Not-so-deep analysis of the best MV ever.

After watching and re-watching what I shall continue to refer to as the best music video (MV) ever, I really wanted to write about it. Now before I start--- my opinions are solely my own and if you don't agree with them, it is not required that you follow my words as divine truth (though I wish you would). 

Here's the video again, if you missed it.

I guess I'll begin from my initial reactions to the video. Like I said yesterday, I thought it was some stupid generic sweet love song. Within the opening seconds, my opinion changed--- the tune was rather catchy, and  the casual whistling sound was really cool. Guy 1, dressed in black and sitting in the car, appears rather uninterested while the girl beside him is smiling. I thought they were a couple, and that the girl was teasing him. I was really distracted by how cute the girl was--- and when she teased him I was like, "gaaawww she's adorable."

Then when Guy 1 yelled back, I thought "oh maybe she went too far. Her actions did seem a little... brutal." Except I still thought they were a couple, and they were sorta like, play-fighting. But she laughed and ran into the arms of Guy 2. I immediately caught on that she was in a relationship with Guy 2 from the way she was acting, so I was like, "ohhhh, this is like Taeyang's Wedding Dress MV all over again, where the girl he loves marries his good friend." With that notion in mind, I failed to see the story play out any other way. 

I started feeling really bad at the point where the girl and Guy 2 flashed their engagement ring, and the girl came downstairs in her beautiful wedding dress, showing off her ring to Guy 1. It's like pouring acid on an open wound. Then Guy 1 got all emotional, and his acting was quite touching and very convincing. That's what I'm referring to when I say I can understand his heartbreak. 

Then the wedding photo scene--- getting dragged back by your best friend, and you can't refuse. Except it's a horrible, awkward situation that causes you pain, but you can't escape from. I think we can all empathize with that to a certain degree, and sad to say, I can understand all too well. When Guy 1 tore up the wedding photo, I did notice how he ripped right through the girl's image. At first I imagined to be bad tearing skills, then I thought it was symbolic of him destroying what he can't have, or he was so pained that he can't stand to see her beautiful figure. At least I got the last part right.

The ending was a shocker, eh? I guess that's what marks this video out from the rest. I had already felt bad for the guy before hand, but after realizing that he liked the guy instead of the girl, I felt even worse. Like, shit, this isn't even something you can openly mourn for. If you've ever heard Avril Lavigne's song, Girlfriend, she bashes out some guy's girlfriend and says that she's so much better.  I don't think there's any chance in hell that an ordinary guy can find enough courage to say that to the one he likes. I can only imagine how awful it'd be, being gay and loving someone who's straight.

I felt rather guilty for being surprised by the ending. I understand its function as a twist, but I feel as if it shouldn't be a twist. Why did I never consider that he might have liked the guy? Sure, the video is deliberately misleading, showing so much footage of Guy 1 and the girl together--- then there's that scene where he makes a move to touch the girl, but then she disappears, suggesting that he only imagined her. Still, there were so many hints which I just chose not to see, because I had the notion of a guy-girl relationship in mind the whole time.

After I re-watched the video, everything just became blatantly obvious. Like, of course he doesn't like her! Look how miserable he is! It was then that I start to notice how deeply the idea of a heterosexual relationship is ingrained into my mind. Even though I have nothing against (and is even supportive of) homosexual relationships, when I watched the MV, it just never came to mind. I didn't consider the possibility. 

Now I'm bashing myself for being that way, because I used to pride myself in being able to consider different options and alternatives. I had failed completely in that exercise, it seems. I didn't consider, didn't even think to consider that it could've been any other way. Argh, that's embarrassing.

Though it's okay in the end, right? I mean, I've obviously been taught to associate love and relationship with heterosexual couples, but there's no reason I can't teach myself otherwise. I believe our subconsciousness are only a level deeper than our consciousness, and if I learn from this experience, then it'll make me a better thinker.

And this is why I refer to this MV as the best MV ever.

Politics

Now I'm taking pains to fill in the paper work to vote at the next election. I'd rather not vote if I could. I'm quite certain my attitude would disgust a substantial amount of people- whilst other countries are struggling for a democratic government, I decide I'd rather not vote. Classic first world problem. Well, paperwork is always a pain, and I'd hate to have to drive out to where ever just to place a vote into the ballot box. Thought they say every vote counts- it all matters- I am quite sure mine will be meaningless due to my utter ignorance of politics. I can name the prime minister and the opposition leader- and very few others. 

However, those are not the names which appear on the ballot paper- and I have little knowledge or concern for the local representatives. Now that I think about it- I will most likely rank my vote in terms of attractiveness, if pictures are shown. If not, it will be in order of a visually and phonetically pleasing name.

Oh, I can imagine the fury the above statements will attract- but they are perfectly honest. In my opinion, I am much better than those who pretend they know about politics and economics and talk about such things all day without ever having read or thought about it. Regurgitating information from the media about how the carbon tax fucked us all and how the government is screwing us over isn't considered political knowledge, right? I bet half the people who go on and on about the carbon tax doesn't even understand how "tax" works. It is even likely that my attitude corresponds to that of the majority- who cares, when you're living in the centre of the first world? We are so complacent, after all.

Then there are the politicians- would  they rank national welfare above self-interest? Everyone thinks they could- but if there is anything I learnt from my study of morality, it's that saying what you would do and actually doing it are two completely different things. I tell myself that I would try to save a complete stranger in event of danger, but if such circumstances were to occur, I would secure my own safety, then those who I care about. Placing a stranger's life in front of my own is something of a fantasy to me.

...I digress. The point is, I am thinking too hard about the flaws of a democratic system. Not that I have no appreciation for equality... I do like how the way this country is run- and I suppose this is the best way to go about it. So being the good legal adult I am, I'm going to finish filling my paper work and cast my vote at the next election.

...As an after thought: if the entire world consisted of people like myself- I guess the political leader of every country would be a K-Pop star or an Asian drama actor. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Gender Inequality

Having studied a fuckload of feminist texts where GENDER GENDER GENDER AND FEMALE OPPRESSION have been the dominant themes, I must admit that I'm sick of hearing the term "gender inequality". People treat gender inequality as if it were a plague, something to be fixed, amended. So I sit back and wonder, "is gender equality REALLY what these people want?"

Now I'm heavily biased, because as I've mentioned, I'm sick of feminist arguments and feminism. Sick of hearing that women are just as good as men in every aspect, and they should be treated in this way and that way and BLAH BLAH BLAH. Oh lord. I must confess though, that I hardly know anything about gender oppression. I've only ever read about it--- and I agree, females have it pretty bad. A fundamental level of respect should exist for all human beings, regardless of gender, race, religion etc. When I say that though, I mean you have a basic level of respect for their person, not their traits. Nobody expects you to respect Christianity if your faith lies with sacred purple flying monkeys. It seems,  however, that people confuse a person with the labels they carry, and tend to forget the obvious biological label of the the fact that PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE. It sounds so retarded when I say it. "People are people? ORLY NOW?" 

Which brings us back to the point about gender. Why do we give a fuck about gender? "Men are primitive monkeys who think with their penises", "women are PMS-ing bitches who never shut up and never mean what they say". Neither sound very appealing to me. Maybe I should find a sexless entity to marry instead.

So in my opini-onion (that should be a word), people should stfu about this gender thing and get over it. Really. Get over the "males are better than females" complex. Discrimination is inefficient. Get over the "I WANT THE SAME TREATMENT" thing. It's so stupid. It's like saying you want vitamin C tablets to treat your testicular cancer, BECAUSE YOU DESERVE THE SAME TREATMENT AS THE GUY WITH SCURVY, GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT.

Think about it for a second, will you? If we had absolute gender equality. In a fight, let's bash up women as well as men- because hell, they're equal. Work requiring heavy-lifting and physical exertion? Let's put equal amounts of men and women on the team. How about we mix women and men events in the Olympics as well? There's a much-needed reform. They're just being outright sexist, I reckon, having separate categories based on gender.

What's that, they're NOT being sexist? It's because women are disadvantaged? BUT I THOUGHT BOTH GENDERS WERE EQUAL. Sheesh. Perhaps the point to make clear about all this is that... it's not about one being better than the other... it's about being different. And God knows we've never coped well with different things. "You're different? Ewww cooties."

When people start to acknowledge that every human, despite their differences, is still in fact, human--- and therefore should be treated as a human, then the world will be a better place.

...Never mind the fact that some humans are far more stupid than others.

A Fine Balance

My extended weekend is starting to feel too long. Though I should be cherishing my precious hours- hours which should be spent on work, I stroll around in idleness, lamenting the trivialities of life. That's not going to change any time soon, I suppose.

Waking up past noon has that effect on you- I felt as if I were robbed of my day. I have been awake for less than 2 hours- yet half my day has disappeared. If I had gotten up early, I would have had more time- but I did choose to sleep at three. The reason? I was reading a... (peculiar? Is that the word I want to use?) book that I had wanted to finish before going to bed. That way I could wake up with a clear head and start my analysis.

The title of the novel is the title of this entry: A Fine Balance. It describes the impacts of the political changes in India during the years of the Emergency; specifically from the lower class' point of view. It was anything but pleasant. Unlike my overly emotionally sympathetic friend (who I dearly love), however, I did not cry seven times. In fact, I don't remember crying at all. Strangely, even sadness was absent. Not that I'm an unfeeling statue or anything- I just didn't think the novel was particularly sad. It was more like a series of grotesque events pieced together, and what had formed was perhaps a little too bizarre for my cognitive empathy to interpret.

I kept a list of events which had happened in the novel, which I found particularly disturbing. One of my friends had commented that it was something that only I would do--- and I heartily agree. Being the wonderful person I am, I'll share the list with you, so you know what happens in this book without having to suffer the process of reading the entire 614 page novel like I did.

A Fine Balance: All the nasty scenes

1.  Nusswan (Dina’s brother) squeezing Dina’s nipples
2.  Ishvar’s mother getting raped in a field
3.  Narayan was hung upside down, naked. He was flogged and hot coal was applied to his mouth and genitals. Then they dragged his body back to his family and burnt his family.
4.  Maneck’s classmate masturbating against him at boarding school
5.   Maneck being stripped naked in and shoved in a refrigerator. He took a dump in there. After they let him out he was forced to ejaculate in front of them.
6.  Tikka (the dog) eats the two monkeys. Apparently Monkey-man has sex with his monkeys.
7. Monkey-man slits Tikka’s throat in front of an “altar”. He now lives with 2 small children.
8. Ashraf (an old tailor) is killed in a marquee. 
9. Om and Ishavar forced to undergo vasectomies with half-sterilized equipment.
10. Om is castrated after his operation, under the pretense of him having testicular cancer.
11. Ishvar and Om become beggars, with Om dragging Ishvar around. Ishvar had his legs amputated due to surgical complications. Om had become fat, possibly due to the hormonal imbalance after his castration.
12. Maneck steps off the platform at the railway station, committing suicide.

Nasty plot, is it not? (Heh, that rhymed.) The names may be confusing, but you get the general gist. Most of my friends found the castration scene to be the worst, but to me the most pitiable character was Monkey-man (no. 7). The 2 small children were his sister's, and they were taken away from him. The children had their hands cut off and their eyes blinded, then they were sent out to beg. Their physical deformities attracted greater monetary sympathy. I had felt and understood the hollowness in Monkey-man's character- being emotionally dependent on everything he could attach himself to, yet having all of those taken away from him. 

Anyway, so that I don't stand out in the crowd as the only person who was not overly-disgusted at the castration scene, I went back and re-read it. It was alright, really. The tone of this novel is very detached, as if it were merely recounting a series of events. I blame this for my general lack of emotion towards this novel.  And I don't really see why the castration scene was any worse than all the other scenes. Sure it symbolised a loss of manhood, but I think it was more the fact that it dealt with a sensitive region that people make a greater fuss over it. At least he was anesthetized when he was castrated. 

Being who I am, I looked up "effects of castration" on the internet. It turned up with images. That was kind of repulsive, but my curiosity overcame that with ease. That has been my entertainment for the past 10 minutes, reading a journal on the effects of castration. 

http://jcem.endojournals.org/content/84/12/4324.full

Disclaimer: The above link contains material similar to those I read on a daily basis, out of amusement. I only left it there to satisfy your curiosity, follow the link at your own discretion. I take no responsibility for your condition, physical or psychological, as a result of reading the article.

That being said, it is from a legitimate journal. Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism. Oh... btw, there are images there. Nothing too upsetting, but then again--- perhaps our definitions of "upsetting" are slightly varied.

In summary I'd say A Fine Balance was a rather... satisfying read. Not many would agree with me, I guess. I can't say I enjoyed the experience, because this is not the type of novel I would voluntarily read. However, it is good literature, and I am ultimately glad to have read something like this. It makes you more refined as a person, in my opinion. 

So go ahead and read the novel if you have time. The author's won a multitude of literary awards, so at least you will have read something famous...ish. It is apparently "A masterpiece of illumination and grace. Like all great fiction, it transforms our understanding of life."

Earphones

My mother stomps into my room, and hurls a pair of earphones at me. "These earphones are ruined," she says. It takes me a moment or two to make sense of what was happening- oh right, they must've been in the pocket of my pants, and seeing as how she just did the laundry, she probably washed my earphones as well.

Shrugging, I tell her it's okay, and I don't mind.

What I did not expect, however, was her rage at me. "YOU POINTED TO THOSE PANTS, SO I JUST WASHED THEM. WHY DIDN'T YOU CHECK? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? DO YOU HAVE NO COMMON SENSE?" I remain silent, stunned at this sudden outburst. It's like she's defending herself against an imaginary accusation. I did say that it was okay, didn't I? And these are my earphones. If anything, I should be the one who's upset, not her. Then she says a few more words which I heard but didn't pay attention to- and I laugh weakly in response. She imitates my weak laugh sarcastically, as if to say, "now look what you've done." Then she leaves my room in anger. I cannot fully express how overwhelmed I am by this event.

But then I'm like, "meh"

Well, I suppose one life lesson I've learnt from her today is how to be a complete bitch. If you've done something wrong- for example, damaged someone's property--- no, don't bother talking about it calmly. Don't bother apologising or expressing remorse. No, instead you had better blame the owner for allowing you to damage their possession- it's their fault, obviously. If you rage at them before they rage at you, then they'll be shocked into not raging at all. I'm sure apologies only fuel anger, anyway.

God, as stupid as this sounds... I think she might have a point there. Why does this stupid world work this way? See, at least now she feels no guilt about the earphones incident, and I am most certainly not going to provoke her now.

Except I don't want to be that way.

...Oh, did I mention... My earphones survived the laundry process quite well. In fact... they're completely fine, and there is no evidence that they have been through the washing machine, save the fact that they smell of washing powder.

Unethical Practises

Whilst bullshitting my chemistry report and preparing to fabricate data for my psychology report, I start to wonder whether the "real" scientists do this kind of stuff as well. I've done quite a few chemistry reports up until now, and I've always "modified" the data so that it was convenient. Nobody wants to explain their 120% experimental error, after all. 3.05 seconds? That's surely the same as 4.50 seconds. I know that you can discount outliers in an experiment: however, what if there's no correlation, and every single result obtained could be considered an outlier? If I were an honest person, I would state that there was no correlation to be found- but do I really want to go against the masses, and say that, NOPE, THE CONCENTRATION HAS NO EFFECT ON THE RATE OF REACTION. No thank you, I want my marks.

Do I feel guilty, doing all this? Nope, not at all. I've never considered myself a scientist, after all. More like an unwilling science student, if anything. If science wasn't so easy to pass, I might've done something else. It's not like me rigging a school science experiment is going to alter the lives of millions. I'm just trying to obtain convenient results. Every textbook tells me that my experiment isn't doing what it's supposed to- maybe I've struck on an amazing discovery- maybe I could prove everybody wrong! But I don't really care. It's more likely that one of the chemicals I used has expired or something.

So what about the "real" scientists out there? They would have stronger ethical principles than me, right? After all, this is "the real deal". When I think about it though- probably not. I have no reason to think that they have a more righteous moral inclination. The greatest scientists are those who can pursue what they want- and more importantly- have the money to pursue what they want. What about those scientists who get hired to do lab experiments and write reports all day, just so their research could be published under a different name, and credited to a different person?  Sure, they get paid for it--- but maybe that's the problem. Imagine, your boss is driving you for results- and there are no bloody results to be found. Nobody wants to hear that they've just thrown money at a futile cause. If a few data points could be tweaked, maybe it can be argued that there is a weak correlation- or the initially weak correlation can be changed to a moderately strong correlation---

Yup, there is definitely a correlation between your blood type, the fact that you believe in blood type personality determinants and your level of mental retardation.

Living in this material world of ours- wouldn't it be nice if the results showed what we wanted to see? Unless it's a clinical trial, perhaps it wouldn't matter if the data was a little bit off? If one experiment gave results which were different from every other source- and the other results are the ones you wanted- perhaps the results of this particular experiment could be changed?

...Or maybe only I would think like this. Either way, don't think I'm cut out to be a scientist. Imagine if I led research on nuclear weaponry or something...

Antagonizing the World

[Antagonize]
verb (used with object)

to make hostile or unfriendly; make an enemy or antagonist of

---------------------------------------------

See, as it turns out, I'm not the only one with a billion problems. There exists so many dissatisfied people, who seem far more distressed than I am. *GASP FROM THE CROWD* What's this, I'm showing empathy? Woah step back.


I am well aware that I am a spoilt child. Look at me: smartphone, computer, internet, games, books- everything I've ever asked for, I have pretty much acquired. The name of this blog IS called Vane's First World Problems. Yes, I KNOW that I'm living a good life! That, however, does not justify why people seem to hate the world around them, though they may not be as lucky as I am. 


Living where I live, I've only come in contact with people of similar socioeconomic backgrounds. Whatever you do, at least you don't have to worry about stepping on a minefield or worry about your next meal. There's always a reason to be happy- though I suppose you can argue that there are plenty of people out there who are entitled to be just as happy as you are. Is there anything wrong with that though?

Everyone gets frustrated from time to time: it is when this period of frustration extends beyond the patience of your friends that it becomes a problem. "A real friend will stay forever"--- that is perhaps true. Though if you considered them your friend, perhaps you wouldn't want to stretch them to their absolute limits and test whether your hypothesis holds.


There are an infinite number of things which are wrong in this world. We can only correct so many things at once: and then some other problem will find its way in again. Maybe the world weighs you down, and you feel trapped and alone: however, the world is not such a sinister place. Though I am not willing to vouch for an innate goodness in mankind, I am willing to say that there is some redeeming quality in every human. Human nature may be filthy and disgusting- but within that corruption there is something worthwhile. 


This sounds far too optimistic for someone like me: I'm used to my incessant complaints and my miserable temperament. I guess what I'm saying is- there's no need to hate on this world, and not everybody holds malicious intents. The Earth will keep on spinning just the same, without or without anyone in particular. In the end no one is special enough to be the enemy of the world- so there is no need to antagonize this world.


Smile- be happy. Happiness comes in many forms.             

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Work vs Leisure trade-off

I'm bored. Again. There are so many things around to alleviate my boredom, but anything other than work makes me feel guilty at this stage. Work, however, is as boring as ever. Statistics is perhaps one of the biggest turn-offs of actuarial studies. Looks like my choice of uni courses is diminishing. I can almost see my future...
"Woah, you have a double degree in English and philosophy? That's so cool, man! Oh and I'll have coke and a large fries with my quarter pounder, thanks. "

Everybody's dream job, obv.

Following my parents' line of logic: if I study at home I'll do better in my exams, then my grades will go up, then I'll get a higher university entrance score, and get into a "good course" (whatever the fuck that means) in uni. Once I have my degree I'll be able to find a good job (again, undefined) and make lots of money, which obviously equates to success and happiness. Following the rule of transitivity, if I study now I'll be successful and happy. Being able to find the area under a curve somehow fits into the grand scheme of things, and is crucial to me living a fulfilling life.

Why is this world so twisted?

Me in the very near future.

The Handmaid's Tale

It's the title of the book I have to read for my English class, written by Margaret Atwood. It's a good book, but I hate it. Set in the U.S., it's a novel about how woman are oppressed in a dystopian world. The main character is separated from her husband and daughter; she is made into a child-producing machine, because she is in the minority of women who are still fertile. It's horrifying, actually, that 1/2 of the population has been reduced to a walking uterus. Science has been abolished, and people have reverted to devoting themselves to religion. This novel focuses on the whole "all women are sinners because Eve was tempted" thing.

One interesting thing I noted about the novel, however, is that though it is the men who confine the women, it is the women themselves who are prison wardens. They spy on each other and report on each other, and in a way it is them who trap themselves. Isn't that the way way things are in life, though? Perhaps the boundaries we have are all self-imposed, and if consent could be reached, we'd have progress.

I still haven't finished the book- it's been a horribly unproductive day. I know I should finish reading it, but reading it makes me feel sick. I don't know why, but this novel makes me feel more uncomfortable compared to the other ones I've read. Maybe I just don't take dystopian novels too well. After all... it all sounds so real and probable. I feel as if we could achieve the world in The Handmaid's Tale by tomorrow. None of the other texts have been this bad- because I had been withdrawn. I could never fully understand what it would be like to live in Latin America (The House of the Spirits and Chronicle of a Death Foretold), Africa (Purple Hibiscus) or India (The God of Small Things). The novels I had previously read were all pretty bad- but none had struck me so hard. I had sort-of understood feminism through Virginia Woolf, but even then it seemed distant- something that did not concern me.

From a female perspective, living in the world of The Handmaid's Tale would be hell, but I don't think it is any better for a man. You could not escape the indoctrination, if you wanted to survive. How hard it would be, to hold on to your sanity, pretend that you believe in something until you are not even sure whether you actually do believe in it. Everyone else around you is the same. You cannot tell whether they are just pretending, or whether they have gone mad like the rest of the world. It'd be hard to get a woman, and getting a man was apparently illegal. The world must be suffocating- there is nothing to strive for...

Or would you feel pleasure instead? That sense of total dominance over someone. That 1/2 the population is automatically inferior to you because you are a man. Would that make you feel good? I do not know, as I have never felt that way. I imagine it could be pleasurable though, to seize power in your hands...

This novel is about feminism, but it is also about religion. I've noticed that many people around me can freely claim to be an atheist. That would not have been allowed, once upon a time. Reading this novel, I re-lived that time. I've never really appreciated atheism. Though not a believer myself, I've always sympathised with the religious. After all, everyone needs to hold on to something- and some people prefer to hold on to something which is great, powerful and loving- the perfect being- even if it was imaginary. Oh don't cry out "He's NOT imaginary!", that's not the point. The point is that I thought religion was a good thing, and I've never thought about the consequences of religion taken to the extremes. I see it now--- and it's enough to make me wish that religion did not exist. That's like saying I want atheism taken to the extreme though...

I wonder how that feels. Perhaps when I read a text about atheist extremes I will wish that we were all religious. Ultimately... I think I prefer the current state of co-existence. Yeah, it's like sitting on the fence. I take amusement though, in hearing moral debates about stem-cell research, abortion and homosexuality. There would be frustration, because people can appear so ignorant and stupid--- but isn't that sort of interesting?

I speak like a child watching a freak-show.

What constitutes a lie?

Everybody lies. That's a well-established fact from the many seasons of House. Then when I consider how often I lie, I wonder whether others do it as often as I do. What triggered this stream of thought? Well the fact that I told a million lies to various people to get myself into the classes I wanted. I've realised by the end of it all--- every line in the conversation I've had with my teachers was a lie. I lied to my previous maths teacher, saying that I wasn't coming to class because I was going to another chemistry class. Then I lied to my chemistry teacher, saying that I had my maths classes sorted, and that I had to be in that particular class for chemistry. Afterwards I lied to my current maths teacher, saying that I couldn't possibly do anything about my maths lines, so I had to be in his class. Of course I could do something about it. I just didn't want to get stuck with a shitty chemistry teacher. He looked dubious, and was perhaps the only person who had some idea that I was just spinning a fantasy around myself. "Don't worry, I'll get everything sorted," I said. That was also a lie. I had no idea what the fuck was going to happen, and I was anticipating a giant mess. My anticipation was quite justified.

My only thought then was "fuck."

Later on I got in trouble, because I haven't been going to class and my lines were, in fact, a giant mess. I seem to have upset my teachers quite a bit- then I lied more. "Yeah and things just happened, then I had no maths class and had to move all over the place." I switched to  more indirect methods, where I mislead and held back the truth. Language works in wonderful ways. I must say, misinterpreted implication is a beautiful thing. By the end of the conversation I was no longer in trouble, everything was "cleared" and we were on good terms once again.

I now have the best possible outcome- I'm in the right chemistry line, and I have my favourite teacher teaching me maths. This means I'm going to have an excellent time ahead of me. Is there, then, some merit to lying? Lying had sunk me into a mess, but I could only pull myself out with more lies. I sometimes exaggerate, saying that "I'll do whatever I have to, to obtain what I want." That makes me sound much more determined and willful than I actually am. This class-change thing has dragged out for much longer than I had intended, and it is only an insignificant detail in my life. This is only my first taste, a small sip, of using somewhat unconventional methods to achieve my goals-- and this has been enough to shake the foundation of my moral constitution. I had previously believed, that though we might lie, it will eventually be found out, and no matter how much you lie, your character shines through. "Lying is for the weak", my over-inflated ego told me, "It is when someone cannot afford to reveal their true intentions that they deceive." Holding that as as principle, I had refrained from lying- at most I concealed the truth, but I never offered an alternate version with the intention of deceit.

I thought I wouldn't have to though.

Then I started thinking, "how does telling the truth benefit me in any way?" It seemed that nobody enjoyed the truth, and whatever I had said only upset the people around me, and as a consequence they made me miserable. When I lied, however, it worked wonders. I tell my parents that I've finished my homework, even though I have 5 essays to go. I assure my friends that I'll do my part of the assignment, even though I have no idea whether I will finish. The biggest lie I tell, and the one I tell most often, however, is "everything will be alright."

Such a simple line. Easy assurance. Everyone feels much better afterwards. Then it turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Then it's not a lie, is it? It did in fact happen. Does that mean, then, that I did not lie to any of my teachers in the first place? My chemistry lines are in fact switched. My maths lines are in the right places. I did get everything sorted. It was not a truth then, but it is a truth now. Are we concerned with the process or the consequences? Or both? Yet now I bear only the burden of the consequences, and not the burden of my previous actions. That will soon be forgotten. 6 months is a long time.

I think I like lies. I suppose I do not like to be deceived, but if I never knew, I cannot possibly care about being deceived. Lies make people happy, as long as they are not uncovered. Though we concern ourselves with the truth, and we are wary of the deceit of the media, of politicians, of second-hand car salesmen--- Perhaps we should consider the fact that, maybe, just maybe, lies make this world a better place.

Or at the very least, a more interesting place.

Plastic Surgery

No no, don't be alarmed, I'm not thinking of getting plastic surgery. It's just that today a good friend of mine sent me the link to a documentary on plastic surgery. I used to think that everybody who resorted to plastic surgery must be hideously ugly, so watching the documentary has caused quite a paradigm shift in me. It was showing these beautiful women (like, naturally beautiful), who said that they weren't happy with the way they looked, and wanted breasts large enough to fill up DD cups. I'm just sitting here going, "what the hell---"

Then in my heart I scream: It's okay, you don't need larger boobs for me to want to sleep with you! I'd do that any day- 5 times a day- free of charge!

Buuuut it seems I was wrong there too. These women aren't getting plastic surgery to catch the eye of some guy, they're doing it for themselves. This chic was complaining about a bit of fat around her waist, and how she was gonna get it surgically removed (apparently exercise and diet had failed her). It was noted, how nobody would even notice it, even if she wore tight-fitting clothes. What she replied amazed me. It wasn't about other people, she could see it, she knew the fat was there and she wanted to get rid of it. I guess that was fair enough... except not being able to live with a bit of fat cost you 15k.

Apparently getting surgery simply for vanity's sake is bad, but if it improves your quality of life it's a-ok. To be honest I can't see much of a difference. If your face gets mutilated in some accident then people would probably understand you wanting to get plastic surgery, but what if you were born with an ugly face? I mean, these things DO happen. Nobody wants to be themselves, if being themselves meant being ugly.

It seems that our society is trying to promote this "appearance doesn't matter" thing, but of course it matters. Where else did this racism thing come from? I just wish people would stop deluding themselves (perhaps a bit hypocritical, coming from me).

Sometimes I wonder if the world would be a better place if everyone looked beautiful- but then our perception of beauty would be skewed if people all conformed to the same physical traits. What then? Ugly people need to exist to make beautiful people beautiful; equality never works out. If, however, those ugly people wish to stop being ugly (which should be perfectly understandable), they should have the right to change that, eh?

Yeah, I don't think I'm going to give anyone a lecture for wanting plastic surgery. Even if it's for vanity's sake- it probably matters more to them than it does to me. As for myself, I don't think I'd ever go that far, unless I was involved in some unfortunate accident. There's a risk associated with any surgery, this is no different... I'd rather exercise than risk my life. Yeah, I said it, I'd rather exercise.

...But if I could choose, I'd rather be a cat lying on a potato. I'd be cute even if I was fat.