New season of GoT started, so I've been watching that. for some reason I don't really feel like I've missed the show for a year- in fact these days I get really confused about dates. There was a moment yesterday where I thought it was 2014, and we were in spring going on to summer. Then I realized I was actually half a year ahead of where I thought I was, and I just felt ridiculously inadequate. Exams are coming up and all that, and I've technically finished most of the practical components of my work...
Anyway I've been having a bad time lately. I drank the last sips of my tea and then my mug rolled off the table somehow, and I snapped the handle. It's almost like an omen of some sort... I've had the same mug for years and I feel kind of sad how I broke it on carpeted floor...I also have a bit of a global headache, and I suspect that's why I haven't written the last 100 words of my assignment. It's ridiculous and embarrassing that it took me 4 days with no classes, and I still haven't finished an 800 word assignment. I think I blogged/ posted more than 800 words of stuff within that time.
So yeah GoT has been a huge distraction for me- it was basically one hour of bliss in my long and dreary work hours. Every night I go to sleep, telling myself I'll wake up early in the morning, and every morning I switch off my alarm and refuse to get out of bed. I think bed just kind of signifies not having to face real world problems and responsibilities. Like I literally have nothing to worry about in life other than school, and if I get school right I'll probably just have nothing to worry about in life, period. Yet school itself is so boring and stressful and I'm not sure I can justify the importance of everything I'm learning. Sometimes I just want to run back to the little country towns I stayed at during work experience, and fill my lungs with fresh air once again. I feel like the beach would do a great deal to lift my spirits, but with the burden of unfinished assignments and such, I don't think I can justify spending an afternoon outside.
I am somewhat disgusted by my lack of progress in terms of work, and utterly ashamed of how stressed I feel at the moment. The assignments are short, I have an abundance of time, but I'm sort of dangling on a cliff's edge for some odd reason. Then sometimes I feel tipping over and splashing into the ocean might not be such a bad idea- it's so stuffy and hot up here.
Did I mention how I spent like $200 buying random shit on the internet? Well, half of that was on textbooks I'm probably not going to read through, the other half was on game merchandise. I think I default to spending when I'm in a bad mood, and for some reason internet shopping gives the satisfaction of buying things without giving me any guilt and regret for spending money. I think I need my own stable stream of income to support these shitty habits of mine. Funny how I think of it that way, huh? "I should go make more money" as opposed to "maybe I should change myself and find a way to control my spending". Hahah I treat myself so well- I often said I wished there would be a clone of me, and I'd literally just fuck myself. I'd be the most generous partner, anyway.
Ok I think that's probably enough procrastination in terms of blogging. Let me try finishing this assignment off one more time, yeah?
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