I was playing with my blog template just then--- and I noticed that I could add more stuff. So below the poll which has been there forever (and will be there for a couple of months), I've added "Fish". Click on the panel to feed my fish. It's great because when I had goldfish, I always killed them by feeding them too much food. I don't think virtual fish dies from eating too much, so it makes me happy.
By the way, the bluish one is my favorite. His name is Jade, because I'm currently playing Tales of the Abyss and Jade is my favorite character.
Sunday, 31 March 2013
Expired Patience
So I had an absolute blast last night, returning home after a long dinner, and a looot of karaoke. Think it was 12.30am by the time I came home. Too bad I was dragged to yet another of these stupid Asian BBQ gatherings today. For fuck's sake, I'm so sick of my own culture. Can't Chinese people do anything else but have BBQs? I swear to God every time my family has decided to be social--- it means going to a BBQ. I don't even like BBQs that much. I've gotten to that stage where BBQ meat tastes revolting, and meat in general is rather unpleasant.
Anyway, I sat at this stupid BBQ, eating on my own because ehhh, no company. Then I take my sister around, because she wanted to play or whatever. An hour later, I get sick of it, so I dump my sister with my mother, and mope in a corner. I just sit there, playing on my phone, waiting for my mother to come tell me that we can go home. So I wait. And wait. And wait.
Two hours later, I got so fed up that I walk over and tell my mother that I'm catching a bus home, and that I'm sick and tired of this shit. Seems like my family had no intention of leaving, and we were going to be there til sunset. My mother blames me for the crappy time I'm having, because it's my fault I haven't gone out to meet anyone. WELL, THE PEOPLE THERE WERE UNDER THE AGE OF 13 OR OVER THE AGE OF 30. How the fuck was I meant to entertain myself? Talk to the little kiddies--- ohhh right, because I loooove children and childcare. For fuck's sake. Join the adults? Listen to the women discuss home-recipes, or put up with the men having pseudo-intellectual conversations about the economy? FUCK. I swear that even I, a teenage economics drop-out, know more economics than all of them combined.
In short, I behaved like an absolute pest, and told my mother I wanted to go, now. Then the host of the BBQ said, "why don't you go play with XXX? You two were at Melbourne together." Immediately, I was like, "who is XXX?" Another one of my pet hates--- people assume that I remember them when we haven't spoken for years. Melbourne? The last time I went to Melbourne was fucking 6 years ago!
Awkwardly, it turned out that XXX was the host's daughter, so I must've shamed my mother greatly, since she was the host's friend. Ohhhh look, I just stepped on an Asian-social-landmine. MY BAD. I don't even feel the slightest shred of remorse. Yeah, I don't remember her. And for fuck's sake, DON'T refer to your daughter by name when you've never introduced her to me, by her name. What, I was just supposed to magically learn someone's name without being told, and without having seen them, or even thought about them for the last 6 years?
My mother came into my room just then, letting me know that I'd been entirely unpleasant, and I could've just told her I didn't want to go. Ohhh yeah, because I totally wouldn't have done that, if it had been an option. She then let me know that one of our family acquaintances--- who, by the way, I have not seen for 7 years, is coming down from Queensland. Oh oh, and guess what: WE'RE INVITED TO A DINNER BBQ TOMORROW EVENING!!! "He's coming down with his wife Oh! You played with his son at the beach all those years ago, remember? He's in university now, since he's a year older than you."
...Yeah, yeah thanks. I totally remember him. And his son. Yes. What was that before, about me not-having to go to BBQs if I didn't want to?
Anyway, I sat at this stupid BBQ, eating on my own because ehhh, no company. Then I take my sister around, because she wanted to play or whatever. An hour later, I get sick of it, so I dump my sister with my mother, and mope in a corner. I just sit there, playing on my phone, waiting for my mother to come tell me that we can go home. So I wait. And wait. And wait.
Two hours later, I got so fed up that I walk over and tell my mother that I'm catching a bus home, and that I'm sick and tired of this shit. Seems like my family had no intention of leaving, and we were going to be there til sunset. My mother blames me for the crappy time I'm having, because it's my fault I haven't gone out to meet anyone. WELL, THE PEOPLE THERE WERE UNDER THE AGE OF 13 OR OVER THE AGE OF 30. How the fuck was I meant to entertain myself? Talk to the little kiddies--- ohhh right, because I loooove children and childcare. For fuck's sake. Join the adults? Listen to the women discuss home-recipes, or put up with the men having pseudo-intellectual conversations about the economy? FUCK. I swear that even I, a teenage economics drop-out, know more economics than all of them combined.
In short, I behaved like an absolute pest, and told my mother I wanted to go, now. Then the host of the BBQ said, "why don't you go play with XXX? You two were at Melbourne together." Immediately, I was like, "who is XXX?" Another one of my pet hates--- people assume that I remember them when we haven't spoken for years. Melbourne? The last time I went to Melbourne was fucking 6 years ago!
Awkwardly, it turned out that XXX was the host's daughter, so I must've shamed my mother greatly, since she was the host's friend. Ohhhh look, I just stepped on an Asian-social-landmine. MY BAD. I don't even feel the slightest shred of remorse. Yeah, I don't remember her. And for fuck's sake, DON'T refer to your daughter by name when you've never introduced her to me, by her name. What, I was just supposed to magically learn someone's name without being told, and without having seen them, or even thought about them for the last 6 years?
My mother came into my room just then, letting me know that I'd been entirely unpleasant, and I could've just told her I didn't want to go. Ohhh yeah, because I totally wouldn't have done that, if it had been an option. She then let me know that one of our family acquaintances--- who, by the way, I have not seen for 7 years, is coming down from Queensland. Oh oh, and guess what: WE'RE INVITED TO A DINNER BBQ TOMORROW EVENING!!! "He's coming down with his wife Oh! You played with his son at the beach all those years ago, remember? He's in university now, since he's a year older than you."
...Yeah, yeah thanks. I totally remember him. And his son. Yes. What was that before, about me not-having to go to BBQs if I didn't want to?
Saturday, 30 March 2013
Home Not-Sweet-Enough Home
So I'm on Easter break, and I've decided to catch a 2.5hr train and 3.5hr coach back home. I liked being on the train. It wasn't the first time I've been on a train, but I didn't have very pleasant memories of my first ever train ride. I still remember how I was travelling to the sea side via train, and there was this small child in the partition next to ours who would never stop crying. When we got off the train, I noticed that they had left a small plastic bag behind, so I was going to take the bag and tell them they'd left it behind. I was like, 6 or 7 then. My mother stopped me, letting me know that they had left the bag there on purpose. I later learnt that the child took a shit on the train and it was left in that plastic bag. No wonder my mother wouldn't let me touch it.
My tangent aside, I caught a train, this time with a much better experience, and I decided that I quite like travelling by train. Now I'm back down south, and it's much cooler. It's only been a month since I moved out, and I realise I actually miss this city immensely. I never appreciated how clean this place was, and how neat the roads were. My parents' house is also bigger and cleaner than I recall, and now I have this immense urge to find new accommodation when I go back to school. That will have to wait til next year, though. I simply don't have the effort or time to deal with moving.
Coming back, even if it's only been 4 weeks, I feel like I haven't left at all. I wake up and I realize I don't want to wake up, but my sister jumps on me and I have to get up anyway. She is so annoying. Quite insufferable. I look at her and I think that I never want children. My parents have yet to get on my nerves- but then again, it's only been one day. That friend of my father's who I keep on talking shit about, he's here. Sometimes I feel sorry for him--- he must be so lonely, to crash at our house so often. Then he opens his mouth at the dinner table and I stop feeling sorry for him.
Anyway, I won't have to put up with that. At least not tonight. I'm going out and catching up with my friends. Moving away from home has been nice, but I do miss my friends.
My tangent aside, I caught a train, this time with a much better experience, and I decided that I quite like travelling by train. Now I'm back down south, and it's much cooler. It's only been a month since I moved out, and I realise I actually miss this city immensely. I never appreciated how clean this place was, and how neat the roads were. My parents' house is also bigger and cleaner than I recall, and now I have this immense urge to find new accommodation when I go back to school. That will have to wait til next year, though. I simply don't have the effort or time to deal with moving.
Coming back, even if it's only been 4 weeks, I feel like I haven't left at all. I wake up and I realize I don't want to wake up, but my sister jumps on me and I have to get up anyway. She is so annoying. Quite insufferable. I look at her and I think that I never want children. My parents have yet to get on my nerves- but then again, it's only been one day. That friend of my father's who I keep on talking shit about, he's here. Sometimes I feel sorry for him--- he must be so lonely, to crash at our house so often. Then he opens his mouth at the dinner table and I stop feeling sorry for him.
Anyway, I won't have to put up with that. At least not tonight. I'm going out and catching up with my friends. Moving away from home has been nice, but I do miss my friends.
Thursday, 28 March 2013
Degrees of Procrastination
I worked out today that I only had one class. ONE. Meaning that from 11.30am onwards, my day was free. Now, this was technically better than a Saturday or a Sunday, because on those days I don't even consider getting up before noon. And what did I do, on this beautiful day? I decided to waste it.
Getting out of class, I went to the bookshop. Now I had to go to this particular bookshop, because I told them to order in a book for me. So I waste time waiting for the bus, sitting on the bus, and by the time I finish my business at the bookshop it's like 1pm. Then I catch the bus to a shopping mall, because I needed to buy non-porous shoes for the laboratory, and I was oh-so-conveniently out of milk and bread. And time flashes by as it is wont to do, probably because I spent ages looking for adult-sized shoes while stuck in the kid's section. Then I couldn't decide whether a size 6 was too tight, and I found a size 7 but it was a slightly different shoe. I finally decide I like the style of the size 6 better, but the size 7 was much lighter. The size 6 was a cheaper make, but the size 7 whilst looking like it had better materials, didn't look very durable. Then in the end I bought the cheaper one of the two, and looking back, I wonder why I ever bothered.
I get home, at about 3.30ish, and I throw all my clothes into the washing machine, frantically fry sausages, eggs and make toast. Sounds like breakfast, right? Because it sort of is. The only thing I've had all day was a single pear, but funnily enough I didn't feel a trace of hunger all day--- convenient, since I can't smell due to a blocked nose, and I can't swallow due to a sore throat. But by 3.40pm I reckon I kinda ate for the sake of eating as opposed to anything else.
Frantically throwing my washing onto the line, it was 4pm. I run out of pegs, and I hastily improvise. I didn't realistically expect my clothes to dry, as I was chasing the last rays of the Sun before it set. Except I had no other choice, because I didn't like using the drier. Sun-dried clothes just have that...feel...about them which is so lovely. Pity that they take so long to hang out though.
After 4pm everything was a blur. I got onto my computer, spent a whole lot of time on facebook, checking my emails and starting a conversation with someone I don't actually like very much as a person but entertains me greatly.
Anyway, the point of all this waffle is: it's currently 1.30am, I have blogged twice already in my waking day, and I have work due today which I've decided not to start for the past 6 hours. Yays.
Getting out of class, I went to the bookshop. Now I had to go to this particular bookshop, because I told them to order in a book for me. So I waste time waiting for the bus, sitting on the bus, and by the time I finish my business at the bookshop it's like 1pm. Then I catch the bus to a shopping mall, because I needed to buy non-porous shoes for the laboratory, and I was oh-so-conveniently out of milk and bread. And time flashes by as it is wont to do, probably because I spent ages looking for adult-sized shoes while stuck in the kid's section. Then I couldn't decide whether a size 6 was too tight, and I found a size 7 but it was a slightly different shoe. I finally decide I like the style of the size 6 better, but the size 7 was much lighter. The size 6 was a cheaper make, but the size 7 whilst looking like it had better materials, didn't look very durable. Then in the end I bought the cheaper one of the two, and looking back, I wonder why I ever bothered.
I get home, at about 3.30ish, and I throw all my clothes into the washing machine, frantically fry sausages, eggs and make toast. Sounds like breakfast, right? Because it sort of is. The only thing I've had all day was a single pear, but funnily enough I didn't feel a trace of hunger all day--- convenient, since I can't smell due to a blocked nose, and I can't swallow due to a sore throat. But by 3.40pm I reckon I kinda ate for the sake of eating as opposed to anything else.
Frantically throwing my washing onto the line, it was 4pm. I run out of pegs, and I hastily improvise. I didn't realistically expect my clothes to dry, as I was chasing the last rays of the Sun before it set. Except I had no other choice, because I didn't like using the drier. Sun-dried clothes just have that...feel...about them which is so lovely. Pity that they take so long to hang out though.
After 4pm everything was a blur. I got onto my computer, spent a whole lot of time on facebook, checking my emails and starting a conversation with someone I don't actually like very much as a person but entertains me greatly.
Anyway, the point of all this waffle is: it's currently 1.30am, I have blogged twice already in my waking day, and I have work due today which I've decided not to start for the past 6 hours. Yays.
Wednesday, 27 March 2013
My Failed Crushes
I've been attending social functions at uni, because I'm trying to make new friend and find a prospective date and whatnot. My current still-single status makes me think that I'm probably doing something wrong. It's not like my standards are too high... it's just that every single person I've ever liked seemed to drift away...
Crush 1
My first crush was probably when I started high school, and there was this guy in senior year. I don't know what attracted me about him, but we caught the bus to and from school together, and every time he boarded I'd notice that he always paid with a 5 dollar bill, and I kept on wondering why he didn't just buy prepaid tickets. He always carried around a bag that had a massive hole in it, but I assumed he couldn't be bothered getting another one because it was his last year. When I needed a new bag in year 9, I got the same brand he used back then. No, it wasn't a coincidence. I'm just a freak like that.
Anyway I got to know him after a while....albeit indirectly. I made friends with this really funny and nice guy who was in his year, and we were on the same bus. Except when the nice and funny guy wasn't there, I had no way of talking to my first crush, so it was awkward. Me, being the genius-but-not-social-genius I am, pulled out my gameboy SP (as it was the newest model back then) and booted up a Pokemon game. I sat in the seat in front of him, turned up the volume, slouched in my seat and held my gameboy up high, in an angle where it was actually difficult for me to see, but easy enough for the person sitting behind me to notice. Yeah, that generated conversation. I always wanted to talk but lacked the decency to turn around and actually start talking, so I would sit and wait forever for the other person to talk to me first. Luckily he did, otherwise I would've had to play my gameboy in a very uncomfortable position for the bus ride home.
By the end of the year I'd get off the bus at his stop and walk up a hill with him. Then he started getting off before his stop, just to walk home, because he "felt like walking". I of course followed him off, but when he asked me why I got off as well, I just threw "felt like walking" right back at him. Seems like my 13 year old self wasn't very good at picking up subtle cues. So the year ended, he graduated, and I literally never saw him again. Except last year I found his online profile, and we started talking. Cue in the fairytale meeting? Not quite. It's not the same.
Crush 2
My second crush was in the middle of high school--- this time the guy was in the same grade as me. He had beautiful blue eyes, and I thought he was a very physically attractive person. We were in the same physical education class, and I'd watch him stand in the middle of the basketball court and elegantly land a ball inside the hoop. He also played soccer. The only thing not-so-nice about him was that he was a gigantic douche. All my best friends hated him, and when I admitted that I had a crush on him they were all like, "him? seriously? fucking hell." Then one of my friends, ever the "resolver", said, "I'll tell him you like him!" I saw it more as blackmail than anything--- my friends aren't nice enough to act as messengers. Me, being me, was all like "yeeah go ahead see if I care", and you know what? He actually told crush #2. Naturally it all came out as a great buzz... my friends, his friends, people I didn't know... yeeah. Anyway some of my friends didn't actually believe it (which I'm somewhat thankful for), so when the douche bag confronted me in front of a bunch of people and tried to make fun of me, it wasn't so bad. He was basically sarcastically flirting, and I gave him the "what the fuck are you doing expression", pretending that I was entirely clueless, that everything was just a rumour without a foundation and subsequently embarrassed him instead. Yeah I call him a douche bag, but I'm not any better myself. I'm just a gigantic hypocrite.
Crush 3
This crush wasn't even a real crush, I just stared at this guy in the last week of high school because I thought he was attractive. We spoke once, he was nice and friendly, then we graduated and went to different schools, and I never spoke to him again. Really he shouldn't be listed here, but then thing is, I'd still see him around in the city, like when I walked across town or when I was on a bus. Then I'd stare at him for as long as I could and think about actually going to his school to visit. I gave enough of a shit to ask one of my friends (who attended the same school as him) how he was doing. Yeeah. Then end of last year I saw him walk across the shopping mall, holding hands with a girl. Now I saw him from the back, so I thought this girl was his mother for a while, until I realized that you don't hold hands with your mother when you're 19. So I walked in front of them and stared--- the girl was dressed in really bad fashion, and I don't want to say anything too bad about her except that she was like the literal opposite of him, in terms of physical dimensions. Then they stared back at me and whispered to each other, and I realize I'm being rude so I walk off. I then spent the rest of the day thinking, "if he would date her, I probably had a really good chance."
Crush 4
This is the one I whined and moaned about last year. They were perfect in every way, except you know, the not-being-into-me part. Still not a real crush; I didn't feel that chemical hormone which makes me think I've been shot by Cupid. I think I was just attracted the way dragons are attracted to shiny things... I wanted a trophy. Perhaps to show off, perhaps to hoard. You know, some sort of prized-personal-possession. Then I was completely and utterly rejected, so I made a big deal out of something which really wasn't a big deal at all. I'm sure my readers prefer reading about melodrama as opposed to objective fact. The truth would've been really boring. I must say though, I've improved a lot since first year high school, when I'd use a gameboy to gain attention. Now I actually have enough balls to confess... though it didn't end very well. I don't think this out-going expressive behaviour suits me. I just want to be myself and draw into my shell of recluse, and wait for someone to come along.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alright, I understand that I am forever the romanticist, and some of you will no doubt think that love is to be found, not stumbled upon. Sometimes I agree with that, but then the "fate" thing really appeals to me. Like, no matter what I do, if we are destined to meet, then we will meet thing. Now it's really just my way of being lazy, but even if I appealed to a more rational perspective... everything is still up to chance, isn't it? Sure I'm more likely to meet someone at a bar as opposed sitting in my room at home, but as if I'd like the sort of person who'd hang out at bars looking to get picked up anyway. I suppose I could go to like a convention to meet people of similar interests... but look I'm in uni doing a course I chose, and I've found one guy who I'd consider my friend. The rest are just acquaintances. What are the chances of finding a partner there?
Ohhh, I did go out last night though. There was this very pretty girl who sat at my table. Well, more than pretty. She was hot. Too bad I didn't even remember her name, but to me she looked like Cleopatra, so I've just been thinking of her as Cleopatra inside my head. So you see, it's all fine and dandy...
Except I'm more of the Julius Caesar instead of Cleopatra kind...
Crush 1
My first crush was probably when I started high school, and there was this guy in senior year. I don't know what attracted me about him, but we caught the bus to and from school together, and every time he boarded I'd notice that he always paid with a 5 dollar bill, and I kept on wondering why he didn't just buy prepaid tickets. He always carried around a bag that had a massive hole in it, but I assumed he couldn't be bothered getting another one because it was his last year. When I needed a new bag in year 9, I got the same brand he used back then. No, it wasn't a coincidence. I'm just a freak like that.
Anyway I got to know him after a while....albeit indirectly. I made friends with this really funny and nice guy who was in his year, and we were on the same bus. Except when the nice and funny guy wasn't there, I had no way of talking to my first crush, so it was awkward. Me, being the genius-but-not-social-genius I am, pulled out my gameboy SP (as it was the newest model back then) and booted up a Pokemon game. I sat in the seat in front of him, turned up the volume, slouched in my seat and held my gameboy up high, in an angle where it was actually difficult for me to see, but easy enough for the person sitting behind me to notice. Yeah, that generated conversation. I always wanted to talk but lacked the decency to turn around and actually start talking, so I would sit and wait forever for the other person to talk to me first. Luckily he did, otherwise I would've had to play my gameboy in a very uncomfortable position for the bus ride home.
^How I was sitting, except I holding a gameboy
By the end of the year I'd get off the bus at his stop and walk up a hill with him. Then he started getting off before his stop, just to walk home, because he "felt like walking". I of course followed him off, but when he asked me why I got off as well, I just threw "felt like walking" right back at him. Seems like my 13 year old self wasn't very good at picking up subtle cues. So the year ended, he graduated, and I literally never saw him again. Except last year I found his online profile, and we started talking. Cue in the fairytale meeting? Not quite. It's not the same.
Crush 2
My second crush was in the middle of high school--- this time the guy was in the same grade as me. He had beautiful blue eyes, and I thought he was a very physically attractive person. We were in the same physical education class, and I'd watch him stand in the middle of the basketball court and elegantly land a ball inside the hoop. He also played soccer. The only thing not-so-nice about him was that he was a gigantic douche. All my best friends hated him, and when I admitted that I had a crush on him they were all like, "him? seriously? fucking hell." Then one of my friends, ever the "resolver", said, "I'll tell him you like him!" I saw it more as blackmail than anything--- my friends aren't nice enough to act as messengers. Me, being me, was all like "yeeah go ahead see if I care", and you know what? He actually told crush #2. Naturally it all came out as a great buzz... my friends, his friends, people I didn't know... yeeah. Anyway some of my friends didn't actually believe it (which I'm somewhat thankful for), so when the douche bag confronted me in front of a bunch of people and tried to make fun of me, it wasn't so bad. He was basically sarcastically flirting, and I gave him the "what the fuck are you doing expression", pretending that I was entirely clueless, that everything was just a rumour without a foundation and subsequently embarrassed him instead. Yeah I call him a douche bag, but I'm not any better myself. I'm just a gigantic hypocrite.
Crush 3
This crush wasn't even a real crush, I just stared at this guy in the last week of high school because I thought he was attractive. We spoke once, he was nice and friendly, then we graduated and went to different schools, and I never spoke to him again. Really he shouldn't be listed here, but then thing is, I'd still see him around in the city, like when I walked across town or when I was on a bus. Then I'd stare at him for as long as I could and think about actually going to his school to visit. I gave enough of a shit to ask one of my friends (who attended the same school as him) how he was doing. Yeeah. Then end of last year I saw him walk across the shopping mall, holding hands with a girl. Now I saw him from the back, so I thought this girl was his mother for a while, until I realized that you don't hold hands with your mother when you're 19. So I walked in front of them and stared--- the girl was dressed in really bad fashion, and I don't want to say anything too bad about her except that she was like the literal opposite of him, in terms of physical dimensions. Then they stared back at me and whispered to each other, and I realize I'm being rude so I walk off. I then spent the rest of the day thinking, "if he would date her, I probably had a really good chance."
Something like, the integral of this pdf from -3 to 3.
Crush 4
This is the one I whined and moaned about last year. They were perfect in every way, except you know, the not-being-into-me part. Still not a real crush; I didn't feel that chemical hormone which makes me think I've been shot by Cupid. I think I was just attracted the way dragons are attracted to shiny things... I wanted a trophy. Perhaps to show off, perhaps to hoard. You know, some sort of prized-personal-possession. Then I was completely and utterly rejected, so I made a big deal out of something which really wasn't a big deal at all. I'm sure my readers prefer reading about melodrama as opposed to objective fact. The truth would've been really boring. I must say though, I've improved a lot since first year high school, when I'd use a gameboy to gain attention. Now I actually have enough balls to confess... though it didn't end very well. I don't think this out-going expressive behaviour suits me. I just want to be myself and draw into my shell of recluse, and wait for someone to come along.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alright, I understand that I am forever the romanticist, and some of you will no doubt think that love is to be found, not stumbled upon. Sometimes I agree with that, but then the "fate" thing really appeals to me. Like, no matter what I do, if we are destined to meet, then we will meet thing. Now it's really just my way of being lazy, but even if I appealed to a more rational perspective... everything is still up to chance, isn't it? Sure I'm more likely to meet someone at a bar as opposed sitting in my room at home, but as if I'd like the sort of person who'd hang out at bars looking to get picked up anyway. I suppose I could go to like a convention to meet people of similar interests... but look I'm in uni doing a course I chose, and I've found one guy who I'd consider my friend. The rest are just acquaintances. What are the chances of finding a partner there?
Ohhh, I did go out last night though. There was this very pretty girl who sat at my table. Well, more than pretty. She was hot. Too bad I didn't even remember her name, but to me she looked like Cleopatra, so I've just been thinking of her as Cleopatra inside my head. So you see, it's all fine and dandy...
Except I'm more of the Julius Caesar instead of Cleopatra kind...
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