after all. More like an unwilling science student, if anything. If science wasn't so easy to pass, I might've done something else. It's not like me rigging a school science experiment is going to alter the lives of millions. I'm just trying to obtain convenient results. Every textbook tells me that my experiment isn't doing what it's supposed to- maybe I've struck on an amazing discovery- maybe I could prove everybody wrong! But I don't really care. It's more likely that one of the chemicals I used has expired or something.

So what about the "real" scientists out there? They would have stronger ethical principles than me, right? After all, this is "the real deal". When I think about it though- probably not. I have no reason to think that they have a more righteous moral inclination. The greatest scientists are those who can pursue what they want- and more importantly- have the money to pursue what they want. What about those scientists who get hired to do lab experiments and write reports all day, just so their research could be published under a different name, and credited to a different person?  Sure, they get paid for it--- but maybe that's the problem. Imagine, your boss is driving you for results- and there are no bloody results to be found. Nobody wants to hear that they've just thrown money at a futile cause. If a few data points could be tweaked, maybe it can be argued that there is a weak correlation- or the initially weak correlation can be changed to a moderately strong correlation---

Yup, there is definitely a correlation between your blood type, the fact that you believe in blood type personality determinants and your level of mental retardation.

Living in this material world of ours- wouldn't it be nice if the results showed what we wanted to see? Unless it's a clinical trial, perhaps it wouldn't matter if the data was a little bit off? If one experiment gave results which were different from every other source- and the other results are the ones you wanted- perhaps the results of this particular experiment could be changed?

...Or maybe only I would think like this. Either way, don't think I'm cut out to be a scientist. Imagine if I led research on nuclear weaponry or something...

Insatiable Hunger

I've told myself a million times that I'm going on a diet. Diet resolutions are always easy to make right after I've eaten. I think I made one last night, and the night before, and the night before that. Always right after dinner.

Now I've finally realised (and accepted) that it just isn't going to happen. I care about my food more than I care about my body image. I come home, I'm hungry, and I go eat biscuits. I could've had fruit, I could've cooked myself noodles- but nooo, biscuits. It wouldn't be such a struggle if it wasn't winter- in summer I go outside after dinner and run around the park- now I sit in front of the computer all day pretending to do work.

...whilst stuffing myself with fat

I could ignore my hunger next time... pretend that I wasn't hungry and just not eat for a couple of days. Except that would never last. I can say what I want now, because I'm full, but once hunger strikes I'm just going to eat. And eat. And eat until I get tired of eating. Not even until I'm full.

So today, after eating lunch, I went back to my room. 30min later I walked out for a biscuit. 10min after that I had a bowl of ice-cream. It feels weird, shivering beside a heater whilst eating ice-cream. I wash my bowl, go back to my room again. another 30min later I go out, finishing off whatever leftover lunch there was. It's like... having 3 meals within 2 hours.Then dinner came a couple of hours later.

I wonder whether I'd lose weight or gain weight after I leave home. Maybe I'd lose it, because I wouldn't bother eating, and there would be no one around to force me to eat. Or maybe I'd gain weight, because I'll be eating out everyday.

Speaking of food... I'd really like a jam tart right now... Along with a cup of hot tea. Well, off I go, I guess...

Not doing work whilst complaining about it

I'm glad that the temperature's risen slightly today. Though it was cloudy it was not cold, which is always good. I wish the Sun could have stayed up longer- but I suppose there is not much I can do about that.

I'm overwhelmed by work, as usual. My time management skills have not improved- but judging from the fact that I always get work done on time, I suppose it's not that big a deal. I have a psychology report to write by Wednesday- I'm supposed to conduct my own experiment, but I'm undecided as to what to do. It's Friday night. The plan is to conduct the experiment on Monday, then spend Monday and Tuesday night not-sleeping. I don't even know how I managed to fall behind on maths at the same time. Perhaps it is because I spend my time not-doing maths...

Would you look at that... 9pm already. The [night] is still young, eh? I don't suppose I'll sleep much tonight. Or maybe I'll go to bed at 11 again. Oh decisions and indecisions. I have that chemistry major prac to write... it's due on Monday and I haven't started. Everything's so tedious... I wish I'd taken double English or something... I'd be so chill right now. Nothing to worry about. Ergh.

However, I am slightly excited by the prospect of my approaching birthday party. I'd like something large- so that I can afford to invite everyone who is acquainted with me. Let's not think about the costs. Maybe I can get my parents to pay- if I am spoiled, then I ought to be entitled to a massive party. I think my actual birthday's right in the middle of test week though. Maybe I can push it back for a bit...

Life isn't so gloomy. Only another 125 days or so til I graduate. Maybe I should do a countdown...