Ten Thousand Landmark

I think I'll post more to make up for the number of posts I've missed. Not that I'm deluded enough to think I have eager subscribers, but hey, I just passed 10 thousand views, and I thought I'd note this landmark with another post or something. I'm in the mood for writing.

I'm taking a 3 day break from work--- this is the second day. I've made quite a bit of cash. After next week, I'll be able to buy that laptop. It doesn't take much saving, eh? Well, I can technically afford it now, but I don't really need (or want, for that matter) a laptop. I'm thinking I'll probably just enjoy saving what I can, and buy the laptop when school actually starts.

I've been listening to electronic trash again. Well, that's just me being me. It's not actually trash- I just refer to it that way because it doesn't have much meaning. Maybe I should stop doing that. The music isn't bad. Some of it gets to that point where it's noise and no longer music, but I think I'm listening to music right now. I figure I'm probably only listening to it because I'm watching the music video, and the music video has attractive Korean men in it.

Sometimes I wonder what'll happen to these people in ten year's time. They'll probably be just as attractive, since men don't become uglier with age--- but they probably won't have the stamina to dance those moves or whatever. I figure they'll probably become game show hosts or actors... or something. Not many of those members can actually sing- not from what I can tell. Sometimes I wonder what their children will think when they watch videos of their fathers ten or fifteen years back.

Well, that was a random tangent. Then again, most of my posts are just whatever comes to mind at the time.

Hooray for ten thousand? Thanks for bearing the burdens of my first world problems with me. 

Prince of Thorns

Prince of Thorns has been something I've wanted to read for a couple of months, but I never managed to get the book. I had a look in almost every bookstore, and I've found it in one. That one book store sold it for something like $25. It wasn't a bad price, but I didn't want to pay that much. I ended up ordering the book and its sequel online, and I started reading last night. I didn't think I've read that much, but I'm half-way through the first book. I think it's just really short.

It's been a good read so far, I'll tell you. The story's quite captivating. It's about a prince who wishes to avenge the death of his mother and brother. Kind of reminds you of Hamlet, doesn't it? Except Hamlet was more of a philosopher and procrastinator than an avenger. The protagonist of this story, Jorg, has quite a bit of character in him. Sadistic, brutal, and very, very fearsome. He's one of those characters who I find easy to pity but difficult to love. That might change though, since I'm only half way through the first book.

The book isn't really about flashy action scenes and fearsome battles- at least not in my opinion. It deals with the darkness beneath the cover of blood and gore. Everything seems so twisted and troubled--- but I guess that's what I like reading. Simple things are entertaining, but they won't exercise my mind.

If you like to read- I guess you can +1 (or two, there's  a sequel) to your holiday reading list. It's worth picking up.

Sequel: King of Thorns

Have you missed my ranting?

Oh geez, sorry, I didn't realize it's been 4 days since I last blogged. Nobody actually misses this, right? Its's not like missing my eternal complaints for four days has taken a chunk of your life. I've been working--- as usual. I think I vaguely remembered to write, then didn't because I wanted to watch DGM instead. And I've finished. 103 episodes of the second best anime I've seen. It's sad though, because the anime kind of became... boring. I felt that there was a lot of filler content towards the end, and it concluded at a most inconvenient point. I heard that the author had fallen ill, but the anime had already caught up to the manga in terms of plot, so it ended. Since I'm desperate to know what occurred next (and I'm completely hooked), I've started reading the manga. It feels horrible, to have to read black and white text, after being so used to just watching bright and colorful pictures and hearing sounds.

Lately I've been so tired after work, that I fall asleep in bed while watching DGM. Then I wake up at 3am, remember that I smell like shit, shower, and watch more DGM, until I fall asleep again, and get waken up by my alarm to go to work. It's been a vicious cycle. At least I'm making money.

I'm saving up for a laptop to use in university. I am so desperate to leave my parents' house, it's not funny. I'd rather pay bills, rent, tuition, cook my own food, wash my own clothes, iron my own shirts than leech off my parents. Med was my one-way ticket out of this hole, but realistically I'm not going to get in. Yeah yeah, I know I'm so wonderfully clever and charming, but with my merely above average UMAT, not-99 ATAR, and an okay interview, I have no chance of getting in. And I'm not too upset about the prospect, because there are always other things I can do.

You know, I've always wanted to find out what I was really talented at. There must be something that I'm good at, something I can claim as my field. Look, I was good at studying, but so was every other Asian with immigrant parents that ever lived. That's something that was forced by habit. I never had a natural calling for say, maths. I remember my earliest primary school maths test, where I got I think--- 87? and a B. My mother was so terrified that she made me sit there the entire afternoon, and study maths. I never got below a 95 for maths again. Well, at least not until I started playing with what my parents refer to as my "lazy white friends". They keep on stressing how I'm not the same as them, how I can't be the same as them. Because they are innately superior and English is their first language and I have to work so much harder and be so much better otherwise nobody would ever choose me over a white kid.

...I think my parents have some sort of paranoia where they think the entire world is racist. It's difficult to make them understand that just because someone isn't Asian, it doesn't make them automatically racist. They are convinced that by culture and upbringing, everyone thinks they are inferior and looks down on them, and so they struggle against an enemy which isn't there and to claim victory on a battle which isn't a battle.

Not that I'm saying racism doesn't exist. It does. Of course it does. It's just that by mathematical probability--- no, scratch that, by common sense it cannot be possible that everyone I come across is a racist fuckwit. And you know, maybe starting from the fact that I have "lazy white friends" is a sign that the world isn't out to get me. Tsk.

I get their concern. No, I really do. They were saying the other day that I shouldn't become a psychologist if I don't get into med, because my patients will most likely be white, and they wouldn't trust me as their psychologist because I was Asian. Eheh, makes you want to hit your head against a blunt object, doesn't it? My mind was filled with "wtf" at that moment, too. Then they said being a doctor is okay, because your patients can't doubt you, because you're a doctor. Yeah, that doesn't make sense, I know. More "wtf".

Sometimes I think I understand--- or almost understand. They're exaggerating a probable outcome by enormous limits. What they fear is not impossible- it certainly could happen- but that would be one incident, one occurrence. Though there must be a lot of misunderstanding involved to make them think this way. I remember arguing back, saying that it wasn't a matter of racism. I cited this incident, where I declined the invitation of someone asking me to join them in a group task, because they couldn't speak English very well and they'll probably hinder my performance. I don't think I was being racist- I do believe it was a matter of our compatibility together versus the task at hand. My parents of course, screamed back at me, saying that I had been changed and that I was now turned against my own race. I wasn't about to explain to them that the person I turned down had no chance in hell of properly understanding what was to be done in the time required, and I much preferred a partner who could help me as well.

Or maybe I've already been "converted", like my parents believe, and I'm now just trying to defend myself and justify my deeply-rooted racist acts. Heh.

So yeah, that was that. Not a moment's peace with my parents. Whoops, "parent". I guess I've used plural form all the way through, huh? That habit will be hard to overcome.

...Look, 4 days missing, bitter as always. I haven't changed at all.

D. Gray-Man

I guess I'm getting slack with my blogging. Not that there isn't much to talk about, but I guess I've just forgotten to write. I've been on a D. Gray-Man (DGM) anime marathon. No, I still haven't finished, it's got something like 103 episodes. I'm in love with the protagonist, Allen Walker. No, seriously. He is fucking awesome.

What I like about DGM is that every arc leaves me in an emotional wreck. It's one of those shows that makes you connect with the antagonists, so it's not just a one-side view. The antagonists aren't pure-evil--- they show feelings and emotions and valued characteristics--- then when you start to like them, the anime takes a turn and you're reminded why they're the bad guys. The anime pulls the same emotional strings every time, but I fall for it every time.

Despite all this, it still falls behind Code Geass in terms of my favorite anime. Maybe only because I watched Code Geass first, but it left an imprint so strong that it held first place in my heart, and has since stubbornly refused to slide down. Or maybe it was because the finale scarred me too badly and made my heart wrench every replay.

Ah, but this is meant to be about DGM. For the first time in ages the protagonist is my favorite character--- most other animes I like the side-characters better, and eventually the side characters get killed off, so I stop watching. There always seems to be a thing though, where my favorite character DIES. Just flat out DIES. You know how sometimes characters die then come back later (like Gandalf or something) and then you're like oh holy fucking shit this is so exciting---- well, my characters don't come back. They actually do just die. And don't get resurrected. Sometimes it almost feels as if they're going to return, but then you get on with the story and at some point you realize the author probably forgot to revive them.

I don't have to worry about that this time, of course. Even if the protagonist dies, he'll only die at the end of the series (otherwise it wouldn't make any sense, right?) I'd be so mad if they killed off the protagonist and then just made some other character carry on his legacy.

Well, if you find yourself with any spare time (rare these days, I know) then perhaps you'd like to watch some DGM. It really is awesome.

Watch it for Allen, just because he's such a badass. 

First of January

I gather that if you find yourself unhappy on New Year's Day, it's probably a bad sign. Not that I believe the first day of the year will influence the rest of it, but I wouldn't be surprised if I lived another unhappy year. My mother found out about that 3DS I bought and threw a hissy fit, telling me to return it and give her the money instead if I'm so desperate to spend. I'm not desperate to spend. I've wanted a new console for quite a while, I just had no reason to get one while I had so much school work and a working NDS.

So for the entire morning you have my mother being a complete bitch. I'm sorry I can't say anything nicer, but that's how it seemed to me. "LOOK HOW YOU TREAT YOUR PARENTS. YOU'VE BEEN DESTROYED BY GAMING. ALL YOU DO IS WASTE YOUR TIME. IF YOUR SISTER EVER PLAYS GAMES, I'M GOING TO SMASH ALL HER CONSOLES. EVERYTHING I SEE, I WILL BREAK."

Heh, yeah, look at how I treat my parents. Wait, I shouldn't use the plural form. I only have one parent. And she's being a bitch right now. Apparently I don't have time to game because I have to do household chores and complete her homework for her. Then university starts, so I definitely can't play games then. I'm on the verge of yelling "go fuck yourself". I've agreed to complete her homework for her just so she'd stop nagging me about it (and it's not like I have a choice at the end of the day), but the way she carries on and on about it disgusts me. Furthermore, it's now interfering with my gaming.

It's not that I'm anti-social enough to want to play games 24-7 and not interact with anyone. I just don't want to interact with anyone in this particular family, because they all treat me like shit and expect me to be nice in return. Funnily enough, my needs extend beyond food and clothing--- I have a need for people to not scream in my face when speaking to me, to be polite when speaking to me, and to respond with reason--- OR AT LEAST COMMON DECENCY.

I am really hating this world right now.