The exam is almost upon me- and the closer it gets to the exam the greater my urge is to play the piano or blog or... something. Idk. I've gotten very good at distracting myself these days. A new episode of Game of Thrones arrives today and I can also start watching the new season of Hannibal if I want. Hannibal is legit one of my fav TV shows- I mean I usually like watching sitcoms and stuff but Hannibal is really cool despite all the gore and w/e.
How's revision? Uh, it's getting somewhere. I don't know where, but somewhere. I mean, I HAVE been revising, I'm just not sure I remember what I've been revising. Sometimes I arrive at some sections I have no recollection of- and it's like reading a new chapter. Then I find my handwritten notes on the subject and I just feel so deflated- there's actual evidence that I've studied it before, and written somewhat-logical notes about it--- and that's when I curse myself for my "concision" in writing. When I make my original notes I tend to remember my reasoning behind things so I state simply the consequence and the action. When I see my notes again, I remember nothing and I keep on asking myself "but why???" It's a struggle, really.
I've also noticed my handwriting deteriorate with frustration. At the beginning it's neat and small (ish) to conserve space and ink--- then about 2 pages later I stop caring and my writing takes up the whole line and I run every letter into the other. If it gets later than that I can't vouch for legibility at all. At that point I should probably just stop (if I have trouble reading my own writing) but then I was banking on my unconscious brain to memorize things that I could somehow recall later. They say you can learn stuff in your sleep if you hear it- well if I write enough notes while falling asleep maybe it'd be close enough??? (No I'm kidding, don't follow the advice of terrible time management).
I don't really feel like I need a holiday, to be honest. After all I've had "revision weeks" for 2 weeks and I haven't really done much, so it almost feels like a holiday in that sense. I do miss going outside and going to the gym though- I'm sad I didn't go more often. I'd go after exams but then I'll be travelling for a bit so I won't be back til school starts again- by then my membership would have expired (sad times). It's ok because I've lost a couple of kilos and I feel really good about my body at the moment. At least when confidence in my intellect is on the down my perceived body image is on the rise. Weight loss feels great but if I keep this mentality up I'll end up in anorexia territory some day. How much weight should someone lose to be attractive anyway? I was never "overweight" by medical standards at any point before- I just felt better being a few kilos lighter. Maybe I should've worked on muscle gains instead- but simple weight loss of "not eating" is a lot easier than actually doing exercise.
Actually I recently acquired this problem of being really, really hungry at around midnight. That's usually when I pref to sleep, but I have problem falling asleep because I'm hungry. I can't get up and make food because I want to sleep. Then I promise myself I'll feast in the morning, but by the morning I'm no longer hungry and I'm perfectly satisfied with like, a cup of tea to last me a few hours (until around dinner time). Yeah, this is how weight loss happened, probably.
Anyway there's not much I can do now other than marching forward. I've covered a lot of content that I previously was unsure about, and now I can confidently answer most things, so I'm fairly content. I should probably just take it easy for the rest of the day and sleep early.
Exams are the worst, man.
No comments:
Post a Comment