Online Dating

Was having late night (by late night I guess I mean "almost dawn") conversation with my friend about how we're pathetically single- I reassured him that he wasn't meant to be with this girl who turned him down, and in turn he told me I'd get my ass dumped if I found anyone (this guy). Unfortunately through our misery we did not have that magical teen-movie moment where we realize we were meant to be together and thus break through the friend zone; instead we both ended up creating profiles on dating sites. We figured that if we got teased for utilizing online dating, we could just be like, "well, how would YOU know, unless you were on there yourself???"

There's a certain stigma that comes with online dating. It's often seen as the go-to for people with social anxiety, who prefers the security blanket of hiding behind a computer screen, and the ability to "disconnect" when things went awry. Personally I had often wished that people walked around with a short bio of themselves, letting me know that they weren't my type of person and that I shouldn't even waste time socializing with someone like them. Anyway, my friend and I both agreed that online dating was actually genius and very efficient- you can literally set preferences for what you like and don't like, and you can sift through so much information without committing to anything or ACTUALLY getting to know someone. It's like, you don't have to ask some girl out, pay for all this shit, and by the 5th date find out she doesn't approve of your religion (or something along those lines).

So it turns out that the first person who is interested in me was looking for someone to participate in a 3-some. I quickly realized that online dating probably wasn't as convenient and efficient as I thought, and I probably wasn't going to find "true love" online. Also, some people write the most obnoxious things on their profiles....

Anyway there I am, flicking through matches, and I come across this weird conflict where I find someone's profile picture very attractive but apparently we are totally dissimilar. The site I use gives you a % for compatibility and the way I see it is, "would I be disappointed if I got that % for a maths test?" If the answer is "yes" I usually reject someone, but then I realize their profile looks way good and I try and match them anyway...

Though sometimes I wonder if 50% compatibility actually means we disagree on roughly half of everything one can disagree about. That means if we were going to be together, I'd either have to compromise half the time or try and make the other person follow my way. Knowing myself I'm far more likely to force my way than compromise, because I'm a selfish person in general. Then knowing that I had made someone else compromise for me, I'd feel awfully guilty and perhaps overly compensate the next time around; then my partner reckons I'm actually okay because I compromise eventually and we perpetuate this shitty relationship where we're not actually suited to each other.

Alright this just derailed to something else entirely. Moral of the story is that I prefer someone like me, so I don't have to struggle over our differences. I know some people say you need someone to "complement" yourself, and I mean I'd enjoy that to a degree--- someone that drags me out when I'm feeling lazy, someone who wants to be exciting when I'm boring. But those things are only novel--- soon it'd just devolve to arguments about how I'm no fun to be around and I'd grumble about how they probably have ADHD because it's always one thing or another. I think really I'd prefer someone who played music for me when I was feeling lazy, and found entertainment when I was being boring.

Maybe I should just look forward to the near-future, where technology allows me to build my own robot lover that cooks me meals and cleans my house. A robot that looks human but I can customize traits down to the size of their phalangeal joints, and maybe I can use it for wild sex without worrying about herpes or HIV (cue "ewwwww, gross" from the audience). I mean come on wtf were you going to do if you had a customizable robot??? NOT-have wild sex with it??? Sheesh go back to your Vatican cathedral and celibacy vows, and I'll be enjoying my mass orgy in hell.

Yeah I should go to bed. In summary this whole "online dating" thing is more of a misadventure and probably not my solution to life (unless I want life with herpes).