Still Stressing

Exams next week- feels terrible. On the other hand, holidays next week too- so hyyyyype. Well, not really. I've got a lot of shit to organize in the holidays, so it's gonna be fairly hectic. I probably shouldn't think so far ahead though, since exams are almost here and I'm going nowhere with my revision.

I was doing practice questions last night, and I was shown a photograph of a patch of skin that looked weird. The question asked me to list some differentials of what I thought the skin problem was- so I wrote down stuff like "eczema" and "psoriasis". Turns out the correct answer was a list of different variations of skin cancers- so I'm pretty much fucked in that sense if I can't recognize a skin cancer when I see one. I really hate dermatology to be honest- there is nothing to work out, nothing to help you. I just have to stare at photos and practice your pattern recognition- but everything they give you in photos look so blurry and shitty--- and sometimes it's like- welp idk everything just looks red and angry to me.

I delude myself these days by indulging in video games and drawing- it helps with the stress but it's not going to help with my studies. I really don't want to fail- I don't feel like the test will be TOO hard but at the same time I can't answer half of the questions in these exercises, and it just makes me really, really sad. I don't know how people cope with themselves, having studied all semester--- get to the practice quizzes and feel like a colossal failure because you've learnt nothing and achieved nothing.

All I know is that this is not where I want to be in life- but if I don't get over this bit I can't move on. It's like being stuck in a really hard level of a good video game- you know it's going to get good but someone designed this really shitty platform or something and it's taking you a million tries to scale. Yeah, I just compared my life to a video game- but it makes me feel better in my head to think of it that way. Going through school is just another way for me to "level up", and acquiring items would be like getting a new laptop or a car.

This time next week I should hopefully be feeling a lot better. Wish me luck.