Food... at the friend's recommendation we visited this cafe, and I said I wanted my t bone steak well done. I know people look at me like I'm strange when I say I want my meat well done, but it's like, "YES I WANT MY FOOD COOKED". Occasionally I enjoy the thrill of tearing through raw meat that makes me feel predatory, vicious and somewhat carnal. Ok the last bit is probably worrying, but I'm saying for the most part I liked cooked food. Except when I say "I want my steak well done" I do not mean "burnt to ashes". Maybe I just don't know enough about culinary arts but it looked like coal, tasted like coal and I'm just like "boy I hate Western food".
Just... no.
Then came the conversation. My housemate is a sociable person and makes decent conversation most of the time. This mutual friend of ours, not so much. I was too busy eating though and my housemate was too polite to tell him to shut the fuck up, and before we knew it, he went on this mega tangent about his vision for the future, his ambitions and how he is trying to "loosen up" whilst totally not loosening up.
TBH I've never met someone without autism who is SO BAD at picking up social cues. His topics were uninteresting, and revolved around his personal expectations which neither I nor my housemate could relate to. A neutral response on our part- and by neutral I mean, "oh, ok" was taken as an expression of interest in what he was saying. Then this guy just talked on and on and on and I'm like "fucking kill me now".
At one point in conversation I was both bored and drunk enough to tell him, "as your friend I must inform you, the conversation you make is boring as fuck" and he looked at me in the eye and said, "thank you for telling me that, I appreciate it". After a brief pause he delves back into a similar topic and I wanted to bang my head against a wall. All attempts to change topic of conversation failed, as they inevitably led back to how he must secure a good job, and in doing so secure his parents' retirement fund and a future for his children. He doesn't have any children. He can't find a girl and he's in the process of figuring out why, but reckons he shouldn't worry too much about it, since he doesn't have enough finances for them to get married now anyway.
I've legit never met anyone who was so preoccupied with responsibility and financial stability. I understand his background and the position he comes from, but I really prefer the type of person who mentions that kind of thing one time, just to let me know that I should watch out for my spoilt side in front of him, because he didn't have that kind of thing. Right now it's just like, yes, your life is hard. Yes, you've got more shit on your plate than I do (and probs more than I ever will have), but telling me once is enough to gain my sympathy and understanding. Then the more you bring up that shit, the more this "diminishing returns curve" becomes real and at one point I no longer give a fuck about their tragedies and hardships.
It makes me sound so cold, but I kind of am to start with, and I really don't appreciate it when someone wants to talk about the same topic with me over and over and over, at every meeting. It makes our relationship one-dimensional--- oh goddamn not to mention that topic is something I have next to zero interest in, but only broached out of my respect for my friend.
Doesn't sound like I have too much respect for this friend of mine, does it? And that realization makes me guilty as fuck, but at the same time I'm at that stage where I no longer enjoy hanging out with him, and really if another dinner invitation popped up I'd be like, "uuuughhhhh". It's different to disliking him as a person though. I don't feel like I have something against him. I just... don't enjoy what we talk about, but those happen to be the ONLY things he talks about.
I probably just need to be a better friend tbh.
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