Stand

Sometimes you try and get on with your life, but people just want to criticize your effort. "You're not giving 100%" or "that's not good enough". I don't know what kind of amazing person can give 100% every time in everything- I'm sure there's someone beautiful out there who's like that, but that's not me. I find it hard to give two shits.

Maybe it's because I'm that way most of the time, so that when I do give it my best shot, it's still not good enough, Because it didn't achieve a goal, so it's my effort that's lacking. I must be holding back, and there must be some reserve. And I'm so sick of being perceived that way. Yes yes, I know there's the whole "locked potential" and "challenge yourself to extremes", but that's not for me. If I reflect back and say "I gave it my all", then I fucking gave it my all. Within my personal capacity. Whoever wants to compare my capacity to someone else's- fuck off. That's something personal, and while I'm trying to improve, nobody gets to fucking criticize me when I've done the best I could.

Often times in life, I've come across "your best isn't sufficient". I know, sometimes it falls short. My best, sometimes, is rather pathetic, and probably doesn't match someone else's half-assed effort. But you know what? That was my best. That was it. Not saying that's all I'll ever be (that's disheartening), but at that fixed point in time, THAT WAS FUCKING IT. I might get better, yeah, but when you want to lock the coordinates in time and space, that was, in fact, my 100%.

Unimpressed? Fine. Go fuck yourself.

Because my best is all I can give. There was once when I cried over it, and crumbled under pressure. Then, someone dear to me reminded me, "your best is all you can give". And he's right. There's nothing more to be done then, and I can't be worried about anyone disliking me for all the wrong reasons.

I have to stand, so that I can walk on.