On the matter of pneumothorax

So I learnt what a pneumothorax was today, and studied the clinical features of pneumothorax. Basically what happens is the pleural space that lies between lungs and chest wall fills up with fluid or air and the pressure causes the lungs to collapse- which is not very useful for anyone trying to stay alive. I found the whole learning process extremely tiring and when I got home I thought I'd relax by wasting time on the internet.

After waiting for my currently slow as hell laptop to boot, I jumped on reddit, and right there in the headlines was news about how my favourite LoL player from my favourite LoL team is in hospital for a collapsed lung. You look at the guy and he's like the stereotypical candidate for spontaneous pneumothorax- tall, skinny, young and male. He's currently stable and even tweeted a photo of himself in hospital, but what really upset me is how he wouldn't be able to play in the upcoming international LoL tournament in Paris. He and his team worked so hard to earn a spot into the tournament, and he said, on multiple occasions, how excited he was to see Paris and go on dates with other pro players. I just felt so cut on his behalf, because all that time spent getting to the tournament, and all that time spent preparing for the tournament is now basically wasted because BAM spontaneous lung collapse out of nowhere.

I get that it could've been something much, much worse than pneumothorax, but I'm not the kind of person who thinks with the "at least it wasn't x" mentality. I can just imagine how pissed I would be if I worked really hard and was about to go to Paris, and I had everything planned out, and then next second I'm in hospital and I probably can't travel by plane for at least the next month. That would suck so much...

Studying medicine really sucks in that sense- because when someone falls ill you're all "oh I've heard of that condition, I learnt a lot about it", and then your realize the treatment options don't sound all that great, and just saying "you can fix that with surgery" isn't even reassuring. When a model for disease is superimposed onto a real person- particularly someone you know or care about, it becomes THAT much harder to bear. Sometimes I feel like it's better to not know so much about the disease because in a sense ignorance is bliss- but when you do know about it you can't help but thinking about how most patients respond post-treatment, and run through the list of possible complications in your head.

Anyway this is just a super long rant about how someone I really liked ended up in hospital and how I'm really disappointed that my favourite team will be one man short in the upcoming major tournament.

God this day sucks.

Inconsequential Blabbering

Sorry for not blogging again in however many days- I'm not very good at this consistency thing. So uh my 100 days challenge can be thrown out because finding something to be happy about is just too damn hard. I'm lowering my expectations yet again- and I'll consider not being sad a success. I'm not very merry after all, and it would take someone amazing to make me happy for extended periods of time.

Anyway I went back up north for school- it's a lot warmer here so it's a lot more forgiving when I forget a jumper. I changed back into shorts again for the first time in a week and was all "wow I have nice legs" and then realized winter was near and it didn't even matter because I can't be wearing shorts any more.

I was meant to wake up early this morning and leave the house so I could get some work done- I took one glance outside at 5am- it was all dark and I could hear the rain, so I promptly rolled over and went back to sleep. It was like noon before I decided to leave bed, and by then I just had no fucks to give because I wanted to watch to see if this Chinese team could get into the North American LoL Championship series, and they won pretty handily so I feel this stupid kind of pride but yeah I am innately biased towards Chinese teams. Except my favourite team is still going to remain the same- so my patriotism doesn't extend very far...

So I guess I should be doing work right now but I'm obviously not because I'm blogging. My laptop is so fucking slow it's tragic. It's been like this ever since I updated to windows 8.1- so the moral of the story is- DO NOT UPDATE to windows 8.1. Piece of shit some how magically slowing my laptop.

And here I am writing my midnight tutorials despite having started ages ago, and the days that merge with nights do drag on.

About GoT S4E3

I watched the latest episode of GoT today, and I felt extremely deprived the minute it ended. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE EPISODE IS ALREADY OVER- BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO EVERYONE. NO- DON'T STOP-GIVE ME MORE. I'm going to be reviewing the season thus far in this blog post- and by review I mean I will criticise and praise whatever the fuck I want to because I'm entitled to be fully biased on my own blog. So, expect spoilers, not just to this episode, but to everything that has happened til now. See, I like you enough to warn you that I'm going to spoil the show for you without caps locking JOFFREY JUST DIED an episode ago. 

Anyway we open with the traumatic scene of Joffrey's death- and even though I fucking hated him I sort of loved him for being someone so completely despicable. Like, how often do you come across someone with nearly no redeeming features, but at the same time- this character is so real. He's not just a master-mind villain in a comic book- he's like, the living nightmare. When he started choking on screen I knew it was his death scene, and I thought "about time" because God I hate Joffrey but then as the scene played out, I was kind of horrified because I realized I didn't like watching people die- even Joffrey. Because in my mind it's like... if I like watching people suffer as they struggle for life, then I'm like Joffrey, and that's just not cool. I didn't really feel like I was watching Joffrey die, even though he was being a colossal dick only a few minutes ago, in the moments of his death, he looked so young, so helpless and SO FUCKING SCARED that I almost shat myself. So yeah, that opening to s4e3 was a dreadful reminder. 

Then the next memorable scene was when Jaime fucks Cersei in the Sept of Baelor- I guess it's the GoT equivalent of a church altar. I thought it was a super awkward scene because there was the body of their dead son, right next time them, and Jaime's just like "whatevs". Tumblr and Twitter are in an uproar over the scene, because apparently it wasn't a rape scene in the books but in the show Jaime rapes Cersei and some people are like "but she consented in the end" and other people are like "wtf but she said no at the beginning at he kept going and that's rape". Then there was a lot of rage at the writers of the show because there was meant to be brotherly and sisterly love and Jaime was a knight and he would never rape Cersei blah blah.

Mmm, I don't know how I feel about it all, tbh. To me the show definitely depicted a rape scene because of how she kept on trying to push him away whilst being all "NO NO STOP NO". Having read the passage which describes the scene in the books, I guess I do see the contrast between the book and the TV show. Except... I don't know, I don't see it as a murder of Jaime's character just because he did what he did to Cersei. I think people are mad about the episode because the topic of rape is a super-sensitive one, like it was never a good thing but with feminism on the uprising I feel as if the topic as become another sort of taboo. The current consensus on the topic is that rape, under any circumstance, is totally unacceptable and there is a very clear and distinct border between what is rape and what is not. And I guess that view is totally fine, but even though I saw a rape scene in GoT, I also felt Jaime's desperation, loneliness and grief. I don't think the show "murdered" Jaime's character- I think the show's trying to say that Jaime loves her, very deeply, knowing that she is a hateful woman, a woman who wants him to kill his own brother. And Jaime will do anything- anything to be with her- he doesn't care about the Gods, or their father- and he won't even let her oppose him because he wants her THAT much. I see it as a really twisted and horrid kind of love, and I call it love but maybe it's borderline obsession- I can't really say. Sure, it's not justified or right by any means, but I'm not saying Jaime did the right thing- I'm saying that he did what he did because that's his character. I don't think Jaime is the good guy in the show... Like, remember that time he pushed Bran out of a window?

"The things I do for love."

Anyway, setting that ugly business aside- we move onto my favourite scene- the scene where Sansa gets on Petyr Baelish's ship and she's horrified to discover that Sir Dontos didn't really save her because he was grateful- he saved her because he was promised gold by Petyr Baelish. It was kind of tragic watching Sansa make the same mistake as Daenerys Targaryen- like how Daenerys thought she saved that witch but the witch ended up murdering her baby and leaving her husband in a catatonic state. So Sansa thinks she saved Sir Dontos but I'm so glad that the worst he did was sell her off to Petyr Baelish. I mean, for most people that's already a tragic event in itself because Petyr Baelish is creepy as fuck- but I love Petyr Baelish. He is like... my favourite to win the Iron Throne and if I were Catelyn I would've chosen Petyr Baelish over Ned Stark any day. I think in a man like Petyr Baelish love is far more valuable because he's so clever and so dangerous- you can (as Ned sadly found out) never trust him because he's never sincere. Which is why I felt that if a character like that DOES love someone then their love is worth a lot more because of how out-of-character it is. 

So uh what I'm saying is my OTP is Sansa and Petyr Baelish and I totally want them to rule Westeros together and for the mockingbird to become the royal sigil. And it's great that both of them are currently on what looks like a ghost ship because symbolically it's also like "AH-HAH, MY SHIP HAS SET SAIL". I mean sure it's weird how he used to like her mom but she looks like her mom so it's not that weird for him to be attracted to her, and I think if they ended up together it'd be sweet because Petyr is far less likely to fuck things up than anyone else. Yeah I'm weird I know but I've been like this ever since I started using tumblr and I'm just happy that there are people out there who also think Sansa and Petyr would do well together. 

Then the rest of the episode is just Daenerys being her usual badass self and the new actor who plays Daario being a complete heart-throb. I always find it amusing how GoT manages to recruit all these good looking actors. Like in the books Oberyn Martell is meant to be the embodiment of sex- well in the TV show the actor who plays him just oozes sexiness in his every action and expression and I'm just all "I can't go for the entirety of this scene without a nosebleed". Anyway I'm looking forward to the scene where Daenerys just caves into Daarios advances because goddamn that man is hot and I'll just feel sorry for Jorah Mormont in the aftermath because even though the actor is way too hot to be playing the ugly hulk that is meant to be Jorah anyway, he's still in the permanent friendzone and I just feel bad about how loyal he is to her. 

And here concludes my "review" of the episode- I just couldn't resist writing about it- because even though a lot of people are mad about the episode and whatnot- I just thought everything was beautifully done and every plot line was terribly intriguing- I really can't wait for next weeks' GoT. 

Easter Break

Sorry I haven't blogged in an age. I'm technically on Easter break right now- but it's not a real break. Last week has been a real tough one to get through, with my tutorials and stuff. I was getting ready to go back home so I had a lot to tidy up- like making sure my drawers were all safely shut and that no mouse could run in and shit all over my books/clothes/whatever. Goddamn living in that house is so gross, now that I'm back down south in this nice clean place I realize how much I've been missing out on.

Anyway getting back south was a complete chore- it was lucky I got a lift with a friend this time, but we left at 6am to avoid traffic. It was completely dreadful to wake at 5am and I wanted to sleep so badly but I felt too awkward to do so because my friend kept on talking to me about the kind of music I liked, whether I still play LoL etc.

Then when I came home I found that my sister lost every single one of my xbox games except for Just Dance... I don't know how she fucking did it, but I just want to find my games. I guess I don't really have the time to play games or do anything else other than eat, sleep and work, really, but sometimes I just feel like I get stretched so thin. When I get some time off I almost feel bad about NOT doing something, I have to attend some sort of event or go see some friends or SOMETHING, but I'm such an introvert being with people just exhaust me. Not that I don't enjoy being around people, but even with friends, for the same amount of time spent with a friend, I almost need to spend just as much time alone, to myself, so that I might recharge.

Anyway, it's midnight already, for some reason, even though it feels like 9pm. I'm going to a BBQ tomorrow to see some friends- I don't know why I keep on going to these stupidass Asian BBQs, but my friends are there and since I spend a lot of time at school and I don't get to see them a lot, I want to use any chance I've got to sort of... be with them again. I don't know how you're meant to maintain social relationships when you just don't see people, and you don't even have an excuse to talk to them. Even the "hi how have you been" is difficult, because most of the time the reply is "sorry I have work to do", or just a plain "I'm really busy right now".

I don't think I'm using my break very effectively, but at the same time I'm just really enjoying not doing any work. I should really go to bed though, given how tired I feel. I'll leave you guys with a song I've recently fallen in love with.

My Mouse is Jerry

I don't think I'll ever finish complaining about the things that are wrong with where I'm currently living. First it was the cockroaches- but those are mainly out of sight now, due to my dilligent spraying of insecticide- now it's just the mice. So they've been making a nest inside the couch of the living room, and I've sort of known about it for a while, because I can hear them squeaking, but I just haven't cared up until now.

There's a mouse living inside my room, and it seems to like my closet in particular. It's a good thing I moved all my clothes to a different cupboard a while ago, since I felt the drawers were too close to the floor and I didn't want my clothes there in case I found any mice. See I had a mouse problem last year but I thought mice were sort of a rare occurrence- something you wouldn't have to worry about too often- and OH GOD I WAS SO WRONG. Maybe it's just with the old houses- perhaps if I moved into somewhere newly renovated it'd be a different matter, but at the moment I'm stuck in this place with all its mice.

So this mouse of mine- he only moved into my room in the first place because I like leaving the door to my room open, especially when I'm not in the room. So it has fun going in and out of my room, but then I ended up keeping it outside for a night or two, by shutting my door before it came back into my room. What happened then was that every morning I'd wake up to the sound of it scratching against my door, trying very hard to get back in, and when I'd opened the door I'd see a bunch of wood shavings at the threshold. To rid of this annoyance, I purposely let the mouse in last night- but that was still bad because I still closed the door when I went to sleep, out of habit, and I essentially just found a pile of wood shavings on the other side of the door. I also saw that the mouse was on top of the door knob, trying to fit through the keyhole and trying to move the door knob at the same time. I am sure it is not there due to coincidence, because I cannot imagine a door knob being a fun place for a mouse- sure enough, it fell and plonked onto the carpet about 10 seconds later. That was the moment where I went- holy shit that mouse is intelligent, it's trying to let itself out because it saw me turn the door knob a couple of times.

Anyway my landlord promises he'll do something about the mice, and apparently he's planted rat poison all over the house. I'm not sure I'd fancy finding a dead mouse when I got home, but I certainly want it to stop chewing on my door and waking me up in the morning. I know I could just leave my door open at night so it can come and go as it pleases, but it's so cold at night now.

Ergh life is a mess. Should I find happiness in the fact that my mouse is creepily smart? #day11orsomethinglikethat