I need a longer weekend

I have no idea where time went, and I barely remember what had happened these past few days. I think a lot of it was just me catching up on sleep- I feel physically fine now, but I still lament the hours of daylight I lost due to a terrible schedule I had set up for myself.

I'm playing the same song on repeat while I study various aspect of obstetrics and gynaecology. It's basically everything that can go wrong with female anatomy and reproduction. All this subject has done is left me terrified of babies and vaginas. But I gotta say I've been desensitized to a certain degree.

I suspect every teenage boy has snickered at the prospect of being a gynaecologist- I mean, I'm gay and I did the same thing. Immaturity does add an aspect of hilarity to the concept of "vaginas"- well, and everything sex related. I try not to remember that at around the same age we were all phallic-obsessed; screaming the word "PENIS" as loud and abruptly as we could during class- not to mention the countless times we have left our artistic masterpieces in each other's notebooks, only to insist "it's a rocket-launcher, Miss!" when we were questioned by our teachers.

Then you grow older, and with age and well, exposure to sex and porn, you stop giggling at the idea of being a gynaecologist. I realized early on that if you have to go see a doctor about it, there is probably something wrong with it. I also went through the "ewww vaginas are gross" phase, but now I realize that's just a part of my belief that the entire human body is kind of gross, and I'd be better suited for a sci-fi universe where our bodies morphed or transcended into more robotic forms.

Having gone through all that, I guess the only appeal I can see to being a gynaecologist is the pride you can hold in being a professional. Since our reproductive parts are somewhat taboo in almost every culture (despite it being you know, so universal), being the professional you can talk about it without being all embarrassed and act like it's no big deal. Like, someone could be all ashamed and they feel really uneasy about their condition, and you're just like "nah it's no biggie, here let me cure your illness"- and that's like, a better feeling than curing someone's cough because most people aren't embarrassed about having a cough- so it's like, you need to have a more trusting relationship with your patient as a gynaecologist, and you can be all reassuring and bring someone out of their misery.

Fuck yeah I'm so articulate. /s

I don't think I was built for obgyn though. At some stage you realize it's just another organ, and like any other specialist you're just looking at that organ in detail and correlating that condition with the rest of their body. I mean, it's fascinating how a baby's head can fit through a vagina. I can kind of understand why a woman would want a child, but it bewilders me that a woman would uh, give birth more than once. Like, the first time you didn't know better, and you think "oh but so many others have done this before, how bad can it be"--- then you sign yourself up for round two, and that's the part that continues to amaze me.

Maybe instead of telling people to "grow a pair of balls" when they chicken out, we should be saying "go grow a vagina" because dayum those things are way more resilient than balls.

Anyway, have some music. It's what I'm playing on repeat so I thought I'd share.