Recently I've developed the habit of reading the news, I don't know why. I used to consider it "boring" and "something old people did", but at one point I had to read the news so I could make small-talk with people I struggle to form a connection with (so like, the majority of the population). It started that way, but now I'm reading because I've gotten in the habit of it. Except everyday it's like, "TERRORISM", "POLITICAL LEADERSHIP MELTDOWN", "DONALD TRUMP". I can't believe Trump is in his own cateogry, in addition to political leadership meltdown.
When I wrote my last depressing post, that was shortly after the London terrorist attacks. That was frightening, I'm glad I wasn't in London then. There were the Manchester attacks as well- oh and there's just like, straight up war going on in the middle east- but we don't talk about that because we're trying to not deal with refugees. Media portrayal of wartime atrocities might remind us that refugees are human, after all.
Then I read shit like "Trump refuses to visit UK" and I'm like, "can we stop talking about Trump already". Of course we can't, he's the president of the US and USA is a pretty influential country. It's just that I have trouble distinguishing whether news about him is legit news or if it's because Trump is a walking meme. I mean he says things that aren't very nice but I think he says a lot of things that a lot of people are too scared to voice. Trump is like a giant mirror, reflecting the fear and hatred deep-seated in his people's hearts. Most of us like to work through our fears and give up the hate, and work towards a harmonious society- idk what Trump is trying to achieve, but I can see why people chose Trump to represent them.
On an unrelated note, I read this morning that a Christian group were trying to deny the mentally-ill access to their church, saying it was disruptive of their service. I'm not even Christian and I know that's not very Christ-like. I thought Christ associated with those from the lowest echelons of society, and I don't remember John 13:34 saying, "love one another as I have loved you, but stuff the mentally-ill they nasty". I don't even know why I feel offended when I have rejected Christianity. Like I think it's a tad delusional, so why am I upset that those with mental illness are denied access to churches? I feel like I need to advocate for the mentally ill though; that being mentally ill does not mean you are dangerous or disruptive. Indeed, many people at church have outright told me that they are alive because they believe in Christ, that they would have killed themselves otherwise. I don't really care if it's antipsychotic medication or psychotherapy or religion that does the trick; if I can prevent unnecessary losses such as people taking their own lives, I would like to.
For all my disillusionment with religion, I think if Christ was before me in this day and age, and attempted to spread his teaching, I would not have a problem with that. Even if I did not understand his God or had the necessary faith, I do not think I disagree with the teachings of Christ himself. For all the times I have frowned at Christianity, it was because his followers are fucking insane and they are unlike him in so many ways.
Still, those hardest to love need it most. Even through their cruel bigotry, I should learn to love, not because I feel inspired by Christian teaching, but because I want to believe in humanity.
Tuesday, 13 June 2017
Wednesday, 7 June 2017
Half a break
I'm half-way through my holidays and I can honestly say that I've accomplished very, very little. I did a little bit of studying and revision yesterday- it felt good but I feel as if I've forgotten all I've looked at already. I know I'm not supposed to be binging games mindlessly, but honestly it's the only thing that gives me joy in my life at the moment.
It honestly scares me that the only thing I want right now is for school to start again. I remember how last year I felt tired and overworked, that all I wanted was a break, and how much I cherished that. I wanted to see my friends and I wanted to do this and that in between. Currently... I feel like I don't have any of that. There's no game I'm dying to finish, no giant art project that will take 2-3 days to fill out, I don't have any books I'm looking forward to reading, and there isn't even any pressing urgency to complete my work. The things I usually do just don't seem as fun any more.
I feel guilty that I've left the piano mostly untouched. I don't have the patience to learn a new song, and I'm sick of playing the songs I've already learnt. I never thought I'd get to the stage, because when I was learning to play my first song I thought, "this music is so beautiful, if this is the only thing I ever learn to play I'll be satisfied". I wasn't satisfied, I learnt many more tunes and though they were all songs I listened to obsessively at one stage, right now they've sort of lost their charm.
Back in the early 2000s I would play the same song on repeat. If I had a new album from my favourite artist, Jay Chou, I would play the first song on repeat, until I got sick of it. Then I'd move onto the next song. I felt that if I did that, the album would "last longer", whatever that actually meant. Then I found many more artists I liked, and I started listening to entire albums at a time. Now I have Spotify and I stream whatever the fuck I want- but I don't even know what I want any more.
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I watched a musical in Sydney with a friend of mine a couple of days ago- before any of you suggest that I might be depressed and in dire need of friendly company. I DO socialize. We watched "Only Heaven Knows", a show about gay love set in the 1940s. I had no expectations for the show; we were only there because we wanted to see a musical but that was the only one that played in the time we were in Sydney. Anyway, it was surprisingly good, but the recent history of homosexuality is downright depressing. There was a scene where "aversion therapy" was portrayed- basically a person was shocked with electrical current after displaying an image of a man, and it was supposed to cure homosexuality. I think in theory it works for house pets, you might teach the cat to stop knocking glasses off the table, but I wouldn't shock my cat even if she broke all my drinking glasses, so it's disturbing for me to think that you would choose to shock a human being.
The show reminds me of The Handmaid's Tale, they're both about how fast things can change over time, but in a bad way. The liberties we enjoy are taken for granted, and if we don't fight for them they are too easily taken away. As I write in the comfort of a warm room, sitting in front of my own laptop and looking forward to returning to my final term of higher education, I wonder if tomorrow the world would be ripped out from under my feet, and if I could lost everything in a heartbeat. That's what refugees from war-torn countries must feel like, I think. We often think that they don't need our help if they are well-dressed, if they have a smartphone in their hands; we need them to look like malnourished beggars before they are deserving of our sympathy. If this country broke out in war, however, I think I would still like to maintain some semblance of human dignity.
I've gone off on a tangent again. I must sound so very left-leaning, but I won't apologise for considering "human welfare" something that's important to me. Our world is facing troubled times, and our futures are rife with uncertainty. What I SHOULD be doing is enjoying the remainder of my break, while I have it.
It honestly scares me that the only thing I want right now is for school to start again. I remember how last year I felt tired and overworked, that all I wanted was a break, and how much I cherished that. I wanted to see my friends and I wanted to do this and that in between. Currently... I feel like I don't have any of that. There's no game I'm dying to finish, no giant art project that will take 2-3 days to fill out, I don't have any books I'm looking forward to reading, and there isn't even any pressing urgency to complete my work. The things I usually do just don't seem as fun any more.
I feel guilty that I've left the piano mostly untouched. I don't have the patience to learn a new song, and I'm sick of playing the songs I've already learnt. I never thought I'd get to the stage, because when I was learning to play my first song I thought, "this music is so beautiful, if this is the only thing I ever learn to play I'll be satisfied". I wasn't satisfied, I learnt many more tunes and though they were all songs I listened to obsessively at one stage, right now they've sort of lost their charm.
Back in the early 2000s I would play the same song on repeat. If I had a new album from my favourite artist, Jay Chou, I would play the first song on repeat, until I got sick of it. Then I'd move onto the next song. I felt that if I did that, the album would "last longer", whatever that actually meant. Then I found many more artists I liked, and I started listening to entire albums at a time. Now I have Spotify and I stream whatever the fuck I want- but I don't even know what I want any more.
-----------
I watched a musical in Sydney with a friend of mine a couple of days ago- before any of you suggest that I might be depressed and in dire need of friendly company. I DO socialize. We watched "Only Heaven Knows", a show about gay love set in the 1940s. I had no expectations for the show; we were only there because we wanted to see a musical but that was the only one that played in the time we were in Sydney. Anyway, it was surprisingly good, but the recent history of homosexuality is downright depressing. There was a scene where "aversion therapy" was portrayed- basically a person was shocked with electrical current after displaying an image of a man, and it was supposed to cure homosexuality. I think in theory it works for house pets, you might teach the cat to stop knocking glasses off the table, but I wouldn't shock my cat even if she broke all my drinking glasses, so it's disturbing for me to think that you would choose to shock a human being.
The show reminds me of The Handmaid's Tale, they're both about how fast things can change over time, but in a bad way. The liberties we enjoy are taken for granted, and if we don't fight for them they are too easily taken away. As I write in the comfort of a warm room, sitting in front of my own laptop and looking forward to returning to my final term of higher education, I wonder if tomorrow the world would be ripped out from under my feet, and if I could lost everything in a heartbeat. That's what refugees from war-torn countries must feel like, I think. We often think that they don't need our help if they are well-dressed, if they have a smartphone in their hands; we need them to look like malnourished beggars before they are deserving of our sympathy. If this country broke out in war, however, I think I would still like to maintain some semblance of human dignity.
I've gone off on a tangent again. I must sound so very left-leaning, but I won't apologise for considering "human welfare" something that's important to me. Our world is facing troubled times, and our futures are rife with uncertainty. What I SHOULD be doing is enjoying the remainder of my break, while I have it.
Friday, 2 June 2017
Thought
Those who say "money can't buy happiness" has never been poor enough to experience the unhappiness lack of money can bring.
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