Mmmm, my blogging challenge is dead less than a week after it started. It's too hard to blog when you wifi dies on you, goddammit. Yeah yeah, I'm making excuses for myself- but whatever.
I started playing 3 new games on my iPad, because I was that bored and I couldn't decide which RPG I wanted to try out first, so I played them all. First there was Game of Thrones: Ascent- a game which was practically Mafia Wars but with longer waiting times and a terrible, terrible resource-limitation system. I really enjoyed the dialogue of the story, and I could tell a lot of effort had been put into writing the storyline- too bad the limitations of the actual game were so great it was almost impossible to play. Then I started Brave Frontier- which seemed like an old school RPG and I got really bored really quickly. I turned to Dragon City, because it had Dragons in the title, until I realized it was like a spin-off of Farmville.
So this afternoon I got particularly bored and ventured on Omegle. It only took the 13th try before people stopped trying to send me pictures of their dicks. For the longest time I thought I was talking to a girl, and I was getting really excited because for once someone didn't talk to me for evaluation of their dick, but then it turned out I was talking to a dude, and the dude was really just an over-sensitive teenager. The disappointment was great, but I have to say, I learnt a looot of things from this guy.
Firstly he told me he was a pansexual. Out of nowhere, with no context. I guess that's just the sort of thing you do on the internet. So I prodded him a little and ask him whether he liked pans in general or whether it had to be like a frying pan- and he took me very literally and kindly explained to me that he just liked people, regardless of their sex and gender. And I'm just sitting here on this side of the screen going- nope kid, you do not like people- no one likes people.
I guess it was karma, when about 15min down the track, he said I was probably a virgin who hated social activities. He then typed, all caps: FOR FUCK'S SAKE JUST GO ASK SOMEONE OUT. I told him I took pride in my virginity, for what it's worth nowadays, and that yes I hate social activities but fuck him I will not fulfil the entirety of the nerd stereotype, because at least I wasn't fat. He then assured me that he wasn't fat either, and because neither of us wore glasses we could not possibly be nerds. He then described himself as some character or rather, and added the tag "with a touch of virginity".
I promptly picked up on that and asked what that could possibly mean- how can you have "a touch of virginity". I mean, you're either a virgin or you're not, unless there exist the activity of half-sex and thus the state of being half-virgin, which I am not aware of. To my great surprise, this stranger on the internet happily indulged in my curiosity, and replied with great sincerity. He said, "I have a touch of virginity, because I'm a virgin, and I touch myself."
The rest of our conversation was a blur, because all I can remember from that point onwards was the sound of my own laughter, echoing in my bedroom, and my sides hurting a hell of a lot afterwards. I was just caught completely off-guard by that response, and it is possibly the wittiest (and stupidest) thing I have heard in a long, long time.
So there you have it folks, a new phrase to add to your reservoir of expressions. [Def] "A touch of virginity": the state of being virgin and then touching oneself. It was just all so terribly amusing.
#6thdayoftryingtobehappy
No comments:
Post a Comment