My Tyyyype

So I'm still coughing my lungs out and there's so much sputum it's kind of disgusting. I've come to terms with "I probably have pneumonia" but I'm improving I swear! I really do feel like every day is better than the last so I still really don't want to go see a doctor. See I already have doctor-avoidance-syndrome and I'm only in my early twenties. Terrible, I know.

Anyway I saw this post on Reddit about what "type" of person I'm attracted to, so I thought I'd just blog about that. It can serve as sort of a giant "LOOKING FOR PARTNER" ad on the internet and whoever comes along and reads this, if they think they fit the criteria or something, then it's like woah maybe I'll find myself a date through blogger.

So if you're a girl, my "type" is this:
-Long hair, fair-skin, blonde or brunette, blue eyes. Size 10, wears Converse shoes and skinny jeans. Likes drinking tea and snuggling up to watch TV (some random British TV show like Dr Who or Sherlock or just some drama that I "totally don't get").
-Wastes time on Tumblr blogging about feminism or something along those lines, access to Tumblr via a Macbook. Then spends rest of her time on the internet looking at fashion blogs or online shopping for that "really cute jacket".
-Obsess about anime boys in her spare time, wants to tell me about her OTP NarutoXSasuke.
-Be quiet, be shy, then become animated and smile in this really gorgeous way when I ask her about her favorite song, then be all cutesy-embarrassed when I ask her if she plays an instrument and it turns out she's like grade 50 piano or something (yeah idk how piano grades work).
-Likes reading Jane Austen, cries while reading Tess of the d'Urbervilles, but doesn't go on about how "The Fault in Our Stars" is the most beautiful thing ever (please).
-Likes to bake- cakes, cookies or whatever. Makes pasta for dinner. Makes me a hot cup of milo or tea. Always ok with pizza or Chinese takeaway when we get lazy.

Well a girl like that would be waaaayyyy out of my league but she'd totally be my type. Alternatively you can just look really cute, speak very little and make me bentos for lunch or something. That's 100% waifu material right there and I'm fine with that too.

The truth is I'm actually much more attracted to guys. See I can't really remember the last time I had a crush on a girl (if ever... I mean, ok I've probs crushed before but it's not like my heart beat faster or anything). It's like my brain is wired to just find men more appealing overall- and really I've liked different kinds of people and the one thing they all have in common is probably the fact that they were all NICE to me at some stage. Yeah I'm actually just cheap and fucking desperate so if you show any sign that you might like me I jump on that shit like a dumbass dog pouncing on a steaming turd. I want to make it sound like I HAVE standards and preferences but at this point it's really just like, if you come up to me and say "hey wanna fuck" I'd probs be like "yeah but do you have AIDS".

Actually that's not how that was supposed to go, I don't know why I wrote that.

So if you're a guy, my "type" goes:
-Tall. Like, 180cm ish tall. Skinny- don't weigh less than me because you're 180cm ish and that'll really hurt my self-esteem if you weigh less than me, but 70kg sounds pretty healthy.
 -Be Asian. I have a thing for Asian guys. Or have blue eyes. I also have a fetish for blue eyes.
-Don't disapprove of my gaming habits, and don't suggest that I read the financial review when I'm busy slaughtering virtual monsters. I wouldn't even enjoy reading the financial review even if I wasn't busy slaughtering virtual monsters.
-Please cook. Or be rich. You're either cooking most meals or we're eating out/ buying cooked food most nights. Or don't cook and don't be rich. I'll be rich. You better be ok with me not-cooking and we're still going to eat out/buy cooked food most nights.You don't get to talk shit about how I can just buy some eggs and meat and vegetables from the supermarket and "just make stir fry and rice". Fuck that shit. You wanna talk like that then you fucking go and make me some "stir fry".
-Dress well in public. I don't mean wear a cravat and carry around a pocket watch, I mean iron your shirts and don't match shit like black pants with white socks and brown boat shoes.
-Be nice to me. Be shy and quiet (which I currently find really attractive) and be ok with me constantly trying to make conversation with you. Laugh at my shitty jokes which may or may not be in really poor taste. Or just smile in this really cute and affectionate way to let me know I'm loved.
-Always say good morning and good night.

See I think my standards changed waaaay too much. I remember once upon a time where I'd be like "yeah I wish my partner was suuuper hot, rich, spoke 5 different languages, has a PhD in something useful and played piano, guitar, and violin". Now I'm like "uhhh, PLEASE BE ATTRACTED TO ME, and cook sometimes maybe (...or just be ok with eating out...)?"

God I wish my latest crush wasn't married. Now I can't even fantasize about him because knowing that he's married just ruined fucking everything and I can't even fantasize about him NOT being married. It's dreadful. I probably just need to get out and like, meet some real people or something. Anime characters are great and they don't reject me but it gets really dissatisfying after a while...