I felt like I haven't slept properly for a while. I went out to see "Horrible Bosses" a few days ago with someone who I'm not sure I like. I mean, I guess I used to like her but sometimes I feel like she only hangs out with me because she thinks I might be useful to her in the future. There's not much to talk about between us and I think we only knew each other because I was really keen on showing off how to solve certain maths problems.
The movie was good, yeah. As good as the first one, but I wouldn't say it was better or worse. I enjoyed it myself. I don't regret going but I think I regret who I went with. Some people you try desperately and you give everything you have so they'd stay in your life, but other people I don't think I'd miss. In fact there are some people you just don't need at all, and they're better off gone than anything else.
I don't think I'm in another one of my depressive moods, but I can't explain why I've been sleeping so poorly. Compared to my usual 4am holiday sleep schedule, I actually sleep at around 10pm now so I can wake up and go to work. Yeah, I'm working a lot, but I get paid a fair amount and I like that I have the freedom to spend. There's no real hesitation of "ohhh, should I get that or should I walk around for 2 hours trying to find something cheaper"- I basically look up what I want, see that I can afford it with my savings, and then I go purchase it. Not that I have a lot of time to enjoy what I spend my money on, but that's the trade-off. It's ok in the end.
What's been bothering me though- it's these shitty dreams I keep on having. Sometimes when I'm dreaming I can tell I'm in a dream and it's kind of fun because I can give myself super-powers, but the kind of dreams I've been having recently are the literal worst. I can't tell dream from reality and when I wake up in the morning it takes me a moment to realize I was in a dream- it doesn't actually feel that way though, it just feels like I've moved to a different dimension where everything is actually kind of ok and everybody is still alive and happy. Idk, the quality of my sleep has just been dreadful.
So yeah the net effect is that I'm really tired and really grumpy all the time. Plus the whole capped internet thing means there's not much else I can use my new laptop for, which is a bummer. I want to play music instead but I got braces so I can't really play flute any more and I never got around to buying that keyboard I was thinking about getting for various reasons. I'm thinking of getting my mother an iPad for Christmas- so she'll either be really happy or be really grumpy that I "wasted' a shitload of money. I mean I'll throw away the receipt and all that but idk. I hope she just takes the present instead of getting angry at me for spending my money on buying her a present. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if she did but I just hope it doesn't happen.
Idk what Christmas is going to be like this year. I've only had like, one decent Christmas in my entire life (and it was like, last year or the year before... or something). That one day where nobody did anything offensive or said anything to piss me off. I just want that again this year. I think it'd be great if everybody could just not fight for one day. I don't need a sunshine beach side holiday- it'd be nice if people could just be friendly and stuff.
Anyway I'm super tired and I can barely keep myself awake. Night.
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