Blogging After Many Days

Today's actually a really hot day- it's the first day in many that I've tried connecting to the internet on my laptop. As usual I'm rushing to finish preparations for my tutorial- and I can't say I've woken up to a great start. The temperature of the room became unbearable at around 8am- which was when I actually woke- and I spent the next 4 hours reading nothing in particular. When I got out of bed at around noon I found my landlord had cleaned up the gigantic mess I left in the kitchen and living room last night. I thought it'd be fun to drink until 2am and leave empty bottles all over the place- and it was kind of fun up to the point where my friend decided to play some shitty movie about the White House getting blown up.

Anyway, my landlord then went on a tangent about some sad personal histories, and I tried to empathise up to the point where I really needed to piss. I don't mind him telling me all that stuff, even though I have no interest in knowing it, but it's just awkward when you just wanna drink some Milo and use the bathroom, and he goes off. Of course the fact that he cleaned up the mess for me made matters much, much worse, and in the end I don't even remember what happened but yeah I'm back at my computer blogging.

Despite a conscious effort to go to class, I've missed out on 2 lectures- one because I thought the lecture was scheduled later in the day, and another because the bus came late and I arrived late. I don't think they were THAT important, but I still feel as if I'm failing in anatomy. Now I'm looking at spending a good $300 dollars on a stethoscope- partially because I'm fancy and I like spending copious amounts of money- but the other part comes from me being really bad at auscultation, so I'll need all the help I can get from a quality steth.

...You know, it's really good to have *some* internet access. Sure I can't watch youtube and reddit takes like a year to load, but I've missed blogging, to an extent. I've even missed playing LoL, and I miss watching LoL. I read this really depressing news article about a Korean kid (pro LoL player) who jumped off a 12 story building because he was coerced into match-fixing by his coach, and his dreams kinda shattered. He survived the fall by landing on a set of recycling bins, but he'll probably sustain some permanent injuries from his fall. There were a lot of fundraisers to raise money for his medical bills- and then there were faggots saying "wtf now this kid's gonna wake up to be a millionaire". The Western community raised about 30k for him- and I'm just like- 30k is nowhere close to a million, and an MRI is already a couple thousand dollars- assuming this kid didn't have medical insurance. And I'm guessing he didn't have medical insurance, because he was kind of broke, and his way of getting out of the shits was to be a professional LoL player. So yeah I feel really bad for him and I hope his coach gets fucked up for ruining his dreams like this.

So yeah...depressing stories all around. And I said I'd find something to be happy about every day. Uhm- I blogged for like the first time in like, 10 days, and blogging makes me happy. Yay yay yay. #7thday

A Conversation With A Stranger

Mmmm, my blogging challenge is dead less than a week after it started. It's too hard to blog when you wifi dies on you, goddammit. Yeah yeah, I'm making excuses for myself- but whatever.

I started playing 3 new games on my iPad, because I was that bored and I couldn't decide which RPG I wanted to try out first, so I played them all. First there was Game of Thrones: Ascent- a game which was practically Mafia Wars but with longer waiting times and a terrible, terrible resource-limitation system. I really enjoyed the dialogue of the story, and I could tell a lot of effort had been put into writing the storyline- too bad the limitations of the actual game were so great it was almost impossible to play. Then I started Brave Frontier- which seemed like an old school RPG and I got really bored really quickly. I turned to Dragon City, because it had Dragons in the title, until I realized it was like a spin-off of Farmville.

So this afternoon I got particularly bored and ventured on Omegle. It only took the 13th try before people stopped trying to send me pictures of their dicks. For the longest time I thought I was talking to a girl, and I was getting really excited because for once someone didn't talk to me for evaluation of their dick, but then it turned out I was talking to a dude, and the dude was really just an over-sensitive teenager. The disappointment was great, but I have to say, I learnt a looot of things from this guy.

Firstly he told me he was a pansexual. Out of nowhere, with no context. I guess that's just the sort of thing you do on the internet. So I prodded him a little and ask him whether he liked pans in general or whether it had to be like a frying pan- and he took me very literally and kindly explained to me that he just liked people, regardless of their sex and gender. And I'm just sitting here on this side of the screen going- nope kid, you do not like people- no one likes people.

I guess it was karma, when about 15min down the track, he said I was probably a virgin who hated social activities. He then typed, all caps: FOR FUCK'S SAKE JUST GO ASK SOMEONE OUT. I told him I took pride in my virginity, for what it's worth nowadays, and that yes I hate social activities but fuck him I will not fulfil the entirety of the nerd stereotype, because at least I wasn't fat. He then assured me that he wasn't fat either, and because neither of us wore glasses we could not possibly be nerds. He then described himself as some character or rather, and added the tag "with a touch of virginity".

I promptly picked up on that and asked what that could possibly mean- how can you have "a touch of virginity". I mean, you're either a virgin or you're not, unless there exist the activity of half-sex and thus the state of being half-virgin, which I am not aware of. To my great surprise, this stranger on the internet happily indulged in my curiosity, and replied with great sincerity. He said, "I have a touch of virginity, because I'm a virgin, and I touch myself."

The rest of our conversation was a blur, because all I can remember from that point onwards was the sound of my own laughter, echoing in my bedroom, and my sides hurting a hell of a lot afterwards. I was just caught completely off-guard by that response, and it is possibly the wittiest (and stupidest) thing I have heard in a long, long time.

So there you have it folks, a new phrase to add to your reservoir of expressions. [Def] "A touch of virginity": the state of being virgin and then touching oneself. It was just all so terribly amusing.

#6thdayoftryingtobehappy

Goddamn Wifi

There were a lot of LoL matches being played this morning, and while I got up in time to watch the games I wanted to- I couldn't actually. The wifi is actually so pez I can barely Google. In fact I had heaps of trouble even getting blogger to load to write this post. Right now it's 2am and I'm still working on the finishing touches for my tutorial in the morning. I really, really fucking hate morning tutorials. Last semester I had it all- with the 12.30pm start so I could sleep in, or sleep early and get up at a reasonable time to finish my tutorial.

I don't even feel like I procrastinated on my tutorial that hard this time. I attended all my lectures and made sure I had a reasonable understanding of everything. Sure I need to revise but I just didn't think it would take that long or take that much effort. Oh well, there goes.

The weather was wonderful today- but I was kind of trapped inside. I wanted to watch my LoL games but the wifi just refused to cooperate, disconnecting me every 5min until I gave up out of raw frustration. The only thing that made me remotely happy is that my team went undefeated for the entire day, even though they played some clutch games. I never knew I could be so frustrated over having shitty internet connection. I thought I could summon my inner peace-mode and just read my textbook or something- but when I know my team is playing live I feel like I HAVE to watch. I would've taken a bus to school just to abuse their wifi, but I couldn't be bothered to actually leave the house.

Day 5: most frustrating day I've had in a while- the only happy thing about it is that I've almost finished my tutorial, and the fact that my team actually won at the end of the day, despite me not being to watch them play live.

The Nicest Saturday

Saturday is my favourite day of the week- and this Saturday may have been the most productive Saturday I've had in many. I did my laundry, vacuumed my room and ate breakfast/lunch while watching my LoL games.  At least when I can't play I can watch my favourite team play and cheer- even if it's on like, 240p.

I need to start thinking about finishing my tutorial preparations soon- but I just had such a wonderful day I'd rather not spoil it. At around 3 in the afternoon I went to "badminton" with my room mate. While I do enjoy badminton, I didn't really feel like going to the club at like, 3 in the afternoon on a Saturday. Nevertheless she convinced me to go, though before we left she stressed that it's not her fault if I find it boring and want to leave.

The funny thing was, my room mate only had a very faint and very vague idea of where the courts were- and we went around for a while looking for the gym, before we found a map which confirmed that the courts were practically on a different edge of campus. I thought we'd just walk over to it- it would've only taken 10min max, but apparently my room mate got too cut by the fact that the courts were not where she thought it would be, and refused to go. I'd say I was baffled, except I don't think I cared enough. We just turned back and went to the beach instead.

It was a most pleasant afternoon- the temperature was near perfect, at around 24-25 degrees Celsius, and a cool breeze surrounded us for most of the day. It was just so utterly pleasant, we ate ice cream while staring at the half-naked beach-goers, but my room mate got terribly embarrassed when I commented that someone was "well defined" as a man walked past. My ice cream melted really quickly- it was the first time I had ordered 2 scoops in years. Swiss choc-chip ice cream tastes rather... strange, but it wasn't unpleasant. Then I had the raisin and rum at the bottom to add to the sugar content of my blood. We sat around for a while, walked for a while, and then we found this big rock on which we dumped all our stuff and then splashed in a bit of water.

The scenery was so beautiful it was perfect for photos- too bad my room mate is not much of a photographer. At least there was one photo that she took which I liked. I took photos of her in return- though to get back at her I caught her in one of her most unflattering moments. I took some decent photos as well, but naturally only the unflattering one was posted on Facebook.

We didn't go home for dinner- instead we walked around town, exploring the place. The shops had all closed for the day, but the weather was still really pleasant. We casually ended up at a restaurant with no particular reputation, but I was sick of explorations and the restaurant did not look too bad. We ended up ordering more than we could eat- but there were still a lot of things I wanted to try despite their limited menu. The only thing I can say is- pho is quite delicious, and even a small restaurant can have decent food.

We sprinted for the bus stop when the bus came- it was dark and we couldn't quite see where the stop was, and by the time we spotted it, the bus was already driving towards us. For the first time in my life, when I sprinted towards the bus stop and waved for the bus to stop- it actually did. I've just grown so accustomed to drivers being unsympathetic, that it came as a pleasant surprise. Literally nothing ruined the perfect afternoon and evening. Nothing.

This easily completes my 4th day of trying to be happy.

Just Another Friday

I may or may not have already said this, but I started reading GoT on my ereader. Books are quite amazing- and I was surprised to find that it actually differed to the TV show is many small details- but that made it all the more entertaining- I didn't just want a transcript of what I'd already seen on TV, after all. Currently Jon Snow is my favourite character, even though he didn't even come close in the show. I also like Arya a whole lot more- though I still think Catelyn Tully is a massive bitch. She has got to be like, the kind of person I hate the most. 

So reading has been really fun, and I'm actually keeping up with my studies to a certain extent. My primary achievement today has been not-falling asleep through this really boring biochem lecture. Naturally it's not the lecturer's fault- biochem is one of the most boring subjects out there, but this is probably the first time I've been able to focus til the very end. I've reverted back to my note-taking habits- I do find that I take in information better when I write it all down. Sometimes lecturers would tell us not to write, but to listen instead- and that's when I usually fall asleep. Some people just have this flat-monotonous voiceline that as very strong sleep-inducing effects.

With regards to my 100-days challenge- while I technically haven't failed yet (due to me publishing my post at midnight yesterday), I think I did forget to blog. Hah, there goes. I was trying to play LoL- the wifi in my house is terrible, but if I move my laptop into the kitchen, I can actually connect to wifi- and that means a lot. Naturally I booted up a game- and while I was able to play- I lagged so hard it was like watching a scratched DVD. Which just means every game I play after that is a free loss. That makes me kind of sad but I hope I will get my wifi fixed soon- it kind of bothers me.

Mmm, now I need to write about what made me happy for the past two days, since today is technically day 3. Well, it turned out we moved into a new lab, and the fact that we weren't cramped in an old building made me quite happy, for the shortest time. I only had that one hour lab for the day- so I slept in, read GoT, went to my lab and then went shopping for the afternoon. I walked home from the shops, so there's my exercise quota reached. I finally figured out how to cook rice noodles- I only needed to soak them in water, not boil them. 

As for today- well, I'd say not falling asleep during the lecture has made me happy enough. Ish. The weather's nice, too? I am really terrible at this "find happiness" thing. For me it's really more "find satisfaction" as opposed to actual happiness. 

Mmm, it's ok though. Being satisfied is my kind of happiness.

100 Days Challenge

Someone I know is doing this 100 days challenge, where she has to keep on being happy for 100 days. Instead of going "gaaaaay" like I normally do when I hear of such things, I actually thought this one was quite cool. I actually want to do something like that- maybe not 100 days happy, because I don't think I'm physically capable of achieving that. I kind of want to do it over my blog but I don't know if I have enough dedication to blog continuously for 100 days. I had a look at my blogging record the other day, and realized 2013 has been a terrible year for blogging- though I was soooo surprised that I almost managed 1 post a day through 2012. That's just like...crazy. Also it makes me sad to think that if I'd been writing a novel, I'd be close to finishing by now.

Gonna side track a little now- but I've always wanted to write my own novel. I come up with such great ideas, but I never actually bother fleshing out my story. At some point I realize writing novels require commitment and actually...well, writing. I do have a place where I keep the beginnings of all my stories though, so if I get bored enough one day I will write it all out. Though all my great ideas become invariably embarrassing after some time, so maybe not.

Anyway- 100 days challenge. I kind of want to do one. 100 days of blogging sounds like the most realistic kind of challenge right now- even if I'm travelling or something I can blog a paragraph or two on my phone. Except a part of me REALLY, like, REALLY want to do the 100 days of being happy thing. It's not like I have to be happy for the whole day, I just need to find one thing that day which made me happy. It could be a cure to my pessimism- and I don't mind if nothing good happens all day- but if I TRY to find something "happy" to blog about on that day, at least I'd learn to appreciate the less-shitty things in life.

So uh, I think doing something- or at least trying to- is probably better than saying you want to do something without actually doing it. Here goes then. This is going to be day #1 of me finding something happy in my day: the best thing that happened today is when I saw my friend who I thought I'd lost all contact with, due to a mysterious disappearance. As I sat on a bench, musing to my room mate that you only appreciate someone when you can't see them any more, she called out, "is that who I think it is?"

And yeah sure enough there was that friend of mine who had mysteriously disappeared, who I thought I had lost all contact with. The sight of him walking towards me, looking much the same as he did 3 months ago, was just one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Yeah, I'm a massive romanticist- but I felt quite overwhelmed just seeing him, okay? A part of my thought he had died or something- or that he'd just disappeared without word or warning, and I'd probably never see him again. It was like that moment in Cloud Atlas where Frobisher was sitting alone, watching sunrise, and he sees Sixsmith. Well I'm not saying I'm like Frobisher and what happened didn't even come close to tearing my heart into a million pieces like Cloud Atlas did, but that was the kind of feeling.

And there you go. The start of my 100 days challenge- day 1: something happened in my life that made me legitimately happy, even if I am still tired and bored and life still drags on.

Seriously though, cockroaches

Day 3: the number of cockroaches in this house is reaching "unbearable". I understand that they are nocturnal, bur every time I go to the kitchen for food or water, there are at least 2 around, just casually scampering across the floor. It's actually really disgusting, how big these bugs are.

I've sprayed a heavy layer of repellent across the threshold of my door, so hopefully that'll keep the cockroaches out of my room. I've looked around the house and I've determined that there is no way of going about exterminating the cockroaches. There are so many goddamn holes and cracks in the walls and tiles of the house, I just think it's impossible to seal everything. On top of that, this house smelt like it hasn't been attended to in a century when I moved in, so I'm certain there are cockroach nests in the walls somewhere. The owner doesn't seem too scrupulous about hygiene, either, so I'm seriously concerned. I don't see how anyone can say "I don't mind" when you just open the door to your room and see cockroaches running around the place.

The solution now is to buy my own bottle of cockroach spray, because I don't think the stuff we keep is strong enough to kill the cockroaches. The most annoying thing is that the owner has no vacuum cleaner, so I'd have to pick up the cockroaches, alive or dead, with my hands. It's not like you can't feel it, even through 3 layers of paper towels.

Anyway, I think I'm experiencing what it feels like to live in a rural dump. But at least the air is sweeter in rural places, and there is less noise pollution from cars etc. I also live on the main road, and the sound of cars driving past is actually incredibly loud and incredibly annoying. I could barely concentrate during the day, and now I live in constant paranoia of touching or stepping on a cockroach when I do something.

I don't think is year is going to work out for me either. I need to either get over my squeamishness with the cockroaches, find a way to kill them all, or move the fuck out ASAP. Right now though, I'm not sure I have enough energy to move out since I literally got here like, 2 days ago, so I hope the bug spray I buy will be effective. I know myself well enough to understand that I'm not going to get over cockroaches any time soon.

First Day Back

The first day isn't as terrible as it was last year. I think I'm just more resigned to the fact that I'm attending a second-preference school and that it's not so bad up here. We had these boring-ass lectures where it was painful for both the lecturer and the audience, but it's just one of those things that had to be done, otherwise people get mad or whatever. Then we were "warned" (I really mean threatened) once again about posting stuff on social media, and that was thoroughly unpleasant. I think this blog is going to incriminate me some day, so I should probably delete it... eventually. I kind of want to write about what happened, but given the "warning" I'm wondering whether it's just a bad idea to do that now. Basically what I'm saying is, I didn't have a good time.

I bought some really expensive tiger balm at the pharmacy after the lectures- I was really sick of my legs itching due to mosquito bites. God those things are VICIOUS out here. I swear they're all out to get me. So now my leg is burning as if it was on fire, yet somehow that is still preferable to it being itchy. I dealt with the house smelling like dust by buying air freshener- and that's actually improved it quite a bit. I'd leave the windows open but I keep forgetting, and when I get home it's dark and I don't want moths flying in my room- at least now they're only circulating my room mate's lights.

The only thing which hasn't improved are the cockroaches. There was that one I found last night, where I said it was gone by the time I found the bug spray. Well I sprayed this cockroach today, and the bug spray didn't even fucking work. Like I sprayed it and it ran for a couple of meters, and I kept on spraying it until the cockroach was practically white (because I'd covered it in spray), then it ran out the door. Naturally I didn't go chasing after it, but yeah that was kind of an awful experience. Then about an hour later, my room mate finds this massive ass cockroach on her carpet, and I suspect THAT'S the one I saw last night, because it was fucking massive.

All evidence points towards there being a cockroach nest somewhere in this house, and I'm just hoping I don't get infected with something terrible. Even though I don't have a phobia of cockroaches I still don't want to like, touch one. I mean, they are kind of gross...

Still, cockroach, bad smelling house and terrible wifi is STILL not the worst thing. No, the shitty lecture wasn't the worst thing either. The worst thing of all, is how badly I'm missing a particular friend of mine right now. He was someone I really got along with last year- and we lost touch during the holidays because I was busy working and just didn't think of him all too often- then it turned out he wasn't at school today. I thought it was mighty strange, because I wag all my lectures like it doesn't even matter, but HE goes to every single fucking one of them. Even if they're scheduled at totally stupid times, he will show up. Then I checked a list of people in our year--- and he just WASN'T THERE. The only explanation is that he is no longer part of the course, but that makes me feel so bad. I've texted him but he hasn't replied, so now that I WANT to get in touch with him I can't anyway. And it's just all... I don't know. It feels terrible when you expect someone to be there and they've just...practically...disappeared. I really do miss him. 

I just wanted this year to be a better year. I don't think realizing you've lost one of your favorite people on the first day of school is the way to go. 

Rampant Cockroaches

Maybe it's because I live in Australia, where every creepy creature is oversized- but the cockroaches in my new house are MASSIVE. Like, they are the same size as huntsman spiders. In fact, that's why I mistook a cockroach for a spider and almost freaked the fuck out, until I saw its little antenna things and realized it was just an oversized cockroach. Still, it was kind of gross and I wish I didn't see cockroaches running around every time I went to the kitchen.

It'd be better in a newer house, but I guess that's what you get when you want something with cheap rent and close to the school. Still, the terrible wifi reception is killing me- I want to watch youtube videos, goddammit.

Apart from cockroaches, the mosquito population here also seems quite keen to introduce themselves to me. I can no longer count how many bites I have on my leg, but all I know is that patches of my skin alternate between being really itchy or painfully inflamed. I really wish I had some tiger balm, but I can't see any Asian grocery stores nearby. I guess I should go to the pharmacy, but I have no idea where the fuck it is.

Fuck I can't believe school starts tomorrow. Life is so dismal.

New Place

I've just moved into a new place for school- and I've already been chewed out by mosquitoes in several places. The wifi here is god-awful. The owner of the house is nice enough, but he doesn't understand how much I suffer when he forgets the wifi password. He called up the telecom company to ask, and apparently they gave him the wrong password on the first go, and he had to try again. 

Anyway I appreciate his efforts to help, but right now I'm sitting in the lounge, in complete darkness save for the light on my screen. I hope this post will actually save, since I have no internet connection. It's so goddamn awkward, I don't know why the stupid router doesn't reach here. I'd happily BUY a new router for him just so I can use the wifi. I know I made a resolution to play less games and study more and whatever, but not having internet at the moment feels like withdrawing from nicotine- it's just not that easy. Yes I can draw I can read and hell I can even study, but all I can think about is how nice it'd be if I could access the goddamn internet and do--- absolutely nothing.

The house itself is located on a main road- convenient for transport, terrible for low noise levels. Also my room has windows which are bolted shut, and the owner told me he doesn't get along with the neighbors so I should draw my blinds for some privacy. I'd like a bit of light now and again, so it's like, REALLY awkward. But it's like, as long as they're not TRYING to perv on me, it should be fine. And even if they were- well I have a great body so there's not much to be ashamed of- but that's beside the point.

My room right now smells like dust and graveyard. Old. Ancient. Like, I don't even know how to describe it. Basically it smells like decay and I can't stand it. With the windows shut too, it's almost unbearable. It's drizzling outside though, so I don't want to feel cold, but at the same time the stuffiness in here is driving me mad. I've spent like, 7 or 8 hours on the train and coach- near suffocation, so I don't need this shit again. 

The coach ride was nice, despite my heavy luggage. I traded seats to sit next to this guy who was kind of cute and I wanted to talk to him but I was way too awkward, then I plugged earphones in to play games and he did the same, so it was too late to start talking then. I think the only thing I said to him was to ask whether he was getting off at the airport, in case I had to get up and let him out. My life is full of wasted opportunity. Well, not like, entirely wasted- but I'm so... half-hearted? Like I had enough balls to trade seats so I could sit next to him- my ulterior motive was clear to anyone who knew me- but then I chickened out and didn't even talk to him. Like, wtf is wrong with me. Then for 3 and a half hours we sat in silence, while I pretended not to care.

The train ride was much worse because it was public and there wasn't a place to store my massive suitcase. I reckon my suitcase weighs at least 30kg- maybe more. I could barely lift it. I shoved it in between seats on the train, effectively taking up the space of 4 people. Then I felt too awkward to take up even more room for myself, so I crammed myself into one of the seats, and then had no room for my legs. I spent the entire trip with my legs elevated, and I could feel like going numb from the lack of bloodflow. That was actually painful. Then there were people yapping about, and I just gave up in the end. 

Anyway, that takes me to the house- I can't get over how old this house actually is. You can literally sense its age in the air. I NEED to buy some air freshener. My room mate is supposed to arrive tomorrow, so maybe I'll put off shopping- though I don't know how long I can stand it. I'm such a wuss, with minimal tolerance for almost everything. I just hope nothing gets too bad in here- I think I might be live with the whole "no wifi" ordeal, provided that I just hang out at school all day. Staying at school actually isn't that bad if doing work was what I had in mind. I'm just lamenting the fact that I won't be able to watch or play LoL for quite some time. I'd love to graduate- right about...NOW. I'd like a bit of money. and I'll buy myself a nice, modern apartment with a massive TV, and I'll watch movies on it while falling asleep on an expensive Italian leather couch. 

It's nice to dream when you can't connect to the goddamn wifi.