I've been attending social functions at uni, because I'm trying to make new friend and find a prospective date and whatnot. My current still-single status makes me think that I'm probably doing something wrong. It's not like my standards are too high... it's just that every single person I've ever liked seemed to drift away...
Crush 1
My first crush was probably when I started high school, and there was this guy in senior year. I don't know what attracted me about him, but we caught the bus to and from school together, and every time he boarded I'd notice that he always paid with a 5 dollar bill, and I kept on wondering why he didn't just buy prepaid tickets. He always carried around a bag that had a massive hole in it, but I assumed he couldn't be bothered getting another one because it was his last year. When I needed a new bag in year 9, I got the same brand he used back then. No, it wasn't a coincidence. I'm just a freak like that.
Anyway I got to know him after a while....albeit indirectly. I made friends with this really funny and nice guy who was in his year, and we were on the same bus. Except when the nice and funny guy wasn't there, I had no way of talking to my first crush, so it was awkward. Me, being the genius-but-not-social-genius I am, pulled out my gameboy SP (as it was the newest model back then) and booted up a Pokemon game. I sat in the seat in front of him, turned up the volume, slouched in my seat and held my gameboy up high, in an angle where it was actually difficult for me to see, but easy enough for the person sitting behind me to notice. Yeah, that generated conversation. I always wanted to talk but lacked the decency to turn around and actually start talking, so I would sit and wait forever for the other person to talk to me first. Luckily he did, otherwise I would've had to play my gameboy in a very uncomfortable position for the bus ride home.
By the end of the year I'd get off the bus at his stop and walk up a hill with him. Then he started getting off before his stop, just to walk home, because he "felt like walking". I of course followed him off, but when he asked me why I got off as well, I just threw "felt like walking" right back at him. Seems like my 13 year old self wasn't very good at picking up subtle cues. So the year ended, he graduated, and I literally never saw him again. Except last year I found his online profile, and we started talking. Cue in the fairytale meeting? Not quite. It's not the same.
Crush 2
My second crush was in the middle of high school--- this time the guy was in the same grade as me. He had beautiful blue eyes, and I thought he was a very physically attractive person. We were in the same physical education class, and I'd watch him stand in the middle of the basketball court and elegantly land a ball inside the hoop. He also played soccer. The only thing not-so-nice about him was that he was a gigantic douche. All my best friends hated him, and when I admitted that I had a crush on him they were all like, "him? seriously? fucking hell." Then one of my friends, ever the "resolver", said, "I'll tell him you like him!" I saw it more as blackmail than anything--- my friends aren't nice enough to act as messengers. Me, being me, was all like "yeeah go ahead see if I care", and you know what? He actually told crush #2. Naturally it all came out as a great buzz... my friends, his friends, people I didn't know... yeeah. Anyway some of my friends didn't actually believe it (which I'm somewhat thankful for), so when the douche bag confronted me in front of a bunch of people and tried to make fun of me, it wasn't so bad. He was basically sarcastically flirting, and I gave him the "what the fuck are you doing expression", pretending that I was entirely clueless, that everything was just a rumour without a foundation and subsequently embarrassed him instead. Yeah I call him a douche bag, but I'm not any better myself. I'm just a gigantic hypocrite.
Crush 3
This crush wasn't even a real crush, I just stared at this guy in the last week of high school because I thought he was attractive. We spoke once, he was nice and friendly, then we graduated and went to different schools, and I never spoke to him again. Really he shouldn't be listed here, but then thing is, I'd still see him around in the city, like when I walked across town or when I was on a bus. Then I'd stare at him for as long as I could and think about actually going to his school to visit. I gave enough of a shit to ask one of my friends (who attended the same school as him) how he was doing. Yeeah. Then end of last year I saw him walk across the shopping mall, holding hands with a girl. Now I saw him from the back, so I thought this girl was his mother for a while, until I realized that you don't hold hands with your mother when you're 19. So I walked in front of them and stared--- the girl was dressed in really bad fashion, and I don't want to say anything too bad about her except that she was like the literal opposite of him, in terms of physical dimensions. Then they stared back at me and whispered to each other, and I realize I'm being rude so I walk off. I then spent the rest of the day thinking, "if he would date her, I probably had a really good chance."
Crush 4
This is the one I whined and moaned about last year. They were perfect in every way, except you know, the not-being-into-me part. Still not a real crush; I didn't feel that chemical hormone which makes me think I've been shot by Cupid. I think I was just attracted the way dragons are attracted to shiny things... I wanted a trophy. Perhaps to show off, perhaps to hoard. You know, some sort of prized-personal-possession. Then I was completely and utterly rejected, so I made a big deal out of something which really wasn't a big deal at all. I'm sure my readers prefer reading about melodrama as opposed to objective fact. The truth would've been really boring. I must say though, I've improved a lot since first year high school, when I'd use a gameboy to gain attention. Now I actually have enough balls to confess... though it didn't end very well. I don't think this out-going expressive behaviour suits me. I just want to be myself and draw into my shell of recluse, and wait for someone to come along.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alright, I understand that I am forever the romanticist, and some of you will no doubt think that love is to be found, not stumbled upon. Sometimes I agree with that, but then the "fate" thing really appeals to me. Like, no matter what I do, if we are destined to meet, then we will meet thing. Now it's really just my way of being lazy, but even if I appealed to a more rational perspective... everything is still up to chance, isn't it? Sure I'm more likely to meet someone at a bar as opposed sitting in my room at home, but as if I'd like the sort of person who'd hang out at bars looking to get picked up anyway. I suppose I could go to like a convention to meet people of similar interests... but look I'm in uni doing a course I chose, and I've found one guy who I'd consider my friend. The rest are just acquaintances. What are the chances of finding a partner there?
Ohhh, I did go out last night though. There was this very pretty girl who sat at my table. Well, more than pretty. She was hot. Too bad I didn't even remember her name, but to me she looked like Cleopatra, so I've just been thinking of her as Cleopatra inside my head. So you see, it's all fine and dandy...
Except I'm more of the Julius Caesar instead of Cleopatra kind...
Crush 1
My first crush was probably when I started high school, and there was this guy in senior year. I don't know what attracted me about him, but we caught the bus to and from school together, and every time he boarded I'd notice that he always paid with a 5 dollar bill, and I kept on wondering why he didn't just buy prepaid tickets. He always carried around a bag that had a massive hole in it, but I assumed he couldn't be bothered getting another one because it was his last year. When I needed a new bag in year 9, I got the same brand he used back then. No, it wasn't a coincidence. I'm just a freak like that.
Anyway I got to know him after a while....albeit indirectly. I made friends with this really funny and nice guy who was in his year, and we were on the same bus. Except when the nice and funny guy wasn't there, I had no way of talking to my first crush, so it was awkward. Me, being the genius-but-not-social-genius I am, pulled out my gameboy SP (as it was the newest model back then) and booted up a Pokemon game. I sat in the seat in front of him, turned up the volume, slouched in my seat and held my gameboy up high, in an angle where it was actually difficult for me to see, but easy enough for the person sitting behind me to notice. Yeah, that generated conversation. I always wanted to talk but lacked the decency to turn around and actually start talking, so I would sit and wait forever for the other person to talk to me first. Luckily he did, otherwise I would've had to play my gameboy in a very uncomfortable position for the bus ride home.
^How I was sitting, except I holding a gameboy
By the end of the year I'd get off the bus at his stop and walk up a hill with him. Then he started getting off before his stop, just to walk home, because he "felt like walking". I of course followed him off, but when he asked me why I got off as well, I just threw "felt like walking" right back at him. Seems like my 13 year old self wasn't very good at picking up subtle cues. So the year ended, he graduated, and I literally never saw him again. Except last year I found his online profile, and we started talking. Cue in the fairytale meeting? Not quite. It's not the same.
Crush 2
My second crush was in the middle of high school--- this time the guy was in the same grade as me. He had beautiful blue eyes, and I thought he was a very physically attractive person. We were in the same physical education class, and I'd watch him stand in the middle of the basketball court and elegantly land a ball inside the hoop. He also played soccer. The only thing not-so-nice about him was that he was a gigantic douche. All my best friends hated him, and when I admitted that I had a crush on him they were all like, "him? seriously? fucking hell." Then one of my friends, ever the "resolver", said, "I'll tell him you like him!" I saw it more as blackmail than anything--- my friends aren't nice enough to act as messengers. Me, being me, was all like "yeeah go ahead see if I care", and you know what? He actually told crush #2. Naturally it all came out as a great buzz... my friends, his friends, people I didn't know... yeeah. Anyway some of my friends didn't actually believe it (which I'm somewhat thankful for), so when the douche bag confronted me in front of a bunch of people and tried to make fun of me, it wasn't so bad. He was basically sarcastically flirting, and I gave him the "what the fuck are you doing expression", pretending that I was entirely clueless, that everything was just a rumour without a foundation and subsequently embarrassed him instead. Yeah I call him a douche bag, but I'm not any better myself. I'm just a gigantic hypocrite.
Crush 3
This crush wasn't even a real crush, I just stared at this guy in the last week of high school because I thought he was attractive. We spoke once, he was nice and friendly, then we graduated and went to different schools, and I never spoke to him again. Really he shouldn't be listed here, but then thing is, I'd still see him around in the city, like when I walked across town or when I was on a bus. Then I'd stare at him for as long as I could and think about actually going to his school to visit. I gave enough of a shit to ask one of my friends (who attended the same school as him) how he was doing. Yeeah. Then end of last year I saw him walk across the shopping mall, holding hands with a girl. Now I saw him from the back, so I thought this girl was his mother for a while, until I realized that you don't hold hands with your mother when you're 19. So I walked in front of them and stared--- the girl was dressed in really bad fashion, and I don't want to say anything too bad about her except that she was like the literal opposite of him, in terms of physical dimensions. Then they stared back at me and whispered to each other, and I realize I'm being rude so I walk off. I then spent the rest of the day thinking, "if he would date her, I probably had a really good chance."
Something like, the integral of this pdf from -3 to 3.
Crush 4
This is the one I whined and moaned about last year. They were perfect in every way, except you know, the not-being-into-me part. Still not a real crush; I didn't feel that chemical hormone which makes me think I've been shot by Cupid. I think I was just attracted the way dragons are attracted to shiny things... I wanted a trophy. Perhaps to show off, perhaps to hoard. You know, some sort of prized-personal-possession. Then I was completely and utterly rejected, so I made a big deal out of something which really wasn't a big deal at all. I'm sure my readers prefer reading about melodrama as opposed to objective fact. The truth would've been really boring. I must say though, I've improved a lot since first year high school, when I'd use a gameboy to gain attention. Now I actually have enough balls to confess... though it didn't end very well. I don't think this out-going expressive behaviour suits me. I just want to be myself and draw into my shell of recluse, and wait for someone to come along.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alright, I understand that I am forever the romanticist, and some of you will no doubt think that love is to be found, not stumbled upon. Sometimes I agree with that, but then the "fate" thing really appeals to me. Like, no matter what I do, if we are destined to meet, then we will meet thing. Now it's really just my way of being lazy, but even if I appealed to a more rational perspective... everything is still up to chance, isn't it? Sure I'm more likely to meet someone at a bar as opposed sitting in my room at home, but as if I'd like the sort of person who'd hang out at bars looking to get picked up anyway. I suppose I could go to like a convention to meet people of similar interests... but look I'm in uni doing a course I chose, and I've found one guy who I'd consider my friend. The rest are just acquaintances. What are the chances of finding a partner there?
Ohhh, I did go out last night though. There was this very pretty girl who sat at my table. Well, more than pretty. She was hot. Too bad I didn't even remember her name, but to me she looked like Cleopatra, so I've just been thinking of her as Cleopatra inside my head. So you see, it's all fine and dandy...
Except I'm more of the Julius Caesar instead of Cleopatra kind...
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