Reading shoujo manga is the absolute worst. I just finished Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun and now I feel like a complete mess. I hate that the characters seem to live such ordinary lives, yet they always find company. The drama of the story is the same- girl loves boy, boy loves girl, in comes another girl and another boy and blah blah blah the story continues. But every time I see a scenario like that, it hurts. Oh my fucking God it hurts like hell.
I really hate the concept of unrequited love.
I am pretty sure that it's just loser's sympathy- when you've liked someone in a completely one-sided manner but they were always, always invested in someone else- that kind of feeling is the worst. Then when you see it play out in the manga you're reading you just want to yell at the girl: JUST DATE HIM, DUMP YOUR CURRENT LOSER-OF-A-LOVE-INTEREST WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND YOU, AND DATE THAT PROUD BUT AWKWARD KID WHO'S ALWAYS THERE, WAITING FOR YOU TO NOTICE HIM. I think I really hated this manga because I sympathize so much with one of the characters. I'm just staring at another version of myself, and realizing that I didn't get the lead role and I won't be the center of this story.
You know how it goes- everyone is meant to be the main character of their own lives. After all, we make our own decisions, choose who we interact with and then become someone unique. But do you know, how tragic it is, to feel like a side-character in your own life? Like you're just there, playing around, being the background music to everyone else's show. It's miserable to be someone else's backdrop.
The other thing I hate about all these romance-themed things- they all seemed to happen during school. The pressure of study just seem to be secondary; everyone still finds time to do really fun things on the weekends, participate in school fairs and fall in love. Real life doesn't work that way. Real life is trying to remember everything you hear in class from nine to four, then go home and suffer your endless assignments and maths problems. One morning you'll get thrown out of the house because you're playing games at 7am but you didn't get above 90 on your medical entrance exam. Real life is feeling depressed when you're alone, happy when you're with others, but hating company all at once. Real life is thinking that if you don't beat every other kid on the maths test, you'll ruin your maths scores for this term, which will ruin your combined maths score for the year, which will ruin your university entrance score, which will ruin your chances of getting into a respectable degree, and then you won't be able to find a very, very high paying job to pay off your parents' mortgage, retirement, debts and your sibling's education. Oh and you better have money left over to pay your own rent, bills and put food on everyone's table.
Man this post is a train-wreck. My mood is terrible right now.
I guess there are some things I will never forgive or forget.
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